>> jon: that is our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00.

the revnd al sharpton will be joining us in the studio. here it is, your moment of zen. >> so we had a bunch of stuff in my office, any home sent to the lab, what did we find? >> interesting for example on the phone they found fecal strep again. >> there's fecal strep on my captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

(cheers and applause) (crowd chanting "stephen") >> stephen: sorry, i want to tell you, hold on, write the show! (laughter) >> what would you like to search for? >> i don't want to search for anything, i want to write the show. (beeping) >> searching the web for "search for anything i want to write the show" (laughter) >> stephen: sorry, folks, i was just talking to my new iphone 4s it's got voice recognition technology that answers any question. it's really cool and i've been playing with it all day so i lost track of time and don't have anything for tonight's show.

(laughter) hold on one second, okay. all right, hold on. come on, baby. come on. what am i talking about tonight? >> no comment. (laughter) >> stephen: for the love of god! the cameras are on! give me something. >> what are you looking? camera stores or churches? (laughter) >> stephen: (bleep) you. (cheers and applause) >> i wish that i could. (laughter) >> stephen: moving on. you know what? let's just free ball it jimmy, just whip up some graphics as i talk and i'll come up with something. nation, thanks to the lockout, there might not be a basketball season this year.

but if you want to watch millionaires throwing elbows, there's still the republican presidential race. (laughter) and, folks, it is action-packed. first bachmann was up; then she was down. then perry was up; then he was down. then jon huntsman also existed. (laughter) so many characters, so many twists it's like a mexican telenovella that want toss di port itself. and just and watch out for the father of pizza. >>er will man cane is the front-runner for president. that's according to the latest national pole. >> herman cain has surged to the lead. >> let's look at this nbc/"wall street journal" poll. it shows that merman cane is on top at 27%. >> stephen: that's right. herman cain is ahead with 27%. as opposed to newt gingrich who is 27% head. (laughter)

folks, there are many reasons why cain is surging like his great grasp of foreign policy questions. >> when they ask me who's the president of uzbekisisis-stan i'm going to say "i don't know. how is that going to create one job?" >> stephen: it won't create one job because all our jobs will be outsoushss to uzbekisisis. i hope that doesn't offend anyone. then, of course there's cain's famous 999 economic plan. everybody's talking about it >> 999. 9% corporate business plat tax, 9% personal income flat tax and 9% national sales tax plan. >> 999. >> 999. >> 999.

>> nooin! nooin! nooin! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, all cain is saying is hitler had some good ideas. of course, now that cain's in the lead the lame stream gangrene mr. clean martin sheen media has been jumping on him over these remarks he made the tennessee over the weekend. >> let's have a real fence. 20 feet high with barbed wire. electrified. with a sign on the other side that says "it can kill you" and i get criticized. mr. cain, that's ininsensitive. what do you mean insensitive? >> stephen: yeah! what do you mean insensitive? if it will make you feel better, we'll generate the lethal

voltage with wind power. is that sensitive enough? besides, cain didn't even mean it. >> on immigration you said in an event in tennessee that you would build an electrified fence on the boarder that could kill people if they try to cross illegally. >> that's a joke, david, >> so that was a joke? >> that's a joke. >> that's not a serious plan. >> no, it's not. >> you got a big laugh but that's not what you do. >> that's a joke. >> stephen: electrified fence, classic joke. like who's on first? what's on fire? i don't know how many people it's killed. (laughter) but the real punch line to the joke is that it's not a joke. as cabe cain clarifyed in phoenix the next day. >> it might be electrified. i'm not walking away from that. in the context of using that speech, in terms of what we need to do i fully intend to do so. >> stephen: yes! you see, he's joking unless you're into the idea.

(laughter) in which case he means it. it's like when you say to your girlfriend "hey, your old college friend donna is crazy and so much fun we should have a three-way. what? i was joking why would we do that? stop crying! hey, i know what would cheer you up. how about we do some coke like we used to do back in the day? it's a joke! i don't want to do cocaine-- unless maybe donna has some." (laughter) anyway, today the colbert superpac officially endorses herman cain for president. (cheers and applause) unless you're not into him, in which case i'm just joking. (laughter) we'll be right back.

