from chief and chong. >> stephen: tonight, what is art, a three letter word for disappointing your parents. then scientists released a study on friendship. and squirt shampoo in arabity's eye, it is what they do. and my guest is msnbc host rachel maddout. if she's here then who is getting ratings on msnbc. a nine-year-old boy spent his parent's life savings on candy. he shouldn't have paid full price for that $100,000 bar. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by

comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (cheers and applause) thank you ladies and gentlemen. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. nation, you know, here in the tristate area we are still dealing with the aftermath of hurricane sandy. things got so bad that people if brooklyn were forced to live like they were in the 19th century instead of just dressing like it. but just, just when we

thought that the worse was over we got hit again. >> a new nor'easter is slamming new york and new jersey. a brutal nor'easter. >> nor'easter. >> nor'easter. >> yes, a nor'easter. (laughter) a stoorm so powerful it can wipe out a region's supply of ts and hs. (laughter) and folks, i'm afraid that this new storm could hurt romney's momentum. (laughter) i mean-- wheers plaus it could slow him down. i mean he already lost the election that can't help. but of course florida is still being counted. so folks i got to till, i am still hanging in there and i'm checking for updates on the campaign's i'm with mitt app. okay. it still works. and it lets you take photos with little messages that show your support for mitt romney. i tweeted this one today.

(laughter) i'm with mitt. then later i tweeted i'm stand being mitt. and eventually i'm in the fetal position with mitt. but ultimately, folks this election only matters so much. real change comes from private citizens making a difference in their local communities. the woman who runs the soup kitchen. teens who clean up a vacant lot. the guy who fishes golf balls out of the pond and sells them back to you at half price. thank you for your service. and every so often we celebrate those heroes on my show. and in a segment we call difference makers. (cheers and applause) and tonight folks, we're doing it again.

in our waeninged economy the nations art funding is at an all-time low. leaving many americans to ask who cares. but here in new york's capital of arts and culture. >> an amazing discovery. >> there is concern because an albany arts institution is under attack and only one man can save it. >> i feel that all art needs to be protected. this is about the rights of the american people. i believe in the constitution. i believe in our country and what our forefathers set forth for us. >> which is life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. in other words,. >> fully nude, exotic entertainment. >> he is a patron of the art of exotic dance. >> i'm the owner of night moves. >> and you, steven dick, jr.,

wait, certificate quussly, step endick is your name. >> my real name. >> stephen: all right then, you, steven dick is are a difference maker. (cheers and applause) for years this dick has been providing albany cultural enrichment through his dance theatre night moves. >> i am the last remaining all nude club in albany. >> stephen: but now the community may lose this treasured institution. because new york state hit night moves with a bill for almost a million dollars in back taxes. so steven dick did what any patriot would do. >> we didn't pay them. >> and why would he? because state law has an exemption for musical and dramatic performances. this is art rosen, former deputy council of the new york state department of taxation and finance. he says it all comes down to one question.

>> is exotic dancing art. sure, but how would steven dick prove it in a court of law. >> we had an expert witness, dr. judith hanna. >> dr. judith hanna is a senior research scholar at the university of maryland. and the author of eight books on dance and society. >> some people will say if it's not within their own genre or form of dance that it's not art. but i use the dictionary definition and have distilled from the literature on what is art to come up with the definition that it is a learned skill, that it is creative, imaginative and that it communicates. >> okay, i did not catch all of that. but would dr. hanna's testimony stand up to the high court's definition of art? >> one of the judges in our most recent case his quote

was -- >> can we get past the idea that how this was the -- >> they have been comparing to us balancer inas so much and that people pay some of money to go to a ballet and i don't understand why it is so much different for us here just because we take our clothes off. >> i think it's clear in everybody's eyes that a ball erina is performing choreography. and the question here are the moves that are done by a stripper also choreography. >> dr. hanna? >> just like you have terms in ballet for plie, there are terms for a move, spread show, go pink, spread eagle, the big bird, pink buy case, the butterfly is a move where the dancer puts her knees together and apart. >> she makes it sound like art but everybody knows the ladies love strippers. to win this case dick needs a man's objective opinion.

steve barnes of the albany times union is the area's most esteemed art critic. we asked mr. mr. barnes for his professional review of the show. >> is exotic dance, act one is the dancer coming out, performing on stage. >> during the course at which she takes off her already skimpy attire to nothing at all and swirls around the pole. >> the performers have some skill, they have some creativity. >> it's almost a simulate rodman particular experience. >> win desk on the pole, up and down the pole in a suggested manner. >> she might interact with the patrons who come up to tip her. >> put in in her chiefage, some have a g string, they are pull it out and others just stand there with their hand out. >> and act two would be the private dance. >> there is more theatre involved in the lap dance than the stage. >> the girl came up and clam pered on top of me as if i were a jungle gym. >> she's conveying a message to the patron. >> she pushed pie leg as part and said relax, get me get down in there.

