>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your mement of zen. >> the table. he walks up and says he was nudged in the back. she's so elegant. she pulled this off. >> do you see a nudge. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: will high gas prices hurt president obama? i assume so, have you seen that motorcade? [ laughter ] then, do the girl scouts of america have a secret agenda? are they just fattening me up to eat me?

and my guest ross eisenbrey is the vice president of a labor issues think tank. the economy is so bad, he had to get a night-thinking job. [ laughter ] mcdonalds is launching the mcbaguette in france. wait till those people try french fries. [ laughter ] this is "the colbert report." [cheers and applause] ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause]

welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. nation, i don't like to toot my own horn. i'm not that flexible. [ laughter ] but tonight is our 1,000th show! [cheers and applause] woooo!!!!çñi boom! 1,000, book! [cheers and applause] 1,000, boom! [cheers and applause] suck it, simpsons! oooh, you just hit 500 episodes. wow. it only took you 23 years. and don't give me that whole it's and matted (bleep). -- it's animated. (bleep).

i'm claymation. and folks, think of all i've accomplished together. hundreds of threats scores of words, and all the fan favorites the pulse, on my radar, bring 'em back or leave em dead, around the world in 11.6 seconds, all you need to know, march to enslavement, inya 1000 half-hour shows is with the help of 500 hour energy. [cheers and applause] 500 hour energy. i drank one of these back in 2005, and i just recently resumed blinking. so anyway -- that's how i did it. but why did i did it? why come out here every night? for the money? no. the fame? no. the unlimited breadsticks? they're nice. [ laughter ]

but i really do it because every night, after i give to all of you, i get something back. i get one skeeball ticket. [ laughter ] you see, doing a cable show is like being at chuck e cheese. after every show, my desk spits one out. i've got 999 of em! tonight will make 1000, and i get to trade 'em in and say goodbye! it's been great, but i've reached my goal. 20 more minutes! [ laughter ] but even on a joyous occasion like tonight, there's a cloud looming: barack obama. [ laughter ] with the economy on the upswing, his approval rating has soared to 53%, and he would trounce both romney and santorum by double-digits.

but that's only after 20 debates. america don't know them yet. luckily, there's still something that could put the brakes on. obama's momentum. >> gas prices continue to soar with no relief in sight. >> can't get a break when it comes to gas prices. regular shot up 12 cents nationwide, the average price for a gallon of gas? $3.64 >> when oil and gas prices go up, flight prices go up too, so that could mean fewer people driving. >> spun out right behind you. did you see that? >> i can't. yeah, looks like they've gotten in an accident out here. >> probably shocked about it gas prices. [ laughter ] >> stephen: yes, gas prices are so high, our cars have lost their will to live. [ laughter ] and everybody knows who is to

blame. everybody knows the president he has personal control over the oil supply. did you know before this president eisenhower used to pump your gas? folks, no one will ever convince me that obama can't single handedly bring down oil prices. here toç convince me is oil analyst and head of again capital, john kilduff. thank you for joining me. have a seat. why isn't obama picking up the magic red phone and telling exxon to drop their prices. because he can't. >> he can. >> can he not. >> the world market sets the prices. >> the united states is a

superpower. he is head of the superpower. he needs to throw the muscle around and say to saudi arabia -- >> has no control. >> stephen: do you not understand uh-uh. >> he has no control over the markets in europe and london based on what is produced,ç consumer and whether or not it's not threatened where it's produce. >> give me this, every spring that obama has been president the oil prices are creeped up. that's a coincidence. >> it's coincidence with the summer time driving season. >> stephen: it's a coincidence that people drive more when obama is president in the summer. >> no, sir, it happens every year. >> stephen: really. are there forces outside the united states contributing to this. >> we import two-thirds of oil. when we are worried about iran trying to get a nuclear bomb. >> stephen: it's an obama failure right there. iran getting a bomb.

