- the city's gonna owe you millions. - if not thousands. hey, now, somebody tie something around my leg before i croak out here, you hand jobs! - no, i got it. i gotcha. i'll belt you up. - devin, i saw the whole thing from the window. are you okay? - oh, jillian, yeah. i'll be fine. - good, 'cause look at me. we are definitely gonna have our cats [bleep]. - you know, you don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. i'm just a big ol' fat-- - hero. you're a big ol' fat hero. i was wrong about you, man. you deserve every cent coming to you for this. - no, bro. i was wrong about you. you're not gay at all. you're probably bi, though. [laughter] - he's definitely bi. - oh, god! - that's cool. - that's cheating, i feel. - [humming beat] - yeah. yeah. - there it is. ah, good movie. that's a good movie. - great movie. - look at all these suckers in regular parking. - you're a bitch! we're handicapped! - dude, your cousin big fat is the man! - yeah, us demamps are pretty raw dog as a people.

- didn't like the guy at first, but he came through. and here we ar-- - w-t [bleep]? - alice, i demamp to know what you did with that bonus handicap parking space. hmm? - why do you care? - come on, we are advocates for the handi-captains, and that's the one thing you should know about us. - you should know that about us. - look, you came in here the other day, said we didn't need it. i thought about it, and you were right. - no. alice. - no. - what? - we were right? - let's look at history. we're never right. - does this guy-- do i look right? does this look right? - look, please just go back to the phones, okay? i am not in the mood for this today. apparently, some homeless people broke into the old offices and destroyed everything. - homeless people. can't trust 'em. know what i mean? they're a foul, foul breed! thanks for, uh-- - ecch! gross! - nice!

>> i cannot believe that. super bikes are usually so safe. welcome to the tosh.0. stop asking me to join your linked in network. it's not going to happen. >> tonight on the show i break

boards with this guy. and i get roasted. let's see if his pit crew can put him back together. >> yes, sir. you have a question. >> hand down, man down. turns out slow and steady will get you killed. >> what color of flag do you wave for a corpse on the track. there's some debate in the office over what this next video is. my money is a labia. >> i know a pink canoe when i see one. they are really finger blasting that thing. >> that whisker biscuit has teeth. my lipstick almost came out. that's how disgusting your lady parts are. they can be confused with a dog's mouth. >> but still a dog's mouth is way cleaner than a [bleep]. >> i'm not a cat person. >> and here's a real woman. maybe.

this is from the book of genesis. oh no. now that transsexual is leaking silicone. maybe she'd be more comfortable with a trouser snake. give that snake a dose of antisyphilis serum. >> at least it didn't go for her beautiful clown face. all right. show me some swingers. >> great. now everybody is going to think male jim nasts are gay. >> that's not what i meant when i said pound me in the butt. >> and if you listen it does sound like they enjoy themselves.

want to see how mad cow disease started. this is you had you areally disgusting. oh daniel and your wordplay. what the heck is happening on the old mcdonald's farm. that cow is never going to get osteoporosis. >> come and give the heifer some oreos. honestly what guy hasn't tried to do that. that was one% man milk. does the body good. what's next.

[screaming] >> i bet that's not the first time she went down that day. >> let's get wasted for this week's spring breakdown. >> spring break rules mostly because girls make poor decisions. it's the time to test alcohol boundaries, and the word no. so that is no beach body. that is a dough's lake body. focus on her tatas and nothing else. >> there you go. smart move. you don't want the twins popping out. >> at least she tucked in all her hair in before she went out. >> get off the pot you skank. >> she should be fine if she goes in feet first. pause. she tipped a bit sideways before

entering. back it up. see, that's what i thought her boobs are being pulled down pastor than her butt. >> gravity is a breast man. >> to me that reads dead. >> that is ray more effective than a roofie. >> to give you are a triple kiss of cpr. she needs to rehydrate. someone get her some hunch punch. i'm just glad that girls gone wild did a finally addition. and for that we did finally addition. >> where do we keep the giant tweezers. i think i might have a giant

splinter.

