[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> what andrew was insinuating about him with young g captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, did the world end? could be -- a lot of places were closed yesterday. [laughter] then, my guest, author james stewart has a new book about lies, which i totally read. [laughter] i just spent seven days on a boat with no showers. so i'm not sure if this is a beard or barnacles. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colb captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing )

( cheers and applause ) [crowd chanting stephen] ahoy, land lubbers. welcome to the reporrrrrrt! [laughter] thank ye fer joining us. forgive my grizzled visage and hollow, haunted eyes, for i have just sailed seven days on the heaving breast of cruel poisedon in the 2011 charrrrleston-to-bermuda yacht race! there i be at the helm. [laughter] now i know what lies beyond the horizon's salty veil. the buffeting winds, ravenous whales as long as twelve stout

men laid head to heel. don't ask me how i know. [laughter] luckily, before i set sail, i steeled myself against the ocean's horrid maw by watching almost all of "boat trip." [laughter] few have survived its outlandish premise. how can they not know they're on a gay cruise? [laughter] but the filth, the exhaustion, and filth was all worth it, because. we won the race! the race to compsecond place. here's the traditional second place clock. if you listen closely you can hear the hours i'll never get back spent on that filthy boat.

[laughter] those of you who followed the race online, know how close the finish was. you also know that the web tracker made our boats look like sperm racing to fertilize bermuda. [laughter] before i left, i said that i was the greatest sailor in the world. so it's with great humility that i must now admit that i am merely the second greatest sailor in the world. [laughter] i want to thank my crew tim, bertie and chris, and all of us on team audi want to congratulate the winner hank hofford. congratulations, hank. i will make it my life's mission to hunt you down till death or madness take me. you are now my white whale. fudgie, you're off the hook. [cheers and applause]

speaking of second place sarah palin. [laughter] the former half-governor shook up the presidential race this weekend, launching. her "one nation" bus tour visiting our nation's historic sites. of course, the lamestream media ambushed palin with gotcha questions like "where are you going?" and "why are you doing this?" [laughter] jim?ym >> what's up with her bus tour? >> sarah palin keeps everybody guessing on her national tour. >> just what is sarah palin up to? >> stephen: that's the power of sarah palin. no matter what she does america starts asking "why is this happening?" [laughter] besides her website explains that she has rented a bus "to promote the fundamental restoration of america." [laughter]

after stopping at mount vernon palin wrote: even piper was able to grasp the significance of being in the presence of our first president who had such diverse interests - when she told me later "how hard he must have worked to keep that farm going!" [laughter] true. i can't imagine how hard he worked with no help other than his african volunteers. so, folks -- [cheers and applause] so go to sarah palin's website where you can help restore america. and also restore sarah palin's bank account. because the first thing that pops up is this donate button. won't you help sarah palin learn basic facts about u.s. history for just pennies a day? [laughter]

now like governish palin, i want to use my pac. colbert super pac, to take my kids on a for-profit vacation. but i can't form my pac yet because i'm still waiting for the federal election commission to rule on the advisory opinion request i filed two weeks agoç at the fec asking whether i can have a tv show and my pac and not have to reveal where, you know, some of the money's coming from. now some have said the fec shouldn't take my request seriously. you know who disagrees? the fec because i have received this actual list of thirteen questions from the fec. now these are complicated legal questions, so i'm going to do what i did in high school when it came to tests: pay a smart kid to sit next to me and give me the answers. [laughter]

so please welcome former head of the fec and my personal lawyer, trevor potter. trevor, good to see you. first of all, sarah palin and sara pac can she use her pac money to do what she's doing? basically take a vacation with her family? >> sure, she can because she's not yet a federal candidate. if she were a federal candidate they couldn't use campaign funds for personal use like family vacations. >> stephen: she's getting this money because people think she might become a federal candidate. >> right, that's the joy of the pac you are partway there but not yet a full candidate. >> stephen: so you have to be sort of a pac tease. [laughter] let's go after the questions the fec sent to us. are they watching right now? >> they are very interested in your pac at this moment so i

