song writers of all time. up there with gilbert and sullivan, rogers and hammerstein lennon and mccartney. (laughter) we all know sir paul's songs "yesterday," "hay, jude" "eleanor rigby" "black bird "get get back" all in all, some of the most timeless songs ever bought by michael jackson. (laughter) in 2009, the guinness book of world records named paul mccartney the most successful songwriter of all times. he's like lee redmond if hit records were fingernails. (laughter) in fact, the first album i ever bought with my own money was gordon light foot's "don quixote ♪ through the woodland, through the valleys come the horsemen wild and free ♪ still, blew my mind. but the second album was "hey, jude." that's right, kids, that's right. (cheers and applause)

young people, people used to buy music. '70s were a crazy time. (laughter) although he's often called a living legend, sir paul's rise to fame began as a simple tale of a 15-year-old left-handed guitarist who dropped by a garden party to see the quarrymen. he joined the band that became the beatles then conquered the world planting apple seeds with babe, the big blue ox. eventually paul left the beatles to join the argonauts. (laughter) eventually throwing all of his gold records into mount doom. (laughter) and i cannot wait for tonight's performances. you name an instrument and paul can play it: guitar, keyboard, bass, drums. he's a one-man karaoke bar without the weird videos of korean kids stealing fish. (laughter) now, sir paul's presence here tonight does not mean i am going to run tonight's show any differently than usual. he may be a giant, but this is

"the colbert report" not the mccartney recartney. i'm going to treat him the say way i treated last night's guest author daniel bergner in that i won't read paul's book, either. (laughter) i-- and i alone-- but, by the way, bergner did a great acoustic set last night. (laughter) should have taped it. i call the shots in this building and that's just the way it is, okay? i let sir paul know, it's a half shower show, we have time for one song. he immediately agreed to do an hour-long show with six songs. (cheers and applause) now -- (laughter) and i said "yes, sir, sir."

(laughter) so i told him we rehearsed at 5:00 and tape at 7:00. there's simply no other way to do it. he said he had to leave by 4:00, we'll be taping at 3:00 which is 7:00 somewhere in the atlantic ocean so i called that a win for our side. i explained the taping so early would mean we'd need him here for 11:00 a.m. for rehearsal and he agreed to get here when he got here. (laughter) and as with any musical guest we have to secure the broadcast rights to their songs, clear the lyrics with legal and, of course nail down our lighting and camera angles so i told sir paul we absolutely had no-no in advance what songs he'd be playing. he said "i understand completely. i'll decide when i get there." (cheers and applause) he showed up, righting? he's here? okay, good. anyway, you people are the luckiest studio audience of all

time. (cheers and applause) dig it. dig it, daddy-o. this is going to be a 150-person paul mccartney concert. you hear that, oprah? (cheers and applause) you, oprah, you and your free cars can suck it! (laughter) now, folks, of course out there in the non-free paul mccartney private concert world they're still sifting through the blockbuster revelations about the n.s.a.'s cyber surveillance program prism. millions of americans whose internet privacy has been violated are shocked to learn that anything on the internet was ever private. and now the man at the center of the storm, leaker edward snowden has gotten bad news. >> booz allen hamilton, the national security contractor where snowden worked for three months at its hawaii office confirming he's been fired. >> stephen: ooh, fired!

(laughter) that can't be easy in this job market. plus, he doesn't have any references. he only has all of yours. (laughter) now among snowden's leaks is the paper that says the n.s.a. collected 97 billion pieces of intelligence from computer networks worldwide in march, 2013 alone. but 97 billion? there's no building big enough to hold all that data! at least until they finish this one. >> these pictures are amazing, the compound is five times larger than the u.s. capitol. all to store big data. >> there will be yottabytes of data. people are familiar with gigabytes. a yottabyte is a million billion gigabytes. (audience reacts) >> stephen: now to put that in perspective: just one yottabyte is equivalent to 200 trillion d.v.d.s. which is approximately how many d.v.d.s i'm behind on "game of thrones." (laughter) so no one tell me about the red

