( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to the report, everybody. thank you so much. thank you for watching, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >>. >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. please sit down. we have got to get straight to the big news rocking the country, a decision that will have repercussions for virtually every american. because this morning ann curry left the "today show". (laughter) it was a tearful foment more everyone followed by six recipes to turn your tears into a refreshing summer

cocktail. of course there was one other big decision today. for months we have waited for the supreme court's ruling over the constitutionality of o bam arcare and the-- obamacare and the individual insurance mandate and this morning we got the news we wanted. >> we have breaking news here on the fox news channel. the individual mandate has been ruled unconstitutional. >> the supreme court justice has struck down the individual mandate. >> the justices have just gutted, wolf, the center piece provision of the obama health care law. >> the individual mandate has been struck down. it has been struck down. >> stephen: no, it. has. not. you, suck. at. news. (cheers and applause) because because then this happened.

>> i know that greta van susteren is reading this opinion as we speak. >> everybody is reading this decision. rich edson is on camera, you can see him, he is reading it. >> stephen: oh what a novell idea. read the decision before you open your mouths and break a man's heart. because evidently, folks, evidently, and i did not know this, there's more to a supreme court ruling than just the first page. (laughter) >> stephen: here's what it said on page two. >> as we're reading through this again, we're reading now that the entire law has been upheld, wolf. >> the mandate is constitutional. >> the entire affordable health care act is upheld as constitutional. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (laughter)

>> stephen: thank you. so evidently my colleagues on cable news jumped the gun. well, that happens to the best of us. just look at last week's colbert report book nook. all right, it is 11:05. we are waiting on the book. any moment i expect-- okay, and the book is just in, the book, it's a tale of two cities, classic charles dickens novel. let's get right to the story, folks. i've got it right here. here we go. it was the best of times-- there you have it, folks, breaking news from page 1. it was the best of times. now while we don't have all the information, there is

clearly joy in one of these two cities. we don't know which two cities, could be minneapolis, st. paul, we're checking on that. once again our top story tonight, times are best, but could they get better under a romney presidency? we'll have more with our panel later. once again, the details are still emerging but all we know for sure right now is that it was the best of times. it was the worst-- oh. i have not been that embarrassed since i endorsed leo tolstoy's epic novel "war" of course, folks, the most shocking aspect of all of this is who stabbed us in the back. then provided coverage for our stab hole. jim. >> the president's health care law t lives on thanks in large part to the chief justice of the supreme court john roberts. >> it was really the chief justice john roberts who was the swing vote and is the decider, really, on upholding obamacare.

>> for the chief to join the liberal justices is very, very surprising. >> chief justice roberts decided to take a walk over to the liberal side. >> j rob! how you could? i trusted you. where is the man who said unlimited corporate money, where is the man who voted against equal pay for women. i don't even know who you are any more! (laughter) nation this is the worst betrayal since benedict arnold teamed up with judas to stab caesar right in the crew ton. folks i am not the only one who has had their man crush crushed. republican congressman and georgia peach phil gingrey said of roberts, i don't want to drink a beer with him today. i'm not calling for his impeachment, i'm just very, very disappointed. are you happy, justice roberts? now phil gingrey is going to have to spend another night drinking alone. (laughter) (applause) and georgia, friend of the

show, georgia's jack kingston was even pore crest fallen tweeting with obamacare ruling i feel like i just lost two great friends. america and justice roberts. well, if it's any help, congressman, phil gingrey is looking for someone to drink with. (laughter) and you know what [bleep] it, i might join them. look, why not, why not. my liver's covered now. (cheers and applause) i mean if i don't get cirrhosis i'm losing money. (laughter) we were fools. roberts has always been in o billiona's pocket. think about t he's the one without single-handedly made o billiona president. and come to think of it, come to think of it, folks, what kind of name is john roberts. where did he grow up? indiana. oh, isn't that nice, that sounds suspiciously close to

indonesia. where obama eight that dog. plus what kind of american sits around in robes all day and calls himself a chief. i heard on drudge that his middle name is-- (tongue clicks) that's t i've had it, i've had it. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (laughter) (cheers and applause) folks, saving the mandate and calling it just-- is disastrous government overreach. >> in the dissent by justices scalia, kennedy,

thomas and alito they argue the whole thing is unconstitutional by saying the mere fact that we all consume food and are thus sooner or later forced to consume food are in a market does not empower the government to say when and what we will buy. >> can congress independently force you to eat broccoli? what will congress do next? force to us eat broccoli? >> oh, yeah, i've said it before. he's going to make us eat broccoli. funny, cauliflower isn't covered, maybe because it's white. yeah, i went there. somebody had to say it. (applause) this act:-- ruling opens the in addition gates, folks f obama can force to you get health insurance just by calling in a tax there is nothing to stop him from make you gay marry and illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy. and-- (cheers and applause) >> and you know his buddy