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back everybody, thank you. nation, i'm a member of the

clean plate club and i'm proud to announce we are now letting in jews. (laughter) this is thought for food. folks, once again the food police are on the attack. first they came for our sugared cereal and i said nothing. then they came for our trans fats and i said nothing. (laughter) then they came for our salt and again i said nothing because my mouth was jammed with fritos. (laughter) well, now they're coming for our tots, both human and taters. jim? >> the potato may be getting the boot for national school lunch programs. new federal guidelines look to eliminate potatos from breakfast and limit them pretty severely at lunchtime. >> stephen: no potatos? why? because they're irish? (laughter) what's next? limited the availability of shamrock shakes to just st. patrick's day? what?

you racist! (laughter) you see, the food fashionists at the u.s.d.a. believe that focusing more on fruits, vegetables and whole grains will help solve childhood obesity. that's ridiculous. childhood obesity will take care of itself when it becomes adult obesity. (laughter) but this isn't just an attack on our bellies, folks, it's an attack on the american school lunch tradition of a tray full of fried tateer ts. if you don't let our children snack on that delicious golden brown starch bomb you're taking atway small shred of happiness in the otherwise non-stop hell parade that is otherwise being a middle schoolboy. a boy going through an awkward stage where his nose and teeth grew full speed while the rest of his head still belongs to a mine from-year-old and everyday jeffrey ozer pours toilet water into his backpack and spends the rest of the day calling him toilet boy and even sweet

beautiful colleen allen cant help but join in even if this boy knows they're meant to be together and all that pain goes away from the spud inducedtor por that is a stomach full of fried potato. it is more than food! it is more than food! it's kid company nax! a hug he gets from the inside! a greased soaked hammer he uses to pound his emotions down! down, down until they're buried deeper than the potato that soothed him. where there's feelings laid dormant until tenth grade when jeffrey ozer flicks one too many rubber bands in his ear but this time the boy's fully grown and he slams jeffrey's head over and over into a locker until he has to be dragged away by the girl's swim coach! because who's the toilet boy now jeffrey? who's the toilet boy now? (cheers and applause)

it's all right, though. it's other ida. other ida. ore ida. next up. recent studies show a record one in seven americans receive food stamps and they are suffering, folks, because government regulations prohibit food stamps from being used at fast food restaurants. where are they supposed to go? the grocery store? (laughter) that's unsanitary. a lot of that food was recently on the ground! (laughter) but thankfully young foods is taking court action. the restaurant conglomerate which includes taco bell, k.f.c. long john silver's and pizza hut is applying for indplugs the

food stamp program. so congratulations, poor people. you're on the yum foods gravy train. (laughter) warning: gravy train may contain no actual gravy. (laughter) now of course the newtry nazis at the grass toestapo argue the diets cause unfortunate health outcomes and poor nutrition. folks, i say this is just discrimination. these are food stamps! so the government is saying these aren't food. well, i'm sorry, folks, but taco intel a sponsor and goddamnit, if they say they serve food, i will take them at their word! i don't care if that gets me hate mail! i don't care if that costs me another emmy, you can cite your scientific studies, you can quote your religious leaders, i don't care what the f.d.a. says, taco bell is food! i have been to the mountain top and there was a taco bell there and i ate some because it is

possible to do so! (cheers and applause) in fact, i will now prove it. i will now prove it by ingesting this delicious taco bell nacho cheese gordita. mmm! food! (laughter) it had better be! (laughter) because it is in my mouth: (laughter) we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] a batman: arkham city bundle,

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with a bonus copy of batman: arkham asylum only at walmart. the fastest way to play. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. my guest tonight has a new book called "the better ann angels of our nature: why violence has declined." man, i'd love to see two angels fighting. please welcome steven pinker. (cheers and applause) good to see you again, nice to have you. all right, sir, welcome back. this is your third trip to the rodeo. (laughter) but just because i've invited you back twice doesn't mean i'm impressed with your c.v., okay? you're a harvard elite, are you not? >> indeed. okay, so you've got a new book. it is called "the better angels of our nature: why violence has declined." what do you mean violence has declined? there's violence everyday.