wedding. (laughter) now i have to admit, at first i found this program to be a shocking breach of the public trust. the intimate details i share from my gmail account are no business of big governments. they are for one purpose only: so i can get targeted adds for boner pills. (laughter) well, then i learned that prism targets only foreigners! yeah. evidently that torch of freedom is only for americans. for the rest of the world she's holding boom mics. (laughter) now to ensure that they were limiting their searching is non-americans, prism's data analysts would key in search terms that are designed to produce at least 51% confidence in a target's foreignness. it was simple, they used search terms americans weren't familiar with such as "portion control" "paid maternity leave" and

"goooaaal." (cheers and applause) folks, this idea of foreign surveillance really strikes a chord with me, particularly because i've got a guest tonight who strikes chords professionally and i am 51% sure he is foreign. for one thing, an american would never say "all you need is love." what about nacho cheese? that's why tonight to keep an eye on this guy i've got cameras and microphones all over this studio. don't tell him! we'll be right back with sir paul mccartney. (cheers and applause)

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my guest tonight needs no introduction. here to interview music legend paul mccartney is stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) thank you! paul, good see you. >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you. what a pleasure. >> nice to see you. thank you. >> stephen: we haven't gotten together for four years. >> no. >> stephen: how have you been? >> i've been good, thank you. and you? >> stephen: last time we talked i wasn't that familiar with your work. (laughter) >> i remember. yeah. >> stephen: i have since then, though, boned up on my mccartney and jesus can you write some dizzys! i mean, seriously! seriously!

(cheers and applause) now, we're going to get to this whole beatles side project you worked on for a little while. (laughter) but first i want to talk about the new -- the album, the remastered reissued album you've got out now called "wings over america: 1976 tour of the world." it's the america leg of it. (applause) now this was the fifth number-one album you had as wings. >> yeah. >> stephen: okay. (laughter) walk me up to that spot. because you leave the beatles, okay? you've been working for years very successfully with a guy named john-- i know the feeling. (laughter) >> you know that? (applause) >> stephen: but you start your own thing. what did it feel like? did it feel like you had to start from scratch after you left the beatles? >> yeah. i didn't want to do the same thing again so i wanted to form a new band and try and do it all

again only different. >> stephen: there had to have been some rough patches at the beginning. >> yeah, there were. >> stephen: let's relive those bad days. what was it like? was it like mccartney and ram? what was it like? >> well, you know, seriously, stephen --. >> stephen: paul -- >> we decided to try and do it from the ground up rather than do a big supergroup thing so we knew nothing and we had to just learn it all again, how to be a band and there were times when i was -- it was a grind. the (cheers and applause) >> stephen: sorry to hear that. sorry to hear that. you actually -- i understand at one point you were actually driving to college gigs in england in a van. >> uh-huh. yeah. >> stephen: why? (laughter) you're paul mccartney, man! >> yeah, i ask myself that question. >> stephen: the other band mates

have their socks up on the dashboard? >> we had the kids and the dogs and the band all in the van and we literally did drive up the motorway. we didn't have a big booked and we didn't have a hotel. >> stephen: wait? so you'd just show up at a college and say "would anyone like to hear me play"? (laughter) >> we said "have you got a students' union?" and they'd say "yeah." we'd say "can we see the guy from the students' union?" and then the guy would come out and look at me and say -- and i'd say "can we play for you tomorrow?" i tell you, that's how it happened. >> stephen: it was important for you to be producing music, creating music and be traveling around with your wife. why was that important for you to be with linda in the band? was that a way to make a better marriage? >> no, it's just i liked her. (laughter) (cheers and applause)

>> stephen: all right, that's a good idea. you got a little bit of grief about it. mick jagger said "why would you want your old lady in your band?" you ever see him now and mock him for looking like an old lady? (laughter) >> i do, yeah. >> stephen: "band on the run" to me is the album of the 1970s. (cheers and applause) the thing that amazes me about it is that you recorded it on an 8-flak lagos, nigeria. >> yeah. >> stephen: why? >> why? >> stephen: how aloft did this van get? (laughter) >> the fashion was to not go to sort of london studios anymore anded to go somewhere exotic. so i asked my record company-- which was e.m.i.-- i said "can i have a list of your studios? i hear you have them all over the world." sure enough, they gave me a list

and there was like beijing, rio de janeiro. and i chose lagos. >> stephen: for the climate or the corruption? >> the climate and the disease. (laughter) and the truth is we -- we went and we did it. when i got back there was a note that i should have read before i went away from the record company guy saying "advise you don't go to lagos, outbreak of cholera." (audience reacts) >> stephen: wow. that's a close shave. >> a close shave, man. >> stephen: now, the concert, the final concert of the world tour was in seattle and that's on a d.v.d. that you can get called "rock show." you guyed stopped performing as the beatles. what did it feel like to be back on stage after so many years performing for a live audience-- especially ones that could hear what you were playing?" (laughter) because that was a real problem, wasn't it? >> in the beatles it was, yeah.

you couldn't hear anything. >> stephen: my sister saw you guys at washington stadium and she said -- you might remember her. she was the tall, bangs. screaming your name. exactly. (laughter) but did you stop playing because you couldn't hear yourself or they couldn't hear you? >> that was kind of the reason at the time, yeah. i mean, you know, you get tired of touring and we had a relentless schedule. >> stephen: it's pronounced sk you'll get yourself targeted by the n.s.a. with that shh-edule stuff, my friend. >> shh-edule is correct. ske-jule is not correct. >> stephen: we'll see how what the edits do. (laughter) >> so i've completely forgotten where i was. >> stephen: you were shhh-edule.

you had a relentless schedule. >> we were touring on the time. it was a terrible skej hchlyule we were on. >> stephen: now i know what you we're talking about. >> so it got pretty boring and so -- towards the end the screaming, you couldn't hear what you were doing and, you know, we were, after all, musicians, had been the original idea. (laughter) so now we were just kind of puppets getting screamed at and we decided to, you know, call it a day. >> stephen: let's talk about the evolution of the beatles because i think one of the things that anybody who is blown away by is what grew you guys sound like in '64 and what you guys sounded like by '69. did you try to change your sound that quickly? >> you know, we were learning. and you've got to remember, me and john were new to song writing so the first songs we

wrote were really all aimed at the fans. they're like kind of "thank you, girl from me to you." (laughter) "please, please me." (laughter) "p.s., i love you." (cheers and applause) >> stephen: wow, so you knew your audience. you knew your audience. and what point did you find either the courage or just the new feeling that you said "i'm not going to write for that other person, i'm going to write for myself?" >> drugs. >> stephen: honest to god in seriously? no, that's all right, it's practically legal now. >> it's true. the one thing about the beatles, we never wanted to make the same song or the same record so we literally were going into the studio with ringo and saying "did you use that snare drum on the last track?" he'd say "yeah." so we said "you have to change it." >> stephen: change the actual drum? >> track to track not album to

album. so that's why there was a lot of -- you like that? >> stephen: i did. did you just write a beatles hit? (laughter) why would you -- so you would play anything that was laying around? >> you play on packing cases, you get the mic in, you just would mess with sounds so this whole idea of having the ability to experiment and mess with this and try a new snare drum, try a tom tom instead of it. the other good thing about the beatles is there was an incredible democracy. if one of us didn't like something we were doing it was voted out. so, you know, we could think we'd written the greatest song ever but if ringo didn't like it -- (laughter) true. >> stephen: so there's sort of a pile like "no, these a really good, nobody knows how good my stuff is." did that pile sort of build up next to you? no? (laughter) >> well, you know -- no, i think the thing is because we knew what was going to get voted out. you had to kind of write

