until next time! what i've done is just about the stupidest thing i've ever done. >> wait till you hear this. >> i love maria. she has been truly the only love that i have ever had. >> tonight arnold schwarzenegger intensely honest. >> where i say to myself you totally screwed up, arnold. you totally failed the family and have done all this stuff and

caused all this pain. >> that's far from the end of the story. he turned politics on its head as governor of california. and what does arnold want to hear from the candidates? >> how are they going to bring both of the parties together in compromise rather than getting stuck in the ideological corners. >> have you seen chelsea lately? >> nobody knows what the hell they're get nothing when they're running for president. >> one of my most unpredictable guests is back. >> i'm single. >> men watching -- >> i'm available. just, you know, call me maybe. >> funny, look for her talk show. this is "piers morgan tonight." >> arnold schwarzenegger's always been bigger than life. himself the governor of one of the biggest states in the union so when it came crashing down it happened in a big way. i first interviewed him in the early '90s. he's seen the end of his marriage and two terms of governor of california. he tells a story now in "total

recall" and arnold joins me now. welcome. >> thank you. >> try to imagine what it must have been like to be for the last year. i saw you and maria a few days before the balloon went up on this whole scandal and you seemed very happy. i talked to both of you and i interviewed you many times over the years and then since then your whole life completely changed. i wouldn't use the phrase self-imploded but it must have felt like that a few times. what has it been like to be you in the last year? >> well, you know, i always have been very successful in my professional life. and that's what the book is about, the total recall is about the extraordinary immigrant story coming here with nothing and, you know, getting to the perry where i am being successful in bodybuilding and being successful in films and being successful in the political arena and also at the

same time i had an extraordinary personal life where everything was perfect and so all of a sudden from one day to the next my personal life totally crashed and i wiped out everything that i had, the thing that cherished the most was my personal life was my marriage and my family. i always thought that it was one of my great etch accomplishments and then all of a sudden it was gone when all this became public with mildred and all that and so now since that point i have ben struggling with that and it has been very tough because even though my professional life and my career and everything has continued and i have made, you know, movies and all that since then and speeches and gotten very heavily involved in promoting the environment and so on, but, you know, nothing is the same anymore because, you know, my personal life has been destroyed and so now -- destroyed because of stupidity,

of bad decision-making and, you know, huge failure on my part and made a lot of people suffer because of that and so all of that is always on my mind. >> have you been taken aback by the extremity of some of the reaction? people treating you almost like sort of a mass murderer, how dare you commit this hideous crime when actually you did what millions of men have done, i mean i'm not excusing it, defending it, anything. i'm just trying to put it into some kind of context. at times you've been so battered by this. have you felt it has been too much or not? >> you know, i never tell the press what to write and what to say. i mean they do what they do and i do what i do. and, you know, i think that it is my doing. they didn't create this story. no one out there created the story. i created it.

it's my doing. now, i did not ever experience the severity that you just explained but then you like to be a little bit over the top. that's okay. earth, right, i would imagine. >> probably not reading half of it, right, i would imagine. >> i would say i don't read any of it, no. >> i've been through a divorce. i've been fired from a high-profile job back in britain and have been through difficult times in my life and the old cliche you found out who your real friends are i found to be completely true. some people run for the hills on both occasions, others ran towards me to help when i least expected some of them to. how have you found it and who's been the rocks, if you like, for new this? >> i think that there's a tremendous amount of people that have shown great support, and then there is a lot of people that have let me know that they're disappointed and it's perfectly fine including my children. they were disappointed in that action and inevitably my wife

was very disappointed and so, look, it's my -- it's my fault. there's no one else to blame for -- i wouldn't even begin to start pointing a finger at anybody because the reality of it is that i created that. i created my career and all of those kind of things and the relationship in all of this but also screwed up badly and i take the full blame for it and the key thing now is to kind of figure out how do i build all this back and how do i gain the trust of the children again and have a good relationship with the kids which is so important to me. i love my kids dearly and i love maria. i mean i love maria. she has been truly the only love that i've ever had and that's what is so pitiful about it. it's one thing if you have a situation like that and say i was ready to get out of this situation anyway, out of this marriage but that's not the case. she was the most perfect wife

