an advanced life form 37 a pioneer on this planet. you knew who to say as a stranger in a strange land, especially with the cameras rolling and the mic opened. >> that's one small step for man. one giant leap for mankind. >> see, alf, that's what an alien says. he keeps it clean and he represents or else, takes a giant last lease on to the rediculist. >> larry: tonight conan o'brien is back. we have got him for the hour. >> larry king? >> i'm your guardian angel. >> larry: can his second act surpass the first. >> this is more important to me than my wife and family. >> look out, he reveals all.

next on "larry king live. conan o'brien is the host of conan on tbs. if you haven't been watching here is a sample of what you have missed. if you have, enjoy the fun again. watch. >> coming to you from warner brothers studios, it's conan. ♪ you want a conan show ♪ you got the conan ♪ you want a conan show ♪ you got a conan show >> there was hanky-panky with a lanky-anky. >> back to you, conan. >> great. >> oh, for god's sake.

♪ >> give me a call on "the conan show." >> i just need to smell your hair for explosives. is that honey suckle? ♪ >> this is the last week of "larry king live" after 25 1/2 years, last week of "larry king" live and two weeks up through new years, we'll be showing great shows. this will be one of them. welcome back conan o'brien. how is the new show going? are you enjoying it? >> it is amazing. >> larry: in what way? >> i am the host which is always a good start. no, we are having a lot of fun. it's got a nice feel to it.

and first of all there is nothing like being off television for nines to make you really appreciate being on television. i realized, yeah, i realize you go through an experience like i went through last year. i realize, yes, this is more important to me than my wife and family. hi, kids! so, yeah, we're, we're just having a blast. it is a good fit with tbs. they pretty much let us do whatever we want. which is a terrible mistake. >> larry: is it a lot different than, network, network-network? >> you know, the essentials are the same. do you know what i mean? it's -- my personality is the same. i have been doing this for 17 years. and so, my sense of humor is the same. andy is there. so there is a lot that hasn't changed. i think it has changed in small ways. like i say, i think there is a sense of let's try anything again. you know? let's -- let any just go for it. i have got nothing to lose.

i think that's one of the best feelings you can have in comedy. its the feeling that you have got nothing to lose. >> larry: you do, don't you? you want to do good ratings? >> i do. i feel like this is again. i went through all the years of network and sort of climbing up the ladder then you go through an experience like that and you feel like, hey, life is short. let's just try anything. let's try anything we can think of. >> larry: was it tough being off? >> i -- you know, i realize that i am, my wife -- saw it -- she was the first one to notice it. she thought this guy, doing a show is the organizing principle of his life. that's what she said. and so, i had a need to perform. so i immediately went out on the road. i mean very quickly. i went out on a 32-city tour. and later on i looked at the whole thing and i thought that was my time to go to paris. that was my, that was my chance to see the world. make pottery. become a male model.

there was a chance to do. >> larry: so many opportunities. >> so many opportunities. what i -- i do -- i go right out on the road and do comedy for people, essentially vaudeville, playing a lot of theaters across the country. you get such an energy from it. that i realized this is just what i do. i really love it. >> larry: there is very little, who came up with, imagine you did, with that backdrop, of the water and the moon that moves? >> it is funny. this hasbro light set was taken. we couldn't do that. >> larry: this is a famous set. >> i am not knocking this set. >> larry: don't knock this set. >> am i knocking the set, larry. i would never knock the set. i love the set. it's gorgeous. i commend the elementary school that made it. but i, we were looking, one of the first things we thought let's mix everything up. and we met with the set designers. they started to show us the l.a. backdrop. you know, and the shows it is always the new york backdrop or the l.a. backdrop.

and the first thing i said was how come no one looks at the ocean. you go in a nice fish restaurant you look out at the ocean. they said, i don't know why. let's look at the ocean. i said, could we have a three dimensional moon, a real giant oversized moon. can it move with electronics? they said sure it can. that's the spirit of the show we are doing now which is, think of it at 9:00 in the morning, implement, 11:00 in the morning and get it on at night. >> larry: pour water on tom hanks. >> pour water on tom hanks. i think there is a sense of play. that's what is is important to me about the show. i have never taken myself that seriously. i really do -- want there to be a sense of silliness. people come on show. it's a relatively small space. we try to create an intimate atmosphere. get people comfortable. get them to do things they will always regret. >> larry: i was proud to be part of your first night. great opening night. >> you were really nice to help us out.

