>> not "cat in the hat" so much but the characters. the characters will certainly have a role. >> thank you, johnny. >> thank you. what a pleasure. what an honor. >> johnny depp. tonight, america's royal family ozzy ozbourne. >> i called piers a pompous bastard. >> the heir to the throne, jack osbourne. >> i hope piers isn't a [ bleep ] as always. >> just your average hard living, heavy metal, biting

bats' heads off family next door. you've heard the stories. i can tell you from personal experience, they're all true. tonight, the osbournes uncensored. >> [ bleep ] you all. >> well, nearly uncensored. this is "piers morgan tonight." >> ozzy, sharon, jack, here we are on the outskirts of hollywood in one of your many fabulous homes. do you ever sit here just the three of you sometimes and think, how did we get here? >> every day. i got -- how i got here, i come from the airport, got in a cab. >> be serious a moment. when i watched, i watched jack's

movie about you, ozzy. and what it reminded me is from the very humble beginnings that you all came from -- you didn't come from any privilege or any great wealth or anything. particularly you, ozzy. i mean, i just wonder whether sometimes you have that moment where you just think, how did this happen? >> you know, i had the occasion to go back to the house where i grew up in in ashton birmingham a few months ago. it's when you go back that the reality of what you've done hits you right between the eyes, i mean. >> it's a tiny house. >> tiny, tiny. you could get the whole thing into this area. there were six of us, and my mom and dad. i don't know how we did it. >> sharon, how did you do it? >> i was kind of one up from ozzy. because we had inside bathrooms in our house. and for hot water, we had one of those meters that you used to put shillings in. so we were one up.

>> you were the posh end of the market. >> yeah, we were. we would go to the bathroom in our house. so it was -- it was very weird for me. it was very different for me because sometimes we would have money and then there would go for periods of times where we'd have nothing. so it was -- it was very different. >> for you, jack, the complete converse. because you were born into pretty fabulous wealth and luxury and everything else, yet the overriding sense i got from the movie that you made, which was a painstaking labor of not entirely love, i have to say, over two, three years, was that the money just never brought any proper happiness. there's a moment of real awareness with ozzy, i think, when you say to him, you say, all the stuff i've bought you, jack, over the years. you never wanted for anything. anything you've ever wanted. and you just turn around and say, yeah, except a proper

father. >> yeah, but i think that's kind of what makes, i mean, our family relatable. it doesn't matter what walk of life you come from, addiction still affects a family the same way. whether you are living in a, you know, beautiful mansion in hidden hills or you're living in a ghetto in south central. it's still going to be the same issues within a family. i can only speak for myself. i went from being a relatively normal 15-year-old in high school to being all over mtv and literally i could do whatever i wanted. and i was being praised for it no matter what. and so you can't not let that affect you negatively because it's like, how far can i push it today? what can i do today that i couldn't do yesterday? it's this weird -- >> if you had your time again, would you choose to be in that mtv show? >> absolutely, yeah. because, i mean, i wouldn't be here talking to you. and what a gem that is. >> that might be the downside. sharon, would you? would you take all your kids into that environment again knowing what happened to them

after? because it was incredibly exciting, but it was much bigger than i think any of you realized and the harsh reality in the media aftermath certainly for most of your kids, it was pretty tortuous the years afterwards. >> i've gone over and over the same question in my mind, did i do the right thing? and i honestly have to say that i would do it again. i definitely would. we had unbelievable experiences as a family that we shared. it was an amazing time in our life. yes, bad things happen. but bad things happen anyway. >> ozzy, what do you think looking back on it? if you had the choice now to make that series or not? >> it's a very difficult question for me to answer. i did -- it became huger than i ever expected it to be. i would do it again if i didn't know what -- if i didn't know what the outcome was going to

