they'll find out who did this to him. >> that is just the beginning of one of the most bizarre crimes ever. and what it takes to become one of the coast guard's elite rescue swimmers. >> here we go. kaj larsen takes you inside a rescue mission. sunday night on "cnn presents." tonight it's a miracle that then gabby giffords really make a full recovery? well, he did. >> suddenly there was an ied exploded and then instantly knocked out, unconscious. >> reporter: paul woodruff, how it changed his life forever and what it will take for gabby giffords to battle back. and the most spoken woman in the country, kathy griffith. >> my goal is to get anderson cooper fired and now he is doing the talk show, what does he care, really? i'm going to be on piers morgan. >> yes, indeed, you do, and i

have the second delay ready to go. tell me what you really think. >> i see. kathy griffin on success. >> awards are more important than people, family? oh. >> her foot on casey anthony. >> the casey anthony watch and the mask and is she going to get plastic surgery. which i could give her a couple of phone numbers frankly. >> and her depressing life on the d list as kathy griffin, this is "piers morgan tonight." good evening. anybody watching the debt load in the house monday night lad to be removed by that remarkable, emotional moment when congresswoman gabrielle giffords walked out on the floor to cast her first vote since hers assassination to kill her in january. joining me is a man who had his own brush with death, bob woodruff. it must have been a moving moment watching gabrielle giffords given what you had been through yourself? >> i'm sure all of us were stunned and shocked she showed up like that on the floor of congress.

her recovery's been pretty remarkable i have to say. i didn't expect her to be out there alone, out there walking and speaking to those that were there. the last time she went public in terms of visually was a release of a couple of pictures, back about three months ago, right before she got the part of her skull put back on. now this time, suddenly out of nowhere, and she said this is the most important thing for her to vote on this extremely important issue that's been risen. >> you are a top newsman. it's been a divisive period for american politics and washington getting a lot of heat n. that one moment, it seemed to bring a bit of humanity to the proceedings i thought. >> yeah. it was this moment of being united instead of bitter and fighting. i think people did step away from that, too. it is not exactly a permanent cure to this kind of conflict we've got.

but at that moment, for that day, i think there was some happiness to see her, not only just live because it's a miracle she survived but also reaching the medical level that she has. >> so people that don't know your story, you were working for abc, and you went to iraq and were embedded with american soldiers and what happened next? >> well, we were on the road in january of 2006. believe it or not five and a half years ago. we are aging faster than we thought we would, piers, but we were outside of taji with the u.s. and iraqi military and suddenly there was an ied exploded about 20 yards to my left. my cameraman doug vote, was on top of the vehicle with me. instantly knocked out, unconscious an it wasn't until 36 days later got back to the bethesda naval in new york where i finally woke up and was able

to start to remember somewhat of what happened to us out there. >> you wrote a moving piece about gabrielle giffords soon after the attempt to kill her, which i read at the time. you were sort of predicting how you felt it could have gone. you were optimistic when many were pessimistic because having been through what you had been through, arguably you started from a worst place, you were in a coma for 36 days. she wasn't. she came around quicker than you did. you could see the light at the end of the tunnel, couldn't you? >> yeah. i think people are surprised. when you see what happened -- i have seen this and done stories many times about those badly injured. nobody gets back to 100% the way they were before, but it goes in some ways better, slower generally for everybody, the recovery but it goes better than you thought. >> the extraordinary thing talking to you, bob, is if i hadn't known your story, you seem completely normal in every respect. are you?

do you still have residual issues with the injuries? do you have any cognitive problems? >> yeah, my wife still has problems with me. other than that, in terms of medically, i do have issues. i have what's called afasia, which is a lot of my ability to remember certain things. the order of letters sometimes are very difficult. i've lost my memory of many, many words. in the beginning when i was hit, i lost tons of words. in fact i couldn't make my point because i couldn't get past the point where i could continue. i couldn't find any way to communicate, to really give somebody my ideas, but now i'm able to find synonyms so i can make my point as long as i can deviate. i can't go straight down the interstate like i used to. i sometimes run in to points where i can't remember something specific and i have to go on

another road an the interstate to keep going. it may appear to be the same speed to someone like you, piers, but i know to me it is slower than it used to be. stl a lot of difficulty with that and i have recognition problems still. sometimes i will meet people and i don't even recognize them again ten minutes later or knew where i get met them. but every day, every week this is getting better. i can't even tell you if i was doing this with you a year ago it would be more difficult for me. >> despite the obvious frustrations, i guess there must be a sense you feel every day of feeling lucky to be alive? >> you know, it's interesting you say that because i absolutely feel that way. i have had more time to spend with my family, with my kids, with my friends. i'm not quite assiirritated by things that used to irritate me.