and we wanted to tell the story on the first night of, what happened to me, a wrap-up of the previous nine months. a silly wrap up. but we at one point i become despondent about being off television about to jump off a bridge and take my life. an angel from basic cable appears to be. larry king. >> larry: thankful, you thought of me. >> you are such -- you are such an iconic figure. it's larry king, the suspenders glasses would you do it? i didn't know if you would do it. you said immediately, yes, i will do it. so we were at a bridge downtown, l.a., i show up and i am ready to shoot. they said larry is here. i turn around and you are strutting across the bridge wearing giant angel wings. and the suspenders. and we hadn't blocked off traffic. so trucks and cars are passing. everyone, etch is looking over, it's larry king in angel wings.

and conan is trying to kill himself. just another day in los angeles. you see that stuff all the time. >> larry: speaking of the scene as we go to our first break. watch it. ♪ >> don't do it, conan! >> larry king? >> i'm your guardian angel. >> but you are not dead. >> never mind that. i have two words for you? basic cable. >> basic cable. >> conan, i think you will find our terms very attractive. >> i think you have a deal. ♪ world's best tasting vodka.

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aspercreme breaks the grip, with maximum-strength medicine and no embarrassing odor. break the grip of pain with aspercreme. >> larry: we are back with conan o'brien, back on tbs nightly at 11:00 eastern. why are you on at 10:00 in los angeles. i don't understand that. >> i am not aware, why are we on at 10:00 in los angeles? directv. i'm not a detail guy. >> larry: on normal cable channels, turner, time-warner or something, you are on at 11:00. >> on at 11:00 most places. 10:00 on directv in l.a. for some reason, 3:00 in the afternoon in cleveland the we don't know. we have no idea. >> larry: we asked your fans to tweet questions to kings things. a whole bunch involved the beard. whole bunch. why? how long will it last? >> oh, god. first of all.

>> larry: why? >> the why -- why a beard? you know, the first thing you do when you, you know, ten months ago now, 11 months ago, when i had to walk away from "the tonight show," the first thing i did is you stop shaving. you realize when you do a show you have to shave all the time as a broadcaster. as you know you shave constantly. i have a lot of testosterone, i have to shave every 20 minute. we have a team that works on my back. it's the same team that works with robin williams. formerly with ed asner, a long story the we don't have to get into the whole thing. i started growing a beard. just because i could. and then i thought the beard, somehow i kept it. i took it through the tour. and a little bit became wrapped up with the transformation i went through. visually. i went through something. then you have got a beard and it is a little bit the feeling of conan 2.0, the next generation of conan.

i thought we'll leave it for the beginning of the tbs show and see what happened. i don't think of myself as a beard guy. >> larry: so when -- >> i don't know. i am taking it day today. i will shave right now if you want me to. >> larry: no you won't. you won't shave. >> i know. i would never do that. >> larry: you will shave on television when you shave? >> when i do shave it has got to be on television. what's that? >> larry: straight or electric? >> can't use electric. my skin is sensitive. glad we are getting to this. i want this to be the focus of the interview. my skin is sensitive. i have to use cream, emollient, mayo, mixed with bathroom spackling, rub it in, tarragon herbs, shave me slowly. it takes nine shirtless men to shave me. don't ask me why. >> larry: the decision to bring

andy back. >> yeah. he was broke. >> larry: oh. did he beg to come back? >> he was on his knees. and he -- it was sad. and, yeah, he was -- what's that? >> larry: you made him famous? >> i made the guy famous. i breathe life into him. his life was clay when i met him. and he has been with me a long time. and he is one of the funniest people i know. and we just -- it's hard to find real chemistry in show business, in comedy. and we always -- he can finish my thoughts. i can finish his. and, he, he really, has a great spirit. and so, it worked out. it was nice. >> larry: to the host is the sidekick an anchor? a blanket? or what? >> occasionally a wet blanket. no, you know what it its? it's funny because every relationship is different. the classic host/sidekick relationship is johnny carson/ed

mcmahon which is sort of the prototype obviously. and with andy, what's interesting is that it is different is andy, i never tell him what to do, he doesn't take a back seat which is something that i think really works. if andy has an idea or, if he has a way to top me, he'll do it on the show. there its no sense of i take the lead and you step back. if he has got something funny he goes for it. he keeps me on my toes. he is a very funny guy. so i think it is good. just good to have someone that good in the studio with you. >> larry: you were a writer for a long time? >> yes, yeah, i wrote "saturday night live", the simpsons, i wrote for those different shows. >> larry: when you transform and you look back now is it kind of like do you pinch yourself a little, do you ever think this would happen to you? >> i -- have moments like that -- i have bad qualities, i have good qualities. one of my better qualities is i am grateful, eternally grateful for what i have.