>> she might touch the patron's shoulders. >> smashed my face into her chest, my glasses from a coup. >> they might talk. >> breast sweat on my glasseses, first time on the job. (laughter) >> stephen: and the review is in. >> i was entertained by it. because i'm gay i get absolutely no-- . >> stephen: you're gay? >> yes, oh, well, anyway, answer the question. is exotic dancing art? >> it's something created with an aesthetic intent. when you-- the audience component, that's it, it's art. >> stephen: see even the gay guy says it's art. >> it's lousy art, though. >> stephen: how would you know, you're gay. the point is it's art and steven dick is fighting for it. >> i refuse to back down to the state when everyone told me i couldn't win. >> stephen: well, guess what,

everyone, you were right. >> lap dance is apparently aren't highbrow enough to get a tax break cording to new york's highest court. >> stephen: but this difference maker won't quit. he is taking his battle all the way to the supreme court. >> this is what i would like to be remembered for. is someone that fought for people's rights. >> stephen: making him the martin luther king of exotic dance. >> i don't know if i would say he is the martin luther king of exotic dancers but he's definitely making a difference. >> i think steve dick is making a difference. >> i think he's probably just trying to save himself a great deal of money. >> stephen: maybe so. but any money he gets in a settlement will go straight to the dancers. >> the dancers will not be receiving any of the settlement. >> stephen: now that's a real dick move. and you, sir are a difference maker. (cheers and applause) s. >> stephen: we'll be right back. fpt8y(y(ylbqr@p@)0p,g

>> stephen: welcome back. thank you so much. so folks, i want to talk to you about a matter of the heart. not the hideous one, i'm sure you can all hear beating beneath the floorboards of my stud crop. no i have learned to ignore that. you hear me you vulture eyed man not remorse!

no, folks, i'm talking about a new study that looks at male-female friends or platonic relationships. name for the greek philosopher plato because are you never going to get laid talking about greek philosophy. now according to scientific american, researchers found evidence that men and women can't be just friends. confirming results first published decades ago in the new england journal of when harry met sallie. now the scientists interviewed 88 pairs of platonic friends and separately asked the men and women if they had any romantic feeting its. and it turns out men were much more attracted to their female friends then vicea versa. they also found that men were also more attracted to female acquaintance, female strangers they saw on the street, pictures of women on billboards, sears catalogs and particularly plump couch

cushons. (applause) its scotch guarded, it's fine. (laughter) and there is even-- and there is even more bad news for the guys. because apparently males assume that any romantic attraction they experience was mutual. and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. women too were blind because females generally were not attracted to their feel friends and they assumed this lack of attraction was mutual. now folks this news has got to be hard to take for a lot of male-female friends. particularly the friendly friends over at fox and friends. because it's pretty clear that steve ducey and the brown haired guy who is not steve doocy have been

crushing on gretchen for years. i mean why else are they always just staring dumbly and babbling. but guise, you have got to face it, gretchen has no affection for you. or from the looks of it, anything else. so folks, given this new study, i have something i would like to say to the 700,000 female viewers of my show. look, don't worry, there's no ro plan particular interest on my part, okay. just like you, apparently. we're just friends. best friends. i just love staying up late every night with you, you know, talking about things, you know. like friends do right before they go to bed. and i have never imagined that at any moment between stolen glances this could turn into something very real. very special, something honest that would change our lives forever. (laughter) and when you aren't looking

i don't stair at the name of your neck and imagine running my fingers across it. and i definitely don't imagine you arching your back and whispering my name. (laughter) i mean where do you get those ideas? you have got a lively imagination 700,000 women. (cheers and applause) i'm sorry, i just got something in my eye. let me just get it out an and-- extinguish it forever. there you go. anyway, moving on. what, did you want to say something about how you feel? oh, oh, oh, you met a guy at work. that is great! i am so happy for you. i mean you deserve a nice guy. any guy would be lucky to be

with you. we'll be right back.

>> welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight was lead anchor of msnbc election night coverage. they were the first to call the race for obama back in january. please welcome rachel maddow. (cheers and applause)

rachel, good to see you again. thanks for coming on. all right. young lady. >> yes, hello. >> stephen: feeling good? feeling good over there. >> i love election season every year no matter what happens. >> stephen: have you gotten any sleep? >> you know how the night-- no, i haven't. but you know, you stay up all night and the next day are you sort of fine but then the day after that your brain turns to pudding. i have pudding brain today. i can't think. i'm very tired. >> stephen: i don't even understand where you just said. >> see. that's the problem. >> stephen: now are the host, you were the host of the rachel maddout broadcast every-- night of the week. you're also author of the book drift, all right, its unmooring of the american military. enough of that. all right. still me what it was like election night over at

msnbc. okay when you guys knew that obama was going to win. was it just crazy over there? was chris matthews like running around with a lamp shade on his head or do they make lamp shades big enough to fit on his head? >> we were all covering it. and when ohio went, we were not expecting it. it was sort of, we were in the middle of talking about forecall for another station, an when they said that ohio happened it was sort of like do-whoop? it happened quickly and we were all involved in covering, and wanted to make sure we had the right information. it was a work day. >> stephen: here is the thing. the people at fox seemed more freaked out than you guys seemed elated. why was it? could you not believe that things were turning your way? why weren't you doing the end zone dance. >> i think the difference between the two sides is that the right talked themselves into the idea that it was going to be a romney landslide based on i don't know. >> stephen: gut. >> gut, feelings.

>> stephen: our buddy skow jar owe-- scar borrow says cut says romney. >> karl rove is saying yes, i see the polls but i also see these enthusiastic crowds and based on the enthusiastic crowds i'm sure romney is going to win. turned out to be a bad way to predict the election. we were looking at the polls. >> stephen: costill pull it out there is another path to 27020 mitt. never say die on this one. he just needs to get switzerland, the cayman islands and the secret state only republicans can see whitesylvania, he'll get there, he'll get there. (cheers and applause) >> he's not going to get there. it is really over. >> stephen: let me tell you, here's what i, obviously we're on the difference side of the political spectrum here. what i like about your show. what i respect is you deconstruct the news and i put the day's news like parts on a lawn, like of a car. and then you go all the parts of the engine that is roaring through the news right now. but then you reconstruct

those pieces into a conservative dream killing machine. >> i don't want-- i don't want to kill anybody's dream but i-- but i do feel like there's an important role to play in disabusing people of their fantasies that do not comport with what is going on in the real world. >> stephen: last night did you do an end zone dance. did you a nine minute look at what the democrats won last night. is that what the next four years are going to be? no olive branch or if it isn't an olive branch it is a stick in the eye of guys like me? >> i wasn't trying to do an end zone dance. i was describing what happened. >> stephen: and you said you might want to go get some popcorn or something like that. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: so i'm calling [bleep] on your friendliness. (applause)

this is one of those days when the facts have a liberal bias. and if you describe what happens in last night-- in this week's election, liberals are going to be happy by a factual description of what happened. and so just doing no adjectives describing the outcome at the state level, in the senate, especially at the presidential level, just raw data makes people like send you flowers. and that is, that's what is going on in the world right now. and denying what it is happening which i think is what the right tried to do throughout the campaign when romney was losing doesn't help. >> stephen: it was hurricane sandy that did it, it was hurricane sandy that did it. people were worried about the nor'easter that came the day after the election that did it. >> but its if the right is going to look at what just happened and say you know what, but for the storm, we did everything right and the country loves us, democrats are going to be very happy with all the next elections too.

>> stephen: and listen, you know you know what causes hurricanes. gay people cause hurricanes. (cheers and applause) that's science or don't you believe in science any more? (laughter) >> do gay people lower barometric pressure. >> stephen: oh, yeah, yes, they do. (laughter) rachel, thank you so much for joining me. >> sure. >> stephen: rachel mad ou, the book is-- sorry we didn't get to it we' be f f f f f f f f f f