roberts will make it all good by calling it a homomexical marijuana love glove sun tax. oh, don't fool yourself, it's coming folks, and so is rationing medical care. they'll cover your colonoscopy but you're going to have to share it by joining a human centipede. so good-bye, freedom. but you know what, folks, i may be a little biter right now, but my mom always said if life hands you lemons make something out of them. i forgot what it was. pie? the point is, there is one bit of good news to report. >> nation, the supreme court has upheld romneycare thanks to the model governor romney provided in massachusetts millions of americans will now be able to afford health insurance for the first time. he lifted a burden from so many families and finally brought america up to the standard of every other industrialized nation in the world. thank you, mitt romney.

but you know what, folks, this guy is so humble, i bet will never hear him take credit for it. we'll be right back with more analysis and "slate"

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, now that obamacare has been ruled constitutional, many questions remain. for instance, what? here to tell me what is slate's senior legal editor emily bazelon. emily, thank you so much for joining me again. emily, now wait one second. first of all, broccoli? broccoli? >> well, i actually really like broccoli. >> stephen: i will tell you what, i will put this in a gosy bag. >> all right. >> stephen: now as a conservative, as somebody who opposes this decision where can we go from here? >> you could elect mitt romney and hope-- . >> stephen: an he can veto the decision. >> coget congress to repeal it. we have to start all over again. >> stephen: but by the time we get that it might be 2014 and obama care would be in place and people might like it. >> that's a problem. >> stephen: that is a real problem. >> it's a real risk, it's true. >> stephen: could we appeal to the haig or the international criminal court, or anything, the justice

league of america? get superman to weigh in. >> usually conservatives aren't so excited about having foreign judges oversee american law. is that okay with you, to go outside to give our constitution up to the international-- . >> stephen: politics makes strange bedfellows. let's talk about these judges. why should just a couple of guys in black robes get to decides what's constitutional or not? >> five, it always takes five to make a decision. >> stephen: but just five necessarily beat four? (laughter) i mean they haven't ruled on the constitutionality of math yet. >> that's true. you could argue that-- you could say that there had to be six, for example, you could change the number that has to make a decision. >> stephen: listen, there are 300 million americans, we could gang up on them and jump in on them. >> it's true, one things about those judges is they don't have cops out enforcing things for them. they are definitely vulnerable, i think. >> stephen: all right, i think-- i think you and i might be getting a call from the united states secret service. (laughter)

(applause) i'll see you-- i'll see you in jail, counseler. okay. but let's talk about substance here. what is hell is this tax thing wrchl does roberts go in there and rewriting their law so it's a tax. >> there are always two arguments the government made. one was congress had the power to pass the law under the commerce clause because it can regulate transactions between the states. and the other was that this is part of the tax and spend power that congress has. and it's true that that was a smaller part of the argument, kind of at the end. but they did make that point. and that's what roberts picked up on. he decided that you could read the word penalty in the law as tax. >> stephen: how is this tax going to work? >> you'll only pay this tax if you refuse to get health insurance. and then if you have to pay it will be in a few years, it will be up to 2.5% of your income or around 700. >> stephen: all i really am worried about is how do i get one of the really good

death-- panels. >> you seem to be one that will make your case well to the death panels. you why would they want to kill you off right now. you seem healthy enough. >> stephen: you admit there will be death panels. >> i do not admit there will be death panels. >> stephen: we have it on train, emily bazelon from "slate" magazine, senior legal editor emilyy

do you see it ? there it is ! there it is ! where ? where ? it's getting away ! where is it ? it's gone. we'll find it. any day can be an adventure. that's why we got a subaru. love wherever the road takes you. wow, there it is.

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest, new hbo show explores television journalists struggling to dot news with integrity some it is sort of a sci-fi santa see thing, please welcome aaron sorkin. (cheers and applause) aaron, good to see you again. thanks for coming back. sit down. all right. everybody knows you are the academy award wing and emmy award-winning author, writer of the west wing, and the social network, and money ball. now you've got a new show. it's called the newsroom.

