>> on some things, yes. i think j.f.k. was murdered by the mob. i think that marlin monroe did not overdose for captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ["the colbert report" theme music playing] captioning sponsored by comedy central [eagle caw] [cheers and applause]

>> stephen: whoo! whoo! thank you so much. hello. hello, thank you. thank you so much. please, please take your seats. please, please sit down. [ laughter ] wow, you sat down fast. [ laughter ] ladies andladies and gentlemen,f course, stephen colbert. if you don't know who that is, congratulations on waking up from your eight-year coma. [ laughter ] let me get you up to speed for some of the things you might have missed. first of all the economy is terrible. la of laugh all human thought has now been limited to 140 characters. [ laughter ] and most importantly nevil longbottom now looks like this. [cheers and applause]

i think we can all agree that that is a real message of hope. [ laughter ] now, another big change is that thanks to ted talks -- [cheers and applause] -- all the real smarty people with the cutting edge ideas are now legally required to use a headset microphone when changing the world with thought. why? well, observe how it frees up my hands. [ laughter ] so i can communicate how together we can reframe the issues and shift the paradigm so that we can pull ourselves -- [laughter] -- [cheers and applause] into a brighter tomorrow. [ laughter ] and today, here, at the clinton global initiative i'm proud to

announce the birth of a brand new cgi, the colbert galactic initiative. thank you. very excited. you are the first to know. don't get me wrong global is good. it's cute, baby steps. i'm just thinking a little bit bigger. i assume many of you here in this room are here for the clinton global universeity. cgiu is a place where young people like us can present -- [laughter] it's fun to be young like us, isn't it? company present bold and fresh ideas. i for one salute your

commitment. you are here developing theories that will one day solve the world's problems while your classmates are on spring break developing theories as to why they woke up in a hot tub next to someone wearing nothing but a horse mask. but just praising you is not the only reason i'm here. no. in just a moment you'll witness a meeting of two global leaders. [ laughter ] one a statesman who changed the world cliticly and cultural, the other bill clinton. [ laughter ] i for one am awed by the greatness about to appear on stage and i am half of it. [ laughter ] as you can see from this chart technically i am 51% of the greatness. but enough talk it's time for

conversation. ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming the man responsible for the last government surplus, the most beloved living president other than martin sheen and my future close personal friend, president william jefferson, billy jeff clinton. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ don't stop thinking about tomorrow ♪ thank you, sir. [cheers and applause] ♪ yesterday's gone ♪ yesterday's gone >> thank you. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jon: i had to give them another taste of me. they deserve it. mr. president, welcome to the colbert galactic initiative on its inaugural night.

this vealy impressive. >> stephen: thank you. we put it together quickly. >> one of the things on my bucket list i just added something, climbing kilimanjaro before the snows melt, riding a horse across the gobi desert and now i want to go into outer space on one of your spaceships. >> stephen: if you'll provide the funding i'll find somebody to build it. >> that's what everybody tell ms. he. [ laughter ] >> stephen: william jefferson clinton may i call you billy jeff. >> once the president leaves office, you can call him anything you like. >> stephen: really. i'm honored. [laughter] before we start a couple of ground rules, all right? >> yes. >> stephen: i'm here in this venue at washington university we're broadcasting right now on the colbert report. are you familiar with that program? >> i am. >> stephen: this is not charlie rose, buddy. i'm going to bring it hot.

i'm going to bring it hard with a side of truth. here are the rules. if you start filibustering, i will cut you off. [ laughter ] because we all know i could ask you how you are doing and 15 minutes later you are talking about microloans to sumatra. second. we're miles away politcally from each other. so, if i find myself agreeing with you because of the famed clinton charisma, i will continue the interview staring into a hand mirror. [ laughter ] because you are the medusa of political persuasiveness. do you understand? >> i do. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: all right. so we're all set. thank you for joining me. >> i'm glad to be here and glad

to be with you and your mirror. >> stephen: thank you. [laughter] sir, the clinton global initiative gets so much done but my first question for you is why help other people? [laughter] weighs in it for you? >> i want to leave my daughter and grandchildren i hope to have and all these young people a better world. i think the reason you should do things for other people at bottom is selfish. there's no real difference between sellish and selfless if you understand how the world works. we're tied together. >> stephen: there's no difference between selfish and selfless? >> not if you understand how the world works. we live in an interdependent world. suppose you are in america and worried about growth to the american economy. we're 4% of the world's population. we have 20% of income. the more you reduce poverty overseas, the more you increase edition and improve health care

and empower women and girls, the more there's growth overseas, there's global growth and the better off americans will be. if every time you cut off somebody else's opportunities you shrink your own. >> stephen: why global initiative? why not call it the clinton america initiative. shouldn't we fix everything here first? u.s.a. number one first. that's the first line of constitution. [ laughter ] >> we should be fixing america and it should be the economic priority but you can't stop the world, get off and get on when you get good and ready. other people's lives are unfolding and fixing america in part depends upon having a more receptive world to improve in, one that makes our growth more relevant and more effective. it doesn't cost a lot of money. we give a smaller percentage of our income in foreign assistance, the u.s. government

does, than any other major country in the world. >> stephen: but this is one of the cutoffs i'm going to do here. [ laughter ] but the assistance we give is better assistance because it's america doing it. why do we have to match the rest of the world? who wants help from sweden? >> first of all, i'm not sure it is better. >> stephen: you just said america's assistance is not better than other countries. you are saying help from belgium is as good as help from the united states. >> i didn't say that. [ laughter ] i said that there are a lot of other countries who also do assistance very well and some of them do it by giving a higher percentage of their dollars or their equivalent currency in the country than we do. >> stephen: at the core of the question is why do you it. you spent eight years as president of united states. you've already had a big job but since you left you started the

clinton foundation, global initiative, clinton health access initiative, clinton economic opportunity initiative, climate initiative and more i can't fit here. aren't you -- [cheers and applause] go ahead. [cheers and applause] why aren't you exhausted? i'm 20 years younger than you are and i'm out of breath from listing what you do. >> well, when you get older you have more time to work. [ laughter ] >> stephen: that sounds like a jedi mind trick. what did you just say? >> you have three kids, right? >> stephen: i have three children, yes. >> when they are all out of college you'll have more time to work. >> stephen: oh, i guess so, yeah. i work pretty hard now though. are you saying you work harder now than you were president of the united states? if so, shouldn't you give us our

money back? >> i don't think i work harder now but i work about as hard. >> stephen: mr. president, we have to take a break. can you stick around? >> i'll do it. ephen:tephen: