>> stephen: tonight a new tool in the war on terror. get ready for ham irboarding. then a tv host speaks to god, larry king, head away from the light! and my guest aol founder steve case has a new internet ven tuferment i didn't actually book him, he just showed up here in a free mailer. a drunk woman rubbed her butt and tried to pee on a $30 million expressionist painting. come on, my five-year-old could do that. this is the colbert report captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing )

( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. welcome to the report. i love it, love it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you for joining us. nation, the deal -- >> stephen -- stephen-- . >> stephen: no you were a little late. the gop presidential race is heating up, romney and santorum tied in iowa, perry soldiering on. and michele bachmann dropping out to spend more time fiercely staring at her family. and folks, i am psyched. because we've got ourselves a good old-fashioned gop horse race.

after his surprise photo fin anybody iowa, rick santorum is the new gop golden boy. which explains why ron paul has tried to stamp him into coins. just one day since the caucuses, santorum raised a million dollars or as rick perry calls it, five iowa votes. for the santorum surge just got real, ladies and gentlemen. because he has caught the notice of the most influential voice of the 19th century, george will. who published a pro santorum op ed entitled suddenly a fun candidate. (laughter) >> stephen: fun! and if anybody knows fun it's george will. after all, a bow tie is just a necktie that's doing this. (laughter) now listen, listen to will

explain all the fun, quote sporktsing aromney still seems to many like a duty. supporting santorum seems like a lark. republicans supposedly hierarchical actually crave fun. yes, they crave fun. because without fun what would republican campaign against. and folks, you want fun. santorum is the life of the party. heck, he's the pro-life of the party. there's this great drinking game where you take a shot every time he says the word partial-birth abortion. jim, let's. >> let's he go back to the late 1990s and the issue of partial-birth abortion. >> partial-birth abortion. >> partial wirth abortion. >> partial-birth abortion. (laughter) (cheers and applause)

>> stephen: okay. that's enough fun for now. moving on. but before we get too used to the term president santorum, i've got to warn you folks, that there is a slim chance that he may not win. you see barack obama say pretty good campaigner, who will stop at nothing to become our first ever second black president. he is already set in motion a diabolical plot to hold office and it brings us tonight's word. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, right now the campaign is focused on the economy. but we're still at war and whoever is the president is going to need every tool at his disposal to disrupt-- disrupt, defeat and dismantle the terrorists who seek to-- that is why i

have rooted for the passage of the national defense authorization act. the nbaa. in addition to funding our wars, they strike at the heart of the most notorious safe haven for terrorists. it strikes at the u.s. constitution. in which our founders naively guaranteed the right of habeas corpus and trial by jury. but folks, by enschryneing our liberties, that is no way to preserve them. thankfully this bill doesn't. >> under the act the government may detain without trial suspected members of al qaeda or its allies. >> stephen: in other words, -- >> in other words, what we have already been doing for ten years but with the unexpected twist of it to you being legal. (laughter) >> stephen: we didn't see that coming. now of course, of course

this up set the al-coddlers on both sides of the aisle. >> indefinite military detention without trial of american citizens is categorically unacceptable. >> you cannot have the president power to arrest american citizens in their own country without the rational of due process. >> it takes a wrecking ball to the united states constitution. this legislation authorizes the military to indefinitely detain individuals without charge or trial, including the detention of u.s. citizens on u.s. soil. >> stephen: oh, that's ridiculous. we will not lock up americans indefinitely. eventually they will die. (laughter) >> stephen: but to placate the habbuous huggers, an amendment was added stating nothing in this section shall be construed to affect existing law. that then made the bill acceptable. in the same way it's

acceptable to say your mother is a whore as long as you add an amendment saying, if she is not, disregard the previous statement. (laughter) >> stephen: of course, of course no one came out harder against this bill than barack obama who vowed to veto it. fortunately president obama was smack down by a man with some balls. commander in chief obama who signed the ndaa into law on december 31st. happy new year. now he knew that by doing this his voters wouldn't like it. so the president added a signing statement that said i have signed this bill despite having serious reservations. he signed it but said it was wrong. that is called standing on your principleses. but the real stroke of

