one of the most bizarre imes ever. and what it takes to become one of the coast guard's elite rescue swimmers. kaj larsen takes you inside a rescue mission. sunday night on "cnn presents." tonight it's a miracle that then gabby giffords really make a full recovery? well, he did. >> suddenly there was an ied exploded and then instantly knocked out, unconscious. >> reporter: paul woodruff, how it changed his life forever and what it will take for gabby giffords to battle back. and the most spoken woman in the country, kathy griffin. >> now that he's doing a talk show, what does he care for, frankly? i'm going to be on piers morgan. >> yes, indeed, you do, and i have the second delay ready to go. tell me what you really think. >> i see.

kathy griffin on success. >> awards are more important than people, family? oh. >> her foot on casey anthony. >> the casey anthony watch and the mask and is she going to get plastic surgery. >> and her depressing life on the d list as kathy griffin, this is "piers morgan tonight." good evening. anybody watching the debt load in the house monday night lad to be removed by that remarkable, emotional moment when congresswoman gabrielle giffords walked out on the floor to cast her first vote since hers assassination to kill her in january. but now a man who had his own brush with death. bob, it must have been particularly emotional for you given what you've been through yourself. >> you know, i think all of us, i'm sure you're the same. you were stunned and shocked that she showed up like that suddenly right there on the floor of congress. you know, her recovery has been pretty remarkable, i have to

say. i didn't really expect her to be out there alone, out there walking and speaking to those that were there. you know, the last time she even went public, in terms of visually, was just a release of a couple of pictures back about three months ago, shortly before -- right before she got the part of her skull put back on. but now this time suddenly out of nowhere, and she said this is the most important thing to her, to go ahead and vote on this extremely important issue that's been written. >> i mean, you're a top newsman. it's been a very divisive period for american politics and washington getting a lot of heat. in that one moment, it seemed to bring a bit of humanity to proceedings, i thought. >> yeah. it was this moment of being united instead of, you know, bitter and fighting. and i think people did step away from that, too, and it's not exactly a permanent cure to this kind of conflict that we've got. at that moment and for that day, i think there was some happiness

to see her not only just alive because it's a miracle that she even survived, but also reaching the medical level that she has. >> for people who don't know your story. you were working for abc. you went to iraq. you were embedded with american soldiers. and what happened next? >> while we were on the road, back in january 2006, believe it or not, 5 1/2 years ago so we're ageing a lot faster than we thought we would, piers. but we were out on the road with the u.s. military and the iraqi military. and suddenly there was an ied exploded about 20 yards to my left. cameraman doug vote was also there on top of the vehicle with me. instantly knocked out, unconscious. it wasn't until 36 days later i got back to the bethesda naval in new york where i finally woke up and was able to start to

remember somewhat of what happened to us out there. >> and you wrote a very moving piece about gabby giffords soon after the attempt to kill her, which i read at the time. and you were sort of predicting how you felt it could have gone. you were quite optimistic when many were pessimistic because having been through what you had been through, arguably you started from a worst place. you were in a coma for 36 days. she wasn't. she came around quicker than you did, so you could see possible life at the end of the tunnel, couldn't you? >> yeah. i think people were kind of surprised. when you see at first what happened. i've seen this and i've done stories many times about those badly injured. nobody gets back to 100% to the way they were before. but it goes in some ways better, slower generally for everybody, the recovery, but it goes better than you thought. >> extraordinary thing talking to you about this is if i hadn't known your story you seem completely normal in every respect. are you? do you still have residual

issues with the injuries? do you still have any cognitive problems? >> yeah, my wife still has problems with me. other than that, in terms of medically, i do have issues. i've got what's called afacia, which is a loss of my ability to remember certain things. the order of letters sometimes is very difficult. i've lost my memory of many, many words. in the very beginning when i was hit, i had lost just tons of words. in fact, i couldn't even make my point because i couldn't get past the point where i could continue. i just couldn't find any way to communicate, to really give somebody my ideas. but now i'm able to find synonyms so i can make my point as long as i have this ability to deviate. i can't just go straight down the interstate like i used to. now sometimes i run into points where i can't remember something specific, i have to go around it another road and then back on

