kittens. ( laughter ) lhota now moves on to the general election where he's likely facing democratic candidate bill de blasio, a man so libry, he won the gay vote against a lesbian. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) of course-- ( applause ) of course, that's just in the polls. and by definition, lesbians don't go for polls. ( laughter ) folks, deblawzio, i believe-- and i mean this, de blawzio must be stopped. this mad man wants to raise taxes on thoal making more than half a million dollars a year, costing guys like me about $973. $973? i'll have to stop buying nigh

yearly pair of gucci pyrotechnicon loafers. how will i know it's spring? even worse, beblasio tricked voters by running this heartwarming ad featuring his biracial family, a cynical strategy that bloomberg rightly called racist. yes, what is more racist than falling in love with a black woman and fatherrering a child just so you can claim you're against stop and frisk? ( laughter ) and-- and, folks, for the record, i would definitely frisk that kid. i mean, think about it. he could be hiding anything in that 'fro. did we learn nothing from the 19 70's harlem globetrotters. ladies and gentlemen, there's an even bigger biracial problem in this country-- barack obama. last night, our so-called commander in chief attacked our tuesday night lineup to talk about syria. we had to miss "america's got

talent," just to watch "america's got serious reservations about this." ( laughter ) to get the support of the american people, obama hit below the belt, if you wear your belt right above your heart. jim? >> assad's government gassed to death over 1,000 people, including hundreds of children. >> stephen: now he's playing the death card. that's not fair. no one can resist that, other than joe lhota. ( laughter ) i say-- i say, folks, i say, if obama reallimented to sell us syria, he should have taken a page from the people selling us siri because pushing the iphone and a war are a lot alike-- you just say that the new one is smaller, faster, and cheaper, and people will buy it, even though they've lshed got one and they're still paying off the previous model.

( cheers and applause ) people are very excited about the iphone 5s. despite the medicine's speech was moot on, arrival thanks to john kerry. >> is there asking at this point his government could do or offer that would stop an attack? >> sure, he could turn over every single bit of his chemical weapons to the international community in the next week, but he isn't about to do it and it can't be done, obviously. >> stephen: but remember the old saying-- you can't sell "can't" without "can." >> russia say real game plan in what some considered a gaffe, encouraging syria to take action saying we're calling on the syrian authorities to not only put weapons under international control but also for its further

destruction. >> this morning syria said it accepted the russian proposal to place chemical weapons under international control. >> stephen: oh, my gosh, that is so embarrassing. the russians outmaneuvered the obama administration. it's like we're playing checkers, and putin is playing shirtless chess. ( laughter ) on horse. un that's not easy. well, folks, there it is. crisis averted. now, congress suspends its vete on a military strike, the u.n. secures assad's chemicals stockpiles, and the syrian people can go back to booing killed with conventional weapons. everybody webz. of course that's just my analysis. for more let's get the republican response from senator rand paul who made the rounds on the cable news shows last night after first delivering the traditional "state of the rand" speech. paul has been opposed to

military action in the beginning and was thrilled by russia's diplomatic proposal. >> i don't know whether to trust the proposal or not. the question is are they serious? can we trust the participants in this plan? >> stephen: right, you can't always trust. for instance, that thing on your head, you assure us it's hair but i have yet to be convinced it's not a slum berg wombat ready to strike it's any time. i agree with rand paul-- we cannot trust russia or syria. we shipment do anything. >> the violation of every norm for someone to kill civilians, and i think assad should be accountable. >> stephen: absolute, got to hold him accountable, otherwise, what are we as aination, not-hold-accountable-stan. i agree with rand paul-- no, jim esh the second rand paul, okay. we must hold them accountable with the president's plan of limited strikes, send a message. >> they have said the war will be unbelievably small and

limited. to me that sound like they are preannouncing that the military strikes will not punish assad importantly or effect regime change. >> i think assad deserves death for this. >> regime change, shock and awe, bombs away. >> fing we bomb assad it will be more likely the countries becomeses more unstable. >> stephen: i was wrong. this is the rand paul i agree with because think about it-- if we take up on the the guy who gases children, somebody bad might take over. so just to recap-- rand paul says no diplomacy, can't do nothing, but no to the president's plan, and no to regime change. ( laughter ) i mean, taken all together that's really... calm you know what? i'm not sure how i would describe rand paul's response to the president.

you know what, rand paul, how would you describe rand paul? >> i think he's been a little bit here air, little bit there, and a little bit everywhere. i don't think he makes any sense. >> stephen: you know what? you could not have said it better yourself. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you, nation.

