up and doesn't do right and that's fine and we should... you know, we should try and make it a more regulatory friendly and tax friendly environment. but there's also stuff that if you think about what made silicon valley, silicon valley was made by a great state education system. these amazing,cal campuses, a great education system. it was made by department demand for engineers. lockheed, all these companies. the u.s. government used to buy every computer chip that was manufactured. >> jon: so you're saying the key is education and war. (laughter) >> well, war has... >> jon: if we can just keep starting world wars and doubling back down on g.i. bills we can have this thing worked out. >> world wars are really useful. small wars don't help at all. >> jon: (laughs). (laughter). >> and then you have to destroy the other competitors. that was the great thing about world war ii. you flatten the other competitors, you're left on top... (audience reacts)

this is the stewart/zakaria plan. >> jon: i don't know why no one's running on that platform. (laughter) america! we'll flatten you. (laughter). >> and then we'll sell to you. >> jon: then we'll sell you what you need to rebuild. a perfect system. always good to see you. "the post-american world release 2.0." like how i threw that in there? on the bookshelves now, fareed

(cheers and applause). >> jon: that use's our show. join us tomorrow. larry king will be here. here it is, your moment of zen. >> something is not right when a newlywed is sending pornographic pictures of himse captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause)

>> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the report." that you can for joining us. folks, i've got to tell you. please, listen, folks, you know, people may call me old-fashioned, but to me the real news organizations are the big four-- cbs, nbc, abc, and mebc. (laughter) and as top news dog out there, i look after the rest of the pack. i give helpful advice to the on-camera talent. not many people know this, but i'm the one who suggested that sam donaldson replace his eyebrows with muskrats. (laughter) makes him seem more trustworthy that way. you know, katie couric just left the "cbs evening news" anchor chair to open, i believe a storm door company. (laughter) and last night i tuned in to the very first broadcast of the new

cbs anchor ander is which you arery 21 realtor scott pelley. (laughter) and i've got to say, his first broadcast was a disaster! just two hours after congressman anthony weiner's historic joint peres conference with his joint. (laughter) scott pelley led the news with this. >> good evening. we start tonight with the wars in afghanistan and iraq. >> stephen: what? (laughter) did you go to journalism school, pelley? remember the five ws-- who, what, when, where, and wang! (laughter) afghanistan and iraq, really? it's called the news because it's supposed to be new. (laughter) you've got the rest of your career to cover those wars. they're not going anywhere. (laughter) other than out of the public's consciousness. take a page from your established colleagues who, unlike you, know how to lead a

news broadcast. >> good evening, the age of oversharing has claimed another victim. >> first, congressman anthony weiner implodes. >> leading off tonight, you got it, it gets worse, much worse. >> i'm eliot spitzer, welcome to the program. (laughter) today congressman anthony weiner held a press conference. >> stephen: for the love of god! (cheers and applause) the one person, the one person in the world who doesn't want to remind anyone about politicians' penises led with weiner. which is what got him into trouble in the first place. and why his coverage was called "this time it wasn't me." (laughter) nation, it's clear president obama is not committed to the war one terror. terrorists are all around us and we don't know who they are. so far we've been lucky to stop the times square bomber and the underwear bomber when their plots failed. but it's only a matter of time

before terrorists acquire non-idiot technology. (laughter) now, luckily, there's a way we can identify terrorists before it's too late and it's the subject of tonight's word. (cheers and applause) hear no evil. nation, everybody knows i'm on record that the to protect us from terror we need to use racial profiling. that doesn't make me racist because i don't see race. people tell me i'm white and i believe them because i think we need to use racial profiling. (laughter) but kentucky senator rand paul has a way to identify terrorists without profiling as he explained on the radio's "sean and hannity." >> i'm not for profiling people on the color of their skin orrerorreligion but if someone s attending speeches from someone promoting the violent overthrow of our government, that's an offense we should be going after. they should be deported or put in prison. >> stephen: and that is perfectly consistent with rand

