captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, is google affecting search results for their own benefit? is the pope catholic? google says no. and my guest is legendary rock band radiohead. if you were a real fan, you'd be watching this on vinyl. prepare yourselves, radiohead. you're about to meet television face. this is the colbert report. ♪

captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you so much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us. welcome to the report. and a special welcome to first time viewers of the colbert report, who are only watching because radiohead is here. my name is stephen colbert. thank you for purchasing a tv. folks, it is a huge night! they going to be performances, interviews with the band, and to make it feel like a real concert, we are going to be putting some tall, sweaty strangers out front to block your view of the show.

no. not yet, not yet. thank you, later, later. and, nation, we are doing a full hour. that's an action packed 60 minutes, with absolutely no padding! no padding at all! not a touch -- of padding. which, as i've previously stated, we are not going to do-that. >> now, although some of the reruns of tonight's show will only be half an hour. it is kind of a shake shame, because the first half hour is great, but the second half hour is insane! so if you watching the half hour version and want to know what you missed, just google thom yorke, lion attack. good stuff. and this is especially exciting

tonight, folks, because radiohead is not only one of the greatest musical acts of this or any generation, but also but, also they are the ultimate anti-corporate band. as part of their war against selling out to big business, in 2000, they played a tour inside a custom tent so they would be free of corporate logos. and in 1997, they turned down a lucrative deal to call ok computer okay tangerine "mac g 3 with mac os 8.1 preinstalled. so tonight in honor of radiohead's anti-corporate commitment, i am proud to announce -- [ applause ] >> dr. pepper presents, stephen colbert's rock tember. >> with radiohead, who present themselves because they are nobody's corporate tool, brought to you by dr. pepper. the official soft drink of

radiohead. [ applause ] i know, it is exciting, it is exciting. but ladies and gentlemen i have a rare correction to make. dr. pepper is not, in fact, the official soft drink of radiohead. that is a shameless fabrication and a gross betrayal of radiohead's trust. and i, for one, am disgusted that i thought i could get away with it. just take it down, jimmy. take it down, now! as far as i know radiohead has no official soft drink, though they couldn't do much better than the first name in indie credit, dr. pepper, containing sodium benzoate, the same preservative that keeps iggy pop alive. now, folks, i understand, i understand that tonight is going to be a mind-blowing night for the music nerds, which is why, in the event any radiohead-heads

totally lose their (bleep), i've got hipster paramedics standing by. hipster paramedic -- [ applause ] >> hipster paramedic, thank you for joining us. >> what's up? >> stephen: so you are there and you will help anyone who passes out or needs assistance. >> yeah. because i have medical training. >> stephen: right. because you have medical training. >> yeah. like i have a lot of training. >> stephen: i kind of need to know if you actually have training, because i'm responsible for these people. >> yeah, i'm sure you are. >> stephen: i'm serious. do you even know cpr? >> up, i don't listen to classic rock. >> okay, okay. but you will be standing by to

offer first aid? >> yeah, until radiohead comes on, then i'm totally going to lose my (bleep). >> stephen: okay:okay. thank you. thank you very much. okay. clearly, i'm going to need to get someone else. >> this opening act sucks! bring out radiohead, man! [ applause ] >> stephen: so clearly, clearly radiohead wants nothing to do with corporations. i just wish the u.s. government regulators felt the same way. jim? >> the first thing i'm going to do on day one is issue an executive order saying all the inflations put in place by barack obama's administration are put on hold and we are going to get rid of the ones that killed jobs. we are going to stop the epa from going forward with any of the regulations they have got to stop damaging the economy with job killing regulation. >> there is no other agency like

the epa, it should really be renamed the job killing organization of america. >> stephen: yes. government regulators like the epa are killing good jobs, like pelican scrubber or next of kin caller. fortunately, some brave corporations have found a way to protect themselves from big government telling them what to do. and it's the subject of tonight's word. [ applause ] >> stephen: i think, therefore i brand. nation, these days, no company is taking more flak than google. last week, google was publicly accused by presidential candidate and cursed doll come to life rick santorum of bias in their search results. you see, eight years ago, santorum reasonably compared gay sex to, quote, man on dog. so gay advice columnist dan savage successfully led a

campaign to make the top google search result for the word santorum a filthy, juvenile phrase that i'm not going to say because this is a family show. let's just say it rhymes with frothing mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. now personally, personally, folks, i feel terrible for rick. his name has been dragged through the mud. god, i hope that's mud. >> and rick claims that it is something was up there about that like joe biden google would get rid of it. what is true. because it is impossible to find anything embarrassing about joe biden on the internet. now, sa santorum isn't the onlye accusing google of bias in howser results are displayed, last week google ceo eric schmidt was dragged before an antitrust regulatory panel to respond to allegations that google unfairly put their own