turn on "real housewives." >> (laughs) yes, there used to be more. believe it or not, violence has been in decline for thousands of years. we may be living in the most peaceful era in our species' existence. >> stephen: really? we should paint that on some of our bombs. (laughter) >> violence hasn't gone down to zero or smoothly but it's definitely gone down. prehistoric tribes kill each other at a rate of about 15%. with the first settled states and kingdoms that went down to about 3%. today it's much less than a percentage point. there are more people being killed but there are a lot more people not being killed. >> stephen: wait a second, it's gone to less than a person sentage point? we kill less than a percent of each other? >> that's right. >> stephen: so we're supposed to hit like seven billion by halloween. right? seven billion people on earth by halloween. so how many of each other will we kill about? >> every year? >> stephen: yeah. >> in the tens of thousands.

>> stephen: that's it? there's like 10,000 handgun deaths in the united states a year. >> oh, i'm sorry. i'm talking about in warfare. >> stephen: oh. >> many more people are killed in homicides than in warfare. >> stephen: so you're taking homicide out of this? >> well, you have to consider them separately. but homicide has gone by about a factor of 5 since the middle ages. so in the middle ages you were 35 times more likely to be murdered than you are today. >> stephen: well. they don't tell you that when you go to medieval times. (laughter) now when do you say modern not killing you each other started? the golden age of not killing each other? >> it might be now in statistical terms. >> stephen: the quote you used to title your book is "the better angels of our nature" that's lincoln from the second inaugural address. that's right toward the end of the bloodiest war in u.s. history and right before he got shot in the head. (laughter)

isn't that the most ironic hopeful statement ever made? >> well, he didn't live to see many of the declines of violence that today we're enjoying. i borrowed that phrase to refer to the parts of human nature that have helped drive violence down. now we do have inner demons. we have a lot of motives that can erupt at any time in violence. >> stephen: right. i'm fighting the urge to punch you right now. (laughter) >> because the frontal lobe of your brain is exercising self-control. >> stephen: i've also had a lot of tater tots. (laughter) let me tell you something. okay. stalin killed 20 million people. mao killed 70 million people. hitler racked up, you know, six million jews alone and then, like, a cluster of millions of everybody else he didn't care for. plus all the stuff on the battlefields. so how can you say that this is the peaceful century? >> two things: someone that a seine curchy lasts for a hundred

years, not just 50. >> stephen: i'm not... don't patronize me. (laughter) >> and the last 55 years of the 20th century had unusually low rates of death and warfare. so after tha spike of wars between 1814 and 1918 and '39 to '45, the rate of killing in war went down. it was a part of an escalating trend which is what everyone predicted at the time. everyone thought well world war i, seven and a half million, world war ii maybe 15 million on the battlefield. world war iii is going to be even worse. but it didn't turn out that way. first the powerful great powers and the developed states stopped going to war with each other and more recently that's spread to the rest of the world. if you plot the rate of death in warfare, since world war ii it's a bumpy downhill decline and in the last few years as a proportion of the world's population we're at an all-time low since the second world war. >> stephen: as the a proportion of the world's population. so we may be killing more people but as a proportion of the world's population it's less? >> more and more people are not

being killed. they're diagnose of natural causes. >> stephen: if you kill a million people in a country with two million people, that's... that's pretty bad. but if you kill a million people but there are 40 million people in the country, that's progress. (laughter) >> stephen: statistically. human life has suffered from inflation. (laughter) thank you so much for coming. i hope no one kills you violently. (laughter) thank you so much. (cheers and applause) steven pinker "the better angels of our nature." we'll be right back.

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. nation, tonight is the sixth year anniversary of "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) i know it is hard to believe because it was actually last night. (laughter) and as part of this year's anniversary celebration, the chelsea market at ninth avenue on 15th street here in new york is staging an art exhibition of behind-the-scenes photography from the first six years of "the colbert report." but don't worry, all the nudes are tasteful. (laughter) again, my apologies to doris kearns goodwin. (laughter) all of these rare photographers are for sale with proceeds going to benefit donor's choose which supports projects in public schools across america. but, of course, there's only one gallery i attend because every year it's got my newport rate and because it serves free wine