paul's libertarian constitutional ideals. after all the bill of rights guarantees freedom of speech, not freedom of listen. (laughter) and it is possible... (laughter). it is clearly possible to be radicalize bid hearing just one speech because radicals are like katy perry, you hear her new song, you swear you don't like it then the next thing you know you're singing "teenage dream" in front of your interns and you just bought yourself a court-ordered apology. (laughter) and, yes, i am saying that katy perry is a terrorist. how else do you explain this? (laughter) i don't know what kind of bomb that is, but i sure feel dirty. (laughter) and revolutionary speech can turn up anywhere, folks. at a radical church. >> goddamn america! >> stephen: ott the oscars. >> we live in fictitious times. we live a time where we have fictitious election results that

elect a fictitious president. >> stephen: even kentucky's knob creek machine gun shoot. the name evokes a similar time when grandma would rock on the porch firing 500 rounds a minute from her browning m-1917 machine gun. to one forgets to call her on her birthday. (laughter) and, folks, at... (applause). at the knob creek machine gun shoot, you can shop from vendors selling a wide variety of guns, even flame thrower rentals. you never want to buy a flame throwers, of course, it's just going to be a newer model next year. it's like apple. (laughter) plus, at the knob creek machine gun shoot, there's vendors selling militia handbooks and nazi par a yale ya with prices so low everyday is a white sale. (laughter) unfortunately this harmless gathering of weapons enthusiasts has been marred by speeches advocating the overthrow of the government.

for example, in april 2010, the not at all anti-semitic christian patriot metal band poker face played knob creek and the band's lead singer, tom toe petty declared obama is basically the exclamation point on the takeover of the united states. too many of us are waking up and too many of us are heavily armed. they are going to push and we are going to shove back. the second american revolution will commencement scary stuff. and by rand paul's logic, anyone there to hear them should be arrested. f.b.i., you're going to want to arrest this guy. (laughter) arrest this guy. and arrest... wait a minute, jimmy, freeze! enhance! that's rand paul! (laughter) (applause) senator rand paul who, on his own web site, admits he was there. and face it, being a terrorist

makes more sense than his previous cover story, that he's an ophthalmologist. oh, my god! (laughter) so if you see this dangerous fugitive, please call the authorities. but first, put in some earplugs because if you hear anything he has to say, rand paul says we have to arrest you, too. and that's the word. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)

(cheers and applause). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. so, folks, let me ask you something. let me ask you something. is everybody happy? (cheers and applause) well, that is not what i hear. (laughter) according to a newly published global happiness endex, the united states ranks dead last among the happiest nations on earth. every other country on earth is happier than us. even the ukraine!

and their main export is despa despair. (laughter) meanwhile, the happiest countries? china in first place and north korea in second! (laughter) which is amazing since we don't even know what's going on inside north korea, but this study got around that by being from north korea. (laughter) which proves, i believe, that it is not government propaganda. because who puts out a fake happiness index and makes themselves second? (laughter) that would be kind of sad. but, nation, we are poised to take north korea down a peg as we have thwart it had would be happiness of north korea's leader and nursing home lunch lady kim jong-il. jim? >> italian authorities have busted up-- get this-- a north korean smuggling plot. according to reuters, investigators intercepted a shipment of high-quality tap-dancing footwear at the milan airport.

>> stephen: that's right! we haven't stopped them from acquiring nuclear centrifuges but we have cut off their access to tap dance technology. (laughter) kim jong-il may rule his people with an iron fist, but now he'll never be able to crush them with a jazz hand. (laughter) folks... (applause). this is a huge victory for the west. we've all seen the terrifying footage of north korea's military parades. what makes this bust all the sweeter is that we stopped these tap shoes because they fall under the u.n.'s ban on luxury goods to kim jong-il's government. and everyone in the free world knows there's no finer luxury than tap shoes.