the interstate to keep going. sometimes it may appear to be the same speed to someone like you, piers, but i know to me it's slower than it used to be. so there's still a lot of difficulty with that. i've also got recognition problems still, where sometimes i'll meet people i don't even really recognize them again ten minutes later or really knew exactly where i met them. but every day, every week, this is -- this is getting better. i can't even tell you if i was doing this with you a year ago it would be even more difficult for me. >> despite all of these obvious frustrations, bob, i guess there must also be a sense that you feel every day of being -- feeling lucky to be alive. >> you know, that's interesting you say that, because i absolutely feel that way. and i've had, you know, more time to spend with my family, with my kids, with my friends. i don't -- i'm not quite as irritated by things that you irritate me, but it is not a cure. there are also issues that are

raised that exist. and i also feel like we've got a very short period of time alive. you know, i know i have a good idea now that life is not long. it is certainly relatively short. and so let's do things more than we want to do. let's have some more adventures. let's help more people. let's spend more time with the people we love. in that sense, yeah, it's been a change for me. >> both you and gabby giffords had the benefit of remarkable people to help you. in her case, her husband, mark. in your case, your wife, leigh. how important is it to have a spouse who is just absolutely there for you? >> there's no proof, you know, scientifically or medically that having a family around you in moments like that step up your recovery, but they, without question, do. this is being that your neurons of your brain are improved because of friends around. i don't know. i don't think we really know.

i feel that them being close at times like that was a better way to be in terms of the speed of your coming back. i tell that to a lot of people who have gone through the same thing. >> have you been able to talk to any of gabby giffords' family throughout this process? >> i've spoken to mark, you know, her husband who has been remarkable astronaut. i've covered that as well, nasa. and he's been terrific. i think he's been incredibly optimistic from the very beginning. you know, we had obviously conferences down at nasa where he -- where he gave the statements about how she's doing, which was pretty reflective of exactly how she was advancing. so he's been that way as well. and i think, again, without him, i don't know how she would have done, but i think generally she would have been the way she is. but without him, i think it would have been slowed down a bit.

he's been remarkably, remarkably good. >> given that she's four years behind you in terms of her recovery and the injuries were not dissimilar, what's the best advice you would give gabby giffords right now as she's finally back on her feet and beginning to be able to lead a more normal life? what do you say to her? >> you know, in some ways, piers, i don't really know what to say to that. i think she's probably got the same feelings about it than i did. i think i got deep feelings that there are certain frustrations in your life, you're going to have more fatigue, you're going have difficulty speaking. she's also got physical issues because she actually had some tissue injury, which means the right side of her is not -- it's not completely paralyzed, but it is -- she's lost some of her movement on her right. but all of these things with

her, i guess my only advice to her is, you know, keep faith. you know, you are going to come through. and you remember that your life is not necessarily the same as it was before. and some things are worse than they were before, but i think there really are some things that are even better. and part of it is the time that you spend with your family and the members of your -- of your friends and your family. i think is also something that's improved over time. and i think you get a better attitude towards the way life is. >> i guess the reason i was curious is because gabby giffords is clearly i would imagine consider a political comeback and you have made a very successful comeback as reported. do you think you are a better in a strange way after what you've been through? >> some people have said that. there's more of a calmness, i think, of the way i report. maybe different kinds of stories that i'm pursuing. i'm not allowed anymore to cover wars the way those old days.

neither abc nor my wife and my family, my brothers don't really want me to, either. i'm reporting differently. more longer-term in-depth stories as opposed to big breaking stories daily like that. that's somewhat different. gabby, now she's made that comeback, which is really important. i did a story with tim johnson, the senator out of south dakota, a story about him because he did the same thing. you know, he had an aneurysm that just knocked him out. he was on a radio show at the time and just completely passed -- just not speak anymore. and he was out of senate, for the senate, for more than a year and then he finally came back and ran again. that's the big question now with gabby. in 2012, will she run again? now they have not committed to it yet, according to mark and, of course, her campaign members that they said she has not made her decision yet whether she's going to run in 2012 again. but i think she's going to. i think you saw her right there

on the floor and you saw that she can fit in, so like tim johnson, i think that she's probably going to make a comeback. but it's going to be some challenges for her, as well, when she's there. but i think cognitively the most important thing for her is that she's going to get that back over time and she'll be able to translate and communicate, as well as she did before. her voice will sound different probably, and certainly her wording is going to be different. but i think that she will have the same political position on things, although who knows. and she will probably have the same ability to get through issues of politics and policy that is probably the same as it was before. >> it will be pretty poignant, i would imagine, if she made a comeback and it was reported on by bob woodruff. bob, it's been a real pleasure. it really has. thank you very much. >> thank you, piers. coming up, the most outspoken woman in america, my interview with kathy griffin. what is she saying tonight?

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all right. brace yourself, america, because the seven-second delay was invented for my next guest, kathy griffin, here live. a woman who will literally say anything. >> absolutely. now, is there a delay between the table? magical seven seconds here. >> jumped on me before the break. >> i jumped on you, so what? >> about being together. you were doing a lap dance. >> i saw you do the same thing with condoleezza rice and you did not complain. i've watched every episode. >> let's think about you being the most outrageous thing in america. >> you said that. i said foxiest bikini model but you couldn't put that in the monitor. >> do you seek outrage? >> yes, i do. >> why? >> it's good to shake people up.

i like to see people like that, people who will say anything unfiltered. >> do you have any filter? >> no. >> any limits? >> have you seen one? >> not obviously identifiable. >> no limits, no filter no, class, no poise, no decorum, just fun. >> do you care about making enemies? some people really do, really do take it badly, don't they? >> you mean the tea party? >> the tea party. >> the ladies on "the view." people just want to kill you. >> that's true. >> sarah palin would like to kill you. >> yes. but you know, i actually went to her house in an episode of "my life on the d list," nominated, where's my light? >> it's canceled. >> it's not canceled. i'm too famous. sorry. i'm going to take it down. down. counting backwards from ten. don't hit the host, kiss him. kiss him. anyway, on an episode of "my life on the d list" i actually went to alaska and knocked on her door. how about that?

i invited her to the show. she did not come. she has an open invite to come to see me any time. >> she really hates you. >> i know. >> you were pretty vial about her daughter. >> i, your know, she says some pretty outrageous things. >> filter? >> no filter. not with the palins. not with the bachmanns. excuse me. are we talking about bristol who made over a quarter of a million dollars last year making speaking engagements about teen pregnancies? >> tell me about the market crash. >> who better to ask. >> why not? >> who can i'm not tell? >> for the american citizen you spend money. >> kathy geithner, when you think money, you think of secretary griffin. >> you do. certain ring to it. what did you think in all seriousness about what is happening to your country?

>> i think when i'm performing on the road i thank the audience to buy a ticket because it's a big deal to get a ticket for live entertainment and get a baby-sitter and get a meal. i'm more conscience than other performers that i know. it's frightening but we're going to get through it. >> do you think washington politicians have any real connect now to the american public? >> yeah, they're human beings. i mean, this particular bunch is a little frightening to me. but i still support the president, which in hollywood by the way makes you a terrorist. i even like jimmy carter. so, whew, shoot me now, shoot me in my sleep. i think he's a very bright guy. people seem to forget that during the clinton administration there was no debt at all. i mean, it was gone. and then during eight years of bush, i really -- i really feel like that's almost untenable situation for the president to deal with. >> he inherited clearly a massive hospital cost. i'm not forgetting it but let's not forget the situation has got worse despite the stimulus package. >> how do you make a deal with people who don't want to make a deal. >> he brought in similar package that apparently is not working. the economy continuing to dank. >> are you doing your john boehner interview because -- >> i'm mixed with your views. >> politics. >> you're a smart businesswoman. >> of course.

>> you're a businesswoman. >> i'm a heterosexual suze orman. >> i'll take it. >> you can have it. easier than you have no idea. you can have it in 20 minutes. let's wrap this up, shall we? >> why are you shy about the economy? why would you find it absurd that i would ask you. >> i do a lot of political humor because these politicians have quotes. they are the gift that keeps on giving. sometimes i go up on stage and give quotes. >> are the tea party characters a particular gift? >> are you praying the gay away? because you know what? i'm obsessed with marcus bachmanns clinic, his reparative clinic where he tries to degay people. to me it's called high school and it doesn't work. i tried to get those boys in musicals to put it in my mri no-no place. we're not going to delay for that, is it? it's harmless. >> this is live. everything is going straight out. >> perfect. >> you think you're going to get thrown off television, keep going. >> i want to get you thrown off.