and she was extraordinary. >> you've hinted in some of the interviews you've given that you hope to get back with maria and in fact you've gone a bit further and believe from her side this may be something she may wish. do you think there is a good chance you could get back together? >> i cannot speak for maria. she has to speak for herself but i can only tell you that i hope that eventually we can rebuild the relationship and that we will be together as one family. >> what people find most incomprehensible is that somebody as successful, somebody as rich as you, as politically motivated would take such an extraordinary risk. but was it actually more complex? was it that the risk you were taking seemed one of the safest risks you could take, that it was with somebody in your home that you could trust, you wouldn't tell anybody. was it more of that? >> i would say that it makes no difference. you know, i mean it makes no

difference what was going through my mind at that time. it doesn't clean up the mess. it doesn't soften the blow, to my family. i mean, what i've done is just about the stupidest thing that any human being can do. >> did you feel like -- >> that's the reality. >> did you feel like it at the time? did you know what you were doing? >> no, because you always think, you know -- you don't think about the consequences, no. >> the book doesn't make clear whether this was a one-off or happened more than once. it was a relationship. what was the reality of that? >> i think the book goes into the details of the whole thing and i think that people when they read it they will get an understanding of what the whole thing was about and that i leave it at that. you know, because i think that i have talked about it enough and

every time i do talk about it, it causes pain to my children and all that and i don't want to dwell on it. >> yeah, i was going to ask you that. i mean, i've got four kids and if i was in your position and had written a book about it, i can't imagine it's easy, you know, your relationship with them and you've already said has been very difficult since this. i can't imagine this process helps that. i mean, it does prompt the question why did you go into that kind of detail in the book? because you have got the kids there. they are going to read. they're going to see the interviews. it sort of compounds it slightly for them. >> yeah, first of all, the autobiography was something we've talked about for 20 years, simon & schuster who have done all my books with always wanted me to do after i wrote a successful book on bodybuilding called "the encyclopedia of modern bodybuilding" they wanted me to do the autobiography and in the '90s i was doing two or three movies a year and was too

busy and also thought my story wasn't interesting enough but after the governorship i felt it was an interesting story and it was before the scandal came out and we started talking with simon & schuster and, you know, kept going down that road, maybe i should finish with the governorship we write and sit down and write this autobiography and it was always a difficult time to think back and go back in my life because i was always going forward, dreams, vision and go after it, the next one and so on so i did it. i thought that now with the governorship there's an interesting story and started working with it, but at the same time there is the scandal. so there was now a choice that i had to make do i want to make this a book about the success story of my life or do i want to go and really write about my life and write about all of the failures, all of the wrong decisions that i have made and

on a personal level and professional level and also the success story and i decided that i'm going to put all of it in the book and try to be as honest as possible about the good and the bad and that's exactly what it is about. you know, also i have to tell you, if those questions don't come up now and if this issue doesn't come out now, for instance, with the book, it will come up when the next movie comes out. it will come out when the -- >> so you have -- >> at one point or the other, look, i always have been a person that, you know, faces the consequences. and i don't believe in running the other way. i don't believe in hiding. i don't believe in avoiding those questions and stuff like that. but at the same time, i got to -- i would like to go and tell you every minute detail because there is children out there and because there's a family, i don't want to go and

go any further than that i think i've caused enough pain to them which i feel terrible about. >> let's take a break. i want to find out what your advice may be for mitt romney and barack obama. [ male announcer ] this is anna, her long day teaching the perfect swing begins with back pain and a choice. take advil, and maybe have to take up to four in a day. or take aleve, which can relieve pain all day with just two pills.

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i'm a friend of sarah conner. i was told that she's here. can i see her, please? >> no, you can't see her, she's making a statement. >> where is she? >> it may take a while. want to wait, there's a bench over there.

