hold on. we are broadcasting live from the deck of the intrepid! we have beautiful news of did-- views of the new york city skyline. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: and we are floating, right now we are floating, floating on the hudson river and i don't know whether you-- i don't know whether you heard the news this morning but it has been announced that as we speak the city of territown new york, just upstream is releasing 2 million gallons of raw sewage into the hudson river. yes. i know it's exciting. the only time there has been this much raw sewage at a music festival is at every music festival anyway, this is a naval vessel, i'm wearing my admiral uniform. you like my tassles?

(cheers and applause) thank you. of course nothing says rock 'n' roll like corporate endorsements. which brings to us this week's headlining sponsor, hefty! (cheers and applause) hefty which is evidently very happy to see you, you know their motto, put it in your mouth. i got to say it is the only place i would want to put it. with me all this week, spinning some on the fonnograph turntable my second in command, mr. grand master flash, give it up! boom! thank you so much, grand master flash. >> i had to get that.

>> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: could we cut that mike? (cheers and applause) jon stewart, everybody. >> jon: hello, everybody. >> stephen: from the jon stewart show. hi, jon. >> jon: i'm sorry to interrupt your performance on the hms pinafore. how are you. >> stephen: i'm doing great. what i can do you for. >> jon: i believe we were in the middle of something, my friend. >> stephen: oh, right, thank you. all right, here we go. >> jon: your move. >> stephen: all right, my move. b-6 yes? yes? >> jon: no, no, no, no my friend it is a miss. >> stephen: damn you! okay g. >> jon: okay, my turn. >> stephen: yeah, any time. >> jon: d-7. [bleep] yes! all right.

(laughter) uh-huh uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh. uh-huh your move, captain spalding. >> stephen: i tell you what, jon, i can do this later. i have people over right now. >> jon: all right, run along. i have you in my sight, commodore. >> stephen: man your life boats. i will see you in hell. >> jon: all right, you probably will. say hi to the beatles for me. >> stephen: bye, jon! (cheers and applause) jon stewart. don't worry, we have four more pegs before we sink. of course all this week i will be joined up on the

bridge of the intrepid by a legendary broadcaster, my dear friend for 48 years, mr. stephen colbert it there he is up in the window. wave to him, everybody. stephen, take it away. oh, hi, thanks, stephen, hi, welcome aboard. welcome welcome my friend to the bridge -- >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, americans, welcome to the bridge of the intrepid where this week i'll be broadcasting from an exact

replica of my-- it was expensive, wasteful and destroyed historic naval artifacts but it was worth it because it is my job to keep you inferred on the stories you care about. i know there has been a lot of concern in my circle of friends that the republicans have been leting this election get away from them. but worry no more. because saturday morning mitt romney made the most important announcement of his political career. >> in welcoming the next president of the united states, paul ryan. >> stephen: paul ryan for president! whooo! whooo! oh, whooo! what a relieve. because for nine months now i thought i was going to have to vote for mitt romney. i got to tell you, i was

worried. you got me! you got me! oh my god! because you got to face t because there is no possible way that-- i'm sorry, what's happening? >> hold on, hold on, every now and then i'm known to make a mistake. (laughter) si did not make a mistake with this guy. but i can tell you this he's going to be the next vice president of the united states. >> stephen: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! i mean romney-ryan 2012. very excited, yes. mitt romney picked wisconsin congressman paul ryan and folks this is no safe choice. no there was another word for it. >> paul ryan is being called a bold choice. >> this was a big, bold, courageous choice. >> very bold pick. >> a big bold choice. >> romney goes bold. >> the bold flavor you're craving.

>> stephen: yes, hmmmm. bold! bold! i mean so daring. i mean white christian and male? (laughter) that's a triple not threatening to me. and of course known no one is more historic about ryan than the kids. >> there could be a generational upside. the 42-year-old ryan who was joined on stage by his wife and small children could help the gop appeal to younger voters. >> stephen: oh yes, the young ones love him. after all, he's the chairman of the hois budget committee. or as the kids call it, the budge. i mean this dude wants to cut government entizzlements. and of course, like all republican vp picks, he looks exactly like tina fey! i cannot wait-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i cannot wait to see snl this fall.

see, the kids are down with ryan's budge and how dope it is that it eliminates the capital gains tax which means that under the romney-ryan plan, romney would pay a tax rate of 0.82%. ryan gives out all these tax cuts could ballooning the definite knit. we just have to cut all nonmilitary spending by 91% over the next 40 years. and we will need that defense spending to protect ourselves from the gangs of marauding seniors. pillaging for lipitor. now ryan's budget replaces medicare with a voucher program and i believe social security becomes a lottery which will save the government tons of money because if your monthly check has a black dot, we stone you to death. romney and ryan have that special chemistry. i mean here they are on the trail together wearing played shirts together. wearing white shirts, wearing blue shirts.

and here they are wearing like ra. >> what's everybody looking at? (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i'm looking at a winner. of course this wasn't great news for everyone, specifically vice presidential hopefuls like tim pawlenty and rob portman it is tough news to break to a potential running mate but mitt's a leader so he had his son do it. >> mitt romney's oldest stone was the person to give the news to rob portman and tim pawlenty that they were not the pick. >> stephen: they should be honored. crist cristie got a call from rafalca. i believe-- (laughter) i believe we have a recording. >> hello z i get the job.

>> ney! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: and governor bobby jindal found out just now from me. i'm so sorry, governor. we'll be right back.

>> welcome back, everybody. my guests tonight have the song of the summer which mines will forever be

associated with historic drought. please welcome aboard fun. hey, how are you guys. >> stephen: hey, i'm so sorry i was late it was much further than i thought it would be. >> no problem. >> dow mind if i-- thank you. >> sorry. >> thank you. >> you good.