be, that all my kids and myself were going to be back in rehab, my wife was going to be out with cancer, i'd do it again. i have no regrets. >> what's interesting, i think, with you, and i've got to know you well. i feel very privileged to have done that. but i didn't know you through the really bad days. and what came through in the movie was there were a lot of bad days. there weren't many good days as far as some of the family were concerned. >> it wasn't my idea when i was living -- this is documented as well. to go out, have a few drinks and wake up in jail and charged with the attempted murder of sharon. i have no idea how that happened, but it did. that didn't even stop me from drinking and getting crazy. i mean, i had just come back from england and the drug scene in england is rampant. >> it is. >> it's rampant. not just england. all over. it's everywhere. it's the hard core stuff, you know? >> what do you think of that, coming from britain and going back there and seeing it's so much more prevalent now given

what it did to you and your life and the impact on your family? >> well, i'm lucky. i don't smoke, i don't drink, i don't do drugs anymore. that was before amy winehouse, you know. it was like you got to know somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody to get it. but now the availability is easy now. >> interesting about amy winehouse. i know you knew her, sharon, and kelly was a very good friend of amy's. i guess you knew her as well, jack. i interviewed mitch, her father. it was a very emotional interview. to be honest, i went in thinking i'm going to hold him accountable here. he is the father. when i heard him talk about the battles he'd had to try and control amy and the drugs and everything else and the alcohol in particular, which actually became worse than the drugs for her, i had a lot more sympathy for him and i felt real empathy towards him. do you feel lucky that none of your kids ended up like amy winehouse?

>> lucky is not the word. i mean, it's blessed. i feel blessed. and amy's dad was very well educated in the disease. he was very well read. he knew all about it. we were just blessed with our children that at the end of the day, it didn't get the better of them. >> what about me? >> what about you! >> i think she's including you as one of the children, ozzy. but i interviewed kelly. i interviewed kelly a while ago. i was pretty startled by how close she felt she'd come to possibly losing her life to drugs. >> you look at people like kelly and you look at amy winehouse. they're tiny little girls. tiny little girls. they've got nothing -- you know, you drink, drink, drink and you know, then they don't eat, then they throw up. then all of this stuff.

how do their bodies take it? how do they think their bodies can continue doing this? and doing this? >> but at the same time, it has nothing to do with the size, the age, the width, it's to do with the look. how many people honestly, big guys, they choke on their vomit? and it happens every night somewhere. >> there was a singer at a band in oz fest 2002 who took an oxycontin and drank a beer. got into bed and that was it. >> how many friends have you lost to drugs? people you've known? >> a lot. a lot. you know, the longer -- the longer i stay sober, the more -- the more friends you kind of see stop coming around. i've been fortunate enough to never lose anyone massively close to me to drugs and alcohol. >> sharon says she feels blessed that none of her children ended

up losing their lives through drugs. do you feel lucky? what do you feel? >> yeah. that was definitely one of the key factors in helping me stay sober was kind of realizing that for all accounts, i probably should have died. i did a lot of stupid things and i was fortunate enough to always wake up the next day. that was something that when i got sober, i was like, well, there's probably a reason. so i should probably figure that out. >> how hard was it for you making the film about your father? there are moments when you're slight i cringing watching it. there was one when kelly was being interviewed and basically really laid into you for the kind of father you'd been for years when she was young, coming back from school every day and -- >> she's doing that anyway. >> you're all drama queens in your own way which i why i like you so much. she was pretty poignant in the assessment of the kind of father she'd had when she was young.

when you watched her talking about that, ozzy, what did you feel? >> it's only now, it's only after the fact, my folks never said, you know, i didn't think about anything. smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, i thought that's what you do. i just did it. then i got successful at rock 'n' roll and i did it more and more and more. i didn't have to go to work 9:00 to 5:00. i could get pissed while i was home. i thought that was okay until i realized the damage it was causing. when you wake up in the morning and you look in the mirror and you go what the [ bleep ] am i doing? i mean, many a time i just felt so dreadful. what do you do? have another drink. when we come back, sharon talks about the darkest moment of her marriage, when ozzy tried to kill her. >> it was pretty damn scary. because you're on your own. what the hell do you do? ♪ [ male announcer ] it's true...