>> i'll be back. >> arnold schwarzenegger in the role that launched a million imitations. "the terminator." he is back with me literally. you are back. do you feel that you could go back into politics after all that's happened or is that now like the bodybuilding, done? >> well, you know, i have really no interest to go and run for office or anything like that. i jumped into the race because i felt that california was in a disastrous situation, and i felt that it was time for someone from outside the box to come in and not the typical politician, that people were kind of really looking for somebody like that and someone that is in the middle and that really wants to go and fix the problems rather than thinking about every decision in a political way. and i also always had the urge of giving back because i felt like that this country has given me everything that i have,

career-wise, on a personal level, and it is truly the land of opportunity. and that's why i was involved in special olympics and creating after-school programs, passing initiatives in california to give $500 million more for after-school programs. >> was it harder than you thought to be governor? >> well, first let me just tell you that i didn't care what it takes in order to fix the state. i just wanted to dive in and do everything that i could to fix the problems. now, of course, when you get in there, because you're dealing with politics, you go in there with a long list of ambitious goals, and every governor does that, and obviously, every president does that. if you finish half of them, you're lucky. that's exactly -- i was lucky that i was able to finish half, maybe a little bit more than half, or whatever.

but, again, i was able to do a lot but, again, it was very frustrating that certain things that i had as a goal, like, for instance, fixing the financial problem of california, never got really fixed because as soon as we did have one year, down to a balanced budget, then came the economic crisis, the world crisis, and we lost kind of the jobs again that we had created, and the budget deficit went up again through the roof, all of those things. but that's why i created also the schwarzenegger institute at usc. so that i can continue on those policies and solve problems in the future, even though i'm out of office. so i continue to want to be a public servant. >> people are using things against romney. as many jobs as he made he wrecked. what have you made of that, someone who is a rich, successful man yourself? are you surprised that in america the country that gave you the opportunity to become what you are, that they would now turn on somebody for being what used to be the great american dream? >> well, first of all, as you know, john f. kennedy came from a very rich family so the democrats didn't complain about

that when that happened but i don't even want to get into that because i have run for office and what is being said by the other side and what you say about the other side cannot take for real. i mean they don't believe it's a bad thing he was successful nor does i think the romney side believe sometimes what they accuse obama of so you cannot take this stuff that seriously. this is a political year. there is a campaign going on. they will try to do everything that they can and especially the groups out there that paint each other in the most or horrible way. that's the way politics is and for some reason negative ads play better than positive ads so therefore you will always play the negative ads. >> i know you haven't decided who you're going to vote for in all this time, but right now if you had to vote tomorrow, who would you vote for? >> i would -- i have to first listen to the debates --

>> they're that important to you. >> they're very important. there are times i made a decision way before like president bush because of the relationship that we had of the kind of things that he has done for california, for instance, and the kind of working relationship that we had and the history and all of those things and also, for instance, with senator mccain, i jumped in there as soon as he declared because has been a friend and tried to work on immigration reform and tried to work on the environmental issues and energy issues and all the things i tan for and he was there in 2003 when i ran in the recall, he was there in 2005 for the special election. he was there again 2006 for the re-election and when we tried to pass legislation on environmental legislation, made commitments of reducing greenhouse gases. in all this he was supportive so i of course, jumped in and helped him right from the beginning.

>> if you had been president four years ago, instead of barack obama, things would have been different if you had been born here, if you had been do you honestly think you could have done any better than barack obama has done inheriting such a huge financial messy is the reality that whoever took over was going to be pretty much where he is now? i mean what do you think? >> we maybe would have done things a little differently but i can guarantee you that the president is doing everything that he can to solve the problems. i cannot imagine that president obama is sitting there and saying to himself, let me not fix this or let me have this fail. there's no such thing, i think that when you sit in this office like as i sit in my office as governor you worry about those things day and night, many times you have sleepless nights and you worry about those things and you try to solve it.

it's not that easy. it is a very, very difficult job. and i think that, you know, he has done as good a job as probably he can do and he did it his way and they did it their way. i think that mitt romney has done a great job as governor of massachusetts and he's a very talented guy and very good in what he does and so, look, we got to look at both of those characters, both of those candidates and really listen to them very carefully and not do a personality test here or who is the most likable, which usually always happens but, i mean, what is the substance behind all that? >> let's take another short break and talk to you about movies. how you went from a tiny little place in austria to this stupendous body builder to the biggest movie star on the planet. >> thank you. >> because i want to know the secret. capella university understands rough economic times

