>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 12 1:00. here it is your moment of szep. >> andrew jackson had a pretty clear-cut idea about america's captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org superpac releases its first ad, but don't worry as my mouth says those words it's not coordinating with my brain. then i reveal my plan for the south carolina primary as soon as someone reveals

them to me. and my guest scott douglas is a religeous activist fighting to overturn alabama's anti-immigrant law. good thing he's religious because it's going to need a miracle. happy martin luther king day. i don't see race but i do see holidays when i should not be working. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: holy cow stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much, nation.

folks, thank you so much. please, please, as much as i would love to sit here and listen to you chant my name we have got to get to the big story, me. you see, on thursday in response to leading jon huntsman, 5% to 4% in a major poll i announced the formation of an exploratory committee for a possible run for the president of the united states of south carolina. (cheers and applause) that announcement has completely changed the complexion of this race. it has gone from linen to egg shell. and today it just got a little off whiter, jim. >> today our campaign for the presidency ends, but our campaign to build a better

and more trustworthy america continues. >> stephen: folks, do you see what has happened here? the mere possibility that i might run for president blew jon huntsman all the way back to the land's end catalog he came from. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: good. again, that's just from me exploring the idea of running. can you imagine what it would do to the field if i, stephen t colbert, looked into the camera right now and officially announced, but i'm not-- (laughter) >> stephen: by the way, that snapping sound you heard just now was the sphincters of the other candidates slamming shut. you have to listen. you have to listen closely for romney because it starts out about 90% clenched. all right. so here's where we are.

here's where we are, folks. huntsman's gone. and a lot of people are saying that this is just another sign that mitt romney has this race all wrapped up. but not so fast. christian conservatives are still keeping their options open as richard land president of the southern baptist convention explains. >> before we marry the guy next door, don't you think we ought to have a fling with a tall dark stranger and see if he can support us in the manner in which we would like to be accustomed. and if we can't we can always marry the steady beau who lives next door (laughter) >> stephen: yes, before christian conservatives settle down and marry the guy next door, they should bang a dark stranger a few times. no names, just anonymous, hot, sweaty, meat slapping. you know. family values. (applause) so to coalesce behind a single candidate in south carolina evangelical leaders gathered in texas and took a

vote. >> the social conservative leaders in texas over the weekend after three ballots overwhelmingly chose santorum. >> santorum after three ballots. it was just like the college of cardinals selecting a new pope. except that they announced their selection with a white puff of barbecue smoke. and folks, this could be big for santorum. although there is some doubt how much god's endorsement on saturday could help. it didn't do much for tim tebow. now personally-- personally i would not have gone with santorum. if i were god, i would have gone with me. (laughter) i mean why not, folks. i'm a social conservative, i teach sunday school, i attend church, and most importantly, i am a way bigger homophobe than rick santorum. now sure, sure, he's pretty good. he opposes gay sex. but he's still in favor of heterosexual sex. but if you think about it,

there's a dude in there, that's pretty gay. that's why i only support the lady lovein ladies. that's the only straight kind. think about it. okay. i know i do. (laughter) of course the other big story in south carolina right now is all the negative ads. romney's superpac attacks gingrich, gingrich's superpac attacks romney. and this weekend a-- a group calling itself the definitely not coordinating with stephen colbert superpac unveiled what i believe is the most shocking attack ad yet. >> corporations, america's greatest institution, they built this country one job at a time. mitt romney says he's for corporations. >> corporations are people, my friends. >> but mitt romney has a secret. s ahead of bain capital he

bought companies, carved them up and got rid of what he couldn't use. if mitt romney really believes. >> corporations are people, my friend. >> then mitt romney is a serial killer. (laughter) >> mitt the ripper. and you believe corporations are people, do your duty and protect them. on saturday january 21st, stop mitt the ripper before he kills again. americans for a better tomorrow tomorrow are responsible for the content of this advertising. >> stephen: wow. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: shocking, shocking stuff. so is mitt romney a serial killer? i don't know. but that question is out there now. of course the gang that couldn't report straight assumes i had something to