there are issues that are raised and exist. and i feel we have a short period of time alive. i know i have a good idea now that life is not long. it is certainly relatively short. and so let's do things more than we want to do. have more adventures. help more people. spend more time with the people we love. in that sense, yeah, it's been a change for me. >> both you and gabrielle giffords had the benefit of remarkable people to help you. in her case her husband mark. in your case, your wife lee. how important, looking back, do you think it is to have a spouse that is absolutely there for you? >> piers, there's no proof, scientifically or medically that having a family around you in moments like that step up your recovery, but without question they do. does this mean your neurons of your brain are improved because of friends around.

i don't know. i don't think we really know. but i feel that them being close at times like that was a better way to be in terms of the speed of your coming back. i tell that to a lot of people that have gone thu the same thing. >> have you been able to talk to any of gabrielle giffords's family throughout this process? >> i have spoken to mark, her husband, who's been a remarkable astronaut and i've covered that as well, nasa. and he's been terrific. he's been incredibly optimistic from the beginning. we had conferences down in nasa where he gave the statements about how she's doing which was pretty reflective of how she was advancing. so he's been that way, as well. i think, again, without him, i don't know how she would have done, but i think generally she would have been the way she is, but without him i think it would have been slowed down a bit.

he's been remarkably good. >> given that she's a bit behind you i in terms of her recovery and the injuries were not dissimilar, what is the best advice you would give gabrielle giffordsing right now as she is back on her feet and beginning to be able to lead a more normal life? what would you say to her? >> in some ways, piers, i don't know what to say to that. i think she probably has the same feelings about it as i did. i think i have deep feelings that there are certain frustrations in your life. you are going to have more fatigue and difficulty speaking. she's got physical issues because she actually had some tissue injury that means the right side of her is not completely paralyzed, but she's lost some of her movement on her

right. but all of these things with her -- i guess my only advice to her is keep faith. you are going to come through. remember, that your life is not necessarily the same as it was before. some things are worse than they were before, but i think there are some things that are even better. part of it is the time that you spend with your family and the memories of your family and friends. i think it is something that has improved over time and i think you have a better stud toward the way life is. >> i guess the reason i was curious is because gging abriel giffords is clearly considering a political comeback. do you think you are a better reporter for what you have been through? >> some people have said that. there is more of a calmness to the way i report. maybe different kinds of stories i'm pursuing. i'm not really allowed anymore to cover wars the way the old

days. neither abc nor my wife and family, my brothers don't want me to either. i'm reporting differently, more longer term, indepth story opposed to big, breaking stories daily. that is somewhat different and gabby, now she's made this comeback which is really important -- i did a story with tim johnson, the senator out of south dakota, a story about him because he did the same thing. he had an aneurysm that just knocked him out. he was on a radio show at the time and just completely could not speak anymore and he was out of senate for more than a year and he finally came back and ran again. that's the big question now with gabby. in 2012, will she run again? now they have not committed to it yet. according to mark, and of course her campaign members that they said she has not made her decision whether she will run in 2012 again, but i think she's

going to. i think you saw here right there on the floor and saw she can fit in. so, like tim johnson, i think she will probably make a comeback but it will be some challenges for her, as well, when she's there. but i think cognitively the most important thing for her is she will get it back over time and be able to translate and communicate as well as she did before. her voice will sound different probably, and certainly her wording will be different. but i think she will have the same political position on things, although who knows, and she will probably have the same ability to get through issues of politics and policy that is probably the same as it was before. >> pretty poignant, i would imagine if she made a comeback and it was reported on by bob woodruff. it has been a pleasure. really has? >> thank you, piers. >> coming up, my interview with

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all right. brace yourself, america, because the seven-second delay was invented for my next guest, kathy griffin, here live. a woman who will literally say anything. >> absolutely. now, is there a delay between the table? magical seven seconds here. >> jumped on me before the break. >> i jumped on you, so what? >> within three seconds of us being together you were giving me a lap dance. >> i saw you do the same thing with condoleeza rice and you didn't complain. i've watched every episode. >> let's think about you being the most outrageous thing in america. >> you said that. i said foxiest bikini model but you couldn't put that in the monitor. >> do you seek outrage? >> yes, i do. >> why? >> it's fun. good to shake people up. i like to see people that will say anything unfiltered. >> do you have any filter? >> no. >> any limits? >> have you seen one? >> not obviously identifiable. >> no limits, no filter no, class, no poise, no decorum, just fun. >> do you care about making enemies? some people really do, really do

take it badly, don't they? >> you mean the tea party? >> the tea party. >> they don't take it so well >> the ladies on "the view." people just want to kill you. >> that's true. >> sarah palin would like to kill you. >> yes. but you know, i actually went to her house in an episode of "my life on the d list," nominated, where's my light? >> it's canceled. >> it's not canceled. i decided to stop doing it. i'm too famous. sorry. i'm going to take it down. down. counting backwards from ten. don't hit the host, kiss him. kiss him. anyway, on an episode of "my life on the d list" i actually went to alaska and knocked on her door. >> what happened? >> i invited her to a the show i offered her a two for one which, which i rarely do, but she did not come she has an open invite to come to see me any time. >> she really hates you. >> i know. >> you were pretty vial about her daughter. >> i, your know, she says some pretty outrageous things. >> filter? >> no filter. not with the palins. not with the bachmanns.

excuse me. are we talking about bristol who made over a quarter of a million dollars last year making speaking engagements about teen abstinence sna? that writes itself. in light of the market crash today, i don't feel too bad for the palins. >> why not? >> who can i'm not tell? >> for the american citizen you spend money. >> kathy geithner, when you think money, you think of secretary griffin. >> you do. certain ring to it. what did you think in all seriousness about what is happening to your country? >> i think when i'm performing on the road i thank the audience to buy a ticket because it's a big deal to get a ticket for live entertainment and get a baby-sitter and get a meal. parking, whatever. i'm more conscience than ever, as are other performers that i know. it's frightening but we will get through it. >> do you think washington politicians have any real connect now to the american public? >> yeah, they're human beings. i mean, this particular bunch is a little frightening to me. but i still support the president, which in hollywood by

the way makes you a terrorist. i even like jimmy carter. so, whew, shoot me now, shoot me in my sleep. i think he's a very bright guy. people seem to forget that during the clinton administration there was no debt at all. i mean, it was gone. and then during eight years of bush, i really -- i really feel like that's almost untenable situation for the president to deal with. >> the problem is he inherited a massive hospital cost. i'm not forgetting it but let's not forget the situation has got worse despite the stimulus package. >> how do you make a deal with people who don't want to make a deal? >> he brought in similar package that apparently is not working. the economy continuing to dank. -- tank. >> are you doing your john boehner interview because -- >> i'm mixed with your views. >> politics. >> you're a smart businesswoman. >> of course. >> you're a businesswoman. i'm like a straight suze orman.

>> i'm a heterosexual suze orman. >> i'll take it. >> you can have it. easier than you have no idea. you can have it in 20 minutes. let's wrap this up, shall we? >> why are you shy about the economy? why would you find it absurd that i would ask you. >> i do a lot of political humor more than i ever have because these politicians have quotes. they are the gift that keeps on giving. sometimes i go up on stage and give quotes. and see what material comes up to me. >> are the tea party characters a particular gift? >> are you praying the gay away? because you know what? i'm obsessed with marcus bachmanns clinic, his reparative clinic where he tries to degay people. to me that was high school and it doesn't work. i tried to get those boys in moour musicals to put it in my no-no place. we're not going to delay for that, is it? it's harmless. >> this is live. everything is going straight out. >> perfect. >> you think you're going to get thrown off television, keep going. >> i want to get you thrown off. that's my goal. >> you would probably be very popular. >> i'm sure i could put you in a

position sexual or otherwise to get you fired tonight. >> i'm sure you could. would you like to do that? >> it would be fun and newsworthy. it would be all over the blogosphere. >> start an interview, anderson five, much more lofty aspirations. >> it's a great aspiration and every single january 1st -- >> you try hard. >> i'm upset if he still has his job. that's my goal, that january 1st he's crying in my hotel room for other reasons and also he got fired. >> it is the most dangerous time for anderson's life. that new year's eve thing you do. >> i hope so. >> you can see the terror in his eyes. >> >> good. i'm there to instill it. i take that job way too seriously. i think of all kinds of fun and exciting ways to make him sweat. i'm very flattered that he says he sweats more with me that night than in any war zone. because i'm pretty lady and i want to apologize. -- i won't apologize. >> do you worry about being taken seriously? >> no. >> are you going to fill in the gap or am i?

