[cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: i think -- [cheers and applause] thank you so much. please, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us. good to have you with us. by that burst of energy you've proven that in mid august enough air conditioning is a form of methamphetamine. [cheers and applause] they are all cranking in here tonight. [ laughter ] nation, it is a proud day for america.

our chests are pufd. our flags are flying and we're singing that verse of national anthem with the curse words in it because at 1:30 a.m. america standard time nasa's curiosity rover touched down on the surface of mars. [cheers and applause] woo! we marred -- mars-ed it. [cheers and applause] whoo! [cheers and applause] unbelievable. folks -- [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting u.s.a.] oh, folks i just wish i heard more of that at the limb picks. i would like to congratulate the team at the jet propulsion laboratory or jpl. you are steely eyed missile man

and you deserve every missed high five of celebration. [ laughter ] it was nice to see nasa saved money by hiring staff from the local best biesm. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] penny piing. folks, try to conceive of what was achieved this morning. we gently landed a one-ton six-wheel s.u.v. 154 million miles from original. that onstar lady is getting good. [ laughter ] we now have two rovers on the surface of mars and three satellites orbiting it. basically if the planets are a tray of doughnuts we have now licked mars. it's ours. [ laughter ] we already had the moon. we just need venus for the monopoly and we can start building hotels on them. folks in all this achievement there's only one thing that gave me pause. as the world waited to learn the

fate of this death defying mission, the curiosity rover tweeted, quote, i'm safely on the surface of mars, gail crater, i am in you. [cheers and applause] [ laughter ] first of all, why know who this gale is but a gentleman does not kiss and tell. [ laughter ] second, how many times do we have to say it? do not text during reentry? keep your eyes on the road. could you hit something, like a planet. [ laughter ] well, folks this is a try fump for -- triumph for america but there are troubling stories out there like our ongoing fried chicken crisis. this controversy has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother. it's like the civil war if you replaced slavery with waffle fridays. for years chick-fil-a has donated millions to antigay

groups like the family research council, the national christian foundation and exodus international but always denied they were antigay and then two weeks ago chick-fil-a president came out of tolerance closet and said, well, guilty as charged. [ laughter ] no surprise there. dan is the farther thing from gay. even his name is boy girl. [ laughter ] boy girl. [ laughter ] of course, the chicken man's confession ran afowl. [ laughter ] of advocatates for gauge who called for a boycott of

chick-fil-a. [ laughter ] advocates for gay-ing who called for a boycott of chick-fil-a. incoming missiles from mars up there. that's when former arkansas governor and walking fried food museum mike huckabee told christians to fight banch mike huckabee called on folks to show support by buying food at chick-fil-a. he dubbed it chick-fil-a appreciation day. they confirmed reports that yesterday was a record setting sales day. >> record historic sales. people stood in time for lengthy times a lot of stores ran out of chicken. >> the folks had written it off and chick-fil-a had the best day in history. >> or as chickens refer to it: the worst day in history. i think chig chick-fil-a has item stumbled on a new strategy to help struggling businesses in this down economy, associate

your product with divisive political position and wit for the cash to roll n. hey, laz boy why not run ads who say who know who is lazy? mexicans. get upset about it. that's what they want. [ laughter ] here say free one for pringles. once you pop you can't stop requiring women to get transvaginal ultrasounds. get mad. get mad! [ laughter ] but, folks,. [ laughter ] we must not lose sight of what this is really about oppression. right some guy. >> let your voice be heard. stand up to the hate and intimidation and remember the best defense against antichristian abt chicken left wing heterophobic bigots is a chick-fil-a sandwich. >> yes, for too long not gaze

and their chicken allies have been demonized by heterophobic bigots. i had not hide any longer. i don't care fit costs me advertisers. nation, i'm straight. [ laughter ] there i said it. i feel free and good. and you know what else? you know what else? those people i live with aren't my room maitz. they are my wife and kid and we love each other. i'll admit there was a time when i hit the fact that i wasn't gay. [ laughter ] of course, the clues were always there. the pleated khakis, my love of nickleback but today i say guilty as charged. i'm proud to shout we're straight, we're great, you're used to it. [ laughter ] but as good this is for us

chick-fil-a-eves and chick-layers, the real winner in all of this is, of course, jesus. just think how happy he is. half huckabee called for his eat-in churches bussed in parishioners and congregations posted photos of themselves holding up bags of fried chicken at the altar. as a practice christian in this modern fallen world it can be hard to explain why i still go to church. that's why i want to say thank you mike huckabee for cementing in the mind of nonbelievers just what my religion stands for, jesus the only son of god gave his life to redeem mankind by suffering torture and death and then rose from the dead in forgiveness of our sins, ascend to heaven and seated for eternity at the right hand of the father in fulfillment of the

scriptures, you know, chicken. [cheers and applause] that's why starting now -- folks, that's why starting here and now i'm replacing the jesus fish on my car with something a little more meaningful. we'll bright back. [cheers and applause] -- we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] >> welcome back, everybody.

[cheers and applause] my guest tonight has been performing forecheck music for over 70 years. i'm going to ask him if it's time to start caring about jimmy's corn cracking. please welcome pete seeger. [cheers and applause] thank you so much for coming on. please, have a seat, stlimple you go. all right. well, sir, i'm a -- i'm of two minds about you. i hate to say. >> me, too. [ laughter ]

>> stephen: really. well tile you mine, you it will me yours. it's an honor to have you on. you are a living legend. you are a giant. it's like having paul bunion or johnny appleseed on. absolutely is which is great because i can never get those guys on. [ laughter ] you are a political activist, american forecheck singer. -- america folk singer. your see in the folk music revival. grammys, a lifetime legend award from the library of congress, enshrinement in the rock 'n' roll hall of fame and a new book called" pete seeger in his own words." you are 93, right? >> that's what i'm told. >> stephen: you look g. i'm 48 and you can stick a fork in me, i'm done. how do you keep active? >> i live in the country. i get a chance to do outdoor work.