genius here was when he added, quote, my administration will not authorize the indefinite military detention without trial of american citizens. notice how he said "my add." the president can now have you snatched in the middle of the night and whisked off to be tortured in the basement of some lith janian janian-- lithuanian disco. but, and this is important, barack obama is saying that won't happen to you as long as barack obama is president. now it is clear what his message is to voters. he's saying hey, you're safe with me. but i can't guarantee the next guy isn't going to disappear your son and hook his nipples up to a truck battery. or, as he used to say, hope. but with the economy where it is, folks, he's going to have to go even further. i think next he should introduce, sign and then oppose a law granting him

the command never chief prima nucti, the right to deflower any man's wife on their wedding night. now of course, president obama would never do that. but president gingrich? do you really want to take that chance? or to make sure he never has to leave office, obama could simply sign the law allowing ex-presidents to hunt americans for sport. up until now that was only legal for vice presidents. so-- (applause) i miss that good man. so if you're up set because you voted for barack obama thinking he would be better than george bush on indefinite detention, you better vote for him again. not because he's better but because he just reluctantly made it easier for the next president to be just as bad.

and that's the word. we'll be right back.

>> thank you so much, everybody. welcome back. nation t is no secret that i

am a huge fan of televangelist pat robertson. i watch every episode of the 700 club, over a big plate of pat robertson's age defying pro teen pancakes. and folks, they work. my pancakes have never looked younger. got to heat that up. okay. and i am clearly not past only-- pat's only fan. so is yahweh h god. >> i spent the better part of a week in prayer and just saying god, show me something. and i will share with you some things i will share with you. i think he showed me about, the next president but i'm not supposed to talk about that so i will leave new the dark. >> probably just as well. >> probably just as well.

but i think i know who it's going to be. >> stephen: it's probably just as well he doesn't tell us who the next president is going to be. clearly whoever god picked it's going to be ridiculous. i'm guessing the next president is either a powder puff girl% dispenser or jon luntzman. but folks-- (applause) >> jon: . >> stephen: just as well. but that wasn't god's only message to pat. >> the lord said a time of maximum stress and peril this country will begin disintegrating so i'm saying, god, let me give you some, some suggestions and you tell me if any of them are right. >> stephen: oh, it's like 20 questions but with the ten plagues. all right, let's play. >> is it a massive power failure. no. >> stephen: okay, i won't need this, then. go on.

>> is it iranian or north of korea nuclear threat. >> no. >> stephen: great, okay. well then great, i can-- i can sell this back to glenn beck. (laughter) next. >> is it the myan galaxy aligning. >> no it's not that (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh, oh, it's not? oh, well, then thank quetzacoatl. anything else? >> what is it? it's an economic collapse and god said and i quote-- . >> stephen: whoa, whoa-- he's about to reveal the word of god, brother theodosius, are you ready. >> nos id faciamus. >> stephen: jim? >> and god said and i quote,

this is not my judgement, they are bringing it upon themselves. your country will be torn apart by internal stress. your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority. expect chaos and paralysis. this is a spiritual battle which can only be won by overwhelming prayer. >> stephen: okay. so only way to save america is overwhelming prayer. got it. looks like i have to step up and help the big guy out. first, first i am going to need my lucky prayer hat. (cheers and applause) you know what, wait, you know what, this isn't quite overwhelming enough. i'm going to need my prayer some braero. or some-prayer-o.

>> and of course my giant foam prayer hand and to really overwhelm god, boys, bring out the sacks. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: most speaker goes to ten. these go to el heaven. dear lord. >> can we take that down a notch. >> thank you. >> dear lord, we have heard you speak through your pat puppet (laughter) and we mortals are heartly sorry we elected barack obama. help us defeat him in 2012. although pat says you already knows what's going to happen so either this

prayer has already worked or it hasn't, which means it is either unnecessary or pointless. or and one more thing, lord, why did you tell pat robertson. i'm not complaining, but what about me? is there some sort of next president phone tree i can get orntion you know, like in cases of snow day. anyway if it's something i've done other than that, you know, that thing i try to stop doing, i'm sorry. amen. jesus number one. whooo (cheers and applause) >> stephen: that ought to do it and pat, the next time you have god on the line, remember he's a lot like your viewers. really old and trusting. so hit him up for some cash. we'll be right back. ♪ he was a 21st century global nomad ♪ ♪ home was an airport lounge and an ipad ♪ ♪ made sure his credit score did not go bad ♪