expect somebody is up late at night watching this. >> stephen: theyv: work so hard already and such great guys. you shouldn't stay up this late. you are not paid enough. i tell you what if we get the answers we want, the i promise the number one objective of my pac is to get raises for every member of the fec. [cheers and applause] [laughter] >> as your lawyer i should warn you attempted briber could get you into trouble. >> stephen: i naught attempted bribee was essentially free speech now. >> good answer. >> stephen: let's go over the questions. >> for that i need my glasses. i've grown old in the service to my country as washington said. >> stephen: i'm the one with the beard. >> does the colbert report normally create videos? if so does it have a history of

making them available to outside groups to run independently of the show. >> stephen: of course we make videos we're a television show. >> they want to know if you give them to other groups like the colbert superpac. >> stephen: yes, the chair charity i'm interested in these days is colbert superpac. all right. okay. [laughter] how about this one. this is another question to have. >> how does the current viacom, comedy central review and approval process for the show work. >> stephen: there's no approval. i say what i want. >> that's what they are asking. >> stephen: i can prove it. how can i prove they had no approval over what i said. head of viacom sumner redstone is zeemon spawn who feasts on young --ç children. they would not approve of that.

what else have we got? let's try that one right there. >> if the show stopped covering it, would the pac continue to exist and be active? >> stephen: that's kind of philosophical? that's like asking what is the sound of one hand clapping while the other hand takes corporate contributions. [laughter] how long before we get our answer because the clock is ticking? >> they have 60 days so end of june, beginning of july. >> stephen: that would be perfect for my bus tour. [laughter] trevor potter, thank you so much. attorney trevor potter. we'll be right back. ave a pretty big family,

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>> stephen: welcome back. [cheers and applause] welcome back, everybody. [cheers and applause] folks, i'm sure many of you are surprised we're back at all.ç if you remember christian preacher and california raisin

harold camping predicted that on may 21st, the world would end and all human life would be destroyed, except for the holy, who would be raptured to heaven. but apparently, earth refused to explode before it could see "the hangover: part 2." [laughter] like many of you, i made my preparations -- turned off the oven, gave up on beard hygiene, and bid farewell to my hell-bound neighbors in spray-paint on their garage door. [laughter] which reminds me, i've got to return that spray paint to my other neighbor. of course, the people who counted on the anguish of armageddon feel a little cheated. jim? >> fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old retiree had put his money where his faith is spending $140,000, almost everything he has, on hundreds of billboards proclaiming the coming armageddon. >> i don't know why it didn't happen. >> i don't understand what happened. this is the year. all the calculations indicate this is the year. >> stephen: how could the calculations be wrong? camping used the most precise method available taking numbers at random from a 400-year-old english translation of a group of tangentially related ancient middle-eastern texts transcribed

from greek, hebrew and aramaic oral histories! it's how i do my taxes. [laughter] [cheers and applause] back at you, mister. back at you. and camping himself is taking it hard. >> i can tell you very candidly that when may 21 came and went, it was a very difficult time for me. >> stephen: yes, difficult. not the end of the world or anything but difficult. [laughter] and camping is not backing down from his doom-preaching. >> monday night pastor harold camping went on the radio to talk about his failed doomsday forecast. his explanation: saturday marked an invisible judgment."ç >> stephen: that's right, an invisible judgement! [ laughter ] jesus did return, but he was wearing his cloak of invisibility! [laughter] as prophesied in the seventh

book of the bible jesus christ and the deathly hallows. [laughter] i'm starting to think camping's right. sure, millions of people didn't disappear, but are we sure nobody got raptured? since may 21st, has anyone seen ted danson? [laughter] check on that. in fact, if the rapture was invisible, it's possible we "all" have been raptured and just don't know it. cuz, i gotta say, this feels a lot like heaven to me: my own studio, filled with adoring [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] you know what, i have a cold how about an aaaa [crowd awwws]

paradise plus i'm famous, ruggedly handsome, and i can make a triple-soy latte appear by clapping my hands. [claps] what's more, i get paid tremendous amounts of money for a half-hour of work every night, and all i have to do is shout things into a camera that i'd shout into a mirror for free. [laughter] so this could be heaven. but if it isn't, don't worry: everything that you ever knew and loved will still be÷ú destroyed on camping's revised rapture date october 21. that gives you five extra months to either get right with god or fill your beer helmet with four loko and party like you have diplomatic immunity. i'll see you in hell. we'll be right back. [cheers and appla ♪ [ upbeat instrumental ] [ rattling ]