stay down. >> no what are you doing? >> i'm going to climb over the table. >> oh, my god. what's going on? what are you -- oh, my. what is happening here? >> that's called a commercial bumper. you're going to use that all weekend. >> that was quite enjoyable. >> of course. it's me. show some respect. i'm a lady. what were you saying? >> where are you taking this? are we going to be derobing as the show goes on? >> i have no issue with that. i saw you showing foxy bikini shots on a vh-1 special. >> you're a very attractive lady. >> enough with the economy. let's talk about how attractive i am. the stock market will be fine. it will rebound. >> do you dream of being fired in total disgrace one day? >> yes. >> becoming unemployable. >> absolutely. no, are you kidding me? i live to work. i love to work. i love doing stand-up. i love doing "my life on the d list." i'm proud of the show. i stand by the show. this is silly.

the emmy's a big deal. this is my little show that could, six seasons. we did everything from performing in iraq in a war zone. >> why you love it so much is it not on air anymore? >> i think because when i started doing my show reality was in a different place. you know? so on my show i -- this year i had a march and freedom class in d.c. to repeal don't ask, don't tell and performed at walter reed. we tackled some semi serious issues with a wink and a lot of silly stuff. and now the reality shows that i love to watch, that's not really what i do. so on my show you're not really going to see my 91-year-old alcoholic mother flip a table. it would be a fun and i can put a moo moo on her and give her a box of wine but you're not going to see us fistfighting and stuff like that, although i will be watching "jersey shore," don't get me wrong. >> well, look, i want to talk about your parents when we come back. because they have been a formative part of your comedic

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>> back now with my interesting guest kathy griffin. >> interesting? that's the best adjective you could come up with. >> the twitosphere is runninup. jay golden five. kathy griffin on the economy climbs on desk to kiss piers. most awkward piers morgan show ever. >> give it up, people. come on. >> and you have been on ten minutes. >> i know. >> congratulations. >> i say we do the rest of the show bottomless because anyone can do topless. that's so last week. but with the glass table, it's limitless. >> you are dangerous for any cnn host. >> i'm dangerous for you right now. i guarantee that. >> cnn fires you every year. >> every year i get fired. >> terrible slug to get us all back into trouble. >> thank you. i came -- i am a terrible slug that is on cnn every new years trying to make people laugh. and that's a bumper sticker that

i'm going to put on my prius. i don't have a prius. >> i heard you had a foxy dinner last night. >> okay, so i have a list moments in my life. >> you had dinner last night, a private dinner party with jack nicholson, john hamm, steve martin. >> john hamm is not really a celebrity. >> he's the biggest one out tv heart throbs out there. >> whatever. who else? >> steve martin, funniest guy, michaels and, my god, when it comes to movies, literally. my idol. >> he is legend. >> is he as fun as a private dinner party as i would hope he is. >> yes. he has moments where he's nutty and superintelligent and then funny. you know, it was a full package. it was definitely a pinch myself moment. >> did you give him a lap dance? >> yes. and he gave me one and then it was 3:00 in the morning. >> you put yourself around too much. nicholson last night, me tonight. >> you're in good company.

a bit of a brazen hussy, aren't you? we were discussing about how in the world of social media, what kind of photo would get out there that could get you in trouble. >> yes. >> and in my case, there's no such thing. meaning there's nothing i could say that wouldn't frankly help my business. there's no photo out there. i could be doing anything inappropriate with you or anyone you know and it would only boost sales. >> you already have done. you have been already seen tonight lap dancing and strading to try to kiz me. >> i'm still dressed. >> miraculously. >> let's see what we can do about that? >> what would jack nicholson think would be a terrible moment? >> he know who you are. >> doesn't he? >> no. >> did you talk about me? >> not one. -- not once. >> really? >> yeah. hold on. showbiz shocker. let's get nancy grace. hold on, hold on, hold on. let's get jane valez mitchell in here to solve that case. do you watch hln do they get better numbers than you. >> luckily they are down since the case is over.

