what's his celebrity worth? $2.5 million. >> audience: wow. >> yeah. [laughter] who's next? bam margera. [audience ohs] guys, bottle that rage. [laughter] no wonder jessica simpson banged him. stuart scott. you mean, old left eye? [laughter] i assume he can't see all of his check. [laughter] $2 million. oh! nobody tell him. [laughter] master p? he hasn't done anything in a long time, but he did own a golden army tank. [laughter] [audience ohs] hold on, i'm gonna be sick. [laughter] that is insanity! oh! that is an oddly specific number, too. [laughter] $661 million? all right. let's find out how much suge

knight's worth. [laughter] now i assume, when he's shaking people over the balcony, it's like, "hey, did anything fall out?" [laughter] hugh hefner. i'm gonna say he's worth $45 million. [audience ohs] [laughter] that'll buy you plenty of viagra. okay, larry flynt. if hef is worth $43 million, i'm gonna say larry flynt is in the ballpark of $25 million. [audience ohs] i guess that proves that soft porn doesn't pay as well as watching someone get peed on. [laughter] lesson learned, america. daniel tosh. i think the shocking part is that i made the list. [laughter] $400,000 in the red! [laughter] by the way, there's good debt and bad debt. currently, i'm upside down on a mortgage. [laughter] probably doesn't help that a hot girl flies me to mexico to invest in her family's tequila business either.

next time, i'm saying, "no, gracias." [laughter] go to our blog to see the ones that we didn't have time for. see you next week. good night. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. good to have you with us. thank you so much, folks. [ cheers and applause ]

folks, there is no secret. please, folks, i've got to tell you... [ cheers and applause ] please, please. sit down. folks, i've got to tell you there is no secret why these people are happy. there is a royal baby! [ cheers and applause ] and the world is in the grips of post-partum jubilation. folks, with all the depressing stories out there that i have to report night after night, it is refreshing once in a while to be able to tell you the uplifting story that the idle rich can pro-create. they do it. still, no word on a name name for the baby. i'm sure they'll have some sort of web contest to name the baby. i want stephen colb-ince the

prince. get ready, nation. we'll have more on this story as the fontanel firms up. tomorrow we'll have full team coverage and... hold on one second. get a team. but first, folks, sad news. this weekend we lost a true legend of journalism with the passing of white house reporter and friend of the show helen thomas. helen covered ten presidents over her 60-year career, and her fellow journalists are remembering her with tributes, anecdotes, and in the case of geraldo rivera, by posting a naked selfie on twitter. though come to think of it, that might not have a tribute to helen. that might have been what killed her. man, he looks good. he looks really good. look how well defined down here these... i'm not sure.

my people have no word for that muscle. same way to herebyians have no word for snow. the flying buttresses, i suppose. no surprise that geraldo is once again blazing trails here or, in the case of his happy trail, waxing it. and the trail he's blazing, folks, is for the sexy seniors out there. as geraldo wrote in his tweet, "70 is the new 50." exactly. and if there's one thing people want to see on their twitter feeds, it's naked 50-year-old men. [ cheers and applause ] i've got one year to get my [bleep] together. and as geraldo said in his tweet, "erica and family are going to be so pissed... but at my age..." yes, at his age, he

has clearly lost all judgment. and also has fewer years to have to live this down. and it is great to see geraldo join the long tradition of journalistic beefcake. i mean, who could forget walter cronkite's famous sign-off, "and that's the way it is. now watch my pecs dance." nation, i've always been suspicious of the minimum wage. i've said it before. minimum is a misnomer. $7.25? i can think of wages a lot lower. $3.28. $1.19. a pat on the back and a handful of mints. there are literally dozens of other things you could give them. a barn owl. and when it comes to opposing