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[cheers and applause] welcome back, everybody. [cheers and applause]

my guest tonight has a new book about how false statements are undermining america. pretty impressive achievement for a cannibal. please welcome james stewart. [cheers and applause] james, very good to see you. all right, sir. you have a new book. >> yes. >> stephen: called "tangled web: how false statements are undermining america from martha stuart to bernie madoff." how are false statements undermining america? >> well -- [laughter] >> stephen: was that a curveball? do we want a -- how about we start with the judicial system, the legal system which would collapse. >> stephen: what say true or false statement?ç >> there's some things hard to sell tell. you may be familiar with those issues thrmpl are many objective

facts. >> stephen: name one. >> were you trying to insider trade. were you running a ponzi scheme. >> stephen: no and no. >> did you leak the name of a covert c.i.a. agent to the press. >> stephen: i did not. >> some people did. did you take strides. there's a good one for you. >> stephen: yes! >> and you are the one of the few people willing to admit it. >> stephen: you seem to think that there's an objective toronto blue jay that we can all agree on. >> in many cases there is. >> stephen: but in many case there's are not. >> these are not what i'm wraeuting about in this book. >> stephen: listen to the examples you give. martha stuart. she didn't get away with it. she went to jail. >> that's correct. >> stephen: bernie madoff went to jail and barry bonds was sentenced to having a head the size of a -- >> they are role models. they effect behavior by people. people say look what martha

stuart did. it wasn't so bad. look at scooter libby, president bush commuted his sentence. why don't you commute mine? why isn't okay for me to lie? they influence behavior in society. we might talk about the president of the united states, it trickles down to all levels, not only criminal lying but all the way down to the rell testify serious. >> stephen: i feel like the behavior you are describing is going on forever? >> every prosecutor told me and there are scores of them interviewed for the book. they told me it's worse in their careers. i come to work expecting to bev: lied to. the only question is can i prosecute. people think everyone is doing it. that effects behavior. we're social animals. juries are reluctant to convict when they think someone is singled out for perjury. it has a broad core rosive effect. >> stephen: is it perjury if you lied when you were taking

the oath? [laughter] >> that's a good question. [cheers and applause] and. >> stephen: it's going to be my out. >> it sounds like some people who have spoken are reading this. it's a how-to book of how they could lie and not make the mistakes these people did. i would say rule one is stay as close as possible. i don't encourage people to lie. if you are lying to -- that's not a lie. it's not -- it's not acceptable. you have to to tell the truth. >> stephen: what about news organizations? do they lie more than they used to? we know "the new york times" is a rag. do you still work or you used to work from "the wall street journal". >> i'm moving from "the wall street journal" to the "new york times". >> stephen: it more research -- >> probably wouldn't allowed me

on that fact. i'm in between at the moment. maybe you could say i could speak candidly. >> stephen: did you find examples of people who are startling honest to you in this research? >> yes, i did. >> stephen: who was honest that you didn't expect? >> the assistant to martha stuart's stock broker he initial ly withheld the truth. he misled and he said i cannot take the oath and then lie. i cannot cross the line. he told the toronto blueç jay t great personal cost. many people don't realize how much courage it takes and how much short-term harm comes in telling truth. as i'm sure the truth is unwelcome. >> stephen: yeah, yeah it is. [laughter] >> they have their delusions. they cling to the delusions. we have delusions about sports stars, politicians, media, home living guys -blg. >> stephen: do they pants make my ass look fat? [laughter] are there lies you can accuse

yourself of that you are willing to tell me? [laughter] >> i told a big lie in the second grade when i claimed his a dollar stolen out of my lunch money when in fact i never had a dollar in my entire life. i got all the attention i wanted. the teacher dragged me to the principal's office. they called my mother who thought she was sitting home and drinking. i collapsed in tears and was sent home only to return in total humiliation and here i'm telling this story. i never forgotten it. have i told lies since then yes, but not that i'm willing to share with you. >> stephen: thank you so much. [cheers and applause] james stuart, the book is "tangled

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[cheers and applause] >> stephen: good night. [cheers an captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh