captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: wow, very nice. you guys are fantastic. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: for a second there there was-- there was competing time zuringts going on there for a second.

441, please sit down, everybody. thank you so much for coming. nation, it is day four of the colbert superpac hostage crisis. jon stewart will not give it back to me and seal team 6 won't answer my calls. won't you go to colbert superpac.com and give generously. because i'm going to get it back. and we are so close to a very big number which i will reveal on monday night's show. or on say who wants to be a millionaire. meanwhile folks, big republican debate tonight in florida. it is the 19th of the season. one more and they win a free debate. there are only five days left right now until the florida primary. romney and gingrich are neck and neck. well, neck and -- -- (cheers and applause)

amphibian display pouch. i'm not going to lie to you, m itt is in trouble. a recent poll found that 61% of people said mitt romney will say anything he has to to get elected. and to woo that 61%, mitt romney immediately agreed. (laughter) but folks, mitt romney recently proved that his principleses are as unwaivering as his hair. he has repeatedly said that corporations are people, but he has never said good people or bad people. until yesterday. when he stood up for the most maligned corporate people of all, banks. >> the banks arbts bad people, they're just overwhelmed right now. >> banks are scared to death, of course. they're feeling the same thing that you're feeling. >> stephen: yes. the banks are feeling the same thing that you're feeling. when they look at your house, they also think that belongs to me. (laughter)

and let's not forget, let's not forget that florida has more foreclosures than any other state. so with pro bank statements like that, mitt romney is to the going to win any pop layer contests but he's not out to win a popularity contest, he's out to win an election. how do those work. (laughter) oh, he's up [bleep] creek. now on the other hand, newt gingrich has found an issue sure to appeal to florida voters. >> i want to talk to you today is going to be very, very bold. by the end of my second term we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be american. we will have commercial nea near-earth activities that include science, tourism and manufacturing. >> stephen: yes, america will bring manufacturing to the moon.

ohio, [bleep] out of luck. and newt's vision for the moon goes further. >> when we have 13,000 americans living on the moon they can petition to become a state. >> stephen: that's right, the moon is going to be a state. suck it washington d.c., suck it. (applause) but folks for some reason the gop establishment is not sold on newt. >> most of us are terrified to death that he would become the republican nominee. >> this is favor ability versus unfavor ability. newt gingrich, 27% favorable, 56% unfavourable. believe me, republicans in congress will be terrified to run with this man for fear they will lose the house and the senate. >> if newt gingrich is able to win the florida primary, you will see a panic and a meltdown of the republican establishment that is beyond my ability to articulate in the english language. >> stephen: yes, there is no english word for that kind of meltdown.

the closest is the german claustfuchen, compound word. now we've all heard the sordid details of newt's marital history so i do not need to dredge up how he married his high school math teacher, left her for another woman when she had cancer, then left that woman for a third woman when the second woman was diagnosed with an incurable case of newt wanted some strange. but fox news therapist dr. keith ablo sees all this as positive writing quote when three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, i worry more about whether we'll be clamouring for a third gingrich term, not whether we'll want to let him go after one. yes, gingrich is so seductive that three women, two of whom knew he was an adulterer were willing to

pick newt. so ablo is saying we should look past his weaknesses to his strengths. which are his weaknesses. folks, newt has proven himself sensitive too. according to ablo, two women have sat down with him while he delivered incredible, painful truths. that he had fallen in love with other women and needed to follow his heart despite the risk he would be taking with his reputation. yes, he had to follow his heart or whatever was throbbing so loudly. and-- (applause) and folks, as ablo says, this was a risk to his reputation. someone without dr. ablo's psychiatric insights might misdiagnose newt as a sociopathic believe believe

hound-- [bleep] houn. folks, you know every night this show is just me, single-handedly giving you your opinion. but recently i've noticed some shows let other people talk. they're called panel discussions. and no one is better than sean hannity and his great american panel. where sean inexplicable football in hand dissects the news with political luminaries. >> tonight on our great american panel she say republican congresswoman from the state of minnesota michele bachmann is here. he is a world renowned civil rights leader and the president of the national action network reverend al sharpton and rounding out the panel tonight american rock legend meatloaf is with us. >> stephen: finally, finally a forum for meatloaf to express his political views. until now, until now they

were only on his album farm subsidies out of hell. well, folks, daddy wants in. when we come back i'll be joined by the finest political minds who answered my phone call. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) y, i'm reae took this last minute trip

me too. you booked our room right? not yet, thanks for reminding me. wait, what? fret not ma'lady. i have the hotels.com app so we can get a great deal even at the last minute. ah, well played sir. download the free hotels.com app and get exclusive mobile deals.

hotels.com. be smart. book smart.