the minimum wage, i'm in good company with guys who own companies. for example, billionaire industrialist and my future face twin charles koch in an interview with the wichita eagle, the cute koch said he wants to eliminate the minimum wage because it creates a culture of dependency and keeps people with limited capital from starting their own business. he is right. having to pay your employees really hurts small business. i mean, look at our nation's forefathers. many arrived with nothing but the blouse on their back but thanks to no minimum wage, they started a booming cotton industry. but just try explaining macro economics to the 10.4 million working poor. some of them actually think the minimum wage is too low especially the four million who work in fast food. jim? >> since early april, there have been protests by fast food

workers in seven cities. >> we can't afford to live on what we make. >> a coalition of groups calling themselves d15 helped organize this protest and others at mcdonald's, burger king, dominoes and other top chains to demand $15 an hour instead of $7.40. >> stephen: $15 an hour? that would make the guy at fry station the richest man in detroit. [ cheers and applause ] i say your fries are ready. i say the problem isn't that the minimum wage is too low. it's that the poors out there don't know how to handle their cash. >> many of the poor will use the money irresponsibly. >> there is a reason for poverty in america. it's usually personal responsibility. >> poverty is not just an economic problem. it is a social problem and a social responsibility problem. personal responsibility problem. you know that's true.

>> stephen: yes, it doesn't matter how little you are paid. if you're poor, it's your fault. i get that. but then again i'm not poor and if i were, i wouldn't be. because i would turn being poor into an "opp-poor-tunity" -- okay, trademark -- and mcdonald's agrees with me. instead of raising salaries they're giving their workers something more valuable than money: a website. >> if there's anything we've learned in these tough economic times it's to budget and save for the future, right? well, macdonald's thought it was helping its employees by giving them an example of how to do just that on their limited salaries. >> a website launched by the chain called practical money skills for life. the site breaks down on a worker can make ends meet on a mcdonald's salary snef yes not to be confused with their delicious burger recipe which

makes end meat. and take a mc-look at their mc-nuggets of mc-wisdom. mc-jim. >> even small things add up to a lot of money over time. think of it this way. let's say you go to the convenience store everyday for gum or even a candy bar mple it's only a dollar, right? well, if you multiply that dollar a day times 365 days a year, you're spending $365 a year on snacks alone. >> stephen: hold on. one second. let me see. 365 times... yes, yes. [ cheers and applause ] times one. it checked out. now, folks, the heart of the program is this downloadable budget journal workers can use to track their spending. >> writing down and journaling your daily spending will help you understand where your money

goes. you might say it's too much trouble to write down everything you spend but before you say that, give it a try. try it for one week and see if you notice a difference in your spending. then try it for at least a month to see that you really will spend less. >> stephen: then try a year. then try a decade. then 50 years rm then ask yourself, why am i still working at mcdonald's? i'm 86 years old. all you have to do is follow their sample monthly budget. where they estimate you will spend $600 on rent. $100 on cable and phone, and $0 on heating. no problem. just accumulate a warming layer of fat on your body like this employee. and other parts of their sample budget are equally helpful. for health insurance they budget $20. now the cheapest macdonald's

health plan is $50 but for $20 you can get a tournicut, a bottle of night train and a bite stick. now you might be saying to yourself, stephen, i can't do all this on a mcdonald's salary. well, that's where you're right. because the budget assumes you're working a second job. which of course won't be easy but that does mean two christmas parties. just be sure to fill your pockets with shrimp and maybe a can of sterno because, remember, you have no heat. after all the expenses have been paid you're still left with $800 in monthly spending money for odds and enders like clothing, food, and gas: luckily your polyester mcdonald's uniform qualifies as all three. so if you work two jobs at 75 hours a week and follow this budget to the letter,

mcdonald's nonbindingly promises you'll have $100 for savings a month because mcdonald's says, "you can have almost almost you want as long as you plan ahead and save for it." unless the thing you want is money. so stop complaining, four million fast food workers. macdonald's may have net a profit last quarter of $1.39 billion. but you get a fair wage plus all the grease you can breathe. for pete's sake an employee at a chicago mcdonald's makes $8.25 an hour but the ceo of macdonald's only makes $8.75 million dollars a year. i mean 8.25, 8.75, they're practically the same if you don't care about math. and macdonald's budget proves they don't. we'll be right