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he said, they've made a decision that i have to die. and i'm like, they? yes, they've made the decision. we've made the decision you're going to have to die. and then he just got up from the sofa and just dived on me and started to choke me. >> the clip, of course, from your movie, jack, "god bless ozzy osbourne." interesting, it was a very, very

powerful moment when you're both talking about that moment you described earlier when you tried to throttle sharon to death. you know. you were clearly feeling in extreme danger in that moment. but you couldn't remember any of that. sharon talks about your eyes going crazy. and she didn't even recognize the real ozzy there. i mean, that's an extraordinary moment to reach, isn't it? >> i don't know. because i can't remember. >> and that's his excuse. and he's sticking to it. >> no, believe me -- >> i know. >> believe me, if i honestly could remember, i'd say, darling, i'm sorry [ bleep ]. >> it is slightly surreal to have a laughing conversation, oh, yes, and you tried to kill me. >> in a funny way, in the movie, it was a bit surreal watching that because sharon was able to kind of deal with it in a relatively calm way when in fact it must have been at the time just grotesque, wasn't it? >> it was pretty damn scary because you're in a house, no neighbors each side, your kids

are asleep. you know, you're on your own. what the hell do you do? it's frightening. >> you must have thought to yourself, what am i doing here? why am i staying in this? what was the answer when you ask yourself that? >> oh, god, yeah. many times i would consider it and i'd go through the scenarios in my head. and that one time when, you know, ozzy was arrested, we were parted for three months. of course, the first month it was like, oh, heaven. no arguments. there's, you know, lovely atmosphere in the house. and it's great. then the second month, you know, the kids are, where's dad? we really want to see dad. and i want to really see dad, too. and then by the third month, you know, it's like, we can make it work.

>> i wouldn't imagine you're ever a shrinking violent in any relationship, sharon. >> no, as hard as ozzy would hit me, i would clobber him back. if ever he went to hit me, i would just go right back for him. >> jack, when you hear that. these are your parents talking about punching each other as hard as they can. >> yeah. >> what do you feel when you hear that? >> honestly, it's just kind of -- >> show business. >> no. not even that. no. it just -- nothing. to me, they never really did that in front of us. it was never like a, you know, out in the middle of the living room blow for blow.

it was always, like, when the kids are tucked in bed you'd hear some almighty ruckus downstairs. you come down, what's going on? oh, nothing. everything's fine. meanwhile someone has an ice pack on their face. >> what have i always told you? >> what? never in front of the kids? >> no. >> what? >> you never hit a girl. >> no, you never hit a girl. no. >> that's great. i've got long hair and i -- i mean, never hit a girl. what about you [ bleep ] hitting us then? >> yes, that's exactly right. >> i'm saying that, though. i think physical violence is wrong. but also mental violence, mental abuse. women are great at that mental thing. >> but do you feel, ozzy, you're a completely different human being now? >> yeah. i know where i am, you know. >> for 20 years or more, you -- >> because that's what i thought you did. i thought you get success in the rock 'n' roll and just get loaded, happily ever after. >> to put the flip side on it, was it for a long time great fun being ozzy osbourne? >> it was great fun until it wasn't. sharon will tell you this. i used to be fun, going out to the pub. i loved doing crazy things. then the coin flipped to the side. and i didn't drink because i wanted to, i drank because i had to. >> what was the moment of awakening for you? when did you think, you know

what? enough of this? >> i don't know. i've often -- i mean, i'd stop -- the first thing that i quit, i don't know why, it was cigarettes. i mean, i never woke up in jail from smoking too many cigarettes. i came back from rehearsal and i said, i can't do this. i'm a singer, you know. and my voice. and the rest of it toppled down like that. a domino. >> was it once you realized you could give up something -- >> i had, you know, they say i got fed -- sick and tired of being sick and tired. i put the patch on. i didn't have a cigarette all day, take it off at night. and reward myself with a cigarette. i'd try to do it in combinations. then i had the conversation with myself where i said, look, all right, are you going to do it or not? because you're driving me and everybody around you mad. that was it, really.

