>> jon: that's our show, join us next week at 11, here it is our moment of zen. >> a game of high stakes international chess. somehow here's king and queen, president obama and john kerry, and the bishop who shouldn't be able to do dh, checkmated the king and captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing )

( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: are the great american scream machine. folks, welcome to the show. good to have you with us. thank you for joining us in here, out there, all around the world. you know me, i don't anger easily. you have to do something really unforgivable like disagree with me. well, tonight i got a bee in my babushka about president vladimir putin. he has written an anti-american editorial in

today's "the new york times". folks, it's not just in the times, it's been reprinted everywhere. it even made the front page of the drudge reportment and i was shocked to see the picture they ran with it. here he is with his dirty vodka-stained hands all over old glory. hmmmm, hmmmm. where have i seen that picture before? oh yeah, it's my promo shot from when i started this show. (cheers and applause) >> yeah. they just put putin's head on my body. and cut off my arm. my arms. oh, okay. i couldn't even figure out how they got that photo. clearly putin's been stealing pictures from my facebook page. unfriend, all right.

and folks, it's not the only photo he stole. look, putin he is dade-- sedating a tiger, no, that's me at the bronx zoo. and-- and (cheers and applause) >> stephen: here i am shirtless fishing, shirtless hunting, shirtless horseback riding. (cheers and applause) even this one of putin is really me practicing unlicensed dentistry on keith olberman. by the way, keith, you're due for a cleaning. but i am even more furious with putin about what he wrote in "the new york times". unfortunately, i don't have time to talk about it right now. i'll get to it later in the show. so until then i'll need to store my rage where it won't spoil. hold on, one second. here we go. (screaming) (cheers and applause)

all right, get out a sheet of paper and number 2 pencil because it's time for a pop quiz. folks what do carroll channing and jimi hen dix dr. -- hendrix have in common. well, they both dropped a ton of acid and were sensational in hello dolly. also they both hail from the 74th installment of the 434 part series better know a district. tonight washington, 7th. the 7th district encompasses the city of see at el, nick named the emerald city because it's home to an all-powerful wizard who can grant anything you wish as long as you promise to use binge. so far no takers. now if you are's planning to visit seattle, pack an umbrella because the city averages 140 rainy days a year. it also experiences 226 cloudy days a year so don't forget to also pack a noose. (laughter) starbucks opened its first

coffee shop in seattle in 1971. and now has over 11,000 locations. fun fact, if you stand in the middle-- middle of any street in washington's 7th. look to your left then look to your right. you will be hit by a car, get out of the street. (laughter) and who has the grande frappuccino's to represent this district? well, none other than than democratic congressman jim mcdermott. i sat down with representative mcdermott in his washington office. >> congressman, thank you so much for talking to me today. >> nice to see you. >> stephen: tell me about the fighting 7th. >> the 7th district is a interesting place. seattle is a wonderful place it has drawn people from all over the country. >> stephen: sir mixalot is also from seattle, congressman, do you like big butts? >> i'm sorry. >> stephen: you cannot lie, sir. >> tell me what-- . >> stephen: when a girl walks if in with a itty-bitty waste and-- in your face do you get strung.

>> i'm not sure what you are driving at. >> stephen: i will ascertain in the clearest way possible whether you like big butts. >> the answer is no. >> stephen: no, okay. on a different subject, you famously refused to say the words under god in the pledge of allegiance in on the floor of the house. what dow have against god. >> one of the problems you have with under god is which god are you talking about. are you talking about the muslims. >> jon: no. >> the buddhists. >> stephen: no, i'll give you a hint, his name is jesus. >> i think you'll find about three quarters of the world would disagree with you. >> stephen: three quarters of the world, all due respect, is wrong. and their god is not god. and i don't mean that in a bad way. >> i always believe in freedom of religion. >> stephen: absolutely, everyone is free to worship jesus anyway they want. >> or not. >> stephen: well, let's agree to disagree. let's move on. you are a represent any congress. you used to be a practicing psychiatrist. do you enjoy working with the mentally disturbed?

or would you rather be a sci trust? (laughter) >> i think you play have made a joke. you have to be able to read people and figure out how you're going to persuade them to do things. >> stephen: tell me what this means. last night hi a dream i was walk through a redwood forest, no branches, just kind of stumps of redwood trees. and suddenly a woman came in and the redwood trees withered. and flopped over. and then she laughed at me. and then the penis came out of the sky and crushed me. (laughter) anything. >> what did you eat for dinner? >> stephen: i had a bunch of calamari. >> i wouldn't eat that again. >> stephen: okay. you cosponsored legislation that tried to end doma and now the supreme court has declared doma unconstitutional. congratulations, you helped destroy marriage.