[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, thank you so much. folks, if you watch this show you know that i am no man of astro-physics. if god wanted us to know how the universe was created he'd have told us about it in a book which he did. check and mate. your move, atheists. still, i am a fan of frequent guests of the show astro-physicist neil degrasse tyson. he answers all my questions about space like what's inside a

super nova? and isn't it creepy that luke and leia kissed? but, folks, i have to take issue with something my friend neil said in a video interview with business insider about why we haven't been contacted by aliens. >> i wonder if in fact we have been observed by aliens and upon close examination of human conduct and human behavior, they have concluded that there is no sign of intelligent life on earth. >> stephen: oh, really? there's no intelligent life on earth? well, maybe the aliens aren't interested in us for our minds, neil. maybe they like us for our bodies. may i remind you they're not sticking the probes in the noodle, okay. they're sticking them in the kaboodle. that's why they're called ass-tronauts, not brainstronauts. [ cheers and applause ]

now, sadly for science, neil wasn't done talking. >> it forces us to think of ourselves as intelligent. we have a certain intelligence gap between us and other creatures on earth. you don't walk by the worm on the street and say, gee, i wonder what he's thinking. no, you step on the worm. this is what we do. as humans. >> stephen: you hear that, folks? neil degrasse-tyson noted astro-physicist is a worm-stomping monster. he doesn't go fishing for sport. he does it to torture the bait. and what if aliens did visit us but they looked exactly like wormed and they landed here right after a summer rainstorm and on their way to address the u.n., they saw you and said, oh, look there's astro physicist neil degrasse-tyson let us make a gesture of peace by spelling out the periodic symbol for hydrogen on the sidewalk. hey, he's coming toward us

clearly to learn the secrets of the univ diana ahhhhh. and they get crushed under your heel de grass tyson. besides, neil, why are you so down on worms? recently came across a very charming worm who just might change your mind, okay? this is beatrice. okay. i met her a few weeks ago in my kitchen. since then we've had some wonderful conversations. she's a great listener. in fact, i would say she's my closest friend. i love you, beatrice worm. >> stephen? tephen: what is it, jimmy? i'm doing the show. >> that's not a that's a piece of linguini. [ cheers and applause ]

>> stephen: of course it's a worm, jimmy. i found her in a bowl of spaghetti. it's their natural camouflage. besides, what kind of name is beatrice for a piece of linguini? he's just jealous. anyway, aliens, we are smart. come talk to us. we'll be right back.

[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight has a new book about body image. i'd read it if it were a little thinner. please welcome kjerstin gruys. [ cheers and applause ] thank so much. >> you're welcome. stephen: all right. you have a lot of y's and j's in there. kjerstin gruys i've got that correctly. >> correct. stephen: thanks for coming on a show. >> thank you. stephen: you are a former fashion industry. you are a candidate where you teach. your book is called mirror, mirror off the wall. how i learned to love my body by not looking at it for a year. what do you mean? you did not look into a mirror for a year? >> and other affected surfaces were out also. >> stephen: like the toaster? the toaster the, the knife at restaurants. >> stephen: did you do that

before? >> i didn't realize. stephen: were you always checking yourself out in the knife because you have a real problem. but you were? >> i didn't realize i was until i couldn't anymore. when i didn't want to. then suddenly mirrors were everywhere. >> stephen: could you even look down at yourself or did you have to wear one of those dog collars like a chain? >> i looked down at myself all the time. to see if i had cat hair on me, et cetera. >> stephen: did you? usually. stephen: why did you do this? why put yourself through the agony of not looking at yourself. >> it wasn't agony. stephen: it wasn't? but you're a good looking person. >> thank you very much but i didn't always feel that way. like a lot of women, i completed my looks with my entire sense of self. >> stephen: and that is wrong because... >> it is wrong because... stephen: i'm just curious. ... we have many more things to offer the world and to ourselves. i think that everyone is beautiful in their own way.

>> stephen: okay, no. including... (laughing). [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't know... stephen: some people are really hot. i mean, why can't people who are really hot, who look in the mirror and go, that's great, you know, i can understand if you looked in the mirror and went this or that, irto change this. if you looked in and went, looking good, buddy, what's wrong with that? >> i think it's great to have self-esteem and a healthy body image but at the same time we need to keep appearance in perspective. >> stephen: the craziest thing is is you got married during this year without mirrors. >> i did. stephen: what was that like? [ cheers and applause ] that's daredevil. >> the wedding and preparing for the wedding was the reason i had to do this project. i was really getting sucked into the industry, the wedding industry telling me that, you know,... >> stephen: your most beautiful day of your life. >> most important day of my life and that the wedding was really

about what i looked like and not about my marriage and all my friends and family. and i was feeling alarmed. my research at u.c.l.a. is about body image and women's issues. i felt kind of like a body image expert with a body image problem and i wanted to change that. >> stephen: did you think you had a problem? as i said you're a perfectly attractive person. what's the problem with keeping track of your weight and your hair and your skin and that thing you have up there? >> i think it's an individual... stephen: you know that thing on your face i'm talking'? >> i have no idea but i'm going to trust you. >> stephen: that thing you've got. the thing you would change. the one thing you would change about your face. we all noticed it when you sat down. >> you know, i really think that every person has... a point. if we all took a step back and

thought, am i spending the right amount of time, money, energy, and brain power or maybe a little too much? the answer is going to be different for everyone. i think it's a worthwhile question to ask. >> stephen: do you think there can be, you know, you say everyone has got the, you know, right to feel about themselves the way they feel about themselves. can being too confident about your looks be a bad thing? >> i think it can actually. you know, looks change our lives. that's natural. >> stephen: not always. can we show a picture please. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know, i like that he has rose-colored glasses. >> stephen: he is wearing rose-colord glasses. when you finally looked in the mirror, what did you think? who was that stranger in my bathroom? >> honestly, i felt like i was seeing an old friend that i hadn't seen in a year. it was wonderful. >> stephen: did she say anything back to you?

>> she winked. tephen: did she? looking good. stephen: sounds like she was coming on to you. >> you know, you have to keep it in check. >> stephen: kjerstin gruys, thank you so much for joining us. >> thank you. stephen: kjerstin gruys, mirror irks mirror off the wall. we'll be right bac bac

[ cheers and applause ] >> that's it for the report, everybody. good night. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [ cheers and applause ]

>> john: welcome to the daily show. i am john oliver. i am still sitting in here for jon stewart. we are all missing jon terribly here which is why we were so glad this weekend to see him tweet a picture of himself. oh, yeah! oh, yeah! and if you don't get the reference for that photograph, then congratulations. you live in a far happier world than the rest of us. our guest tonight from the new movie blue jasmine will be here. [ cheers and applause ] now obviously there was a lot to talk about. who am i kidding. there was exactly one thing to talk about. >> her royal highness the duchess of cambridge was safely delivered of a son at 4:24 p.m. local time.

>> john: oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, yes, yes, yes! a son, a son, you mean a king. all neal to the one true king. neal for god's sake. (trumpet fanfare). this blessed news. it came after a long day of awaiting word from st. mary's hospital as the royal lad seemingly prolonging labor, perhaps sensing that this was the only kind of labor that he would ever be involved in. we will have full team coverage on this tomorrow night. but let me just give you a little taste of what currently is out there. >> this is how brilliant a royal kate is.

there are women throughout british royal family history that have panicked over not being able to deliver a boy. here we are. kate did it first time. >> john: what? what? you are aware that she is married to prince william and not carl drogo, aren't you? what would your response have been if it had been a girl? dam nation upon your cursed woman. she produced a baby of the weaker sex. all that tomorrow. all that tomorrow. but first, from news of birth overseas to news of death back here in the u.s. >> it has been long feared. this morning it is reality in detroit. the motor city filed for chapter 9 protection yesterday. >> mo town is singing the blues. town tonight is no town.