and i would use the word grateful more than any other word in the last year. people come up to me, that was a, too bad what happened. i will say, you know what i am grateful. i am a very lucky person. never going to become jaded about my success. i am very thrilled every day that -- and i have had amazing moments in my life. meeting people. i'm sure, you have had the same thing. you meet, you met every single famous person in the world including eric estrada. and you get to constantly. you get to constant leap just -- constantly just say to yourself "i can't believe this is happening to me." >> larry: if you don't say it there is something wrong. you should say it. >> what's interesting, people looking at the show right now they look at you. you are larry king. and they believe you have always been larry king. and that this, you are used to this. but you know that you used to be the guy standing in line that no

one was paying attention to who was dreaming about doing something like this. i think when you can stay in touch with that, when you can stay in touch with "i remember getting a bill, i drove a 1977 isuzu opal, don't want to offend any car, the crappiest car that was ever made, take me to court if you want w. i don't care. it cost, a car that i drove. this was back when i was paying $380 month rent, driving the isuzu, and the car broke down, this was out here in los angeles back in 1985, and i pushed night a gas station and they told me was going to cost $600, which was more than the car was worth to put a new carburetor, and, and do some valve work or something. and i remembered thinking i don't know how i am going to do this, $600. i think, i never lose sight of that. i have had a lot of great things happen since then. >> larry: it is important.

never lose the it. you lose it, you are not yourself. >> right. >> larry: we will be back with, i am giving you advice. we'll be back with more. >> i lost it. i am just faking. it never happened. i am independently very wealthy. >> larry: we will be back with more after this.

>> could i wear jeggings? what if i wore jeggings for a night. i have a new motto on this show. if i say i'm going to do something -- i do it! >> conan! conan! conan! conan! conan! >> larry: conan now wishes to publicly apologize. >> i apologize to all the will w in out there and to some of the men. do you know what those are, they're jeggings, all the craze now, larry. >> larry: jeggings? not leggings? >> leggings that look like jeans. i became obsessed with jeggings.

>> larry: would you wear them on the street? >> i would not wear them on the street. i would see women wearing them. they're quite -- >> larry: sexy. >> a good look, larry. they're tight. man those are tight jeans. one day my assistant was with me. get with it, daddy-o. a beatnik. those are jeggings. tim gund said he thought some men wear them. he challenged me. and i did. >> larry: you know what i miss, i used to be a part of it. in the year 2000. bring it back. bring it back. >> bring it back, the year 2000. we have been waiting a little bit. there is a question whether it is the intellectual property of another company. >> larry: really? they think they own it? >> yeah, yeah, they do. >> larry: really? >> i'm lucky i got the jeggings.

they tried to claim those too. but, you know i think we are going to sort all that out. >> larry: that is still in the mix? >> you know what? i wouldn't say, we haven't directly challenged that. i have been trying to take the opportunity with the new show. i wanted to send a signal. when the show launched the new one. i wanted to go out of the way to not do anything out of the past. to send the signal that we are going to use this as an opportunity to try new things and reinvent ourselves. i give that another two weeks. then back to the old crap. >> larry: return of the masturbating bear? >> year 2000. it will all come back. >> larry: it has to. it's part of you. >> part of who i am. >> larry: is late night, except for chelsea handler, it is a boys' club, right? >> it is changing all the time. yes, obviously, historically it has been dominated by men. as time goes on i think it is becoming kind of a moot point. because people -- you know, i look at -- i look at ellen's