services like google flight and google places at the top of their search results ahead of competitors like expedia. but, folks, google has the perfect answer to regulators. leading search engineer matt cuts of google pointed out, our webster results are protected speech in the first amendment sense. yes, web searches are enshrined in our founding documents. question have the right-to-life, liberty and the pursuit of hacked scarlett johansen nude pics. and google is not the only company demanding their first amendment rights. tobacco companies are suing the federal government over a plan to put graphic photos on cigarette packs. claiming that the mandatory labels violate their free speech rights. they say the requirements is a violation of the first amendment. >> stephen: yes, cigarettes have a first amendment right to be alive with pleasure, as written in the constitution by

the founders. james madison, thomas jefferson, and joseph camel. regulating a cigarette package's ability to entice me to buy it is a violation of its free speech. i may not agree with what a carton of smokes says, but i will fight to the death for its right to say it. and we all know, we all know corporations are people, protected by the first amendment. finally their products are protected too. it's a major milestone in corporate civil rights. and remember, the first amendment protects not only speech you like but speech you don't like. therefore, government regulators must not persecute products just because they don't fit some bureaucrat's narrow definition of fireproof or potable. i say -- i say that speech is always speech. and it's time we finally let

these product-americans be heard. starting with my personal physician, dr. marvin pepper. thank you juror going me, doctor. as always, i will give you the last word. fssst sound. >> oh, what a refreshing point of view. >> and that's the word. we will be right back.

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>> stephen: welcome back,

everybody. my guests tonight are here to play songs from their latest album "the king of limbs". i bypassed the major label system and downloaded them directly to my studio. please welcome radiohead! >> thank you. gentlemen, thank you so much for joining me in the dr. pepper flavor zone. we are just so incredibly excited to have you guys here. now, you guys are the biggest thing ever. how did you -- how did you guys get started? did you win idol or the x market? or britain has got talent? >> no. we are not one of those kind of bands. >> stephen: that's how we pick our bands in the united states. >> oh, really? >> stephen: that's how

somebody gets big over here. >> we were schooled together. >> stephen: okay. >> about 20 odd years ago. >> stephen: wow, you guys are well preserved. grationz. so the new album is called "the king of limbs". and it is awesome. are you guys doing a christmas album this year? >> no. we have never done a christmas album. >> stephen: have you ever thought about it? >> no. >> stephen: no? because i did a christmas album a couple of years back, yeah, i won a grammy. you guys got any grammys? >> i think we have, haven't we? >> yep. >> stephen: how many have you got? how many? >> we won the best packaging. that is one of the top ones right there. [ applause ] >> stephen: tonight, can i pick a bone with you guys for a moment? do you mind? okay. why, british,? i ask because

don't get me wrong, i think, listen, there are some great bands from across the pond, but, you know, americans could be rocking, you are taking american rock jobs. i mean, is the british invasion a good thing for america? why do we like you? >> we don't know. we don't have a clue. >> stephen: no clue? do you look to any of the earlier invaders for leadership, like the stones or the beatles or anything like that. >> oh, yeah. we are still waiting for, you know, the greeting when we get off the airplane with the crowds and (bleep). >> stephen: well, perhaps if you were, you know, loveable mop tops in, you know, with dollars, but you guys have got this totally indie kind of ragged kind of quality to you. and let me ask you thom yorke, how old are you? >> i am 42, right? >> 42.

okay. >> and i mean that lovingly. i mean that lovingly. let's talk about the corporate thing. why are you so against corporations? >> well -- >> they are job creators. >> i don't think they spread the wealth, particularly. i think it tends to go up. >> stephen: it trickles down. >> no. >> stephen: it does, it does, we just haven't given them enough. corporations like tonight we are sponsored by dr. pepper, which i readily admit. >> we didn't actually talk about that. >> stephen: no we didn't talk about that and i apologize, because i should have checked. i should have checked to see if that was the official soft drink of radiohead, and it is not. and that is on me. and i apologize. would you say it is out of the question? >> i think so.

it's not as good as that stuff you get from the dentist. >> stephen: well, thom, he is a doctor. >> you are not corporate anymore. you released rainbows by yourself. did you make more money doing it by yourself or a corporation? >> what is the official answer to the question? >> stephen: come on, come on. to make more money by yourself. >> we sell less records but we make more money. >> stephen: all right. so you are selling less but making more money. now, listen, that means that you are motivated by greed, and that i can understand. [ applause ] >> stephen: we will be right back with a performance by radiohead!

>> stephen: performing this previously unreleased track, the daily mail which in england is delivered by owl, ladies and gentlemen, radiohead. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ ♪ singing we're here to keep your prices down. we'll feed you to the hounds.

to the daily mail, to get up, together. together. you made a pig's ear, you made a mistake. paid off security and got through the gate. you got away with it but we lie in wait. hey, hey, hey.

where's the truth, what's the use, i'm hanging around lost and found, and when you're here innocent, fat chance, no plan, no regard for human life. you'll keep time, you've no right, you're fast to lose, you will lose, you jumped the queue, you're back again. [ applause ]

>> stephen: thank you so much. that was really good. we will be right back. thank you. thank you very much.

>> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody. i would like to thank our special guest dr. pepper. i also want to thank radiohead, who was totally worth the entire hour. and now, with the national anthem, ladies and gentlemen, radiohead! ♪ ♪ ♪

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