i've been talking about highway or bungler-in-chief in botching the syria conflict. it's not just what he says about sir yoo. it's what he does while saying it. just check out this photo released by the white house last week of obama calling john boehner to say he would seek congressional approval. yeah. look at that. ( laughter ) are you as mad as i am? well, just wait till you find out why you're so mad. >> the white house sends out a photo of president obama with his foot on his oval office desk. i'm so disuftd right now. >> commander in chief contemptuousliy put his foot on the oval office desk and the picture put out by the white house. >> desks are not for your feet, mr. president. >> it's the hand i have a problem with, not the foot. >> and he's not wearing a

jacket. ( laughter ) >> stephen: foot on the desk, hand make a finger gun, no jacket. you might as well just lay on the mall and pretend the washington monument was his penis. come on! ( laughter ) ( applause ) i mean, i mean, for pete's sake. at least-- at least put a jacket on that thing. i mean, how dare-- how dare this man desecrate the president's desk! who does he think he is, president bush? president ford? president morgan? ( laughter ) folks, there's something even more sinister at play. that photo is sending a secret message that so far only conservative radio host andrea shea king has cracked the code on. as she wrote, "is it possible president obama had a white house photographer release his official image to the world to send a wordless message of support to the muslim brotherhood, arab spring, and

islamic community in general to convey his disdain and disregard for all things traditionally american? it is, after all, common knowledge that the aeb world considers the bottom of one's shoes the ultimate sign of disrespect. of code cracked. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) folks, this-- i-- i this is worse than creeping sharia. this is creeping shoe-ria. it's not just foot gate. obama is sending coded muslim messages everywhere you look. last night he delivered his syria speech on a giant prayer rug. ( laughter ) and check out this one photo i found. nothing more american than a hamburger, right? wrong! jimmy, enhance. he's holding an islamic cressant. ( laughter ) and there's another one in his

iced tea. ( laughter ) and follow me down this rabbit hole-- ham. mass. ham. mass ham. mass. hamas. he supports them could he be more obviously pro-muslim eating pork and going to church? i should have seen this all coming when he went bowling during his campaign. clearly, he's-a-bola. hezbollah. we'll be right back.

( cheers and applause ) welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight, pleads welcome sheryl crowe.

( cheers and applause ) cheryl, good to see you. nice to have you on finally. >> it's so great to be here! >> stephen: we've met before. >> yes, yes. >> stephen: mostly hang out at the grammys, you know, stuff like that. you, of course, p.beautifully with kid rock. >> i have, indeed. >> stephen: at the rally to restore... that jon and i did. thank you for doing that. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that was fun. other people might know you from your music career. >> yeah. >> stephen: okay, you are a nine-time grammy award winner. you've sold more than 50 million albums worldwide. michael jackson can kiss your ass. that's insane. >> i'm so much bigger than him. >> stephen: i know. why have you done so much? at the beginning of your career you told us all you want to do

is have fun. isn't that clearly a lie? don't you really want to have an incredible work ethic? >> no, not at all you. >> stephen: still want to have fun? >> i still want to have fun. >> stephen: you want to get drunk in the morning? >> that's true. i have two little kids. they're used to it, though. >> stephen: well, you look good for somebody who wakes and bakes. >> i have a crack team that works 24 hours a day to get me looking like this. >> stephen: can you give me their number? >> you don't need it. >> stephen: thank you. you're a good guest. right now, this is your eighth studio album. >> it is. >> stephen: it's called "feels like home." it is a country album for you. >> it is. >> stephen: you're a giant rock star. why are you trying to steal jobs have you heard their lyrics? they've had terrible lives. it's been hard enough on them--

their wife has left them and their dog is dead. >> two things-- a lot of drinking in country. people write about drinking. and secondly, there is a lot of money... >> stephen: really? let's play up that. they don't play up the money as much. no. they never say, "make it rain." ( laughter ) because it's something of a departure for you, or did you always want to be a country star? >> you know, brad paisley-- i'm going to drop a name-- he said you need to make a record in this format. let's make this story to the point. in pop and rock, you can leave your lyrics a little nebulous. but in country, you tell a story. so -- >> stephen: i love that brad paisley. the song of his with ll cool jay. do you remember that one? >> i do. >> stephen: did you have an

accidental misogynist on it? >> no, no we don't. >> stephen: you're also a bet of an activist, aren't you? >> i am. >> stephen: in 2003 in agreement you won a shirt that said no war. anything you'd like to say about our possible involvement in syria. >> i'm a lover north a fighter. i don't think war seaver the answer. ( laughter ). >> stephen: not at all. not at all. think about world war ii and how you would have appeased hitler? ( laughter ) ( applause ). cheryl, i thank you so much for being here. would you sing a song for us? >> i'd love to. >> this is a performance by sheryl crowe.

>> sheer a song from the new album, "feels like home."

ladies and gentlemen, sheryl crowe. ♪ >> ♪ we said that summer ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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captioning sponsored by comedy central from comedy central world view's headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. [applause] [cheering] >> jon: hello, everybody. i'm jon stewart, and boy did we put on a program for you, our guest, mr. david crosby. i'm very excited. we begin tonight, of course, president obama's address on syria. i'm kidding around. that's not the big story.

the big news last night was not syria, but there was new york's mayoral primary, bill de blasio won the night with his incredibly awesome family. >> they're blowing kisses through the crowd. a very photogenic family. >> jon: i rarely say this about the media, but you're underselling it. photogenic doesn't go anywhere near what these folks are. check this out. >> ladies and gentlemen, and now the smackdown. >> reporter: the entire family, including son dante and daughter kiara did a weird gymnastic move that brought huge cheers from the crowd. [applause]