>> stephen: like what? like breathing? what is outdoor work at 93 what is it? >> we heat our house by wood so i'm splitting logs from time to time. >> stephen: you split logs at 93? [cheers and applause] >> but i don't get as much work as i used to. i'm starting to degree a pot belly, believe it or not. >> stephen: really in get in shape. put some effort in life, pete. you help plant the seeds. here is why i'm of the other mind. obviously i admire your work. your commitment to stage active. your influence in america culture, however is questionable. you help create the folk revival. that creates bob dylan. john baez, -- joan baez, woodstock, sexually revolution, that leads to bill clinton and

then gay marriage. [cheers and applause] you proud of your work there banjo man? >> this book is -- turned out a professor in wes leann university in connecticut said can i read your letters. i have files of carbon copies of letters. i said sure. any of them? sure, i was not thinking. he said he might like to reprint some of them. i thought maybe woe write an recall in a little magazine. behold he and his son selected not dozens but hundreds of short quotations he felt from me, some of the magazine articles i had written and a few paragrfs from books -- paragraphs from books i'd written. put them all together. 20 chapters. you see, i contradict myself

here and contradict myself there. at one time i was a member of the communist party for a few years. >> stephen: i'm getting to that. i'm getting to that. in 1955 you refused to testify before the house on american activities. >> well that was -- >> stephen: would you like to name names now. i'll start pete seeger. [ laughter ] i gave one. now you give one. >> my father had written articles -- >> stephen: you just turned your father in to the house. american activities committee, wow, bold. >> actually, he -- as a teenager, he became skilled at reading symphony scores and when he went to college got a plus in all his music courses. went to do graduate work in germany.

found himself going deaf at an early age but also met the president of university of california who was impressed by this self confident youngman and next he found himself in charge of music department at berkley -- berklee. but his fellow professors said you may know about music but you are an ignore ramous when it comes to history and pretty soon he was a socialist. and he made speeches about imperialist war. my mother said can't you keep your mouth shuvment you wouldn't be drafted with two children, my other brothers were born them and hearing and eyeglasses. my father said when something is wrong you must speak up. his grand father was an and listingist before the civil war. >> stephen: let's talk about the songs if i had a hammer.

>> i just wrote the tune. >> stephen: you wrote the tune, still not a bad thing to have on your resume. you don't sell any of the rights to your music for commercials. >> sometimes. i can't think i'm that picky. [ laughter ] >> stephen: i had heard that you didn't. that's wonderful. because i think if miracle grow had where have all the flowers gone? or stanley tools had if i had a hammer. ♪ if i had a hammer i would use it to actually hammer. speaking of which we have you here. you have the banjo, how about a song for the kids out here? i'll tell you what, we'll take a little break. we're going to take a little break and we'll be right back with a performance by pete seeger. thank you so much. [cheers and applause]

>> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, pete seeger sing quite early morning. [cheers and applause] ♪

♪ [playing banjo ♪ ♪ don't you know it's darkest before the dawn ♪ ♪ and this thought keeps me moving on ♪ ♪ if we could heed these early warnings ♪ ♪ the time is now quite early morning ♪ ♪ if we could heed these early warnings ♪ ♪ the time is now quite early morning ♪ ♪ some say that humankind won't long endure ♪

♪ but what makes them feel so doggone sure ♪ ♪ i know that you who hear my singing could make those freedom bells go ringing ♪ ♪ i know that you who hear my sing -- could make those freedom freedom bells go ringing ♪ net note and so keep on while we live ♪ ♪ until we have no, no more to give ♪ ♪ and when these fingers can strum no longer ♪ ♪ hand the old banjo to young ones stronger ♪ ♪ and when these fingers can

strum no longer ♪ ♪ ♪ hand the old band joe to young ones stronger snet♪ ♪ ♪ [playing banjo ♪ ♪ don't you know it's darkest before the dawn ♪ ♪ this thought keeps me moving on ♪ ♪ through all this world of joy

and sorrow, we still can have singing tomorrow ♪ ♪ through all this world of joy and sorrow we still can have singing ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: pete seeger,

>> stephen: that's it for the show, everybody. before we go i just want to say agai mac: well, then what would you say? dennis: she's a quitter. dee: you know what? i don't even care. well, and that proves my point. right. failed. failure implies that she actually tried to be an actor. okay, i did try. it just didn't happen to work out. it's not your fault, sweetie. you're just not pretty enough. wow, thank you. that's my dad, everybody. great.

very large rats that were stuck in glue traps. that's not good-- i am done with rat detail. that's by far the worst job in the bar. no, no, dude, not charlie work. there's, like, an emotional toll that comes out of this. you kill one of those-- you kidding me? what? what? when i'm trying to talk to you. what is he talking about? you know what? if you want to smoke, you should have to take it outside. - oh, no. - it's a bar. charlie, i think you're right, i think maybe we should ban smoking in here. what are you talking about? what? that's completely ridiculous, dee. uh, yes, and it's completely un-american. i work in this bar. i work here. well, but that's because you have the freedom to chose to work here. okay, smoking bans, they don't protect freedom. they strip them away from smokers. look, i didn't go to vietnam just to have pansies like you take my freedom away from me. you went to vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop. and a lot of good men died in that sweatshop.