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(cheers and applause). >> jon: that use's our show. join us tomorrow. larry king will be here. here it is, your moment of zen. >> something is not right when a newlywed is sending pornographic pictures of himself captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: wow, thank you. thank you very much. welcome to the report, thank you very much. welcome to the report.

good to have you with us. it was a battle for dominant there. there was someone going stephen, stephen, and then stephen, stephen over here and one person chanting stool! (cheers and applause) it's a beautiful word it just slips off the tongue. sit down. sit down. sit down, you're embarrassing yourself. lady-- ladies and gentlemen, i apologise and i will not explain. nation, nation, i never thought i would say this but i have had it up to here with anthony weiner's penis. (laughter) >> stephen: and yes, i regret putting my hand there. but this weekend more photos of the congressman were released. it's a series of self-portraits taken in the congressional gym locker room showing weiner posing while holding his-- let's

say barbells. now i'm not happy about it. but any time a new weiner photo comes out as a television host i'm constitutionally obliged to show them to you. i took an oath. well, folks, all that ends tonight. to make sure there can be no new photos of a naked and or turgid anthony weiner, i have had my graphics department place a cow draped freshly oiled anthony weiner in every possible scenario. are you ready, jimmy? let's do it here's the congressman at a dairy queen. in a motorcycle sidecar. on the log flume. at a pie eating contest. as a balloon in the macy's thanksgiving day parade and last but not least, in salvador dali's the persistence of memories. okay? (cheers and applause)

i think-- i think we've covered it. i will never speak of anthony weiner again. we'll have more on anthony weiner tomorrow. (laughter) folks, the nfl may be in lockout mode but my reporting is still full contact and likely to result in head trauma. this is the sport report. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we begin tonight on a sad note as america's sweetheart team the miami heat fell to the dallas mavericks in game six of the nba finals-- finals. (cheers and applause) don't cover your grief. (laughter) and everybody knows americans love rooting for an overdog. because let's face it, america is the lebron james

of the world. this spring we decided to take our talents to libya and so ends what could have been an inspiring riches to even richer story. who could forget the season's humble beginnings with lebron leaving cleveland for miami in an hour-long televised special, then joining his new teammates dwayne wade and chris born to ride on a stage i havea forklift. everyone knew they were destined to win. and personally i'm offended that they were forced to prove it by playing basketball. but of course lebron handled it with class. >> at the end of the day, all the people that was rooting on me to fail, you know, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. you know, they have the same personal problems that they had today. >> stephen: like they say, it's not whether you win or lose but how you disparrage

the pathetic lives of the little people who make it possible for to you have a career bouncing an inflatable ball. next. we turn to soccer. how long was i out? (applause) folks it's no secret that i don't like soccer. it's like watching grass grow but with a bunch of soccer players in the way. but i do like the sports governing body fifa because mi a huge fan of corruption. i even run a soccer corruption fantasy league where you draft a team of your favorite bribery techniques. i am dominatinging this year. my starting line-up includes both bag of cash and thai prostitutes. now jimmy, jimmy, i said thai, not burmese. thank you. well, now there's exciting news in the world of soccer

corruption. >> did qatar buy the world cup for 2022? that's a really big deal because there are allegations that a lot, a lot of money changed hands. and qatar is saying that didn't happen and the reason are the u.s. should care is because they put a bid in for 2022 to host the soccer world cup. and they didn't get it. it went to qatar. >> yes, because qatar cheated, america didn't get the world cup. so let me be the first to say thank you, qatar. well, folks, this has caused such a scandal that it has even raised the hackels of fifa president seth bladder who i believe is named after a urinary tract infectio infectionfection. now seth is create and anti-corruption committee to restore fifa's credibility and look who he wants to bring on board. >> in the attempt to clean up the mess within fifa means he is adepting to recruit henry kissing her, former u.s. secretary of

state. >> stephen: yes, tonight's guest henry kissinger is the perfect man to clean up fifa. after all his experience with vietnam prepares him perfectly for a soccer game. they both go on foreever and america never wins. (applause) finally, folks, summer means water sports. and there's one that everybody is talking about. say it with me. freestyle canoe dancing. why didn't you say it with me. (laughter) jimmy, let's give these people a taste. ♪ ♪ that's so beautiful.

(applause) he wields the paddle like picasso wielded a paddle. now folks i don't have to tell you, that was mark on ons-- ornstein master of the high needle axle position and gold medalist in the national freestyle canoe competition. i'm such a fan i even have his rookie card. it is superrare in that it doesn't exist. there's nothing on here. of course this is the most exciting time of year for freestyle canoe dancing. what was cringe el fever the annual european freestyle and canadian smile style paddle event in germany and western pennsylvania solo rendezvous, this is when champions are born or possibly drown de-- depending on wh conditions this year my

money is on the promptsing joum jonathan hammond. many predict will go all the way. i was captivated by his performance to phantom of the opera at the 2007 midwest freestyle competition . that is what is killing the broadway musical. not enough small craft boating. the point is, nation, we'll be following canoe dancing all summer long. this is our fourth this is what we care about now. and believe me, this high octane man versus nature versus show tunes versus humana tension span action. will more than make up for the cancelled nfl season. so this summer are you ready for some monday night paddle

dancers! (cheers and applause) can you dick if? we'll be right back-- you

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>> welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. nation, folks, thank you very much. nation, tonight it is my solemn pledge that i am not going to be saying anything more about anthony weiner's tail rod. but i do want to talk about another person connected with the tricky dick in my one part series better know a henry kissinger.