show, she is good at what she does. she is excellent. she is very funny personality. i think that show could be on at 11:00 at night. that show could be on at 12:00 at night. it is just becoming semantics almost. there are so many funny people, funny women out there that -- that, you know whether it is, tina fey, amy polar, any of the women could do a fantastic show. >> larry: the hollywood reporter did analysis who is watching you, leno, letterman and jon stewart, it found that your viewers are more likely to be single, tech savvy, atheist, and own a vw. >> that's right. that's what we were aiming for. >> larry: that person. >> i said, i want a show for atheist, single, tech savvy vw owners. and i did it. >> larry: you got them. >> i don't know where they came up with that. vw owners, really? >> larry: how do they do that? leno viewers are the wealthiest,

most likely religious, drive a chevy or pontiac. letterman viewers, likely to be divorced watch cnn, drive a toyota. talking ridiculous. >> they're making the stuff up. >> larry: jon stewart, viewers, married, catholic, and drive a gmc truck. >> i think what they did was put index cards in a tumbler . >> larry: has it affected your broadcast in any way? >> no, i never, ever, ever, ever think about who i want to watch or who i am supposed to be or who is supposed to be watching or who'd could i get to watch. now i have people tell me, who are you aiming for? i say, it's just, doing what i have been doing since i was in the 4th grade, literally. and -- if -- i know -- when i am happy, what i aim for is i want to create a fun, funny environment in that studio.

>> larry: were you a silly kid? >> oh, yeah. you know it its funny. i was not the class clown. people say were you class clown. and i have always maintained the class clown, the guy that when the teacher is out of the room, sets the clock back, makes noise, throws water balloons around the room. those kids, they grow up and they're killed in a motel shootout. or their meth lab blows up on them. that is not -- a lot of the comedians that i really admire, the people who i really love, whether a woody allen or, steve martin, you know the people i idolize or johnny carson you find out later on when you meet them in person they're very shy people. they're quiet people. they're serious people. when you talk to them one-on-one. i think they were serious or quiet people when they were students. they weren't the crazy person. >> larry: back with more of conan o'brien, nightly on tbs. don't go away.

>> i think i am like any other american. >> traditionally, meant hi, nanny, i love you. your check is on the way. >> what scares me -- >> i have days when i just don't know who i am, where i an, what i am doing. >> i just told my son what a charming girl you are. >> my mother comes to see my show. she says why don't you talk more about sex? >> nobody sits taller than larry. >> larry: all right you, want through a lot. we are not going to dwell on it. you dwelled on it. you brought it up. >> sure. it's like therapy.

you are my therapist right now. >> larry: i will try to help you. you may be able to help me. >> this is the setup in my therapist's office. i asked them to replicate larry king's set. this is how i go in and talk about how i didn't know if i had my father's approval. >> larry: did you need a therapist? >> i have always need aid therapist. >> larry: really. >> i have been in and out of their pie for. large chunk of my adult life. >> larry: was it heightened during that period? >> no, no, not so much that. because i found, you know, the -- my -- i married the right person. i am very fortunate that my wife is -- is amazing. so, she had to kind of roll up her sleeves. i am trying to piece together. still trying to figure out what the hell happened. ten months ago. for a while there, especially in the first couple of days, couple of weeks. my wife was helpful. she knows me well and had a better perspective on it.

i have great people in my life, producer jeff ross, also one of my best friends. we have been together for 17 years through the "late night" show and the "tonight show" and a lot of the people in my life i don't have any yes men or yes people in my life. gary shandling said do you have a lot of yes men in your life? i said i would kill for one. i don't have anybody that tells me what i want to hear. i have people that tell me the truth. >> larry: my producer is not a yes person. also 17 years. >> i asked her if she was a yes person the she said yes. kind of shocking. but, and that helped me a lot. so, ironically, i didn't have a therapist out here probably at the time in my life when most people would say you have to have one. but the people, my friends and my, my, my, the people that i work with were great. >> larry: does the bitterness last? >> no. i have moments. you have moments of, you know, i

won't lie to you i have moments when i am in traffic on the 405 freeway where my mind drifts to thing that happened. some things that were said, sop things that certain people did that i completely disagree with and you get angry about it. i take that out on the drivers around me. like all the other drivers in los angeles. but i would say i have moments. moments of going back there. >> larry: you do? >> yeah, anger, confusion, disappointment. you know, i -- you know, like a lot of people in comedy, "the tonight show" is this -- >> larry: pinnacle. >> i had the honor of growing up watching johnny carson then getting to meet him and talk to him on a number of different occasions, actually talk to him about taking over "tonight show" in 2004. i talked to him on the telephone. i have had -- that was something