that's my goal. >> you would probably be very popular. >> i'm sure i could put you in a position sexual or otherwise to get you fired tonight. >> i'm sure you could. would you like to do that? >> it would be fun and newsworthy. >> start an interview, anderson five, much more lofty aspirations. >> it's a great aspiration and every single january 1st -- >> you try hard. >> i'm upset if he still has his job. that's my goal, that january 1st he's crying in my hotel room for other reasons and also he got fired. >> it is the most dangerous time for anderson's life. >> i hope so. >> you can see the terror in his eyes. >> good. i'm there to instill it. i take that job way too seriously. i think of all kinds of fun and exciting ways to make him sweat.

i'm very flattered that he says he sweats more with me that night than in any war zone. because i'm pretty lady and i want to apologize. >> do you worry about being taken seriously? >> no. >> are you going to fill in the gap or am i? stay down. >> no what are you doing? >> i'm going to climb over the table. >> oh, my god. what's going on? what are you -- oh, my. what is happening here? >> that's called a commercial bumper. you're going to use that all weekend. >> that was quite enjoyable. >> of course. it's me. show some respect. i'm a lady. what were you saying? >> where are you taking this? are we going to be deroping as the show goes on? >> i have no issue with that. i saw you showing foxy bikini shots on a vh-1 special. >> you're a very attractive lady. >> enough with the economy. let's talk about how attractive i am. >> do you dream of being fired in total disgrace one day? >> yes. >> becoming unemployable. >> absolutely. no, are you kidding me? i love to work.

i love doing stand-up. i love doing "my life on the d list." i'm proud of the show. i stand by the show. this is silly. it's a big deal. this is my little show that could. six seasons. we did everything from gold perform in iraq in the war zone. >> why you love it so much is it not on air anymore? >> i think because when i started doing my show reality was in a different place. you know? so on my show i -- this year i had a march and freedom class in d.c. to repeal don't ask, don't tell and performed at walter reed. we tackled some semi serious issues with a wink and a lot of silly stuff. and now the reality shows that i love to watch, that's not really what i do. so on my show you're not really going to see my 91-year-old alcoholic mother flip a table. it would be a fun and i can put a moo moo on her and give her a box of wine but you're not going to see us fistfighting and stuff like that, although i will be watching "jersey shore," don't get me wrong. >> we'll talk about your pants when we come back because they've been a formative part

about your comedic live. >> stay in your chair. >> why? >> i know i'm irresistible. back now with my interesting

[oinking] [hissing] [ding] announcer: cook foods to the right temperature using a food thermometer. 3,000 americans will die from food poisoning this year. check your steps at foodsafety.gov.

back now with my interesting guest, kathy griffin. >> really, interesting? that's the best adjective you could come up with? >> the twitosphere is running up. jay golden five. kathy griffin on the economy climbs on desk to kiss piers. most awkward piers morgan show ever. >> give it up, people. >> you've only been on ten minutes. >> i know. >> congratulations. >> i say we do the rest of the show bottomless because anyone can do topless.

that's so last week. but with the glass table, it's limitless. >> you are dangerous for any cnn host. >> i'm dangerous for you right now. >> cnn fires you every year. >> every year i get fired. >> terrible slug to get us all back into trouble. >> thank you. i came -- i am a terrible slug that is on cnn every new years trying to make people laugh. and that's a bumper sticker that i'm going to put on my prius. i don't have a prius. >> i heard you had a foxy dinner last night. >> okay, so i have a list moments in my life. >> you had dinner last night, a private dinner party with jack nicholson, john hamm, steve martin. >> john hamm is not really a celebrity. >> he's the biggest one out there. >> whatever. who else?

>> steve martin, funniest guy, michaels and, my god, when it comes to movies, literally. >> he really is. he's a legend. >> he is fun. at a private dinner party as i would hope he is? >> yes, meaning he has moment where's he's kind of nutty and then super intelligent and then funny. you know, it was a full package. it was definitely a pinch myself moment. >> did you give him a lap dance? >> yes. and he gave me one and then it was 3:00 in the morning. >> you put yourself around too much. nicholson last night, me tonight. >> you're in good company. we were discussing about how in the world of social media, what kind of photo would get out there that could get you in trouble. >> yes. >> and in my case, there's no such thing. meaning there's nothing i could say that wouldn't frankly help my business. there's no photo out there. i could be doing anything improper with you or anyone you know and it would boost sales. >> cooper, you already have done. >> yes. >> you've been seen on the show tonight lap dancing me and straddling the desk to kiss me. >> but i'm still dressed. >> miraculously. >> let's see what we can do about that? >> what would jack nicholson think would be a terrible moment?

