( cheers and applause ). >> jon: that's our show. have a great thanksgiving. here it is, your moment of zen. >> newt gingrich is being dogged by a report that he earned $1.6 million consulting for freddie mac. >> president obama, are you prepared to give back all the money that freddie mac

>> tonight is the environmental movement dead t is if it lives on a coral reef, i introduce a new form of substance abuse so frightening will you want to take a xanax. and my guest took months to build a toaster from scratch. his bed & breakfast should be open in the year 2021. the new italian prime minister has passed austerity measures. es a he going to cut back to one bunga. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) welcome to the report, everybody.

thank you so much. good to you have with us. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to our continuing coverage of no shave november. i want you to know after that warm greeting, not only are you welcome here, you are first here. nation-- (applause) it's no surprise i am addicted to all the republican presidential candidates. they are like crack, in that they will devastate black communities. and folks, i got my fix on saturday with yet another debate. this time sponsored by cbs. the big news was that a woman was mistreated and herman cain had nothing to do with it. you see, minnesota

congresswoman michele bachmann's campaign is crying foul because bachmann was slated to appear on a post debate show for cbs. cbs's new political director john dickerson was informed of this in an e-mail from his producer, and responded by writing, let's keep it loose, in the hopes we can get someone else because bachmann was not going to get many questions in the debate since her low poll numbers weren't nearly off the charts. ms. bachmann's communications director was copied on the e-mail because mr. dickerson hit "reply all" now we've all been there. laugh laugh one slip of the mouse and the wrong person gets that photo of you in the crocless ironman costume. again, my apologies to door ris concerns goodwin and my apologies to no shave november. (laughter) no surprise-- (applause)

no surprise after dickerson's accidental gabfest bachmann's campaign manager stormed through the spin room saying john dickerson should be fired. he is a piece of [bleep] (laughter) to add insult to injury, a piece of [bleep] is polling higher than michele bachmann. well-- (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: she knows exactly what this snub is really about. >> clearly this was an example of media bias. >> stephen: yes, media bias. and not just against michele bachmann, every day the mainstream media denies air time to millions of people who will not be president. (laughter) as bachmann's campaign manager keith nahegian e-mailed reporter-- supporters, the media elite are purposely suppressing our conservative message. yes, cbs is clearly biased for asking more questions of the left wing candidates like herman cain, rick perry,

mitt romney and newt gingrich. three of these comrades don't even want to electrocute mexicans. now thankfully, bachmann has turned this outrage into an outrage-portunity. on sunday her campaign fired off an e-mail to supporters saying please show your support by tweeting your outrage to cbs news. afterwards i hope will you make a donation to michele's campaign to ensure she has the funds necessary to foyt back against the liberal media. and folks, it's true. michele bachmann needs your donations because to the only does the media have a liberal bias, but evidently so does money. nation, i have got some great news. we solved the global warming crisis! jimmy, drop the styrofoam! whooo! whooo! we did it! whooo! (cheers and applause)

clean up this mess real quick, hold on, let me just-- (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: -- script seems to be missing. so how did we do it? alternative energy? carbon sequestering? no, the best answer is always the simplist. we stopped caring. (laughter) we must have. why else would we be planning the proposed keystone x-l pipeline that will transport crude oil from alberta's rich tar sands through a 1700 mile underground tube all the way down to refineries on the texas coast. and it's all the sweeter that this oil is coming from

canada. i mean who hasn't looked at their hot neighbor and thought yeah, i'd tap that. plus-- (laughter) plus this pipeline will gush out a resource even more precious than oil. >> the keystone project would generate 20,000 immediate jobs. >> would would create at least 50,000 jobs. >> in total about 118,000 in direct jobs. >> i gather to the president let the keystone x-l pipeline go through, will create 120,000 jobs. >> this is the keytone x-l pipeline some estimates could produce up to eye million new high-paying jobs. >> stephen: and those numbers come fresh from the pipe-line those experts built from their ass straight to the airwaves. but-- (applause) folks, barack obama has delayed approval of the pipeline, killing billions of jobs because he is cow

towing to environmenta environmentallist-- who protested on the white house last week where. do they get off. here to tell me where they get off is author, environmentalist and one of the organizers of the keystone x-l protest, bill mckibon. thanks so much for joining us today. okay, bill. (applause) the president has delayed the approval of this pipeline. he's kicked the can down the road. all because of pressure from guys like you. are you sell operating all the loss of jobs in do you have some hybrid vehicle that runs on broken dreams? (laughter) >> the truth is the only study of this pipeline not funded by trans-canada, the company that wanted to build it. >> stephen: they should know it's their pipeline but go ahead. >> the only study they didn't pay for should there be exactly zero new jobs net that it would kill as many as it would create and it

would do so by raising the price of gasoline across the midwest. >> stephen: that doesn't make any sense. you get oil from the ground, ship it across the united states. obviously there are going to be jobs of digging the hole to put the pipe in. >> that's right. >> stephen: construction jobs within the point of a pipeline is once you have got it no one ever has to work there again. the trans-canada head said last week that there might be a few hundred permanent jobs that would be created from this pipeline. the real jobs come when we gets off big oil and decide to-- . >> stephen: ba, ba, hold on a second, let's stick with the oil for a second. let's stick with what we know works. what is wrong with rung a pipeline across the united states? >> the pipeline comes from this tar sands deposit in alberta. >> stephen: right, which by the way you said this area up there, you said second largest pool of oil on earth after saudi arabia. that's an argument against it? >> when we found-- . >> stephen: that gives me a

job boner to hear that. >> when we found saudi arabia we knew nothing about global warming. so it made sense to go plummet and get what we could. now that we know about climate change, now that we've already raised the temperature of the earth a degree largely by burn nag saudi oil we would be crazy to find its second saudi arabia and do the same thing. jim hanson at nasa or foremost climatologist said tab heavily -- tap heavly into that tar sand deposit and it's and i quote essentially game over for the climate. >> stephen: game over for the climate? >> there will still be a climate. we'll just change what it's made of. it will be there, as a matter of fact matter of fact, we will be able to see it more. we'll be more aware of the climate. you are looking at the glass half empty. i'm saying it's half full of carbon. >> it will be-- and it will be half full of water because we'll see the flooding that we've seen around the world including in my home state of vermont the last couple of years

absolutely record off the charts. just increasing more and more and more all the time. >> stephen: are you from vermont. >> yes. >> stephen: did you ride your bicycle down here, drive ox cart, how did you get down here, or dow have a vehicle that ones on hypocrisy, how did you get down here. >> there is to doubt that, you know, i'm a hypocrite. i've spent the last four years on the move around the planet, building this big global climate movement and spewing carbon behind me as i went. and you know, it's possible that, i can't make up for as much as i have put out. i hope that this movement that we're building and the people who have been willing to go to jail and to sit in outside the white house and do all the other things maybe making enough difference to make up for that kind of carbon. >> stephen: can i sell you on the oil sands for a second here. they're getting the oil out of the oil sands, okay. on the upside, doesn't that leave us nice clean sand when we're done, which alberta will need for its

beaches when it is waterfront property in 50 years. (applause) think about it. bill, thank you so much. co-founder director, 360.org. bill mckedon. thank

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you. folks, we have got big news here at the report. yesterday jay the intern welcomed his son ezra max into the world. so i want to extend my heartfelt congratulations to jay and his family and an even more heartfelt, where are you? i had to get my own coffee today and i done remember how i take it. black, sweet and light, latte, iced? i don't know, i had to drink all four of them! i got so tweaked i bit the ear off a barista so get

back here! mi just as cute as ezra. i could do everything can do. i can sleep, i can eat, i can cry, i soil myself. (laughter) >> plus my fon tan el isn't closed either. now that you have a child, jay, i also need to share with you my wisdom as a father. being a parent is a sublime and beautiful adventure. filled with unexpected joys and unimaginable terror. i hope you have enjoyed sleeping, jay, because as a parent, the rest of your nights will be haunted by local news stories like this. >> a few things i never thought would appear in the same sentence, tampons and vodka. do i have your attention? >> stephen: yes. yes, you do. >> because if you are a parent, you really need to hear this. >> officer chris thomas spends his days patrolling the hauls of valley high school. he heard firsthand how kids are get be tipsy.

>> what we are hearing about is teenagers utilizing tampons soak them in vodka first before using them. >> you heard right, teens taking tampons, soaking them in vodka, and inserting them there. >> this is not isolated to any school, any city, any financial area. this is everywhere. >> stephen: yes. this is happening and it is everywhere. a high school security cop heard about it, that means it's true. nation, i have warned you previously about the dangers of vodka eyeballing. a terrifying trend that swept through america's teens a year ago and then vanished completely as if no one was really doing it. but vodka tamponing is even more threatening. who knows how long this has been going on. no wonder the women in these commercials look so happy! they are hammered! (laughter) nation, i wish, i wish i

could say that this practice, that is, again, everywhere in america-- (laughter) >> is limited to teenage girls. but if kpho phoenix's news leader reports this phenomenon is equal opportunity. >> this is definitely not just girls. guys will use use it and now they'll insert them into their rectum. >> stephen: thank you, officer. again, parents, everywhere in america. boys are soaking tampons in vodka and little ratly getting drunk off their asses. everyone -- every one! wake up! wake up, america. everyone is doing this. if you are with a teenage boy right now, chances are they have a vodka soaked tampon in their butt! come on! a very important advisory to my teenage viewers. do not do this!

it is very dangerous and foregod's sake, if you soak your tampon in at the qeel a, don't salt-- in tequila, don't salt the rim. we'll be right back.

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight, about building a toast frere scratch. i will ask him if he also hunted his own bread. (cheers and applause) hey, thank you so much for coming on. >> hi. >> stephen: all right, you are an industrious young man. i saw this project on line a year ago. when did it start showing up on the webs. >> about a year ago. >> stephen: now you have a book based on you what did. it is called the toaster project. or a heroic attempt to build a simple electric appliance from scratch. >> uh-huh.

>> stephen: you tried to build like your basic sunbeam toast frere your kitchen from nothing. >> yeah. >> stephen: two questions, why? and why? (laughter) >> yes. >> stephen: what motivated you. >> well, i mean-- . >> stephen: are you an artist. >> yeah, well, designer, designer. gray area, gray area. >> stephen: so mom and dad i'm to the going to be an artist, i'm going to be a designer, much safer profession. >> but, yes, so i tried to build a toast frere scratch, you know, and like literally from the ground up. so to make the metal bits, the grilling apparatus. >> stephen: but why, why did you want-- why did you want to -- >> have you ever had that fantasy where you are kind of on a desert island. >> stephen: yes,. >> by yourself, maybe with sarah palin or something and-- (laughter) >> stephen: i'm a married man, sir. >> sorry, sorry. >> stephen: all right. >> it's a fantasy. >> stephen: that is a great way to get a toaster.

just get married because you will get one. >> so but what would you actually be able to do you know, what would you be able to make. >> stephen: are you strand and a desert island and your first instinct is make toast. ahead of like fishing pole or fresh water. are you doomed. >> i think it basically sums up human civilization in many ways. >> stephen: this is the first, this is-- these are the parts. >> so to, you know, to make a toaster i went and thought i need to reverse engineer a toaster so i went and bought a toaster, the cheapest one i could find sses how many pieces. >> well, 400 different bits like when you really go down and start taking every single tiny bit apart there is 404 different bits. all put together into this object which you can buy for like four quid, you know, like $6, i think. >> stephen: i was going say, that sounds like a sea creature. >> where do all these bits

come from. they have all been dug up from like holes in the ground, all over the world. >> stephen: so you want to do this yourself. >> i thought, well, i want to find out how this magic transformations happens from like rocks and sludge into like the modern world. >> stephen: okay. so one of the things you did, here is another photo. this is-- this photo, what are you doing here? >> so my first attempt at smelting iron you know-- . >> stephen: so you dug up iron ore. >> i dug up iron ore. >> stephen: where? >> it was an old iron mine just in the forest near wales. >> stephen: okay. >> and dragged it back to london in a suitcase and then built this furnace. >> stephen: were you ever afraid that you are trying to get iron and smelt it and get all these little bits and pieces that you might end up on a terror watch list? >> there were a few times, actually. >> stephen: because i'm building a toast certificate not that believable. so you got your iron but

what are you doing here. >> so my first attempt failed. that was the 16th century way and then i found a patent on-line for industrial furnaces that use microwaves and i thought well my mum's got a microwave. so this is after about 45 minutes of full power. and you can shall did --. >> stephen: you were smelting iron ore in a microwave. >> yeah. >> stephen: wait a second this desert island you are on has a microwave. (applause) >> yeah, well-- . >> stephen: really? if you can-- if you request make it hot enough there's your toaster. >> well-- just put the toast on top of the iron it will make toast, i guarantee you. >> well good point. >> stephen: thank you. so let's show the people the final product. this is the final product, you molded your own plastic case for your toaster. jimmy?

(laughter) (applause) >> stephen: and did it turn on? >> i did plug it in, yes. >> stephen: okay. i can plug anything in. but did it turn on. >> yeah t got really hot for about a second and a half. and then the element melted itself. but no one died. so-- (laughter) >> stephen: you know wha what-- those are the best kind. thank you so much. >> thank you. >> stephen: the toaster project. all the instructions are in here. the great survival manual. we'll be right back.