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arnold schwarzenegger's new book is called "total recall." it's an extraordinary story. however it's ended up this year, if you go back before all this

scandal broke, really one of the most extraordinary career paths i've ever read. you're a guy who came from nothing, you were born in a small austrian town in a tiny house, no plumbing, toilets, shower or phone and yet you begin to get on this journey that brings you to america. you become the number one bodybuilder in the world, the number one movie star in the world, a great politician, governor of the biggest state in the country. when you go back to that little boy, arnold schwarzenegger, what was it about you, do you think, that gave you the drive to achieve all this? >> i think that i had the most extraordinary talent in visualizing. i always as a kid had the vision. and the vision was so real that i really felt that i can accomplish and turn those visions into reality. of course, i recognized very

quickly that that means a lot of work, a hell of a lot of work. and i was willing to do that. so when i saw myself as a bodybuilding champion and i saw the first photographs of a british bodybuilder by the name of reg park, and i read that he became a hercules in the movies and how much he trained, and how he won the mr. universe contest three times and all that, to me, this was the road map for me to go and do exactly the same thing to train five hours a day, become mr. universe. that's, of course, a lot of the working out to become mr. universe, but i was -- i progressed and had so much talent and so much will and so much fire in my belly that i became, with the age of 20, the youngest mr. universe ever. and from then on i won one world championship title after the next and basically dominated everything. but it was having that vision in front of me and chasing that vision, so when i trained in the gym and everyone was running

around, huffing and puffing, i had a smile on my face in the gym. i couldn't wait to do the next squat with 400 pounds. i couldn't wait to do the next 20 chin-ups. i couldn't wait to do the next 500 sit-ups, because to me, that meant one step closer to achieving that vision and turning that vision into reality. >> can you still do the 400-pound stuff? >> i cannot do the 400-pound stuff anymore. >> what's the most you lift these days? >> oh, i lift every day, but but after my heart surgery the doctors said, don't lift any more heavy. so now i do more repetitions in training. >> your idea of a light. weight and mine are probably very different things. what's your idea of a light weight these days? >> 150, 200 pounds. >> just 150, 200 pounds. >> yeah. >> which would break my back. >> 500 sit-ups and leg raises -- >> how many sit-ups? >> 500 sit-ups and leg raises. >> wait a minute.

500 sit-ups, really? >> ride the bicycle every day for an hour. so i exercise every day, but, remember, especially when you do movies, i mean, when you have to do those stunts and you have to do that action, no one cares if you're 65 years old, you still have to do it. you still have to be in there -- >> "the expendables" where they're all built like brick outhouses. >> they're all in great shape. >> if you all got in a room together and had a fight, "the expendables," who would win? if it was a real fight, a straight fight? >> whatever the director says. >> sylvester stallone, sly's been a very good friend of yours for a very long time. most saturdays in beverly hills you go to the same cafe and you have lunch. and you chew the fat. he told me you're very competitive. one turns up with a big watch, next week the other one turns up with a bigger watch, one of those competitive relationships. but i would imagine he's been great support to you in the last year and then he himself was hit by this appalling tragedy of his son dying and i would imagine you've been equally supportive back. tell me about your relationship.