>> he knows who you are. >> doesn't he? >> no. >> did you talk about me? >> not once. >> really? >> yeah. hold on. showbiz shocker. let's get nancy grace. hold on, hold on, hold on. let's get jane valez mitchell in here to solve that case. do you watch hln do they get better numbers than you. >> luckily they are down since the case is over. >> did you cover casey anthony? >> a little bit. i felt uncomfortable about it. when i saw the people all fighting each other to get into the trial every day. in britain, as i kept saying, we don't have cameras in courtrooms. you don't get this kind of -- this some for the of reality television thing. i felt uncomfortable about the whole thing. >> as a comedian this is odd because when i do my shows people want to hear about casey because she's such a watercooler discussion. when i do my material on her the audience gets quiet and uncomfortable. first they're excited and then

everybody is thinking about casey, that was so messed up. when i start making jokes about her and calling her the hot mom it gets awkward. you don't think hot mom is funny? i think it's hysterical, because nancy calls her tot mom. the last time i checked hot mom was in a disguise trying to get through an airport. let's at least the lawyers. >> i love nancy grace. >> who doesn't. you can't be human and not love nancy. >> i interviewed her on the show and surprisingly emotional. >> surprisingly? she cries every night on the show talking about her twins. my twins. where are the twins? >> she's good. >> she's awesome. >> don't you think? >> yes. i don't need casey. i'll watch nancy in any event. her book was called "death on the d list" so i'm assuming she wants me dead like everyone else does, according to you. >> tell me about your parents and the role they played. >> my father is no longer with us. he died a couple years ago, yes. the great thing is when my dad was on "my life on the d list" he was portrayed the way he was. people come up to me and said i

feel like i know your dad. and you did. my mom is a true natural. >> how old is she now? >> 91. she will drink you under the glass table. 100% bunch of drunken mix. >> i'm irish. >> what? >> yes. >> and you're admitting it? >> yes. >> there goes the neighborhood. i was raised irish catholic. the catholic part didn't really stick. they tried. the nuns, they tried. and the irish, 100% irish, both sides. what town are you from? >> i'm from offaly, where my family is. >> it sounds like you made that up. fact check? my parents are from carry ann cork. i'm going to make that up because it's shocking. >> kindred spirits. >> i'll be over that table in two seconds. you have no idea. i'm just getting warmed up. let me stretch. i'm going to do lunges and i'll see you in a minutes. >> do you feel irish? >> i do when i watch "my big fat

gypsy wedding." do you watch that show? see, you're only people. those are my people. now they're on a television show. >> superstars. >> wear the hoop skirts like "gone with the wind." i love it. >> after a break -- how are we going to top this? >> we're going to beat this. talking about your plastic surgery. >> how about yours? >> i don't have any. all natural, as the good lord intended.

>> i like to have a brow lift once or twice a year, where they just take my eyebrows and put them on a totally different part of my head. after that i look weeks younger. >> from your series "my life on the d list." >> that's from one of my stand-up specials. your research is dazzling to me, honestly. >> i've actually never watched it. >> you're on a news network. >> now no one is going to watch it again. >> what are you talking about? it's on every day on bravo. emmy nominee. >> how much plastic surgery have you had? have you ever done the -- >> do you want to go down the list? >> yes. >> i haven't had anything done in several years i'm rethinking the whole thing because i thought it would change my life and make me happier. >> did it? >> no. they're not telling you that when they take a sharpie and put markings on your face. you're doing it emotionally right now. i did a whole article in "people" magazine about it in 1999. i had a facelift and brow lift. the only thing that are real are the boobs and like, i don't know, my lips. you know, i had stuff lifted and then it fell back again. >> how much have you spent in total on resculpting? >> probably -- this is sick but the first time i had it all done

i did a trade-out which is one of my best moments, ever. this one i actually had at a medical facility. so i did like a trade-out, which is really not -- not what i recommend. but, i don't know -- what do you mean, a trade-out? >> what i mean is i went to a doctor who said, okay, if "people" magazine and "entertainment tonight" cover it, i'll comp it. take that in for a minute. take that in. i basically am like a white slave for myself. i'm my own pimp and ho. >> what did you think would happen to you. >> i thought i was supposed to be jennifer aniston. that was the deal. i was supposed to wake up and be scarlett johansson, that was the deal in my mind. >> what went wrong? >> it just doesn't really do anything. you know, so i had lifted and stitches in my head like frankenstein. i had everything but a bolt in my neck. and i had liposuction which went bad and i had to go to the hospital. i didn't know you could just run. >> you had the lasik eye surgery. >> real problem. >> i had that.