that's the failure. why not invade iran and take their oil? >> i think you see how well that has gone for us when you talk about invading iraq. iranian ones are all the marbles. not only will their oil be affected. if they are attacked they promise to choke off a precious body of water called the strait of hormuz where the oil comes through. they are threatening to block the shipment of the oil. >> stephen: here is another obama failure, keystone, xl pipeline. we wouldn't be department upon ought arabs if we could get the xl pipeline. if he hadn't canceled it, i would be brushing my teeth with gso lean right now. wouldn't that change, bring the price down like tout sweut. >> everyone knows when you bring

oil in it goes down. >> the pipeline is years away. we need it for the energy security going forward. i'm for it. >> stephen: what will alternative fuel. >> absolutely and we are. >> stephen: the president is talking talk pouring algae in our tanksen the algae makes fuel that we can burn in the cars. they make -- it's a substitute for ethanol. the way corn turn into ethanol. exxon smoabl developing a commercial scale plant that turns allege yeah into ethanol. >> stephen: you know what i think we should go with? puppies? hear me out. we put peanut butter on the turbine blade and they lick our way to energy independence. will that work. as a professional good-your opinion. >> no. [ laughter ] too offensive. people have enough problems swal yoke the damage oil does to the environment in other ways. i don't think killing puppies will get us anywhere. >> stephen: i said nothing

about killing puppies. giving them peanut butter and asking them to lick it off the turbine blade. do you know anything about the oil industry? thank you so much for joining me. [cheers and applause] john ki ldid you have, ever

[cheers and applause] welcome bark everybody. thank you very much. nation -- nation, the race for the republican nomination is entering its forty-third month, and mitt romney still hasn't locked it down. at this point, he may have to use his backup plan for future mormons to posthumously baptize him president. [ laughter ] republicans have tried to recruit various governors. jeb bush wouldn't do it. chris christie said he wasn't ready. and mitch daniels disappeared weeks ago between the couch cushions. [ laughter ] 4jqjpresident? well, remember, just two years before barack obama announced his run for the presidency, he was a state senator. which brings me to the latest installment of "mr. smith goes to the state legislature, then later, possibly washington." [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] people love the state legislature. our first rising star comes from indiana.

>> an indiana lawmaker is taking a stand against girl scouts. state representative bob morris said he's against celebrating the group's 100th anniversary. >> in a letter that he wrote to his fellow representatives he says, "the girl scouts are a quote radicalized organization that promote abortion and homosexuality." >> stephen: yes. they meet in a church basement once a week, hold bake sales to raise money for field trips, and volunteer their time to help the elderly. you know, gay stuff! [ laughter ] and bob morris isn't just pulling these accusations out of his totally straight ass. in a letter to his fellow legislators, he said, quote, "i did a small amount of web-based research, and what i found is disturbing." [ laughter ] yes, and i did an even smaller amount of web-based research by typing girl scouts and lesbian into google images and what i found was depraved. i did not know you could earn a merit badge in scissoring.

[ laughter ] so republicans, i feel good about this guy-- 'cuz i also did a small amount of web-based research by typing "bob morris" into google. and not only is he a politician, he's an australian racecar driver, a mystery writer from florida, a financier of the american revolution and an s&m conceptual artist. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] but if bob morris doesn't work out, there's always new hampshire representative kyle jones, who is such a fiscal conservative, he's as frugal as a 20-year-old living with his parents -- because he is a 20-year-old living with his parents. but not just any parents-- kyle's mom laura jones is also a state representative which means they can carpool, although i believe kyle makes her drop him off a block from the statehouse. [ laughter ] embarrassing. jones has a firm grasp of the law. for instance, he supported the repeal of a law requiring that

state workers get a guaranteed 30-minute lunch break by arguing, quote, "if i was to deny one of my employees a break, i would be in a very bad position with the company's human resources representative. if you consider that this is a very easy law to follow in that everyone already does it, then why do we need it?" exactly! you don't need the laws that everybody follows! that's why we don't need laws against cannibalism. [ laughter ] if i eat a co-worker, i know i'm going to hear from human resources. cathy will make me watch that boring corporate video about not eating people. even though it's kinda funny because it was shot in the 80s and the corpse has a perm. and then i gotta sign the stupiç form again that says, "i understand that cannibalism is against company policy." so bravo representative jones, for trying to get rid of unnecessary laws.

should you make it into the white house, please streamline the constitution it should read "we the people... got it, thanks." we'll be right back. [cheers and applause]

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. my guest tonight is a lawyer fighting against unpaid internships. but if any of my interns ask he's the president of uzbekistan. please welcome ross eisenbrey.

[cheers and applause] thank you so much for coming on. thrilled to be here sir, give the people your cv. you are the vice president of economic policy institute, a lawyer, former commissioner of u.s. occupational safety and health review commission. you have written a 1,000 word article that says interns are a scourge on the labor market. what do you have against interns, sir? >> that is not what i said. >> stephen: you said they are a scourge. interns are wonderful. unpaid internships where they work for nothing that is a very bad thing. >> stephen: shhhh. [ laughter ] i have an intern here, jay. jay, the intern. he has been here for six and a half years. [ laughter ] think of all the college credits

he is racking up. he is halfway to his ph.d. >> he probably has to pay for those credits so he is getting a doubly bad deal. he is not getting paid for his work and page for an academic experience he is not getting because he is not in class. he is not in college. >> stephen: he is in the school of life. [ laughter ] he is learning that sometimes you can be taken advantage of. [ laughter ] >> that's true. >> stephen: beal agree. >> that's right he's been taken advantage of. >> stephen: what should we do? we should be paying the interns? >> anyone who works for someone else for their financial benefit should be paid for their work. [cheers and applause] as a matter of fact -- it's against the law. >> stephen: college athletes should be paid. >> yeah, probably. >> stephen: really? >> yeah, they -- >> stephen: college athletes should be paid. >> they take tremendous risks.

they get hurt. >> stephen: everyone in the olympics should be paid. >> well, no. are they -- >> stephen: people are profiting, absolutely people are profiting off the olympics. i'm just saying being my intern is like being in the olympics in that i make you run everywhere you go. >> i believe they train very hard for this. >> stephen: you are like the abraham lincoln of interns you want to let my people go. >> think how much better their experience would be if you paid them. >> stephen: what about the love of the game. maybe there are college students who just really want to get me coffee. >> there probably are but you know when people work for free, employers get the idea that they don't have to pay for labor. you know, people look at you any wit, can i get away with it. i won't pay all the entry level people who come to work for me.

>> stephen: how is it bad for the economy. the guy not paying anybody is making a prft. >> yes, making bigger and bigger profits and more and more inequality now that we've ever had our experience. if the interns feel like they are being taken advantage of why don't they get interns of their own. >> there are interns who are unpaid who are coordinating other interns. there's a big lawsuit over that involving harpar's baazar. >> stephen: have you ever had intern? >> we've had interns. >> stephen: did youv: pay them? >> we did pay them. >> stephen: are they always paid? >> yes. >> we have a program where we have foundation money to support internships at various small think tanks around the country. >> stephen: what if we had the interns pay into a lottery.

[ laughter ] and one of them won the lottery. we put like a dollar in like a pillow case every week and then every week i would pull out a dolor and write your name on it and say it's jay, it's dave. whatever. they were paying each other. >> that would violate the law too. >> stephen: what is with the law of paying people. i know to pay people. we don't need any laws that everybody already obeys nl you are learning from your state representatives. i see that. no, really it's a serious problem there are now -- the internship thing has gotten so out of control the notion that you don't have to pay people who work for you. there are 42-year-old accountants working for fox searchlight films who are not paid. >> stephen: 42-year-old college students? >> an employer can call you an intern and not pay you.

>> stephen: we had that in the south 150 years ago, a cotton internship. we have intern here's. dave is one of our interns this semester. he is my host intern. he is trying to break into the career of being me. [ laughter ] we let them stay involved in the show. we give them experience. do you have any questions. >> do you have any internships? >> stephen: are you interested. we do. >> are they paid? they are but you have to know something about comib as public policy. [ laughter ] -- something about economics and public policy. [ laughter ] >> stephen: thank you so much for joining

well, folks. thank you very much. this was the colbert report. but we have reached my ultimate goal. my 1000th skeeball ticket! [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] let's go get my prize! come on! all right. his! -- hi! >> how many you got? >> stephen: a thousand! >> you can get anything on this row. toy flute, cinderella bubble wand, koosh ball. >> stephen: what about that big stuffed elephant? >> nope.ç that row is for letterman. come back in 24 years. [ laughter ] >> stephen: alright. i'll take the "world's sexiest grandpa" mug. >> good choice. steencht thanks very much. well, that's it. i would love to keep doing the show but i -- [audience reacts]