something that we would all like. >> stephen: you've had 71 top ten hits, okay? (cheers and applause) at what point in your career did you say to yourself "well, i think i might be better than anyone on the planet at what i do"? did it ever dour you that, goddamnit, i'm really good. or were you always saying "i'm not sure how good i am." >> well, you try to be modest. (laughter) >> stephen: and how did that work out? >> not easy. not too easy, no. you know, i -- i do pinch myself sometimes thinking i've done pretty good. >> stephen: yes, yeah, i would say so. i would say so. are there songs you wish you'd written -- not with the beatles but songs you wish you'd written for your time? like even -- like "tin pan alley" very simple songs like that? >> yeah, yeah. "cheek to cheek" i like.

you know that one? >> stephen: i do. >> i like that. >> stephen: ♪ we're out together dancing cheek to cheek ♪ did i just sing with you? i sang with paul mccartney. did i just sing with paul mccartney. >> (both) ♪ heaven, i'm in heaven ♪ and my heart beats so that i could hardly speak ♪ (cheers and applause) ♪ when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: very nice. i smell hit. we've got all this equipment here. would you think about doing some music for us, please? (cheers and applause) >> i'd love to. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: it's an absolute joy a pleasure. look at that! (cheers and applause) wings over america c.d. reissue.

if we'll be right back with paul mccardny! on!me on! dow%dobkt@r@3/3.3/s/3/3/

>> stephen: ladies and gentlemen paul mccartney. (cheers and applause)

♪ ♪ i've just seen a face i can't forget the time or place ♪ where we first met she's just the girl for me ♪ and i want all the world to see we've met ♪ had it been another day i might have looked ♪ the other way and i'd have never been aware ♪ but as it is i'll dream of her tonight ♪ falling yes, i am falling ♪ and she keeps calling me back again ♪ i have never known the like of this, i've been alone ♪ and i have missed things and kept out of sight ♪ for other girls were never quite like this ♪ falling yes, i am falling, ♪ and she keeps calling me back again

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ falling yes, i am falling, ♪ and she keeps calling me back again ♪ i've just seen a face i can't forget the time or place ♪ where we first met she's just the girl for me ♪ and i want all the world to see we've met ♪ falling yes, i am falling ♪ and she keeps calling me back again. ♪ ♪ falling yes, i am falling ♪ and she keeps calling me back again. ♪ ♪ falling yes, i am falling ♪ and she keeps calling me back again. ♪

( cheers and applause ) cc@i(q(&$pc8,x$pc8,x-x-xja0 'é

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! thank you so much! ladies and gentlemen, we will have more paul mccartney in just a moment but first, folks, it's hard for conservatives like me-- and mccartney-- to live in michael bloomberg's new york city nannyopolis.

he has instituted smoking bans, soda bans and i can't even tell you how many times i've been stopped and frisked. oh, wait, i can-- zero, because i'm not black or hispanic. and now-- and now-- this guy has launched citi bike, the nation's largest bike-sharing program. >> starting today in new yorkers can rent bike for $9.95 per day or get a yearly pass for $95 and that gives you unlimited access to 6,000 bicycles in brooklyn and manhattan. >> stephen: i don't see why we need this, folks, we already have a bike program with unlimited access for just the price of bolt cutters. (laughter) that's why i am standing with "wall street journal" editorial board member dorothy rabinowitz who is speaking out against this spoked menace. >> dorothy, why would you want a program like this in the first someplace are we too fat? >> do not read into the mind of

the totalitarians running this government of the city. look, i represent the majority of citizens of this city are appalled by what has happened. (laughter) >> stephen: that's right. dorothy represents the majority of citizens of new york. as anyone in chelsea and they will tell you they are a friend of dorothy! (laughter) (cheers and applause) and ladies and gentlemen, lucille bluth's older sister knows -- (laughter) -- that bikes have always been a pedal-powered plague. >> before this, every citizen knew that the most important danger in the city is not the yellow cabs, it is the bicyclists who veer in and out of the sidewalk. there's nobody who doesn't blow by every traffic light and worse cut in and out of the lane because the bike lane doesn't suit them and on the the