do with it. >> stephen colbert's superpac hits the airwaves in south carolina. >> stephen colbert, here is one of his superpac ads. >> leave it to stephen colbert to take these ads to the extreme. >> stephen: folks, once again, i need to make it as clear as the bleach mitt romney may or may not use to dissolve the bones of his victims. (laughter) this commercial is the sole responsibility of the person i turned my pac over to four days ago, a man named and i hope i am pronouncing this correctly jon stew-wart, ugly name. and if one word of that ad is inaccurate, i hope he takes it off the air and leaves it on the internet. (laughter) but folk, legally, i can't make him do that. we cannot in any way coordinate, even though we currently co-own a combination bagel shop and travel agency from shmear to

eternity. we book adventure travel to places where bagels are not available, and give our clients a bag of fresh bagels to take with them. because someone in k-2 is nice and all but brunching on k-2 is a memory of a lifetime. it is essential that the potential candidate and the superpac owner keep their operations separate. mitt romney knows what happens if you don't. >> we go to the big house. >> stephen: yes. we go to the big house. so the sauce pan, the a cream, front porch, the bean bag, the koi pond. but the challenge is jon has hired my superpac staff to work for him. and they are still in my building sharing offices with my staff who are exploring our possible presidential run. but we are not in any way coordinating. we are instead meeting the high standard set by political master scalp carl

rove-- karl rove whose american cross owed superpa superpac-- for carl forti operates black rock consultant who make ads for the mitt romney campaign. yes, one hand washes the other but they do it in separate bathrooms. and here's how we at the report keep it straight. now to make sure we don't inadvertently coordinate, we've actually split the staff into red team and blue team. red team, superpac. blue team, exploratory committee. now the blue team wears red shirts that say blue team in yellow while the red team wears blue shirts that say red team in green, okay. i have consulted a paralegal and i have been told that all of this is paralegal. (laughter) now jay, the intern, why don't you just run-- grab me a cup of coffee o buddy. >> sorry, stephen, i'm red team, i can't coordinate

with you. >> stephen: good man, jay, stay vigilant no coordination. okay, now seriously g get me that coffee. okay, thanks. he is totally going to jail. we'll be right back. good job, everybody. (cheers and applause) ♪[music plays] ♪[music plays] when you're responsible for this much of the team... you need a car you can count on. ♪[music plays]

>> thank you so much. welcome back, everybody, thank you. folks, are you going spoil me, folks. my exploratory committee for a potential presidential candidacy in south carolina is on the glide rail to glory. there's only one thing keeping us from grabbing that greased pig of victory, jim. >> there is no way for colbert to get on the ballot right now. they go not allow write ins in south carolina. >> you can't get on the ballot there is no write-in space. he can't even run. >> fortunately for stephen colbert this will be tough. guess what, south carolina doesn't have a provision in the primaries for president to be a write-in candidate. >> stephen: folks, they're keeping me off the ballot, on the technicality-- indeed. they're keeping me off on the technicality that i'm two and a half months late to file. fine, split hairs.

but no write-ins? that's anti-freedom. as an american i believe we should have the right to put anyone's name we want, even if that person is a complete waste of your vote. sleepy, dopey, perry, you name it. (applause) but folks, being able to write in whoever you want that's just freedom. and drawing up in south-- growing newspaper south carolina i was taught that freedom was why we started the civil war. but you know what, fine, you play your game. i don't want to be on the ballot anyway. i'm just exfloor-- exploring how much hunger there is out there for a potential stephen colbert campaign. the problem is how do you gauge if people want to vote for you in a state where your name is not on the ballot? that's a pickle, folks. and it brings us to tonight's word. (cheers and applause) raise cain. now folks, the ballot in

south carolina is locked. that means i can't get on. but being locked also means that former candidate herman cain can't get off. and folks, i have never, ever, i have never made a secret of my admiration for my main man herrmann. >> the cole berts superpac officially endorses herman cain for president. whooo! get on the herman cain train. i love it because it rhymes. and it's much catchier than step on into the ron paul shower stall. cain understands domestic issues because he had specious selling pizza. and he understands international issues because pizza is italian. now folks i share so many of cain's values. i am a huge supporter of both opportunity zones and pizza. now because cain and ri so

similar, i think that if this saturday herman cain were to get a significant number of votes, that would be a sign that voters are hungry. hungry, hungry for a stephen colbert campaign. now like cain i'm an outsider. and i know my appeal is broader than just the republicans. luckily south carolina has always welcomed outsiders. you see, the thing is-- my home state, my home state has what's called an open primary. which means to vote, you don't have to be a republican. anybody who shares my values can show it by voting for herman cain. that's a win-win. that means-- that means independence, democrats, college kids, viewers of my show, people who attended my rally, my twitter followers,

my good friends on read it, young people of the internet, stand up and shout. because you see, you are all legally eligible to go down to the polls and tell the world how much you love herman cain. because, folks if our message is going to be taken seriously we're going to have to do more than just raise money and raise awareness. we're going to have to raise cain. and that's the word. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)