>> i wanted to make a video to hopefully inspire to do something you may feel is too difficult. without further ado i'm going to break this thing over my head. >> okay. didn't work. i did it. >> that's how brandon lee died. joshua's just trying to be a motivational speaker but

repeat repeatedly smashing his head with a board he showed it was a total waste of time. >> telling people you have to go to karate practice. >> jujitsjujitsu, and karate. >> i guess i should expect from a region full of people who look similar. that's i don't understand why ninjas wear masks. what are the odds that someone is going to pick you out of a lineup. >> stop trying to show off your acting chops jackie chan. >> if steven siegal can be a wax off's tosh.0 web redemption. hello josh. >> hey, daniel. >> are you trying to catch a

flour with a chopsticks. >> no i'm eating rice you ra racist. >> joshua. >> you can call me josh. >> with your beard you went full amish. >> want to touch it. >> i do. >> that's a nice beard. >> what was that video about >> i wanted to make a video to inspire people to do something to do something they haven't done. >> you just have to try. turns out some things that are difficult are really, really difficult. >> did that hurt. >> first video no. the follow up video that kind of hurt. >> how many people have seen those videos. >> around a million. >> do you see yourself as an inspirational speaker. >> no. >> what kind of plywood. >> three-quarter inch.

i didn't think this is plywood it's not going to break easy. i grabbed a couple of them, and went home. >> i think at home depot you get three free times. i'm sure at home depot you get unlimited cuts. >> do you have any karate background. >> no. >> karate is not here. >> karate here. not here. karate here. >> you seem like you're going to a great pupil. >> these i need you to restring my tennis racket. i like heavy tension. it's all about control. i need to express my dog's anal glands and if you have time re-grout my bathroom. do you have any questions? >> you have no questions. first rule of karate, don't ask

questions. i don't know if that's the first rule but it's in there. it's somewhere in the rules don't ask a lot of questions. >> i'm done. >> those chores helped me to learn karate. >> no. but my weekend is wide open. let's go break some boards now. >> but i didn't learn anything. >> too bad. the tournament starts in 10 minutes. >> welcome to the all valley board breaking tournament. world wants to know if you're ready to give another chop. >> yes. >> good because i got you by to the final. >> josh from the dojo, and his opponent the guy who broke the karate kid's knee bobby brown. >> boo. >> it took him 25 years.

>> cobr cobra kai dojo will go . >> i precooked this -- it will be easier to break. >> switch the board. do you have a problem with that? essenti sensei i can beat this guy. >> i don't want you to beat him. i want him out of commission. >> just switch the board. >> the cobra kai used a precut board. >> if josh can break his board he will be champion.

>> this is yours to lose. >> you idiot. >> hold on. now i got you. >> no. it's my head that hurts. >> i'm not going to be able to do anything about that. you get two tries. good luck. >> whoo!

>> already got a champion student. you're all right josh. >> thanks bobby. >> all right. >> never d live or die creed. >> live. >> it's only a board breaking tournament. >> if you're going to honk my nose just do it. >> do you think next season will have a big enough budget to go to okinaw

>> he's recording. he tells you to dance. >> no. >> me fight. >> oh. >> oh. he's got it. >> all right. when you're done, tell me. >> all right. i've got it. >> your turn. kill him. >> ooo. always bet on black. isn't it refreshing when stereotypes are confirmed. that video reminds of tradition at tosh.0 when someone pitches a joke i don't like they have to get on the table and dance their heart out for one-minute.

he appears to have scoliosis or rickets. possibly both. >> who wrote my god right in the head. >> oh man. it was just a joke. >> get on the table. 3, 2, 1. >> i'm sure you all agree that was painful. i felt so bad for him and his family that i hired a new writer named chris just to help him to get his groove back. >> no. i'm sorry you know the rules. >> you're not funny.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> thanks for helping out chris brown. i have an all new respect for his dancing. have you seen that picture of him online. magnificent. now it's time for twit and by. i helped you fans to write to erin andrews. i know you're in the metrosexual medians. first off i want to apologize. your beauty should have won dancing with the stars. you were a great reporter, and i appreciate all the work you do

for e schspn. >> and i'll buy all the pink mountain dew to drown kenny mane. >> your alabaster skin is only heightened by your hair. i want to express my sexual desires for you. >> me like. let's get married. i'll take your last name. i feel i'd be the woman in the relationship anyways. >> i claim you. let me gais into the peephole in your soul. and then we'll meet on the high mountain for sexual combat. now that it's just a flarup but it's gone now. >> love you babe. >> do you have any gay friends. >> pps. purple penis pumpernickel.

>> all right. i'll have you know that is the last time we'll do twit and by. that really got out of hand online. i seriously apologize to erin. >> call me. >> oh mister. thank you. >> are you serious. you want a side of tampons with that. >> you got a vagina. >> can we get a hard book edition of this while he eats his side of celery. >> i like celery. >> like come here. come here. >> mmmm.

you guys got me good. >> it should come as no surprise i too love celery, and making out with my bros. we'll be back with more of