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. are you here on an historic night. nation to continue our discussion of today's top news stories i'm proud to welcome some people who were in town. this is stephen colbert's great available panel. (cheers and applause) tonight on our very first great available panel, he is the chief washington correspondent for cnbc please welcome john harwood, everybody. (cheers and applause) john, good man, thank is so much for being here. boom, lock it down. all right, she is the easyitier of nation magazine

friend of the show katrina vandehovel is with us, boom, give it up. all right. ladies and gentlemen, star of stage and screen, best selling pop artist and recent first person voted off celebrity apprentice, david cassidy. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: okay, high five from a distance, my man. >> all right, first of all, great available panel, do you have your seat. >> yes, we do. >> stephen: thank you so much. >> i didn't put the tip on there yet. >> stephen: that's all right. you're not reimbursed for tips, okay. and we'll get a check out to you guys in 12 to 18 weeks. thank you so much. all right, panel, what is going on with this election? okay, john harwood, okay, you're a political analyst, who takes florida? >> well, first of all, i'm in an open marriage with my political predictions right now. but-- . >> stephen: good man, good man, that's appealing,

evidently. >> okay. but i think the one that i love the best at the moment is that mitt romney comes back, wins florida, wins the nomination. >> stephen: how does mitt romney take it back though. people are liking gingrich right now. would it help if mitt romney cheated on one of his wives? because my understanding, katrina, you saw what dr. keith ablo said, the ladies trust a guy who is a known philanderer. newt gingrich, what's the magic. you are a lady. >> the republican party has been screwing this country for too long. it's not just newt gingrich. >> stephen: excuse me. >> it's basically screw and shaft. and i think tonight we're going to see a guy. >> stephen: what did you say, a screw and a shaft. >> yeah. >> stephen: a screw and a shaft so double teaming the american people. >> well no, but i mean-- i mean newt-- it's not just newt gingrich but he's going to get out there tonight. he's a street fighter with a poisonous history, race bather, baits the mythic

liberal media and this is a guy who will go as low as he can to rile up the base, he's playing the old republican southern strategy. let's play on racial anxiety and fear. he has no scruples. >> stephen: he is a fighter, he is a fighter. >> and, and -- >> and are you still attracted to him. >> stephen: what is it, what is it-- what is it that makes someone who has been married three times attractive to the ladies. david cassidy, you've been married three times. >> yes, i have. thank you so much. >> stephen: how did you land the second two. what's the magic. >> money. >> stephen: do you think that just money alone can push newt through? could he drag it out or can he win it. >> he doesn't have enough money. mitt romney has got a heck of a lot more money than gingrich does between his campaign and superpac. >> stephen: is newt declaring war on success. because newt has attacked reallyny for bain capital. do you think that there is anything wrong with the amount of money that romney has made and its amount he's kept? david i will go to you.

>> well, i'm a capitalist. >> right. >> i'm glad i didn't know that you were that kind of capitalist when i used to kiss your poster on my wall. i mean there are different kinds of capitalists. >> stephen: david, david, david-- david, heads up. >> you've got the talking ball. and here it is. >> i believe-- . >> stephen: i'm over here, david. >> i believe. (laughter) >> so much show business in my life, apologize. i believe honestly that both of them are the most embarrassing, sad, pathetic, really? this is the best we can do? >> stephen: okay, best pie. >> apple. >> stephen: wrong. >> american pie. >> stephen: close. >> .

>> stephen: is that too much of a hardball question for you. did i throw you with that one, david. >> i'm lost. >> stephen: all right. in-- connecticut. >> by the way the answer is blueberry. okay. in connecticut this past week four police officers are being investigated for discrimination against hispanic members of the community. when the mayor was asked about this discrimination this is the response he gave to a local reporter, jim, can you roll this. >> what are you doing for the latino community today? >> i might have tacoes when gi home, i'm not quite clear sure yet. >> stephen: okay, he's getting heat, this guy is getting heat for saying he is going have tacoes. >> he should get heat. >> stephen: okay, why, is it so pc now that you can't have tacoes? is that what it is? >> you can have tacoes. you just can't say repulsive thing about latinos when you are talking about tacoes. >> stephen: he didn't. he said tacoes. >> that is-- . >> stephen: is say if he said i would not eat a taco because it is a filthy cuisine. >> but the message-- .