(laughter) yes, here in the decadent west we revel in the here is indulgence that is tap shoes. (laughter) in fact, i've got mine on right now. (cheers and applause) they're so abundant here in the land of plenty sometimes i even wear an extra one. (laughter) folks, you don't want to know what i've got that on. (laughter) you see, here in america it is all about the tap. where the roads are paveed with resonant hard wood and children are born wearing tiny top hats. what's the matter, dear leader? jealous of my luxuriousness? well, if you think you're jealous now, mister, hang on to

your pompadour because tonight in their debut television experience i present america's new hot tap sensation. please welcome the kim bojang-ills. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: so, kim jong-il, renounce your weapons program because america may have lost the pursuit of happiness but we will never lose the pursuit of

tappiness! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause)

(cheers and applause). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, my guest tonight is the very first boxer to earn more than $100 million in purses. personally i would have asked for cash. (laughter) please welcome sugar ray leonard! (cheers and applause) mr. leonard, thanks so much for coming on. my goodness, my goodness, let's just lay it out for the people. let's just... first of all, ding ding. but second of all let's lay it out for the people. you, olympic gold medalist, boxing titles in five different weight classes. you defeated roberto duran, thomas hearns, marvelous marvin haggler. you have a new memoir "sugar ray leonard, the big fight, my life in and out of the ring." do you miss the ring, sir? >> i don't miss getting hit.

(laughter). >> stephen: the key is to not get hit. somebody should have told you that. (laughter). >> you know, stephen, i miss the camaraderie, i miss training camp. i miss choreographing the fight in my head. i miss all that action. >> stephen: choreograph, do you tap dance, like all americans do? >> yes. a little bit. >> stephen: a little bit? >> stephen: heel ball change... what do you call that? kick ball change? >> that's as far as i got. >> stephen: now you really came to prominence in the 1976 montreal games and that's when i became a huge fan. you were the big star of those games. you go in there, set your man up and then you hit him with this absolute flurry. you face straight on to the guy and it looks like you hit him 50 times in three seconds and they will turn to guava jelly in front of you. was there a name for that flurry you did? >> we call it flurries. >> stephen: flurries? >> yeah, little flurries.

>> stephen: because stuff was happening inside their said? >> yes. >> stephen: it was like a snow globe, that's what happens to their brain inside. >> i didn't try to hurt them but i try to keep them off balance. (laughter). >> stephen: now you got punched in the head a lot? >> not really. i mean, enough but... you're still good looking, man. you didn't mess it up too much. >> make up. (laughter). >> stephen: really? really? me, too. (laughter) you say in the book you were a master in the ring, you weren't always a master in your life. you... you did some things that you regret. did you ever tweet pictures of your junk? (laughter) >> there was no tweeting back then. (laughter). >> stephen: you dodged a bullet. what were some of the problems you had in your real life that couldn't be solved by punching

it in the head. >> i think it was infidelity. >> stephen: oh, yeah. no, we can say that. (laughter) >> stephen: was there a lot being offered to the world champion? >> you mean... >> stephen: yeah, the ladies. (laughter). >> it was unauthorized. >> stephen: it was unauthorized? infidelity usually is. (laughter) but you had charm and style. do you think that's missing from boxing right now? because you could electrify a room. my mother-- very sweet lady-- she... we... she and i would watch you fight. and this is a very nice woman, eleven kids, wouldn't hurt a flea but she would watch you fight and go "i know, it's terrible, i know both of those men in that ring are somebody reese baby, i know it's a blood sport but god i love it so much." (laughter) well, i tried to be artistic. i tried to i saw you tap dance.

>> stephen: kick ball change. >> but it was all choreographed. it was all movement. >> stephen: are you saying boxing is fake? >> no, no, no. no, it's real, very real. but in my head i was able to make the guys do what i wanted them to do. >> stephen: could you... who could you take now? manny pacaou, you in 1987, against today's manny. >> done, finished. (cheers and applause) you now against a 1987 manny pacaou. he's like four years old, i think. still tough, though, could you take him? >> wipe him out. >> stephen: absolutely. >> you fought and defeated floyd mayweather, correct? >> well, his father, i knocked him out. >> stephen: right, you knocked

out floyd mayweather. >> his father. >> stephen: his son is fighting today. could you take him? because if you beat the dad you've got to be able to beat the son. >> like father like son. same thing. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: what do you think of boxing today? because i haven't really watched much boxing since it all went pay-per-view. it used to be you would casually kind of catch a boxing match. you could catch a championship match accidentally as you're flipping by stations. now you have to make the decision to put down the money to watch people brutalize each other. (laughter) but before you just get sucked into the sweet science and the next thing you know you're punching your brother in the face. (laughter). >> it's different. champions don't find champions anymore. and they're not as many personalities and characters and champions. and there's so many self-governing bodies. wba,