that i was -- was in my brain for a long type. i think my heart. then when that doesn't work out, for whatever reason, you are always going to be some -- some, some feelings, some bad feelings there. >> larry: were you surprised at all about the outgoing of support for you? >> i have got to say that i knew, i thought okay, i think i have conducted myself well here. i think i have fans. but the intensity of it surprised me. i am not a tech savvy, am told my viewers are tech savvy and drink vodka. i am not a tech savvy person. i am amish, practically. i have a computer, i whittled out of wood, it is steam powered. i now have the beard to match. i didn't. i wasn't that aware of the internet. then there was this explosion that was very organic. what was very funny. at the time the people at nbc thought that i was doing this. i think they gave me credit. what is he doing?

how is he making this? how is he making this eruption happen? i think, thanks for giving me credit for it. i was as surprised as anybody. i was delighted but surprised. >> larry: back with conan o'brien right after this. lots of discounts on car insurance. can i get in on that? are you a safe driver? yes. discount! do you own a home? yes. discount! are you going to buy online? yes! discount! isn't getting discounts great? yes! there's no discount for agreeing with me. yeah, i got carried away. happens to me all the time. helping you save money -- now, that's progressive. call or click today.

>> larry: back with conan o'brien. couple more areas in that area. do you ever keep in touch, ever talk to leno, keep in touch with any? no? >> no, i haven't spoken. don't think i will be hearing from them. and i don't, there is nothing really for either of us to talk about. i haven't talked to anybody, you know. i am friendly with, jon stewart and he was nice enough to come and help me when i did the tour

they came on stage in radio city they were absolutely hilarious. brought the house down. we did a big skit together. so, i, i -- i think that, but you know the other guys i don't. i've don't have that much of a relationship with them. i don't know if there is much of a -- you know. >> larry: was johnny carson helpful? >> i will go way out of my way to make it clear i was in friends with johnny carson. i got to speak with him on a number of occasions and meet him. he was always very nice to me. and that's the thing, that you think -- that, you know talk about being grateful or putting things in perspective. and i always think back to, there are certain things people can't take away from you. and i know that i got to -- when it was announced that i would be taking over the "tonight show" in 2004, is was arranged i could have a phone call with johnny carson. i spoke to johnny for a while on the phone.

he talked to me about the franchise. and it's -- an amazing experience in my life. i got to, you know here, got to talk to me about the "tonight show." he talked to me like he had an old truck that he used to drive and love, i was going to be driving it. it sticks in third. go easy on the clutch and it was an amazing experience. so whatever else has happened. i will always have that. >> larry: from a host's standpoint, what did he have? i mean he was guest driven. i mean he let the guest be funny. >> he let the guest be funny. but i think -- people talk a lot about johnny, obviously in trying to figure out just exactly what was it. i think when he was hosting the tonight show, he was the most charming man in america. he had the most charming man in america on television.

which doesn't always happen. sometimes the most charming man in america is never found, he is in a cocktail party some where. he was actually the most charming man in america. he had a to things that i really admire. he would do all of these things that a lot of hosts i think today are afraid to do. they're afraid to be, you know, compromise their dignity. and people have put johnny carson up on a peddle stool, which is appropriate because he was so great. but they forget that he would dress up as a caveman. he would dress up as aunt blabby, wear a dress. he would jump into a hot tub with dona bathing suit. >> larry: let an animal jump on him. >> what he would do, a great magical sleight of hand. he would apparently surrender his dignity and reinforce it. it would look like he was surrendering his dignity, whole time he was the coolest guy in

the room which is an amazing trick. i don't know -- it is a very hard thing to do. and i, i -- i, you know all those years, i watched him and i thought, he had that ability which is unique >> larry: are you surprise heed was very removed from his guests before and after the show. no, very little if any, social contact? >> i think it doesn't surprise me now. it would have surprised me before i knew about this business and how it works. when i was a writer on "the simpsons" before i ever got into the late night game. just after johnny carson had stepped down from "the tonight show" and he wasn't do anything and agreed to be a voice on "the simpsons" and he came in and was a voice on the "the simpsons." we were all in awe, the writers just in awe. i will never forget. he walked in the room, carrying a file-a-fax, pack of cigarettes and drove up to the show in an