>> stephen: that wab. >> but the -- >> he's an idiot. >> the measure of what we saw in his response which was obscene is a measure of what happened in that city. where latinos were beaten, harassed. that's what-- you know that is the kind of mentality, the attitude. >> stephen: how does eating a taco hurt that. >> you don't say that kind of thing. after you-- . >> stephen: that is the pc police. the thought police, it is the food police. >> you know what the constituents there in his little town are going to say, via con dios to my mayor. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: listen john, katrina, david, thank you so much for joining me. everybody give it up for the very first great available

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is in a new movie about whales trapped under the arctic ice. it must be a period piece about when there was arctic ice. please welcome drew barrymore. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, drew, lovely to meet you. >> hi, how are you. >> stephen: what a pleasure. gosh. giant fan. >> i am a fan of yours. >> stephen: oh this is going to be great. i have been a fan of you ever since, you know, you were a kid. are you not a kid any more, are you a mature woman, a hollywood power player. can we talk about et for a second just real quick. okay. you cry in that movie. did spielberg make you cry? because if he harmed a hair on your head. >> are you going to protect

me. >> stephen: i will protect you. he is a jerk. how did you do that. >> he has that reputation. >> stephen: how did you do that? >> you know, i think hi things to cry about. and he just tapped right in there. >> stephen: at that age. >> sure. >> stephen: you're deep. now you probably never see a sequel of that. you ever talk about a sequel to et. that say big, big franchise, an opportunity. >> i know, i know, in all seriousness he, from the get g he didn't even want to release it on dvd, but at the time it was like beta. and yeah, i just think he-- in fact he told me, he said i think it would you know, come across the wrong way. he's like i just don't think it will be the kind of film that i want it to be or other people want it to be. now i'm paraphrasing from him. >> stephen: right, right. what about a prequel. before the alien gets there, and it's just i want to know more about that family. >> i'm such a sucker for

prequells. >> stephen: why did dad leave mom, we want to know. >> exactly. >> stephen: why are you alone. >> you could call us the where's mexico version because i say that in the film. nobody obviously got that. >> stephen: no, i understand with. where is the mexico that is the heart break home. >> that is where the dad is. >> stephen: i know that you don't have to tell me. >> he's in mexico at sallie and then she goes and cries at the sink. >> stephen: i don't like sallie. >> neither do i. she's a whore. >> stephen: thank you, thank you. let's talk about the new movie. the new movie is called big miracle. >> yeah. >> stephen: and we have a clip. >> dow. you never show clips. i'm honored. >> stephen: well, drew bar-- drew barrymore. jim. >> we all give you the lion share of credit around here. because if it weren't for you, all three of those whale was be dead now. >> you're not as easy to hate as i thought. >> neither are you. >> still doesn't change the

way i feel but trying to open up the arctic wildlife refuge for drilling. >> young lady t doesn't change how i feel about it either. >> stephen: so does it have a happy ending? (applause) >> stephen: i mean does-- guess what mi asking do they eventually open up the arctic wile life preserve for drilling because it's so sad that all that oil is trapped underneath the ice. >> i know, i know. and that's ted danson playing this guy mcgraw who is a big oil driller. but the amazing thing about this movie is you know, oil companies and i play, you know, a tight-ass hippie who is fighting it for greenpeace. >> stephen: tight-ass hippie. that say tough combination. >> by the way, it was a little hard. i was like how do you be in people's face and still be likable. i play this real life woman. >> stephen: i remember the story t is incredible. it captivated this the world. >> it was this big huge small story that got bigger and bigger and it was because news med

where-- media put the story out there tom were caw was apparently a sucker for these stories. >> stephen: three whales are trapped in the icy-- the ic ice-- in should really be a movie. now what-- (cheers and applause) now and this was huge, right, like international-- governments got involved. >> the amazing thing is my character who is a greenpeace advocates fights and fights and fights and goes to the government level to get these ice barge breakers from the national guard to break through. and then the oil companies see there is an opportunity for them to like look better and bring their barges in. and then all of a sudden that's not working so that they've got to call, you know, the white house who gets involved because they want to elect bush from the recognize an administration. >> stephen: bush one. >> who had a terrible environmental record, all of them. >> stephen: he's a friend, watch out.

>> and then the white house wants to look good from this. so they start, you know, doing whatever they can. and before you know it, you know my character is saying look you've got to bring in the soviets because they are the only ones who can come in and break this ice. and the white house doesn't want to do this because of the cold war. next thing you know ronald reagan my character says fine, if you didn't, you know, want to do that, when the people come and ask me as the greenpeace lady that has been spearheading this whole movement, i'm going to tell them that ronald reagan killed those whales. >> stephen: eventually reagan went up there and just punched a hole in that ice. said mr. gorbachev, tear down this glacier. now listen, is there an album, because you know albums sell great with songs associated with movies. is there an album of like, of like whaling songs that go with this. >> do you happen to know of any good whale songs. >> stephen: oh, who ray and here ray and up she rises up she rises early in the morning. you sing that you get that, throw a little-- on it or

something like that, mary j. blige. >> what if we did like a stephen colbert, you know, sing songs for the whales cd. >> stephen: well, the movie going to be a huge success. >> thank you. >> stephen: drew barrymore, big miracle in the theatres y, i'm really glad we took this last minute trip

me too. you booked our room right?

not yet, thanks for reminding me. wait, what? fret not ma'lady. i have the hotels.com app so we can get a great deal even at the last minute. ah, well played sir. download the free hotels.com app and get exclusive mobile deals. hotels.com. be smart. book smart.

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