>> well, it's an interesting relationship because we started out kind of friendly. when he was in the very beginning, we shared the same agency, the same agent and everything, and he was into working out, i was into working out. but then eventually it became very competitive. you know, he was doing, you know, "rocky." i was doing the "pumping iron" movie, and both movies became very popular. and i continued on. he took off much faster after the "rocky" movie. he won the golden globe, the oscar, and the film was a huge hit and all this. and since then, we've been competing. and we've been chasing each other. he came out and started using the big machine guns, and i in the next movie "commando" had to use a bigger machine gun. then we started competing on who can kill the most people on the screen, who could kill them the most creative ways. it went on and on. who has more box office success, who could do more movies a year. it was crazy. the '80s was all about total competition, who can outdo the

next guy. it was really terrific in a way, even though it was not good for our relationship, but it was terrific because it inspired me. he was a true inspiration for me. and he got inspired to outdo me. and so he performed better, so it was the competition that made us perform and go all out. then we started the restaurant chain planet hollywood and he came to robert earl and said, i'm in, i want to be in. and then bruce willis said, well, i want to be in, you know, then they came to me and they said, we want you to be in. what do you think about working with all three? i said, that would be terrific. and we got together, we formed this partnership, and from then on, we became really close friends. and on each trip we went, we got closer and closer, and i got to really understand him. and, you know, how talented he is. >> he's a great guy. >> so many people just see, you know, his action movies. but how talented he is in directing.

how talented he is in writing. and then especially in his art, in painting, all this, he's very extraordinary, you know. so he's so good in so many different things. >> i don't want to repeat the question, but i was just curious how it's been for you two this year when you've been -- >> we've been very supportive. he has been very supportive. you know, and helped me, and i've been very supportive to him. and you're right, i mean, he has had a terrible tragedy. that was beyond his control. you know, mine was self-inflicted, but his was, without any doubt, it just happened, that his half-sister, stepsister passed away, and his son passed away, and all that, and i can imagine what all of this feels like. as a matter of fact, i can't really imagine what it is like to lose a child. >> no, i can't either. >> the amount of love i have for my children and to find out from one day to the next, from one minute to the next, they're gone

is a horrible kind of news that you get. and he was devastated, you know. he was crying. and he was like really out. and i could really feel, so i called him obviously and met with him and talked with him several times, tried to help as much as i can to help him out of this. >> was it cathartic doing the book? was it something that you felt that by the time you closed the last chapter and finished and read it flew that you were glad you'd done it even though you may get criticized from certain quarters? >> i think that it was a great idea to do the book. i think that my story is really an interesting story. as you said earlier, to come over here with absolutely nothing, to grow up after the second world war with the brutalities and with every man being angry in austria, feeling like losers, they've lost the war and all this kind of thing, we were occupied by great britain and by the soviet -- by russia, france, and america. and it was really tough in the beginning. then to come over here and to be

part of this great country and to enjoy the land of opportunity and people receiving you with open arms and that everything that i have accomplished here, you know, to go up that ladder and to accomplish all of those things and to travel the world and to meet the most extraordinary people, political leaders, nelson mandela, and to spend time in his prison cell, and to talk to him about forgiveness and all of those things, and to work with special olympics with him, gorbachev about his time in office, and, you know, with bill clinton and with george bush and to spend

all of this time with george bush at camp david and to do horseshoes throwing, skeet and trap shooting and to sit in the oval office and to listen to his meetings -- >> amazing moments for a guy from -- an unknown kid from austria. >> it's unbelievable, that ride. and the book goes and deals with the determination and the fanaticism and the competitiveness and, you know, always to this day keeping the eye on the ball. and i even have, you know, the 15 honor rules and everything that helps me get to where i am today, and that's what the book is about. >> whatever you've done in your life, when you've wanted something badly enough, you've tended to get this. you clearly would like to repair your marriage to the great -- as you said, the one and only love of your life, really. if maria is watching this, and she might well be watching this, what would you say to her? >> i'd just say, sorry for what i've done, you know, and i want to win her back. and, you know, and to hope, even though she talks about forgiveness, i hope that she really can forgive. >> do you think -- do you deserve to be forgiven, do you think? >> i think everyone deserves to be forgiven and get a break,

yes, i do, and then it's up to me what i do with that. >> you've always been very good to me, arnold, over the years. you've given me many interviews. you've always been very supportive to me in my career. i'm not going to join the ranks of people trampling on you right now. it's a fascinating book. it's riveting, the story. you're brutally honest about what happened in the last year. i wish you all the very best. i hope you do manage to sorts things out with maria. because in the end, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors in people's marriages. >> thank you. >> i think the contrition you've shown is sincere and i wish you the very best. >> thank you very much. thank you. >> arnold schwarzenegger. you spoke at the dnc. ones i've made. ones we've all made. about marriage. children. money. about tomorrow. here's to good decisions. who matters most to you says the most about you.

