and clearly named the baby for george costanza who is played by jason alexander and julia louis-dreyfuss. because... [ cheers and applause ] ... because just like seinfeld, the english royal family is really about nothing. meanwhile, anthony weiner's penis. yes, i kept that in as long as i could. just like anthony weaner. yes, new york, new york, the city that never sleeps just got one more thing to keep it up at night because yesterday the thinkable happened. >> jim? two years after a tawd sexing scandal chased him from congress, anthony weiner is

begging for forgiveness again. turns out he continued sending lewd messages and photos to at least one woman even after he was forced to resign from congress >> stephen: yes, even after the sext-ing scandal that ended his congressional career. it turns out he learned nothing. has this man never heard of snapchat? your dong shots disappear seconds after you send them. i have been told. anyway, here's basically what happened. 50 days before the mayoral primary, new sexy texts and photos of the candidate were published on the website, "the dirty." the dirty, of course, the "new york times" of celebrity schlong photos. their motto: all the dicks that fit to pic. now, ladies and gentlemen, i want you to brace yourself. i'm about to show you one of the pictures. warning: if there are children in the room, you're going to

wish there weren't. jim jim? okay. okay, everybody breathe. looks like he got it caught in a waffle iron. a series of paint swatches. that last color is called public humiliation. jim, jim, can we move on, please? thank you very much. now, in response, yesterday weiner held an emergency press conference. >> i have said that other sex tinge photos were likely to come out. today they have. the behaviors are behind me. i'm bleesed and blessed that my wife humahas given me a second chance >> stephen: he's also blessed that she's still counting this as the second chance. she is either very forgiving or terrible at mathment either way, at least he's taking personal

responsibility. >> my wife and i, as i have said, are moving forward together. my wife and i, we went through this process. we put it behind us. we're in a lot better place today. we knew, we decided, we, we, we, it was something that we had worked through together >> stephen: yes, together both he and his wife have worked through their mutual roles in his secretly sending women pictures of his crank. by the way... [ cheers and applause ] two-way street. by the way, all this cyber-flashing happened just last summer. at the same time he was telling people magazine "i feel like a different person." turns out it was true. he was a different person because he sent these penis shots or "dictures," under the screen name carlos danger.

now, i assume... [ cheers and applause ] very distinguished. i assume it was to avoid using a ridiculous name like anthony weiner. and, folks, i found his reassurances only more alarming. >> this is entirely behind me. it's in our rear view mirror. >> stephen: dear, god. if that's in our rear view mirror, object may be closer than it appears. but folks, folks, this photo is only the tip of the iceberg. well, and some of the shaft. because weiner also sent his internet chat-chica lewd text messages and i would not be doing my job as a journalist if i did not read them allowed on national tv.

[ cheers and applause ] it's all here in the new york post where i read all my printed-out internet. they've... you can see they blankd out some of the words here. some of the naughty bits are blanked out. but i'm sure i can figure out what was there. okay. "so, i walk into a hotel room and you are at the end of the bed naked except for some amazing blank-me shoes. hmmmm. "respect-me" shoes. i don't know. maybe i'm wrong. you know, just to be sure, i think the full texts are online. let me just see. okay. let's go to "the dirty. i want to say dot-gov at this point. okay. here we go. here we go. okay. he writes "still holding your

hair. i spread your legs, your... oh. (mumbling) oh, "your..." oh. okay. he take out my... oh, no. i lean over and... please. no. [bleep]. okay. i bend down, grab the... eww. i put my tongue deep in your mouth. you grab my... oof. oh, my god. let me see. will you let me hold your hair while you gag... jesus christ. oh, no. oh, no.

okay. that's it, folks. i just... i don't care what his wife thinks. these are serious times. this city has serious problems. and i do not want anthony weiner as my mayor. i want carlos danger. [ cheers and applause ] carlos danger. a man of whatever the opposite of mystery is. just think about it, folks. a year after being hounded from office in national, nay, global disgrace for recreational crotch photography, does he stop? no, he presses on. that's the kind of single-minded dedication you need as mayor of new york city because as mayor carlos danger will face impossible challenges every day. but he won't just throw up his hands because those hands will always be occupied.