ten years ago. never had a problem. best thing i ever did in my life. >> did you go to dr. [ bleep ]. >> i didn't. but any guy called [ bleep] is going to be a problem. >> look, it didn't work for me. i had four corrective surgeries after that. i had a condition but that wasn't a cosmetic thing. that was to correct my vision. but i will tell you that's definitely the worst horror story i had as far as any kind of procedure of any kind. that was bad news because my eye is permanently damaged. i would be suspicious of that. when you say most. i would be suspicious that most people don't have problems from lasik. that was my experience. >> really? >> yeah. >> ten years, never had a problem. >> good for you. why don't you and pfizer just go -- >> don't say it. >> okay. >> don't get me off the air, too. >> it was random. i have nothing against pfizer. let's stop the hate tweets right now. i'm already busy with the jesus lovers. >> do you like being engaged with twitter? >> i love twitter. >> how do you deal with the fury? >> i don't know if you do it but every once in a while i write something so rude back to the haters.

then it blows up and i love it. i hate to say this but i get amusing death threats. >> amusing death threats. >> some are over the top. they'll often do a thing like i call it cc'g but include sarah palin or michele bachmann and always from jesuslovesyou123. there's one guy who wants to shoot me down all of the way to hell. he wants to shoot me as the earth parts and then i go all of the way down like james franco in "127 hours." and then i get to my corner booth in hell, where i think i'm going to see you, frankly, and then he's still shooting but the bullets melt because i'm in hell. i've thought this all through. >> do you like this engaging with people? >> no, i like that i don't engage. i don't do facebook at all. as my mother calls it, face place. that scares me. i have friends that have broken up because of the status update. but twitter i like because i can put out a joke or talk about being on this show and say, you know, everybody, i'm on "john king live" or whatever your name is.

the point is i'm saying positive things about you, ali velshi. and then, you know, i get to watch the responses. i read every one of them. many of them make me laugh out loud. >> twitter right now is going completely nuts about your behavior. >> kathy griffin at piers morgan? >> yes. >> when i greet friends i don't say hello anymore, i just say at. hello. >> cher tweets me in the middle of the night. it's hysterical. she yells at me through twitter. i had to finally call her and say you can just yell at me through texting or come over and yell at me or i can go to your house and you can yell at me. cher has great tweets. >> does she. >> she's a good one. >> are you going to tweet me in the middle of the night? >> no, you're good there. i love the way that you slept your way to the middle. cher is not going to know who you are. if you were on c-span -- >> what do you mean? >> what world do you live in that you think these famous

people know who you are. >> i think if i keep saying it long enough and hard enough. >> you say it as if. >> jack nicholson. >> he's not doing this show. >> yes, he is. >> excuse me. hey, crazy pants. >> i believe firmly. you say things often enough and loudly enough -- >> really, oprah? if you're going to say a secret, let me know. how terrified were you of oprah? you looked like you had diarrhea all night. >> i was slightly in awe of her. i don't mind admitting that. >> it was obvious. >> she was like a goddess. >> how long have you been in love. >> see, you're watching the show. >> i watch it every night. >> do you? >> every night. what about when you had ryan and tatum o'neal but separate hours. i thought he was going to -- >> here's the story for you. i stayed in sharon osbourne's malibu beach house last weekend and ryan o'neal has the house next door. he was playing frisbee at his

house on the beach, he said because of that double interview they got back talking and things are moving in the right direction. i was very pleases to hear that. >> it is so fascinating to me that you are so delusional that you would believe ryan o'neal, who i believe is arrested for meth possession, would be playing frisbee. >> he was. >> the world is made of cheese and i am an antenna. are we done? >> we are done for about two minutes. >> what? >> we're going to have a break. when we come back we're going to talk about, unsurprisingly, many of your different feuds from people who want to kill me, which i'm now adding myself. >> i can't help it, it makes me giggle.

any questions? no.

you know... ♪ we're not magicians ♪ we can't read your mind ♪ ♪ read your mind ♪ we need your questions ♪ each and every kind ♪ every kind ♪ will this react with my other medicine? ♪ ♪ hey, what are all these tests even for? ♪ ♪ questions are the answer ♪ yeah ♪ oh

>> how does this work. >> you're still live on air. >> i thought it would be time to make the mic off. >> can you do that in a more discreet manner? we're still conduct an interview live on television. >> i'm sorry. i thought jack nicholson was in the parking garage. >> leave it alone. this is awkward. >> are you missing tatum o'neal? >> an empty chair would be an improvement.