>> you said luckily. >> yeah, it was killing us. >> did you cover casey anthony? >> a little bit. i felt uncomfortable about it. when i saw the people all fighting each other to get into the trial every day. in britain, as i kept saying, we don't have cameras in courtrooms. you don't get this kind of -- this some for the of reality television thing. i felt uncomfortable about the whole thing. >> as a comedian this is odd because when i do my shows people want to hear about casey because she's such a watercooler discussion. when i do my material on her the audience gets quiet and uncomfortable. first they're excited and then everybody is thinking about casey, that was so messed up. when i start making jokes about her and calling her the hot mom it gets awkward. >> does it? they don't like that? >> you don't think the hot mom is funny? i think it's hysterical, because nancy calls her tot mom. the last time i checked hot mom was in a disguise trying to get through an airport. let's at least the lawyers. >> i love nancy grace. >> who doesn't.

you can't be human and not love nancy. >> i interviewed her on the show and surprisingly emotional. >> surprisingly? she cries every night on the show talking about her twins. my twins. where are the twins? >> i think she is a force for good. >> she's awesome. >> don't you think? >> yes. i don't need casey. i'll watch nancy in any event. her book was called "death on the d list" so i'm assuming she wants me dead like everyone else does, according to you. >> tell me about your parents and the role they played. >> my father is no longer with us. >>. >> he died. >> a couple of years ago, yes. the great thing is when my dad was on "my life on the d list" he was portrayed the way he was. people come up to me and said i feel like i know your dad. and you did. my mom is a true natural. >> how old is she now? >> 91. she will drink you under the glass table. she would have climbed over here. 100% bunch of drunken mix. >> i'm irish. >> what? >> yes. >> and you're admitting it? >> yes. >> there goes the neighborhood.

i was raised irish catholic. the catholic part didn't really stick. they tried. the nuns, they tried. and the irish, 100% irish, both sides. what town are you from? >> i'm from offaly, where my family is. >> it sounds like you made that up. fact check? is there a fact check department here at cnn? >> my parents are from carrie ann cork. i'm going to make that up because it's shocking. >> kindred spirits. >> i'll be over that table in two seconds. you have no idea. i'm just getting warmed up. let me stretch. i'm going to do lunges and i'll see you in a minutes. >> do you feel irish? >> i do when i watch "my big fat gypsy wedding." do you watch that show? see, you're only people. those are my people. now they're on a television show. >> superstars. >> wear the hoop skirts like "gone with the wind." i love it. >> after a break -- we will talk about your plastic

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i'm don lemon at the cnn world headquarters in atlanta. here are your headlines. u.s. troops in afghanistan have suffered their deadliest single incident since the war began. 30 american troops died early saturday when their helicopter crashed during a mission in the province of wardak.

this is file video of the helicopter they were on. it had 25 special forces on board, most of them navy zeal s.e.a.l.s. standard & poors downgraded the u.s. from a aaa to a aa plus rating. s&p blamed congress and the obama administration for the downgrade. the announcement came days after a much-criticized deal to raise the debt ceiling. police are trying to stamp out riots in the north london neighborhood of taughtenton. some looted shops and stores. the violence exploded after a crowd marched on a police station, angry over the death of a 29-year-old local man. police reportedly killed the father of four during an anti-firearms operation. those are the headlines this hour. i'm don lemon, keeping you informed. cnn, the most trusted name in news.

>> i like to have a brow lift once or twice a year, where they just take my eyebrows and put them on a totally different part of my head. after that i look weeks younger. >> from your series "my life on the d list." >> that's from one of my stand-up specials. your research is dazzling to me, honestly. >> i've actually never watched it. >> you're on a news network. >> now no one is going to watch it again. >> what are you talking about? it's on every day on bravo. emmy nominee. performed in a prison. >> how much plastic surgery have you had? have you ever done the -- >> do you want to go down the list? >> yes. >> i haven't had anything done in several years i'm rethinking the whole thing because i thought it would change my life and make me happier. >> did it? >> no. they're not telling you that when they take a sharpie and put markings on your face. you're doing it emotionally right now. i did a whole article in "people" magazine about it in 1999.

i had a facelift and brow lift. the only thing that are real are the boobs and like, i don't know, my lips. you know, i had stuff lifted and then it fell back again. >> how much have you spent in total on resculpting? >> probably -- this is sick but the first time i had it all done i did a trade-out which is one of my best whore moments, even better than tonight. this one i actually had at a medical facility. so i did like a trade-out, which is really not -- not what i recommend. but, i don't know -- what do you mean, a trade-out? >> what i mean is i went to a doctor who said, okay, if "people" magazine and "entertainment tonight" cover it, i'll comp it. take that in for a minute. take that in. i basically am like a white slave for myself. i'm my own pimp and ho. at the same time. >> what did you think would happen to you. >> i thought i was supposed to be jennifer aniston. that was the deal. i was supposed to wake up and be scarlett johansson, that was the deal in my mind. >> what went wrong? >> it just doesn't really do anything.