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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. welcome back. my guest tonight is the founder and former c.e.o. of aol and a leader thered so-called sharing economy. i assume he didn't mindsharing the green room snacks way chicken. please welcome steve case. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, mr. case. thanks so much for coming on. now okay, you're a legend of american modern technology.

you were one of the co-founders of aol. you served as chairman & ceo. later became chairman of time warner. aol time warner, excuse me. in 2005 you launched a company called revolution. okay, we'll get to that in a moment. but first let's talk about aol. aol was one of the original introducers of internet to people's lives. >> right. >> stephen: okay. would you like to apologise to all businesses for the lost work hours? of all the people who are [bleep] all day long on the internet instead of doing their job? you realize that you introduced the greatest time waster of all time. >> we tend to think of it as one of the great empowerment tools of all time because you can get information in new ways and get educated in new ways but we recognize it didn't always work out that way. >> stephen: now your new idea is called revolution. founded almost seven years ago now. >> right. >> stephen: and this is about the sharing economy.

it includes companies like zipcar, living social. i don't like the idea, if you don't mind, of sharing i'm one of 11 children. i had to share my entire life. i'm a big boy now. it's mine. isn't that anti-thetical to american. >> not really, actually the history of american people used to share a hundred years ago when people grew up in villages and farms and knew their neighbors. >> stephen: we also died at 43 a hundred years ago it this is ownership economy. >> when you knew people and trusted those people, and had a feeling of a sense of community. did you share. what happened the last 50 years, people moved around, didn't really know the neighbors but with the internet are you able to reconnect some of those communities and build some trust and reputation tools that make it easier now to share things whether it be cars or homes or office space, a variety of different kinds of things. >> stephen: what are the most popular things for sharing in the sharing economy. >> zip car is one of the companies that we got involved in six, seven years ago.

>> stephen: how does it work. >> basically instead of owning a car if you live in a city like new york or 20 phis around the world and 200 college campuses you join this club and can just use a car when you want without the expense and hassle of owning a car. most cars are only used 5 or 10% of the time. most vacation homes only use-- or 10% of the time. >> stephen: here is the problem with the zip car. doesn't that spread germs? because it's like you get in there, and the other guy a butt germ is right there. it's like using a public toilet. >> well. >> stephen: which by the way would be a great thing to use a zip car for. here's the thing about sharing. shares seems marxist. because the zip car belongs to the whole village, you know? i mean you know, you can find a-- if you don't believe me you can look up one of marxist's books in the library which is another place where things are shared. don't you think that's sort of a socialist idea? >> no, no. >> stephen: it's a collective, it's a collective car.

>> remember, come uns are related to community. and the initial-- . >> stephen: that's why i don't believe in community either. i live on an estate. >> all right, excellent. >> not in a community. >> well a lot of people-- you share. >> i do share. >> i do. >> i'm a member of zip car, a member of exclusive resorts. >> you weren't the president of it. >> sure. >> really? >> it is, if there is a generational shift i think a lot of people are used to ownership. apparently you might be one of them there are more and more people that actually like the idea of sharing, not only because it saves them money but they are part of a community that is aware of the environment, a generational shift away from ownership to use and experience. >> i have a breakthrough business based on this model. it's called toasterster, okay. i only my toaster for like a few minutes of the day. so why should i own a toaster. >> that's a fair point. >> stephen: how it will work is there that there will be

a central location in new york where all the toasters are kept. and will you go check out a toaster for like the five minutes it takes you to make your toast then return it to the central location for like a small fee. >> that's an awesome idea. we would like to talk to you about funding that. >> stephen: that's the stupidest idea. i could possibly think of. >> but i think if you keep work on it you will improve ton. >> stephen: listen, will you gift me start up money. >> i would be happy to but we need a hotter idea than that. >> stephen: i need $25 million. thank you steve case, thank you so much. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: internet entrepreneur, revolution. we'll