>> yeah. >> stephen: okay. it centers on a news anchor who doesn't hold back, tells it like it is. where are my royalty checks? (laughter) okay, you come on my show last year and suddenly you have a show that is pretty much just about me. >> yeah. >> stephen: okay y do you want to write about the news? >> you know what, because i think that the news is looked at very cynically now and i wanted to write about it idealistically and romantically. >> stephen: what is this golden age that people talk about in news? >> well,-- . >> stephen: give me an example. >> walter cronkite, edward r. murrow. >> stephen: cronkite, murrow, really. >> hacks. >> stephen: i don't know about hacks, i'm sure they were fine in their time. they couldn't hack the speed with which we work right now. cronkite couldn't report on a kardashian-- he couldn't handle it. he would have to get three confirmations before he said it was left nipple, right nipple. >> the speed at which we report right now is the reason why two networks

reported today that the health care law was struck down. >> stephen: i notice there is some kind-- i think we will all remember where we were when we heard that [bleep]. >> because there is some kind of virtue in being two minutes earlier than the next guy. >> stephen: yeah. >> but what these guys are really about, honestly, this show is a swashbuckling, romantic comedy. >> stephen: there are pirates. >> actual pirates. and it is really a fantasy set against real world events. how the news is made up. the show takes place in the very recent past as a matter of fact there is a story in one of the episodes, in the script, i would like to show the people right now jismt, hit it. >> you guise have nine minutes and -- >> i want to go on record saying we should open with phil. >> done. >> we'll open with the spill. >> no, but you are on record saying you think we should. >> the spill is only anything is talking about. >> we are the ones telling them to, we're still reporting it. >> i'm looking at film of an oil rig sinking into the

ocean that is pretty good television. >> we don't do good television. we do the news. >> stephen: was's right in that argument. >> you get to decide. >> stephen: no, you get to decide. you-- when you write these shows you have an idea who is right. i watched west wing. it wasn't like maybe bartlett was the bad guy. >> no. >> stephen: you make a decision, who is the good guy and the bad guy, your tv shows. >> i do. emily is right in that argument and she is swashbuckling. >> stephen: i'm watching the show, i'm enjoying the show. >> i'm glad. >> stephen: thank you very much. i live to please you. do you think that people care what happens in the news. because my only concern about this show is that with the west wing, people cared about our politicsment those embody ideals that are universal. you think the ideals of news really matter to anybody? you know, i think that this show is going to succeed or fail for the same reason any other show does. how engaged is the audience with the character, with their personal lives, with their relationships. it's not going to succeed or

fail depending on if you are a news junkie or not. same thing with the west wing or anything else. i was going say, we shoot our show in the exact same states she shot the monday keerx we are after the same thing. >> stephen: really. >> our goals are the same as theres. >> stephen: here you come walking down the street, get the funniest looks from every one we meet. hey hey it's the newsroom. >> that's right. (applause) >> stephen: you know, your characters-- , the characters on your show, are you often crit sighed for writing characters who seek this huge ponderous monologue. >> i'm often criticize. >> stephen: yes, are you but people say you don't write the way people talk. people don't actually talk to other people in fuselage of arguments and like sort of a verbal normandy that just overtakes not only the person they are speaking to in the other chair but the audience that's listening. and as the person who is saying it is actually just an expression of you up on a mountain, but is it moses on the mountaintop or just aaron sorkin on his own pile

of [bleep] and he doesn't have the golden tablets in his hands. he's he's just doing a line off the tablets right there and saying look at me, i'm the [bleep] king of media! (cheers and applause) people don't talk like that. you realize that that is not realistic. >> people don't talk like that. and at least at my high school it wasn't like glee. >> stephen: well income the very first episode, in the very first -- >> your main character is asked, why do you think america -- >> what makes america the greatest country in the world. >> stephen: it's my show. i will ask-- (laughter) what makes america the greatest country in the world. aaron sorkin, what makes america the greatest country in the world. >> you. you do. >> stephen: i'm flattered. but wait, no, wait, wait. i want a human moment. >> honestly, i think it's

the fact that we want to do better. that we set certain goals for ourselves. we think that there is a certain way, a certain thing that america should be. a certain way that americans should be. and even if we are not that, we want to be that. we know that we can do better. (applause) >> stephen: you, sir, are reading my mind. aaron sorkin. the news room airs sunday at 10 on hbo. check it out. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, that's it for the show, everybody. we're about to take a two week break. but before we go, this spring i introduce the colbert super pac superfun pack to empower today's youths. now it came with a treasure map. well, folks, i'm happy to say the treasure box has been found. inside was an e-mail address, the win core use to contact me and claim their prize. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome treasure finder daniel stough. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much. well. congratulations, congratulations, i hope it wasn't too hard. >> it was ridiculous. >> stephen: it was. and we found it in what town? >> dixon, illinois. >> stephen: the hometown of. >> reagan. >> stephen: that's exactly right. ronald reagan. sir, here is your treasure. and antique silver turtle.

it's a bell in the form of a turtle. it's great for attracting women if you are's into getting on with the female turtle, okay. now i also said that i would visit the college of whoever found the treasure. >> uh-huh. >> stephen: so daniel, why don't you tell everybody where i will be going this fall. >> you'll be going to the university of pittsburgh. >> stephen: whooo! it's in driving distance. good night, everybody. we'll see you in two weeks. captioning sponsored by comedy central