i made the decision and stuck to it. >> sharon, would you go along with that? >> no. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> jack had got himself clean and sober, and i'm not sure how long he was in to his sobriety, but i think it was about a year. and we came home one day, the family, and ozzy was in his what we call his bunker. and completely out of it. he'd fallen from the chair on to the floor. he was crumpled on the floor. he was covered in piss and booze. and -- >> had you pissed on me as well? >> and jack just cracked up. jack just absolutely lost it. and i think that when ozzy got sober, you know, the next day and realized what was happening -- what had happened, i think it

shamed him. and i think shame has a lot to do with it. >> you don't agree, ozzy? >> no. i've been shamed before. i've been in prison before. i've been all of that. the thing comes when you make that decision, you go, i need help. i'm going to get help. i want to stop. >> it wasn't jack reacting to you? >> maybe it was. i can't remember what sharon just said. but the decision came from my -- the inner me. i got fed up with myself, you know. >> jack, do you remember the incident? your mom's talking about? >> yeah. i mainly remember the argument i had with my dad the next day. because it was after -- because right when i got sober, dad was kind of trying along with me.

and he was kind of jumping on and off the wagon. and it was after his motorcycle accident that he basically shattered his body and he was on a bunch of pain medication, and it was like around the time -- it was around april or may 2004, yeah, something like that. and we just got in a big argument because he was still kind of self-administering his pain meds and getting a bit creative. >> pain meds [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ] because that's where the argument came from. because you were like -- >> i think it's fair to say, ozzy, i'm lending my ears more to the memory banks to my right than i am to my left on this. >> whatever it was, you know, the result was good. it doesn't matter the series of events that led up to it. >> the result was great. ozzy, you've been properly clean the whole time i've known you, which is the last five years. from what i can detect from talking to your family, you feel like you got your father, proper father. sharon has got proper ozzy husband back.

and your life is a totally different life together now. i want to take a short break. then i want to come back and talk to you about two what i think are really huge moments in the osbourne family life. one was when sharon got cancer and the other was when you, ozzy, nearly got killed coming off that bike in britain. ♪ times have changed ♪ and times are strange ♪ here i come but i ain't the same ♪ can a trading site help make you a sharper trader? mine can.

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just picked it up and ripped its head off and spat it out on the girl. and she went absolutely [ bleep ] insane. >> it was a clip, of course, from your movie, jack, "god bless ozzy osbourne" and the dove that we just witnessed, the story about the dove, turned into the glorious infamous bat. and the legend was born of ozzy the bat biter. what have you got against bats? >> nothing. >> really? >> i mean, i did some crazy stuff, you know. that bat thing, every -- 25 years ago. i still get asked about the damn bat. the bat is more famous than me. >> you got a stuffed bat. we found it here. >> i don't buy this. she buys it. >> sharon buys it. a permanent memento. >> that isn't the bat. >> i've got lights made in the

shape of bats in his office. >> i know it's not the bat because it's still got its head on. >> super glue. >> that incident with the dove, with the record company executives, it told me so many things because it was the glee that sharon told the story, showed me why you two are made for each other. because you actually loved him doing that. it was crazy, shocking, offensive, outrageous, all the things that i know from working with your wife on "america's got talent," she is, too. she's like you. jack, am i wrong here? am i misreading the tea leaves? >> my mom's a very strong-willed woman. >> when you all go at each other, it must be unbelievable. >> mom is the boss. >> really? is that understood? >> without a doubt. >> when it comes to it -- >> hold on. when you have your moments, too, people -- >> [ bleep ].

>> well, because we're scared. the whole thing was -- >> does an ozzy temper tantrum sober match anything when he was -- >> it still, when dad gets upset, it's still a very earth shaking occasion. >> really? >> dad likes to slam things. >> [ bleep ]. >> stomp around. >> ozzy, would you say you have anger management issues? >> not really. i have a wife. >> when we were kids, it was always mom was the main disciplinarian, but it was always when we kind of stopped listening to her, it was well, fine, i'll call your father. wait till your father gets home. then you kind of knew. you were like, oh, all right, this is getting serious now. >> when he comes home. >> if he comes home. >> six weeks later. >> obviously one of the most memorable parts of the -- of the mtv series comes when you all discover that sharon has got cancer. and you can see the effect this has on you all because, as you say, she's the mother hen figure

here. and you all have to come to terms with the possibility that you might lose her. what was that like, do you think, in reality for the family? >> it was the strangest thing because we were all on such a big high from the show being such a success and everything had kind of completely blown up. it was the beginning of summer. and kelly and i were having a great time. kelly was doing -- she just got a record deal. she was getting ready to move to new york to do her album. and it was this -- we were having a really good time. then all of a sudden we get a phone call saying, you know, your mom has colon cancer and it's not looking good. and it was like the strangest curve ball. >> ozzy, for you, it looked like in the series that you sort of fell apart a bit. >> oh, completely. >> you couldn't deal with it. >> i mean, every time she'd go for the treatment of chemotherapy, she'd have a seizure. every time she had a -- every seizure would get worse than the

last one. till the end, i don't know what was keeping her arms and legs on her body. i remember towards the end of the treatment, i turned to the doctor and i said, doc, we got to do something. i was helpless. i couldn't do anything. you know. that's what you feel. when someone that you dearly love goes through something like chemotherapy and the treatment is kind of worse than the disease or it appears that way, because she literally would be like the exorcist levitating, you know. >> when you had that moment on camera, was that when you thought we've got to get these cameras away? why are we living our lives like this soap opera? >> they were very respectful. they were very respectful. >> they were. >> they were like family. we'd been living with them for a year. the producers, the directors,

there were times they knew, we're going to shut down for a couple days. and they would. >> when we first got the diagnosis, one of the guys, he comes up to me and said, should we pack up? i said it's a reality show. see what sharon says. whatever she says. >> and i thought that if we'd have packed up, that the kids would know how sick i really was. so i just wanted it to be, you know, business as usual. >> did you think ozzy could have coped if you had died? >> no. >> no. >> i can't cope. it sucks. but you know what? with that whole period, you kind of got through the day whatever way you could, you know. >> do you know what, piers? i don't know whether i should have answered no to that because if you would have asked me will ozzy ever get clean and sober, i would have said no. so you don't know. >> well, i reckon you could have gone either way looking at the state you were in on the show,

is that you could have -- if the worst had happened, you may have snapped out of all the self abuse or you might have gotten a lot worse. >> that whole period of when she got cancer, i was living in a bubble. not just because i was drinking and getting stoned, but when you get married, they don't give you a booklet to read these, 9 million of these things might happen and when it comes to the cancer part, this is what you do. you have to go out and make it up as you go along. and i just can't believe that she survived all that, you know. >> the irony is that a few years later, it was a complete role reversal. you fall off this quad bike at your british home. you suffer horrendous injuries. i remember a newspaper at the time, people were saying ozzy may have died in this. if he hasn't, he's very seriously injured. what was that like for you, sharon, now that the roles were reversed and you've got to face up to the prospect of ozzy very,

very seriously injured? >> scared stiff. i was scared stiff of losing my husband and being on my own. that's what was terrifying me. i didn't want to be on my own. to me, our relationship had gone through so much and it was just starting to get on an even road. and it would be, don't tell me now, after everything, i'm going to lose him. >> jack, what was it like for you? >> no one really told me the severity of it. i asked mom, oh, me fell off a bike, he knocked himself out, he broke his arm. i was like, oh, okay. how bad is it? it's bad, but he's going to be okay. it was constantly like this -- because i couldn't leave because i was working. i didn't really know the severity till i got to england and saw british newspapers and how bad it actually was and reading things and seeing dad in hospital. so i actually ended up getting really, really angry as a result of it.