>> you are making me fall properly in love with you. >> how many times have you been properly in love. >> i'll throw this mic pack at your -- >> do what you like. >> i don't know. several. >> how many? >> i've never counted. how many guys have i slept with? how many digits would make you happy? >> as many as truthful. keep it honest? >> what are you stealing, anderson's you're going from the ridiculous to the shot of the day? i'm a virgin. >> who was the love of your life. >> there's a bunch. >> if you could be trapped on an island with one of your exes, who would it be in. >> you. see people don't know that. but guess what, tonight's the night. what if i had a super weird freaky porn tape with you and i was like surprise and you had a clown mask on. >> you might be temperatured. >> we're going to create a youtube moment. >> are you single. >> i'm single but i'm dating. >> who are you dating?

>> guy that ask me. >> any in particular? >> the ones who i happen to be home when they call. no, you know, i like dating. i think a lot of women give dating a bad rap. it's a chance to get to know somebody new. >> i can't imagine going on a date with you. >> it's a nightmare. >> how do they go? >> well, i'm super excited when a guy picks up the tab and has a job. is really -- it hasn't happened. but a girl can dream. >> shockingly materialistic. >> me? are you kidding? i'm happy for a good lay and a pizza and a smile. oh, sorry, morals, values, i don't know. just want somebody to laugh with. >> would you like to get married again? >> no. >> why? >> there's no reason for me to get married. if i have even one egg left, i'm going to fry it and throw it at your head. i don't want to have kids. >> why? >> i have a special needs child.

it's called my career. i raise her every single day and he's ornery and difficult. but no, i'm not really you know -- i'm not into the kids so much. >> how do you see is your life panning out? >> well, after this it's in the crapper because of this. no, i love to do -- it was fun when you had that show cnn, wasn't it. >> i'll dream wistfully of it. >> i love continuing to do standup. i'm doing four specials for bravo in one year. none of your guests ever will say that except me. never been done. four who your specials all new material in one year. i love doing standup. i'm on the show called "drop dead diva" and excited about the whole emmy pomp and circumstance. do you go to the emmies? >> it's a great event. >> who is doing your dress?

>> i haven't decided yet. >> oscar, carolina? >> i love the whole thing. i take it very seriously. i'm very proud to be in that company. i'm shocked i'm in that company, and it never gets old. >> didn't i see you standing outside one of the pre-emmy parties last time trying to interview people? >> no, i bring my emmy. i'm the greeter at the party i bring my emmys every year to this very, very fancy a list party called the night before. it's not appropriate. there's no press there. do i it to see who has a sense of humor. i stand outside the party holding my emmys and say to every celebrity, would you like a photo with a real emmy? half of them laugh and half of them just go i don't know her. half of them are guys i slept with. don't know her. every year i do it. i don't know jeffrey katzenberg. >> i was laughing when i saw you? >> did you enjoy it. >> yes, it was very funny. you said would you like to be photographed with an emmy. >> we probably have a picture of

us together with my emmies. >> not a good thought. >> we need a third one. >> i want to talk to you after this break. >> you don't know what i'm going to hold. high hot little hands, morgy, get this the party started. >> why am i now really nervous about the last five minutes? >> because you're going to check your twitter and freak out and read all the responses and get nervous and i'm going to watch hopefully, which i was on once. >> go ahead.

hey. that is my almond milk. >> well, i guess that makes you terry. >> so are you going to replace what you drank? it's organic. >> well, i would tell you to have your assistant buy you another carton but i can tell by your shoes that you are the assistant. >> your guest starring role in "drop dead diva." that was margaret cho. friend of yours. >> old pal, absolutely. >> rival? >> not at all. she was there the first night i did standup. i had a couple friends tell me early on that said do your thing. i'm not a one-liner person. i'm a raconteur. >> your last line on earth, what would it be? >> suck it.