immaculate white corvette, he had dark glasses on. he came in. he was very shy and reserved for a while. then it took a long time. he warmed up. then he started telling us stories and after the recording, didn't take long, and you could see that -- again, i -- i mention this before. but a lot of these performers who are really great, they're not what you think they are. they're not -- that person right away. they're -- they're highly intelligent, shy, and maybe uncomfortable around people they don't know. and so, it doesn't surprise me that maybe he was that way with guests. >> larry: back with conan o'brien after this. [piano keys banging] [scraping] [horns honking] with deposits in your engine, it can feel like something's holding your car back. let me guess, 16. [laughing] yeeah. that's why there's castrol gtx... with our most powerful deposit fighting ingredient ever. castrol gtx exceeds

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>> does your mom like working for conan? >> no, she says he smells like rotten cabbage. >> my dad says conan spends most of his money on lipstick and guns. >> conan told my mom, if she didn't take the cash under the table, he would have her deported. >> one time, my dad was late for work, and conan called him one of god's greatest mistakes. >> what does your mom say about conan? >> my mom said once on conan, conan turned the stairwell, then he said give me some of that sweet, sweet money, baby. now she cries a lot. >> larry: great stuff. >> yeah, those kids are wonderful. >> larry: question, tweeted, do you twitter? >> i do, yes. yes, every day. >> larry: this was tweeted to kings things. how did conan's national tour

this summer affect him professionally and personally? >> a good question -- i am an alcoholic now. the most interesting thing about the tour was that -- i always feel like my career in show business has been this in a strange way, i have been trying to move closer and closer to the essence of old-time show business. >> larry: yeah. >> vaudeville. when i was a kid the movie they showed all the time on tv was "yankee doodle dandy" with cagney. i have seen it 1,000 times. i say, as a kid, that's entertainment. that's what i want to be an entertainer. i am watching this in the early 1970s as a freckled kid in brookeline, massachusetts. i thought that is what an entertainer is supposed to be. i took tap dancing and dreamed of playing theaters. of course i started out as a writer which is in periphery, cerebral part of show business.

kept working closer, closer, closer, and after the tonight show implosion, debacle, i landed on the road. how it affected me was i went out every night. and there would be, we would play some of these really big spaces, huge spaces with, some nights, 5,000 people in the crowd, one night we played a giant arena, wnba arena. and -- it is very primal. you are out there. you know? i used to be a guy that thought of weird concepts for "the simpsons" or "saturday night live," now i am out there on a big stage with a microphone. and a guitar, sometimes for, for 40 minutes, you know, or 35 minutes before i would even get the show really started. and then i would always end up in the crowd on the tours, it was very important to me that -- i like to get in there. >> larry: into the audience? >> i would go into the audience, disappear for a while, run up

two flights of stairs, appear on the balcony. >> larry: why? >> neediness. sad, neediness. lack of love as a child. why? why do any of us do any of this stuff? this is a -- this is a cry for help. my parents are watching. it's your fault. >> larry: you are a better person for it though >> you know what it did? it did give me, gave me an incredible amount of confidence in just going for the moment which i think i had been developing over years. but now on my tbs show i come out and every night i'll find people in the crowd and we'll any just -- make things happen in the spur of the moment. it's a little bit of that what have i got to lose feeling? >> larry: conan o'brien is one of my favorite people on tv. i will tell you why in a while. don't go away. [ male announcer ] see this?

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a pilot for a major airline >> larry: we are back with conan o'brien. when you were my guest back in 202, you had just gotten married. now you are a parent. what is that like? >> i haven't met them. endeavor, my agency handles that. i am told they are well w. now i have a daughter, neve who is 7. i have a son, beckett who is 5. and it -- it is -- well it is great if you. obviously, they're all the obvious things. i love my kids and they're the center of my life, along with my wife. but then if you're interested in comedy and you're interested in the way minds work, having kids is incredible. the things they say and do. they are incredibly honest and

you see it developing and you see their ironic take on the world developing and so it's just that is every day keeps you on your toes. >> good father? are you a good father? >> i'm a terrible father. no, i'm a great father. >> are you involved in their lives? >> yes. >> you go to open school week? >> i'll tell you what i did this morning. this morning i went to my daughter's school because they wanted me to play bopper e. he's a superhero who is the "e" at the end of the work like cake and the vowell in the middle of the world say "a." so i dressed up in a zorro suit in a fake beard because they didn't want my daughter to recognize me. my wardrobe person who is here and needs a beating insisted it be long-sleeved wool. i was sweating horribly during the whole thing. the kids thought i was having a nervous breakdown but i did 40