sidewalks. we now look at a city whose best neighborhoods are absolutely, you know, begamed, is the word, by these blazing blue citibank bikes all around the most peck which you areesque parts of the city. it is shocking. >> stephen: begrimed! befouled! bedirty. now when you're ambulating about the historic west village a gaudy blue rack of bikes will take away from the simple beauty of the cherry boxxx discount dildo shop! (cheers and applause) for shame! for shame! and these bikes are not the only newfangled eyesores besmirching our fair city. why must we have all these garish terminals for the subterranean way or subway as it is called by the slack jawed chuds. (laughter) i don't mind the laboring masses trunding about underground, but must we provide them means of

egress? like a house plant they'll seek out the light and emerge to the public promenade to spread their workman's diseases among their social betters. i ask you-- i ask you-- who will pay for the either to treat my fishmongers ago you? i'll tell you when this city became unfit for civilized life. it was the advent of the vertical cabled car forcing those of us with delicate constitutions to share a rattling pennicular pressed in the uniform of an organ bripd monkey. i prefer for t simpler ways of yore being conveyed to my apartment by four stout eunuchs. (laughter) fie i say on your bicycles! we shall return! (cheers and applause) ä m!=$-x

♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ well, when i met you at the station ♪ you were standing with a bootleg in your hand ♪ i took you back to my little place ♪ for a taste of a multi-colored band ♪ we're gonna get hi, hi, hi the night is young ♪ she'll be my funky little mama ♪ gonna rock it and we've only just begun ♪ we're gonna get hi, hi, hi with the music on ♪ won't say bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye ♪ 'til the night has gone i'm gonna do it to you ♪ gonna do it sweet banana you'll never give up ♪ we're going to get hi, hi, hi in the midday sun

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ well, we'll take off your face ♪ recover from the trip you've been on ♪ i want you to lie on the bed get you ready for my polygon. ♪ i'm gonna do it to you gonna do it sweet banana ♪ you'll never give up, yes! ♪ go like a rabbit, gonna grab it ♪ gonna do it 'til the night is done ♪ we're gonna get hi, hi, hi with the music on ♪ won't say bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye 'til the night has gone ♪ i'm gonna do it to you

gonna do it, sweet banana ♪ you'll never give up we're gonna get ♪ we're gonna get hi, hi, hi we're gonna get hi, hi, hi ♪ we're gonna get hi, hi, hi in the midday sun. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hi, hi, hi in the midday sun. ♪ (cheers and applause)

>> thank you! (cheers and applause) okay, we'd like that do a song now which we haven't done ever until this tour we're on and this is an old "sergeant pepper" song. (applause) here we go. ♪ ♪ ♪ for the benefit of mr. kite there will be a show tonight on trampoline ♪ the hendersons will all be there late of pablo fanque's fair, what a scene! ♪ over men and horses, hoops and garters ♪ lastly through a hog's head of real fire ♪ in this way, mr. k. will challenge the world

♪ ♪ the celebrated mr. k. performs his feat on saturday at bishops gate ♪ the hendersons will dance and sing as mr. kite flies through the ring, don't be late. ♪ messers k. and h. assure the public ♪ their production will be second to none ♪ and of course, henry the horse dances the waltz! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the band begins at ten to six when mr. k. performs his tricks

without a sound ♪ and mr. h. will demonstrate ten somersets he'll undertake on solid ground ♪ having been some days in preparation ♪ a splendid time is guaranteed for all ♪ and tonight mr. kite is topping the bill! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ and tonight mr. kite is topping the bill! ♪