>> the list, broken neck, broken collarbones, all your ribs were fractured. i broke five ribs once and the most painful thing i ever had. nevermind the rest of it. a punctured lung. collarbone cut into the main artery. they thought you may lose an arm. this was heavy duty. what were you thinking when you were lying in the hospital? >> i want to get out. the hospital is not exactly a disco. it's like a lot of sick people. >> did you feel at that stage you were either one of the unluckiest people in the world -- >> no. >> -- or one of the luckiest? because the osbournes seem to have been blessed by extraordinary bad luck but the fact that you've come through these things -- >> no, you can't say that, piers. if you weigh the bad luck and the good luck, the remarkable -- >> it's always here or here, never midround. >> never boring, is it. >> no. coming up, dramatic last words from ozzy osbourne's father. >> he said to me, look, do

something about your drinking and do something about your sleeping pills. and the next day he was gone.

this is the original, original, original showbiz cross. my father made that when he was at work. i always wanted a man-to-man conversation with my father but i was too into drugs and alcohol

before he died. i miss my father a lot. >> one of the best moments in the film, poignant moments is when you talked about your father and you talked about he made the very first cross. we've got it here. a simple silver cross but meant so much to you. >> yeah. >> tell me about your father and the kind of man he was. >> my father is the same kind of build. a short guy. he was a hard worker. he worked night shifts in a factory called lucas in birmingham. i have a regret that i never had a chance to sit down and have a man-to-man talk with him. >> so he would have seen a lot of your fame. >> oh, yeah. >> how did he feel about the way you were enjoying all that fame? >> on his death bed, he said to me, the only thing i have to say to you -- he thought all drugs were speed or sleeping pills. he didn't know anything else. he said to me, look, do

something about your drinking and do something about your sleeping pills. and the next day he was gone. i mean, it's like i have a lot of regrets that i didn't -- i was too young and too big headed, if you like, because i was riding in the clouds with black sabbath. i was all this and i was somebody and i had money in my pocket and i had a car and my own house. >> do you think he would have been very proud of you, of what you've now done with your life? >> i know he would. i know he would. i have a picture of him in my room. actually when i was looking at this cross today, i said, hi, dad. >> really? >> yeah. i mean, he was -- he was a nice guy in his own way, you know. >> sharon, you had a very much of a complicated relationship with your father. >> you could say that. >> i read your book. i found it just extraordinary, what you'd been through with him. and he sadly died a couple of

years ago. when that happened, what was your real emotion when you realized he was no longer going to be any part of your life? >> i got the most amazing gifts from my father. the gift of music. i was involved with so many ultimate superstars because of my father. yes, his temper i got. but i did get how to deal with people in this industry. and it's something you can't learn. you inherit that. and so i did get so much from him. but there was a price. but there's always a price with everything. we'll take another break. when we come back, i want to talk to you about politics, america and the president. because i've got a sinking feeling this could get quite lively. ♪ times have changed and times are strange, here i come but i ain't the same ♪

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ozzy, mom loves your stuff. >> let me talk about president bush giving you a shout out in 2002, ozzy. how did you feel about that? were you proud? were you pleased? horrified? >> i was pissed. i'd been drinking big time. >> what did you think when you heard it? >> i don't know. it's been a long time ago. but -- what did i think? what did i think? >> all i could think of was, because as usual as soon as ozzy and i get down to a table, we're throwing in the food, and he had a big pat of butter on his crotch. so the person he was sat next to when he was up on the chair, i kept saying, could you get that butter off my husband's crotch, please? anyway, it was just so exciting. it was just so exciting to be acknowledged. >> amazing moment. the president of the united states name checking your husband.

>> i'll tell you what was really strange. it was shortly after 9/11 that thing was. and the -- everybody in the government was on the -- the security -- it was absolutely ridiculous. i was holding the back of greta's shirt. the camera people were going nuts. i think this is nuts. a terrorist group is going to blow them away. >> are you political, ozzy? do you care much? >> no. i don't care what they say. it's like the presidency in america. they're always going after an enemy. as soon as they get him, everybody goes, no, no, no. i don't understand it. >> it is an almost impossible job these days. the news cycle is so relentless. people get bored with the president so quickly. what do you think, sharon? >> i don't know. it just seems to me that, you