minutes for the kids. >> what grade? this is first grade. >> larry: first grade? >> yeah. performing for kids is tough. i really worked it. >> larry: they don't give you the laugh. >> and i got those laughs and i was waiting to get paid. >> larry: was it as big a high as when you performed for an audience, making the kids laugh? >> the audience was better. sorry, very attractive women in that audience. no, the kids were great. but, still, an adult audience is better. >> larry: what advice would you give someone, maybe me, who's going to be off for a while? going to do other things but going to be off for a while? >> the first thing i'd tell you is there's no such thing as "off" anymore. the media world has changed. you know what i mean? you're going to discover this if you haven't already but it's what i discovered is that even if i hadn't gone and done the tbs show, the good news about our world now and the bad news

is that nobody goes away. you know? so if there's someone you like, the good news they're not going anywhere and a lot of people really like you and you're going to, because of the way the internet has changed everything and cable. there's always going to be opportunities for you to keep doing what you want to do. you know what i mean? and people will see it. if you do something really good a lot of people will see it so that's the thing. and the other thing is making wood planes. >> larry: oh, i used to do that in school. but they break. >> they do. after i was off after the tonight's show, i made 400 camels and filled my house with them. >> larry: a friendly tip? >> i'm going to see more of you now than i did before. >> larry: we'll be back with our remaining moments with conan o'brien. don't go away.

♪ fare thee well ♪ farewell ♪ mr. gloom be on your way ♪ ♪ though you haven't any money you can still be bright and sunny ♪ ♪ sing polly wolly doodle all the day ♪

♪ hah

>> larry: one of the reasons i love conan, there are are many. my wife sang on his show once and he never said she was the wife of larry king. he just introduced her as shawn king. she never forgot that. >> thanks nice. >> larry: that was really sweet of you. is there a guest you really want? >> you know, i think i almost interviewed everybody i would have ever wanted to interview. you know, probably one of my biggest heroes of all time is woody allen. i've never met him. never had the opportunity to meet him. i idolize not just his movies and stand-up, but

particularly -- he wrote short stories and still does for the "new yorker" but i would read his collection of short stories and i think he's one of the great short fiction writering in modern american history. i think he's absolutely brilliant. so for someone like me who started as a writer and aspired to be a performer, woody allen is the guy. never met him and never talked to him and i don't think he does those kinds of shows. >> larry: is the genius that he can, let's say, i remember one of his short stories, "the history of the mafia" that he surprises you? >> yes. i remember that he would -- i always as a child, i was aware that my mind, i would think of crazy images and i thought, other people don't think that way or is there something wrong with me? and i remember reading a short story of woody allen's as a kid and he's describing -- he said, it's late at night and it's dark in his room and he's describing -- he said, something

like the bathrobe hanging on my bed post in the dark resembles the kaiser on roller skates. and i was like, is there such a crazy image? and then a great short story where one of the characters is being -- accidentally ends up going into a -- i think he goes to a spanish dictionary at the end and he's being chased of a landscape by the irregular verb. and it was in my brain and it stuck with me and it made me think, okay, here's this guy who is revered by everybody. you're allowed to think that way. >> larry: how long are you signed for tbs? >> i think another two weeks. >> larry: how long have we got you? >> do we know. my producer is telling me two years. >> larry: only two? >> only two? after what i've been through, two years is huge. two years?

i used to be on nbc, i was on a 13-week schedule. >> larry: really? >> yeah. i've had -- i've been through every -- i was on a 13-week contract at one point. this was years and years and years ago. i had an egg timer on my talk show desk. i would just turn it over and every time i get renewed someone from the network would come in and turn it over. i'm thrilled by that. >> larry: would you ever go and do what carson did and play vegas? >> i did. i did vegas during the tour. >> larry: would you do a weekend in vegas? >> it's a different kind of crowd there. but i loved the -- there's a feeling of -- what i did was the corny thing that i think everybody does. i played the pearl at the palms. >> larry: that's the young crowd. >> and they have a -- this is another one of those mts