>> i'm good. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here you guy, we're social sighted are you here. >> thank you for having us. >> stephen: you guys are blowing up this summer. you're it on a stick. you know that, right. >> yeah, that's what we heard. we heard you weren't going have us because we were too boring. >> i think squeaky clean is the phrase i heard. >> stephen: can you ask you about squeaky clean. i noticed from my vantage point that two of are you not fans of socks. >> no i don't wear socks or underwear. >> stephen: okay, really. >> yeah, i don't believe in them. >> stephen: okay, you just dispelled the squeaky clean image. doesn't your scrotum stick to your thigh. >> you ask good questions. >> stephen: thank you, thank you, very few of my guests say that. >> it sticks everywhere, actually. >> but underwear or not your scrotum is going to stick to your thigh. >> stephen: not mine. >> you have underwear that goes right between them. >> stephen: no, i duct tape them. can i ask you about your name.

>> no, we've been sdhad too many times. >> stephen: really? >> it is not a good story, it's too squeaky clean. >> stephen: but why a period. why not a question mark. >> it could have been. the real story is that swedish death metal band called us. we said we have a manager that said we want to call our band fun. he said great, google it. so we did and we got porn, and go-carts and-- go-cart porn. a couple months later that swedish metal band called and said we're fun you have to change it and that's where the period came from. >> stephen: hey, you guys, hey, you guys, now i know why you didn't want to talk about it because it's superboring. >> yeah. i feel like this is turning into a slightly hostile interview. every question i ask you seem to be treating me like i'm an idiot. >> you think are you -- >> you don't want to talk about your name.

>> apologize. we talked about it. why don't you fire out a fresh one. >> stephen: all right. you wanted your-- one of your songs was used in a super bowl ad. >> hmmmm. >> stephen: are you done now? isn't that it if haven't you peaked as artists, why go on? >> that's a good question. i don't-- i would like to think that we've probably-- i mean we're doing right now. that seems a little desperate, doesn't it? >> stephen: it does. none of this being broadcast. this is just for my private fetish collection. i tape and in my vault and watch videos that never get broadcast. you know that song, we are young. >> uh-huh. >> stephen: dow guys ever sing that song. >> yup. >> stephen: we are young, aren't we. >> doing well. >> stephen: i love that song because of how young i am. (laughter) well, guy, let's do it let's rock the boat. >> let's do it. >> stephen: can someone help me out. >> no. >> stephen: okay, thank you. we'll be right back with the

music from fun. period.

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>> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome fun. (cheers and applause) ♪ some nights are-- build a castle, some are too far. ♪ but i still wake up, i still see-- oh lord what i-- oh test test test test

test test test oh oh but that's all right ♪ ♪ who i am, who i am ♪ oh who am i? well, some nights ♪ ♪ i wish that this all would end ♪ ♪ cause i could use some friends for a change ♪ ♪ and some nights i'm

scared ♪ ♪ you'll forget me again ♪ some nights i always win ♪ i always win ♪ but i still wake up ♪ i still see your ghost ♪ oh lord ♪ i'm still not sure what i stand for ♪ ♪ oh ♪ what do i stand for ♪ what do i stand for ♪ most nights i don't know ♪ so this is it? ♪ ♪ i sold my soul for this ♪ washed my hand its of that for this ♪ ♪ i miss my mom and dad for this ♪ ♪ no, when i see stars ♪ that's all they are ♪ when i hear songs ♪ they sound like this one ♪ so come on ♪ oh come on ♪ oh come on ♪ well this is it guys ♪ five minutes in and i'm

bored again ♪ ♪ ten years of this ♪ i'm not sure if anybody understands ♪ ♪ this one is nor for the folks at home ♪ ♪ sorry to leave mom ♪ i had to go ♪ who the-- wants to be die alone ♪ ♪ all dried up in the desert sun ♪ ♪ my heart is breaking for my sister ♪ ♪ and the con that she called love ♪ ♪ when i look into my nephews eyes ♪ ♪ man you wouldn't believe ♪ the most amazing things ♪ that can come from ♪ so terrible lies ♪ oh woah ♪ owoah ♪ owoah ♪ some terrible lies ♪ oh woah ♪ oh woah ♪ ♪ woah ♪ oh woah ♪ i can't hear you ♪ oh woah

♪ keep it going ♪ the other night ♪ you wouldn't believe the dream i had just had but and me ♪ ♪ i called you ♪ but we'd both agree ♪ it's for the best you didn't listen ♪ ♪ it's for the best we get our distance ♪ ♪ one more time ♪ oh ♪ oh oh (cheers and applause)

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>> stephen: well, folks f there's one thing better than a corporate sponsor, it's two corporate sponsors. welcome to the t-mobile good night. that's it for the first night of cole be-chella 012. if you people at home want to experience the true rock festival experience, go sit in your car for 12 hour was moving. good night, everybody. (cheers and applause) soz whooo! captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. a lot to cover. we're going to get right to it. first of all, the olympics, the games ended yesterday. huge success three ways. one, the games were exciting, emotional, compelling and very well executed by the host city. number two, britain got to do what everyone has wanted to do: drive the spice girls off a cliff thelma and louise style. slow down. she's just a baby.

robert pattinson is our guest tonight ( cheers and applause ) obviously a great deal of interest in what he will say about the olympics. i think there might be a lot of people watching this show for the first time. so, let me assure you, mr. pattinson will come out. but you do have about 15 minutes of vice president shall jokes to plow through. we have to catch up on the weekend's political events. this is a comedy show dealing mostly with politics. in politics, there was only one story to cover this weekend. >> breaking news. mitt romney chooses wisconsin congressman paul ryan as his running mate. >> jon: wait. what? that guy next to romney is not already a