tonight hen key kissinger, the fighting kissinger. kissinger was the most famous practice tishner of real politic which is german for [bleep] about to get real. kissinger also opened american relations-- relations to china during the cold war. he set up the first meeting between nixon and mao by sending each of them a note saying the other one thought they were cute. kissinger support for secret bombings in cambodia has earned him criticism from christopher hitch ens, daniel elsburg and everyone in cambodia. now i personally am a huge kissinger fan. kissing-- kissinger gave hope to nerds everywhere by making nerd sexy famously saying power is the ultimate aphrodisiac and backed that up by spending much of the '70s in closed door negotiations with gina lolla bridgea did.

marla thomas an candice bergen. he was like james bond with astigmatism and jowls. please welcome henry kissinger. dr. kissinger, please don't get up, sir. all right, sir, as i was explaining to my audience in the second act of the show there are some out there who may not know the stature of the man sitting before me. you have advised many presidents under diplomacy. you were secretary of state to both nixon and ford. you received the nobel peace prize for the paris peace accords in 1973. and you've got a presidential medal of freedom. you published numerous works on foreign relations and your new book is called "on china" >> right. >> stephen: what's it about? (laughter) it's about the relationship between china and the united states in the-- .

>> stephen: i got a bone to pick with you about that. you helped open the door to china, okay. and when you left, you left the door open. you should have closed it when you left china because now china has gotten out into the world and they are a major competition. shouldn't i blame you for some of the rise of china? >> well, two things. when we first went into china it was a very under developed country. >> yeah. >> and nobody could imagine that china would develop as it did. had we known it, we would still have done what we did. because if we can't handle the competition of another significant country, we wouldn't be what we've been. >> stephen: but you are not allaying my fears here, sir. i'm afraid that china is going to be number one in the world. people keep telling me america's had their century.

this is going to be the chinese century. please fell me that's not the case. >> i don't think that's the case. >> stephen: okay. plaus plas (applause) would you, mr. kissinger would you go so far as to say u.s.a. number one? >> i would say now we are still number one. i believe we will remain number one for any foreseeable future. >> stephen: okay. let's talk about real politics for a second and how that relates to china, okay. you're sort of the face of real politic for my generation. >> but that's because people use a german word so that they can dismiss my arguments. >> stephen: not me. not me. >> not you? >> stephen: not me. i'm all in favor of real politics. you have to do what is best for your country, right. >> right. >> stephen: gave you the best advantage of national security. >> you have to understand the national security, above all you have to analyze the

world as it is and you have to understand that there is an element of power in the world. but there is also without values, a power becomes arbitrary and unmanageable. so you need both. >> how does the united states or how does the west perceive the power relationship? how are we playing this game with them? you've said that we play chess and they play something more like the game go, the chinese game go. where it's what is the difference between those two? >> well, chess, the purpose of chess is total victory. there is-- you start with all the pieces on the board and then there's a process of attrition. and at the end of it, the opponent is checkmated. >> stephen: is that what the cole war was like, we the united states and our allies

were the king and queen and the other countries of the world were the pawns in front of it? >> and finally it winds up with the king, with one king being done. that's how chess-- . >> stephen: or if your sister is beating you at camp you just throw the board up into the air and run away crying. >> well-- that's how i win. (laughter) >> i have an 8-year-old grandson with whom i play chess. >> stephen: does he beat you. >> he is starting to beat me. so i have stopped playing with him. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: oh. you'll negotiate with mao tse tung but will you cut off relationship with an 8-year-old. tell you what, please stay right there. we'll be right back with

>> stephen: welcome back. we now rejoin my peabody award-winning interview can henry kissinger already in progress. what was mao like because there aren't that many people coy ever interview and say what was mao like? what was mao like, was he a fungi? >> i wouldn't use that word fun. >> stephen: how do you talk to a guy like mao? because he's responsible for the death of millions of people. do you put that aside when you talk to him or do you not bring it up or dow address it. >> there were two sides to

mao. he was responsible for the death of tens of millions of people. >> stephen: yes. >> but in his contact with americans, his behavior was sarcastic, polite, speaking in a serious-- series of-- so he had an interesting mind. but you, of course, always knew that there was that other side. >> stephen: there was a monster behind the mask. >> that you didn't see that other side. >> stephen: is there anything to admire about mao? >> well, if you measure it in terms of achievements, of unifying china and gaining back some self-respect, that is what many chinese admired about him. what people like you and i

would have to consider is to ask what is it worth. these tens of millions of lives. and we would have to-- we would say no, within china the opinion would be divided. >> stephen: we have something we do on the show called world war update because i don't care what anybody says, the cold war is not over, okay. (laughter) (laughter) can you explain to some of my younger viewers what the cold war was because it's hard for them to know, the ner vowsness of it. >> well, the cold war with russia is sort of is over. but the-- . >> stephen: i don't know, i don't know. i think they're just playing possum, they're trying to get us to lower our guard and they launch the missile. >> well, you and i have-- .

>> stephen: a difference of opinion. >> a difference of opinion. at that time you knew that if a war occurred, it would be millions of casualties, or could be in a number of hours. on the other hand, if you committed that to dominate you completely, you'd have to yield whenever an issue came up. >> stephen: that sense of an existential threat z it excuse everything on both sides? i mean people have criticized our intervention in southeast asia. our intervention in indonesia, in south america. were those-- i think that anything was worth winning the cold war. what do you say to those critics? >> well, i think it was very important to win the cold war. because the issue then was whether we would continue to have a democratic society or whether it's sort of stalinist,

materialistic, totally planned system would take over. >> stephen: like obama is setting up? i know you can't say that outloud because you have to have dinner with these people but let's call it-- let's call that one. >> i don't get invited to din their often with obama. >> stephen: i never get invited. take me with you the next time you go. dr. kissinger, thank you so much. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: the book is "on china" the man is henry kissinger. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)

>> stephen: that's it for the report.