>> stephen: thank you very much. welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is a community organizer who believes anti-immigration is the civil rights issue of our time. that's ridiculous. martin luther king said i have a dream, not i want a taco. please welcome scott douglas. (cheers and applause) hey, mr. douglas. good to see you. thanks so much for coming on. >> great. >> stephen: let's tell the people a little about yourself right now. you are the executive director of the greater birmingham ministry's in alabama birmingham alabama, okay. which is advocating overturn of hb 56. what is this bill?

>> hb 56 is alabama's new anti-immigrant law that burdens families, breaks up families, forces the split up of families, burdens taxpayers and makes law enforcement take on the extra job of checking out people at traffic stops. >> stephen: okay. i mean you say burdens, splits, what it does is, is that it removes illegal immigrants from your state. it is tough on crime s it not? >> this law-- . >> stephen: is it a crime to be an illegal immigrant? >> it is-- . >> stephen: is it a crime. >> if a federal crime-- not a state crime. >> stephen: oh so, we don't want the feds marching into alabama. they did that 150 years ago, it didn't work out too well. >> the part is that alabama should not be joining one of those states that has its own state immigrant law. we don't need 50 immigrant laws across the united states of america. we need one comprehensive law that is just and fair

for everyone. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we talked about this law on the show a couple of months ago. what it is, it says that, an illegal immigrant cannot be entered into a contract with. so you can't rent them. you can't tush on their water in some cases. you can't give them a phone. they can't get a licence. and police are compelled on, if they suspect someone is an illegal immigrant to pull them over and ask for i.d., correct? >> police are being diverted from doing jobs of protecting our communities from burglaries, serious crimes, diverted to policing immigration, with which is not in their purview at all. >> stephen: let me ask you something. this is driven, the illegal immigrant hispanic farm workers out of your state, okay. and i know you have got crops rotting on the vine as a result. >> that's correct. >> stephen: i don't see

race. are you hispanic. >> i am a proud african-american and a proud alabamaian and proud united states citizen. >> stephen: so why as african-americans would you be fighting for the latinos? because they didn't fight for you guys. >> this is my-- this is martin luther king's birthday celebration. >> stephen: i'm familiar. >> and he famously said that injustice anywhere will affect justice everywhere and hb 56 is a threat to me and all americans. >> stephen: listen. i have come out against this bill, okay. because if the hispanic illegal immigrants are not there to pick our crops, i don't get my caesar salad. okay. you seem like you want me to be against it because i want justice for people who are not american citizens. you can't make me want to give them rights. >> that's what martin luther

king said. there's no document written by a human hand should be used to the humanity of any man. and this-- . >> stephen: all right, if you want to go, you want to go old school on me here, okay, you have said i want to make sure i get this write, you have said that hispanics are the new negro. >> yes, based on treatment, just like the criminal crowe laws are arbitrary laws capricious give anybody the power over you to abuse you, to hurt you, to honor you. >> stephen: okay. but are things so good for african-americans in alabama that they're not in any way the old negro? i mean are things so good for black people in alabama that you can turn your focus to latinos? >> african-americans can never forget how hard we to gain the rights we now have and how far we have to toil, to gain even more.

we know the path we had to trot and we are trying to be in solidarity with these people as they face this stage of this abuse. >> (cheers and applause) >> stephen: it just seems so many things, like jazz and rock 'n' roll were taken from black people. it's just a shame that negros get taken from them too. hold on to some of the heritage. now back in the day birmingham, the police brought out the dogs and the hoses on the african-american community there. if these hispanic illegal immigrants actually had massive marches like the one that dr. king had in alabama f they had a leader who stood up against them do you think things will get rough for them? >> yes. >> stephen: do you think the police would go after them like round them up and like pepper spray them, not that pepper spray would have any effect. i think that is delicious to those guys. no, i am-- seriously, they're raised on that stuff. they go right up the stream. doctor, sthoouch for joins

us. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: from the greater birmingham ministries, scott douglas. we'll be right back. ♪ swing music plays ♪