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. we're about to get another song from paul mccartney but before we do so, paul you're a vegetarian, right? >> yeah. >> stephen: i hold in my hand a paul mccartney memory book. (laughter) in the inside this is one of the beatles trading dprardz the 1960s, you see that? there's paul. if you look at his stats on the

back it has birthday, birthplace hair dark grown, height 5 '11. favorite food: roast beef. (cheers and applause) have you anything to say, paul mccartney? (applause) >> i used to be a bad person! >> stephen: you are busted, paul mccartney! ladies and gentlemen, paul mccartney! ♪ ♪ ♪ any time, any day you can hear the people say ♪ that love is blind well, i don't know ♪ but i say love is kind

♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ soldier boy kisses girl leaves behind a tragic world ♪ but he wont mind, he's in love and he says love is fine ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, yes indeed we know ♪ that people will find a way to go ♪ no matter what the man said ♪ and love is fine for all we know ♪ for all we know our love will grow ♪ that's what the man said ♪ so won't you listen to what the man said ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh

♪ take it away ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ he said oh, yes indeed we know ♪ that people will find a way to go ♪ no matter what the man said ♪ and love is fine for all we know ♪ for all we know our love will grow ♪ that's what the man said ♪ so won't you listen to what the man said ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ he said oh, yes indeed we know ♪ that people will find a way to go

♪ no matter what the man said ♪ and love is fine for all we know ♪ for all we know our love will grow ♪ that's what the man said ♪ so won't you listen to what the man said ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ he said oh, yes indeed we know ♪ that people will find a way to go ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ (cheers and applause)

(cheers and applause) ♪ lady madonna children at your feet ♪ wonder how you manage to make ends meet ♪ who finds the money when you pay the rent ♪ did you know that money was heaven sent? ♪ friday night arrives without a suitcase ♪ sunday morning creeping like a nun ♪ monday's child has learned to tie his bootlace

♪ see how they run ♪ lady madonna baby at your breast ♪ wonders how you manage to feed the rest ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ see how they run ♪ lady madonna lying on the bed ♪ listen to the music playing in your head ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ tuesday afternoon is never ending ♪ wednesday morning papers didn't come ♪ thursday night your stockings needed mending ♪ see how they run ♪ lady madonna children at your feet ♪ wonder how you manage to make ends meet ♪ oh, yeah yeah! (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) - man, this summer kickoff party's gonna be, like, mtv beach house throwback status. daisy fuentes's butt-cheeks are just gonna be flowing

in the wind. - ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! that wasn't racist, was it? - she had s--that's a good one. it was a little. - okay, well. - it was a little racist. - hey, uh, dirk to blaze. any sign of what's clogging the drain, my main man? - negative, dude. i do see a barbeque down here, though, and a suitcase full of your clothes. i'm almost to the drain. it's 2 meters. - how's the air quality down there? - it's okay, it's all right. but i could use a blow of the dro, sir. - blowing dro. - he's blowing dro now. over. - i just blew the dro. blew the dro. - hey, blaze, come on, man. any sign of what's clogging the drain? - that's affirmative. there's something... oh, my god, guys! you're not gonna believe this. [beat-boxing] - ♪ i'm fresh [beat-boxing] - ♪ you gotta you gotta ♪ ♪ you gotta, gotta - ♪ gotta be fresh

- gentledudes, before you lies a fierce beast known to suck the brains out of humans and goats, driven from their habitat during the construction of the rancho garden mall in '98. heck, the scientists thought they moved up north. but i had a different hypothesis. looks like i was right. i give you... the rancho chupacabraj. - no, that is definitely our neighbor mark's dog ambush. - covered in some of your hair and possibly jizz. not mine, though. - it's a chupacabraj. - i can't believe you're carrying around a dead animal. - well, i can't just leave this priceless artifact at home. what happens if, like, nicolas cage rolls through the neighborhood and steals this national treasure? - whatever. let's stick to the mission, stromies. we need some, like, pool toys. - yes. - chicks are like cats, dude. if you don't keep their attention, they'll wait for--on-- on top of the refrigerator.