you know, so i had lifted and stitches in my head like frankenstein. i had everything but a bolt in my neck. and i had liposuction which went bad and i had to go to the hospital. i didn't know you could just run. >> you had the lasik eye surgery. >> real problem. >> i had that. ten years ago. never had a problem. best thing i ever did in my life. >> did you go to dr. [ bleep ]. >> i didn't. >> i did. [ bleep ]. >> it didn't work for me. i had four corrective surgeries after that. i had a condition, but it wasn't a cosmetic thing. that was to correct my vision. but i will tell you that's definitely the worst horror story i had as far as any kind of procedure of any kind. that was bad news because my eye is permanently damaged. i would be suspicious of that. when you say most. i would be suspicious that most people don't have problems from lasik. that was my experience. >> really? >> yeah. >> ten years, never had a problem. >> good for you. why don't you and pfizer just go -- >> don't say it. >> okay. >> don't get me off the air, too.

let your career go down the doom. >> it was random. i have nothing against pfizer. let's stop the hate tweets right now. i'm already busy with the jesus lovers. >> do you like being engaged with twitter? >> i love twitter. >> how do you deal with the fury? >> i don't know if you do it but every once in a while i write something so rude back to the haters. >> of course. >> then it just blows up. i love it. i do get some amazing death threats. >> amusing death threats. >> some are over the top. they will often do it a thing -- i call it ccing. they include sarah palin or michele bachmann and always from jesuslovesyou123. there's one guy who wants to shoot me down all of the way to hell. he wants to shoot me as the earth parts and then i go all of the way down like james franco in "127 hours." and then i get to my corner booth in hell, where i think i'm going to see you, frankly, and then he's still shooting but the bullets melt because i'm in hell. i've thought this all through. >> do you like this engaging with people?

>> no, i like that i don't engage. i don't do facebook at all. as my mother calls it, face place. that scares me. i have friends that have broken up because of the status update. but twitter i like because i can put out a joke or talk about being on this show and say, you know, everybody, i'm on "john king live" or whatever your name is. the point is i'm saying positive things about you, ali velshi. and then, you know, i get to watch the responses. i read every one of them. many of them make me laugh out loud. >> twitter right now is going completely nuts about your behavior. >> kathy griffin at piers morgan? >> yes. >> when i greet friends i don't say hello anymore, i just say at. hello. hello @sharon osbourne. >> cher tweets me in the middle of the night. it's hysterical. she yells at me through twitter. i had to finally call her and say you can just yell at me through texting or come over and yell me or i can go to your

house and you can yell at me. cher has great tweets. >> does she. >> >> she's a good one. >> are you going to tweet me in the middle of the night? >> no, you're good there. i love the way that you slept your way to the middle. it's working out great for me. cher is not going to know who you are. if you were on c-span -- >> what do you mean? >> what world do you live in that you think these famous people know who you are. >> i think if i keep saying it long enough and hard enough. >> you say it as if. >> yeah, why not. >> jack nicholson. >> he's not doing this show. >> yes, he is. >> he is not doing this show. >> yes, he is. >> >> excuse me. hey, crazy pants. >> i believe firmly. you say things often enough and loudly enough -- >> really, oprah? if you're going to say a secret, let me know. how terrified were you of oprah? you looked like you had diarrhea all night. by the way i would too. >> i was slightly in awe of her. i don't mind admitting that. >> it was obvious. >> she was like a goddess. >> how long have you been in properly in love? >> see, you're watching the show.

>> i watch it every night. >> do you? >> every night. what about when you had ryan and tatum o'neal but separate hours. >> how good was that? >> i thought he was going to -- >> here's the story for you. i stayed in sharon osbourne's malibu beach house last weekend and ryan o'neal has the house next door. he was playing frisbee at his house on the beach, he said because of that double interview they got back talking and things are moving in the right direction. i was very pleases to hear that. >> it is so fascinating to me that you are so delusional that you would believe ryan o'neal, who i believe is arrested for meth possession, would be playing frisbee. okay. you know, fine. the moon is made of cheese and i have antenna. are we done now? >> you are done about two minutes. we need a break. >> what? >> and when we come back, unsurprising to me one of your many feuds and the people who want to kill you. which i'm now adding myself. >> it makesmy me giggle. a network of possibilities.

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? i thought it was time to take the mike off. >> still conducting an interview live on television. >> i'm sorry. i thought jack nicholson was in the parking garage. >> leave it alone. this is awkward. >> are you missing tatum o'neal. >> i'm missing anyone right now. an empty chair would be an improvement. >> you are making me fall properly in love with you. i mean it. >> how many times have you been properly in love? oh, you did not. i will throw this mike pack at your -- >> do what you like, i will ask the question. >> i don't know several. >> how many? >> how many guys have i swept with? >> how many digits would make you happy. >> as many as honest. let's keep it truthful. >> i'm a virgin. i'm waiting for the right person. >> who wut the love of your life? >> a bunch. >> if you were trapped on a desert island with one of your exs who would it be?

>> you. >> people don't know that. that. tonight's the niechlt that's how i will get you fired. what if i had a super weird porn tape with you an you had i a clown costume on and i was spanking you. we will create a you tube moment if it last thing you do. >> are you single. >> i'm single but dating. >> who? >> guys that ask me. >> anyone in particular? >> the ones i happen to be home when they call. i like dating. i think a lot of women give dating a bad rap. it is a chance to know somebody new. >> i can't imagine going on a date with you. >> it is a nightmare. >> seriously. how do they go? >> i'm super excited when a guy picks up the tab and has a job. it hasn't happened but a girl can dream. >> basically shockingly materialistic. >> no no, me. are you kidding? no. i'm happy for a good lay and a pizza. and a smile an oh, sorry,

morals, values and i don't know. just want somebody to laugh with. >> would you like to get married? >> no. >> why? >> did that. no reason for me to get married if i had one egg left i'm going to fry it and throw it at your head. i don't want kids. >> why? >> i have a special needs child. it's called my career. i raise her every day and she is onry and difficult. i'm not really -- i'm not in to the kids. >> how do you see your life panning out? >> after this, it's in the crapper. because of this. i love to do -- it is fun when you had that show on cnn, loved it. >> i will dream of it forever. >> i love doing what i do. i love standup. i'm doing four specials for bravo in one year. none of your guests ever will say that. none of your guests. it is never been done. four specials in one year.

i'm on drop dead diva and excited about the emmy pomp and circumstance. do you go to the emmys, or are you too high and mighty. >> i went last year. it is a great sglent who's doing your dress. >> i haven't decide theed. >> oscar, care lena? >> i take it seriously. i'm proud to be in the company. i'm shocked i'm in that company and it never gets old. >> didn't i see you standing outside one of the preemmy parties? >> i bring my emmy. i'm the greeter at the david -- party i bring my emmys every year to this fancy a-list party called the night before. it is not appropriate. there's no press and i do it to see who has a sense of humor and i stand outside of the party. >> i know. >> holding my emmy and say to the celebrities, no matter how famouser that would you like a photo with a real emmy. half laugh and half go i don't know her. and half are guys i slept with

saying i don't know her. and every year i do it and i don't know jeffrey katzenberg. did you enjoy it? >> yes, jou you justed me out of nowhere and said would you like to be photographed with an emmy. >> we probably have a picture of us together with my emmys. >> not a good one. >> you don't know what i am going to hold in my hot little hands, morgy, let's get the party started. >> why am i not really nervous about the last five minutes. >> because you are going to read your twitter and see the responses and get nervous. you give us your information once, online... [ whirring and beeping ] [ ding! ] and we give you a discount on both. sort of like two in one. how did you guys think of that? it just came to us. what? bundling and saving made easy. now, that's progressive.

call or click today. we'll never stop sharing our or getting lost in a good book. we'll always cook dinner, and cheer for our favorite team. we'll still go to meetings, make home movies, and learn new things. but how we do all this, will never be the same.

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>> hey. that is my almond milk. >> well, i guess that makes you terry. >> are you going to replace what you drank? it's organic. >> i would tell you to have your assistant by buy you another carton but i can tell by your shoes that you are the assistant. >> that's your guest starring role in drop dead diva on lifetime. with another comedian margaret rho. >> old pal of mine. >> rival? >> no. >> a couple of friends early on said do your thing. i'm not