know, years ago people used to do it because they -- they genuinely wanted from their soul to make things better. they genuinely wanted a better world. and, for me, today it's a bunch of people who want power for themselves, who want the recognition and who want to make it better for themselves, not the world. they're not the most -- they're not the best educated people in the world that are running right now. i think a lot of them are way too young. that bothers me. because i'm sorry, i have this feeling that you have to be a certain age to really get it. >> do you think president obama is still too young? >> i think he's an incredible man. i think, however, he is one man and especially his wife does want to make it better. but i think he was two terms too early. >> america is very good to you

and your family. what do you think of america? >> i just like it. you know, you have a choice for the rest of your life, america or england. that would be a difficult question. >> coming up, the next generation, the announcement of jack osborne. i'm excited. i'm a little nervous, but i'm excited. it's going to be fun.

i wouldn't end this interview without mentioning the real reason we're doing this, "trust me, i'm dr. ozzie." a more ludicrous title it could be hard to imagine. a note to all patiented. if someone told me a few years ago i would writing a book of advice i would have punched them in the nose for taking the piss. i'm ozzie osborne not oprah [ beep ] winfrey. and yet despite, you then have written what is a hill air yugs book in which you offer outrageous aice to people. i have sort of come around to your way of thinking. whatever their problem, is you've had it, only worse. >> i survived. >> exactly. and you're still here.

you're fit as a fiddle. and you are a perfect guy to advise people on all their problems. >> this book basically is common sense. people write to me and they go, i got these terrible hemorrhoids. why are you writing to me for? if you can write to me, then you have the horrendous hemorrhoids, i'm sure your doctors are going to go, my god. >> did you ever imagine that your father would become a medical advisory board? >> you know, it wouldn't surprise me. he knows about what every single pharmaceuticalist under the son. yeah, the doctor gave me this. oh, you have to take a pill many the morning. make sure you eat after you take it, not before. he knows anything about everything medical. >> he's like as soon as you come in with like a bag from the pharmacy, he's in it, looking in it, reading all the little print. >> and he is a chronic hypochondraic. >> yes. >> you think you're about to die

anyway. so this book a testament. you think you have problems? >> when i had the bike accident, my heart stopped twice. i wanted to know how it kept going. >> how did it keep going? >> i have no clue. >> whether i talk to you, it seems the osbornes, despite all the downs, all the mayhem, you have all arrived. careered might be a better way of describing it into a pretty good place. kelly is doing fantastically well. amy seems very happy. not doing the entertainment route. jack, you've had a successful movie and doing a lot of other projects. ozzie, clean, you seem much more content than you've been previously and, sharon, you get to work with me which is the pinnacle of everyone's career. >> here we go. you had to hang it on that one. >> a positive for you. [ beep ]

>> the point i was going to make, do you feel though you're in a good place now as a family? do you feel that all the torment has been worth it? >> but always even when things have been, you know, really, really down, you know, we are so blessed. we're so lucky. >> yeah. i was always meant to be with sharon and sharon was meant to be with me. >> i totally believe that. i can't imagine inflicting either of you on anybody else. it is a perfect marriage made in hell. right, jack? >> oh, yeah. try growing up with it. >> where did we find little jack? >> jack is a lone voice of sanity. >> oddly. my life is absolute lyn sane right now. >> jack, have you got something to tell me? [ beep ] >> well, yes, i guess technically i do have something to tell you. i'm about to be a father and they're about to be --

>> no! seriously? is that right? >> yes. >> that is fantastic. you're going to be a granddad. >> again. >> how do you feel? >> i'm excited. i'm a little nervous but i'm excited. i'm not doing a reality show though. >> how you are feeling about this? >> i'm in shock. >> good shock? >> i think it's fabulous. doesn't matter what i think. >> sharon? what a revelation. >> i'm happy because it's what jack wants and so i'm happy. i've always wanted to be a grandma. so it couldn't -- >> because you're not a grandma, are you? >> ozzie is a granddad by your first two kids. >> yes. >> this is it. you're going to be a granny. >> yes. >> i'm going to have so much fun with this. i can't thank you enough. jack, you have made my decade. all right, grandma, have a cup of tea, shall we?