plus let's face it. you want transparent government, say no more. and mayor danger would never be scared to go toe-to-"i hope that's a toe" with wall street or teachers' unions or the mob. he's not scared of anything because carlos danger's middle name is also danger. of course, we can't expect carlos danger to sing his own praises. he's a humble guy unless you're a impressionable young woman with a smart phone. so tonight my graphics team has created an animated tribute to what the good people of new york can expect under the danger administration. jim? [ cheers and applause ] >> i'll save you. carlos danger. secret mayor. [ cheers and applause ]

>> stephen: folks, this november , i certainly hope you'll be thinking of carlos danger when you yank that lever. now, in other political news, folks, yesterday virginia governor bob mcdonnell apologized for accepting $120,000 in inappropriate loans from a dietary supplement maker who also funded a $15,000 new york shopping trip for the governor's wife. and... any pics of his peener or anything like that? then why am i wasting your time? we'll be right back. "q@o!j,tp$cñ

[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: , right over here. why not? welcome back, everybody. now, nation, anyone would knows me knows i love me some hip-to-the-hop rappity rap rap. and there's no greater rapper alive than kanye west. and that's according to none other than renown rap expert kanye west. i mean this guy is dropping science like an underfunded school district. but yeezy's latest work of yeenius isn't music, folks. it's fashion. yeemmy? >> can yeah has a new baby, new album and new clothes. the fashion forward rapper has

collaborated with french brand a.p.c. for a capsule collection. the a.p.c. can yeah collection consists of a jean, a hoodie and a t-shirt >> stephen: that's right. kanye west has a clothing line but not shoes and handbags. he leaves that to his sister, nine. it's all great. but my favorite has got to be this $120 white t-shirt made of 100% cotton with ribbing at the neckline and short sleeves. of course you wouldn't want to get any pit stains on something this pricey so be sure to wear an undershirt. now, folks, this may look like a plain white t-shirt but it's not, as evidenced by its name "the hip hop t-shirt." i believe the shirt is a collaboration by fruit, featuring "the loom." now before you go out to buy it, the hip hop t-shirt has sold

out. but if you want to buy your own piece of hip-hop street cred, you're in luck. because tonight, i'm proud to offer my premiere line of hip-op couture. tube socks. all right. [ cheers and applause ] made in the chi-nizzle. all my homes in the sweat shop say nothing. get back to work. $75. and that's not all, folks. this weekend you're not going to want to miss my hip hop yard sale. come on down if you want, let's see, i've got a box of hip hop used v.h.s. tapes. i've also got this spatula with a little hip hop burn on the handle. from when i was making pancakes. i mean, new flapjack cities.

not to mention i've got these hip hop coloring books. that is [bleep] cray... yola. and i've got a bag here of hip hop assorted computer cables. not sure what these do. and i've got a hip hop croquet set. fair warning. it's missing a couple of wicky wicky wickets. make me an offer. we'll be rightk.ack. tr%ñ4 4 #pàp4f8

[ cheers and applause ] welcome back, everybody. my tbeft tonight is an m.i.t. professor who believes the future of education is on the internet. i can't wait for buzz feed's ten biggest literature fails. please welcome anant agarwal. [ cheers and applause ] how are you? good to see you. hey, how are you?

a professor. thank so much for coming on. >> my pleasure stephen: our a professor of electrical engineering and computer science at m.i.t. and you're the president of ed-x. explain to the good people what you're trying to do with the ed-x. >> it is an on-line learning destination where you can come in, sign up very quickly and take fun, hip courses from some of the best universities in the world >> stephen: the university of feep ickes has that. you can do that. i'm serious. they advertise on my show. right? the same thing. >> you can take these great courses from university of like m.i.t., harvard >> stephen: i've heard of them. what does it cost me again? >> it's free. [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: i don't understand. you're in the knowledge business. i mean a university. let's say i had a shoe store and then i hired you to work at my shoe store. you said, i've got a great idea. let's give you the shoes away

for free. i would fire you and then probably throw shoes at your head. how can universities survive if they're giving away... why send miguel to college if they're giving away the ph.d.s for free? >> i think it's important to do it. education is our cause. it's important that people around the world have access to a great education, much like the air we breathe. in addition to increasing access to education for students all over the world, universities are doing this so that they can bring the learning back on our campuses >> stephen: here's my problem with this now. america, the shining city on the hill. have you heard that? yeah. one of the reason is is that people come to america to get their education. we get the best of the best, the cream of the crop. they come over here because they don't have to come here. all we're going to get is the people coming over here who are dumb. >> (laughing) stephen: why come anymore? (laughing) stephen: why should the best come to america if they don't need the education.

>> education in america is the absolute best education in the world >> stephen: damned straight. that's why we have to give it away >> stephen: what? the world is a much smaller place today. there's a thing called the internet >> stephen: i'm familiar with that. i had a little piece about it earlier in the show. >> (laughing) stephen: it opens the world to all kinds of things they haven't learned about before. >> it's becoming a smaller world because of the enter. giving away education, this is going to be good for the world. an educated world is a better world for everybody. are campuses going to get better? on-line learning is is like a rising tide that will lift all boats on campus or elsewhere. this is a good thing for everybody >> stephen: you can say it's good. but i don't understand why it's good. i go to an elite university. let's say i go to your harvards or your m.i.t.s or berkeleys, i get to say i went to harvard. that's half of what you're paying for. you wouldn't say i went to

harvard. you would say i went to a small college in the boston area. >> (laughing) stephen: but aren't you taking away some of the specialness of going to college? >> i think we should be very careful to distinguish campus from online. my colleague said there's campus magic. campus education is different from on-line education. campus students have things like, they interact with each other. they learn the rhetoric. they have discussions. work with professors get inspired by professors >> stephen: homo erotic frat hazing. online, no one is going to ask you to pass a grease 45 record from butt cheek to butt cheek before they'll call you brother. >> or $40,000 stephen: exactly. how many people are online in the ed-x right now? >> ed-x dot-org you can sign up very easily. we have over a million students from every single country in the

world. >> stephen: right now a million students. >> over a million students right now from every single country in the world >> stephen: how do you ask questions? >> the whole thing is done online. this generation is so much more comfortable doing everything online. we have discussion forums that ask questions online. the amazing thing is that in addition to professors and teaching assistants answering questions, much more than that, the learning going on where the students are answering each other's questions. they're learning by teaching. absolutely amazing. >> stephen: they're teaching each other? >> yes stephen: eventually they won't need us. >> i think we can learn a lot from our students. >> stephen: you're the teacher. we are all learners. we're all teachers. and i think as i say that, i tell the students that there will come a time very quickly when you will know a lot more

than any of us do. that's when you get to graduate. >> stephen: wow. once you can snatch the knowledge from my hand, grass hopper. professor, thank you so much for joining me. >> thank you stephen: from ed-x. it's free. anant agarwal. we'll be right back. )bb0f[p"p"4dpñ ßb;

[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: that's it for t from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [ cheers and applause ]

>> john: welcome to the daily show. i am john oliver. i am still sitting in here for jon stewart. we are all missing jon terribly here which is why we were so glad this weekend to see him tweet a picture of himself. oh, yeah! oh, yeah! and if you don't get the reference for that photograph, then congratulations. you live in a far happier world than the rest of us. our guest tonight from the new movie blue jasmine will be here. [ cheers and applause ] now obviously there was a lot to talk about. who am i kidding. there was exactly one thing to talk about. >> her royal highness the duchess of cambridge was safely delivered of a son at 4:24 p.m. local time. >> john: oh, my god, oh, my god,

oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, yes, yes, yes! a son, a son, you mean a king. all neal to the one true king. neal for god's sake. (trumpet fanfare). this blessed news. it came after a long day of awaiting word from st. mary's hospital as the royal lad seemingly prolonging labor, perhaps sensing that this was the only kind of labor that he would ever be involved in. we will have full team coverage on this tomorrow night. but let me just give you a little taste of what currently is out there. >> this is how brilliant a royal kate is. there are women throughout british roy