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you spoke at the dnc. congratulations on that that was very well done. >> i was so nervous. >> were you? >> yes. >> it was so energizing and being will, like the platform was shaking, that's how crazy the crowd was. >> i don't like speaking publicly when i don't have to be funny. >> we all get along with that. my favorite ladies talking my favorite subject, chelsea handler's late night show has a

surprise when it reveals its new stunning stage and she's back with me now. round three of our interview exchanges. >> i missed you so much. >> how are you? >> desperate to see you. desperate. >> you have a spanking new stage, it houses 250 people and sign some absolutely gargantuan new deal worth tens and ten millions of dollars so therefore i loathe and despise the very sight of you. >> well, you're so angry. well, you're -- you should be so competitive. we're not even in the same field. this is like a cartoon show and i'm a serious journalist. >> let's be serious. congratulations, first of all, on your deal. >> i'm very excited about the new stage. first of all, you have beautiful -- this is my first time visiting you but you have a good thing going too but we're stepping it up and we're -- pharrell is doing the music and it'll be cooler and chicer and

i'm really excited. i feel very positive about it. >> do you have to behave yourself better now that you have a bigger audience? >> do you think i would ever agree to something like that. no, the whole point of remaining on cable is remain true to who i am and that's a bad, bad girl with a big job. >> what do you make of the election race? >> i can't take it seriously enough to think that it's a threat but then people will say that's so silly for you to think. >> will you vote? you're -- >> of course, i think the vote comes to me and then i probably write it -- i may go physically to vote. i never know until the day of. i just have to look at my calendar and see what they have scheduled for me. i'm voting for obama. i can't believe that mitt romney could win this election but i'm also in the state of mind that would be so appalling to me so i can't believe it could be true. >> he's been working the you don't understand me ticket. he went on kelly and michael. let's have a little look at

this. >> honey boo boo or snooki. >> do you know who either -- >> i'm kind of a snooki fan. i mean -- look, i mean look how tiny she's gotten. she's lost weight and she's energetic. i mean just her spark plug personality. >> he's never heard of snooki or honey boo boo, has he. >> of course, he has. he knows exactly -- that's what he's watching at night. honey boo boo and then snooki back to back. they say every election is a crucial election so i'm not of that, you know, kind of -- i think that's, yes, it's crucial but clearly in four years obviously a lot can't get done in four years anyway so even if worst came to worst and we had him for four years would any of the things he's threatening to do happen, i doubt it would be that easily -- you know, affected. i think you need two terms as a president. i think obama has to have two terms to prove what he can do. >> i think about that. four years is probably never enough for anybody to do very much as president.

if you come in, the first thing you do is get a whole new staff. get a whole new thing going. you start to try and bring in policies and then just at the moment some of them come to fruition you're either in again or you're out. eight years -- unless the incumbent is so useless he has to go. you need that length of time. >> well, i agree. i mean and like you're saying backstage, if wasn't for the 22nd amendment is it that bill clinton would be president because he obviously, you know, knows what he's talking about and people feel confident with him but i do believe in barack obama. i do believe his message. i haven't lost faith in him and i think that it's not an easy thing to do and nobody knows what the hell they're getting into when they're running for president. you don't know -- you don't know what job you're getting into when you take on hosting a show like this. we're not having a huge impact. i mean, you are, i guess. >> well, you have a huge impact. >> i have a huge impact with young girls. young women. that's my demographic.

>> and young men, i think. >> older men too, especially older men like me. you can vouch for that. >> oh, you enjoyed that one, didn't you? >> yes, i did. >> i was going to ask you, i had kelsey grammer on the show and he bailed -- >> oh, my gosh. i'm dieing to know what happened. >> i'll tell you what happened. he was out there and i was given a set of questions and researched it and he was quite happy to talk about his ex-wife camille and then he was in the green room and actually saw a picture of him and her popping up in the open for the show and he saw a rehearsal of it, tried to get us to change it. there wasn't change, we had two minutes. opened with five different pictures. one with camille and saw this picture appear and him and his entourage left the building. >> what did you do? >> up the creek without a paddle. >> we carried on with the politics and i just kept teasing the fact he may or may not come back. luckily it was a huge ratings bonanza. he did better without being on

air. did you ever have that. >> i've never had anyone bail on me once in the studio. i've had people be late in the studio and i bailed on them. >> anybody good. >> p. diddy was like 40 minutes late so i walked up to my office and said, maybe it wasn't 40, maybe it was 30 and i said if he's not here in five minutes i'm going home and we can run a repeat and then he pulled in then i proceeded to just rip him a new one on air so -- but i get a lot of enjoyment out of that obviously because sometimes you want to take out your aggression on somebody. he's kind of like the perfect person to do it too. >> you sound so menacing when you say that. let's take a break and talk about your love life. >> okay.

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as long as you want to. >> me too. >> it's just not likely. >> making fun of british accents which is not funny at all. i was half asleep and said is she talking about me? >> why would i be talking about you in my spare time. i had an english boyfriend for two years. >> how did that go? >> i was volatile like with all of my relationships. >> i keep hearing reports that you may have rekindled things with your ex. >> which one? >> andre. >> i don't think so. >> you don't think so? >> i don't know about it if i have. i'm single. >> if men are watching this. >> i'm available. just call me maybe. >> what i like about you is your

a shameless plagiarist. you've taken the 50 shades of gray and you have a big coming out. >> you're not pronouncing it correctly. you're on this side of the pond. >> i'm married to a woman born and raised if france. i know how to speak french. >> i'm thinking to put hashtag this time it's personal. i want it to rip off the title because i thought it was stupid. >> have you ahead it? >> i read the first seven chapters. i'm fairly conservative when it comes to sexual escapades. i know you imagine differently and probably have when you go to bed at night. i'm not interested in that at all. >> you surprise me. >> i don't want to get hit in bed. if you're going to hit me, do it out in the open. if somebody deserves to get hit, it's me.

i don't want to do it sexually. what is that. obviously you know about this topic more than i do. >> i read the book. it's unreadable. >> it's really bad writing. >> why do women want to read this? no offense to the author. i read the 50 shades of gray. >> why would you read that? >> out of pure curiosity. when would never read thad in a million years. >> i don't profess to be a scholarly writer. my books are silly and stupid but i think they're amusing. it was insulting to anyone's intelligence to read that. my friends who suggested i read it, i e-mailed and said you should be ashamed of yourselves for finishing this. it's a piece of trash.

>> your mate jennifer aniston. who have yet to come on my show. >> you think i'm her agent. >> are you going to make a speech at the wedding? >> at jennifer's wedding? >> yeah. >> i doubt it. i don't imagine they would want me to speak. i didn't introduce them. i had nothing to do with them getting engaged. i'm not great at a wedding. by the time the party starts it's not like i'm speaking clearly. >> you think you'll get married sf. >> i was thinking about getting married recently. i might consider it. i might. it might be fun to do something like that fun. >> i'm glad you're thinking like that. >> i still don't want to have children but i would be interested in getting marry. >> small acorns. >> now that i'm older and have my act together more. i'm 37.

i feel like an adult. i don't feel like a kid. i feel like i could do that now. that doesn't sound so scary. >> this is really historic interview. >> you seem like totally, you're just smacked by it. >> i'm impressed. you're finally growing up. >> thank you. >> your show is weeknights at 11:00 p.m. on e. your news stage at universal studios on october 15th and your new movie "fun size" is in theaters october 26th. i could not be unhappier for you. >> thank you. about once a month. last time i was at a gas station was about...i would say... two months ago. i very rarely put gas in my chevy volt. i go to the gas station such a small amount that i forget how to put gas in my car. [ male announcer ] and it's not just these owners giving the volt high praise. volt received the j.d. power and associates appeal award two years in a row.

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