>> no, i tried to bring fairness. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> to all the citizens of our country. >> stephen: are you gay married. >> no. >> stephen: okay. then aren't you kind of hypocritical? because you support gay marriage but aren't willing to take that extra step and get gay married. where i oppose gay marriage and i have taken the step to be not gay married. >> people who are gay should have the right, gay or lesbian should have the right to participate in a society fully. >> stephen: have you even thought about being gay married. considered it for a moment. >> no. >> stephen: no, okay, they should get married but ew, not me. >> that's what you are saying, gay is yucky says the -- >> no-- . >> stephen: that's what you just said. >> you asked me a straight question and i gave you a straight answer. >> stephen: i asked you a gay question. prove you support gay people and make out with me. >> you are asking me to do things that i probably would

to the do. >> stephen: okay, because y do you not find me attractive. >> no, i think you're an interesting man and you're very attractive, you're handsome, well dressed. >> stephen: why won't you make out with me. >> if we don't have any attraction. >> stephen: if you think i'm fat just say so. >> i think that you will decide whether you are fat or not. >> stephen: do you think i think i'm fat. >> if you say so i guess that's what you think, i don't perceive it. >> stephen: okay, great, just say i'm fat. >> no, i didn't. >> stephen: you sdbs, you just said you think i think i am. so you must be a reason for you to be thinking that. >> i'm really trying to let you decide who you are. >> stephen: all right, okay. congressman, can i ask you about a photo i found on a web site of you. >> sure. >> stephen: this photo of you with tape over your mouth and some sort of jairo glifs on your cheek, what does this mean? >> a gay group had me do that i had forgotten what the issue is. >> stephen: are you telling me you had a photo shoot

with a bunch of gay people with duct tape and you have no recollection of what happened. >> this was about three minutes. they walked me in, put the tape on, put the thing on my cheek, took the picture and i was gone. i'm not quite clear-- . >> stephen: i think you're gay married now. i think are you gay married. (cheers and applause) >> okay pikes place market which is in seattle, they-- salmon at each other. would you help lee live out a lifelong dream and throw some salmon back and forth with me. great, let's do this thing .

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: whooo! whooo! congressman, thank you for talking to me today. >> great pleasure. >> stephen: i'm fat. washington 7th, put it up on the big board! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: looks like harold channing just dropped some more a

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. thanks so much. hey, how are you doing, everybody. i don't know about you but i'm having a pretty good night. now as promised let's talk about that putin guy. he's got a fascinating op ed in today's "new york times", hold on a secretary, i forgot my rage. hold on where did i-- oh, there you go. hold on one second. here we go. let's just crack this bad boy. oh! oh hhh, slarm! >> how dare, how dare-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: how dare "the new york times" print the

propaganda of a homicidal kgb klepto. i assume he's filling in for maureen dowd while she on vacation with pull onium.song. because news splash, "new york times", he murdereds journalists. we don't do that in america. we just let you starve today in-- to death in your dying industry. and just look at this crap, a plea for caution from russia, by vladimir v putin. by the way, the v, stands for vladimir. (laughter) another one, that's how russian he is. no surprise, folks, the great lady has got her legs spread for vlad the impailer here. they've got a long history of legitimizing ironfisted tyrants. in the 80ses could who forget qaddafi front page, hot for spring, moo-moo mannia. or in the 70s pol pot's

misconnections page cambodian paranoid genocideo lover seeks educated city dweller for long walks, beautiful sunsets, no fatties. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: and the thing itself is a piece of crap. basically saying blah, blah, blah, don't attack our buddies in syria, the world wouldn't like it, it might be bad for you. but what really scrambled my fabrege egg is how putin ends it by questioning the one thing i liked about obama's syria speech. putin writes, i would rather disagree with the case he made on american exceptionalism. facing that the united states policy is what makes america different, it's what makes us exceptional it is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional. [bleep] you. (cheers and applause)

vlad! thinking you are exceptional. thinking are you exceptional is not extremely dangerous. it's exceptionally dangerous. folks, i was on the fence before this but now it's clear we've got to bomb syria. i mean massive air strikes and just o to stick it to putin i say we use lesbian pilots flying the enola gay. we'll beack. back.

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is an intelligence analyst whose work at both the cia and the fbi, that means both of his shoes are phones. s please welcome philip mudd. (cheers and applause) thank you for coming on. all right, philip mudd, 25 years in the intelligence world. deputy director of the cia's counterterrorist center from 2003 to 2005 then became the fbi senior intelligence advisor. and you have a book entitled take down, inside the hunt for al qaeda. >> right. >> stephen: do we really take down al qaeda or should it be called spread out inside the scattering of al qaeda. >> i think if you looked at the adversary we face 12 years ago it bear those resemblance to what we see today. the problem is we don't face

the al qaeda group today, we face the rem nantz of a revolution in places like yemen, some ali. the architects are almost gone but the revolution they inspired lives on. >> stephen: are we still in danger? >> i think we are. if you look at home group, people who sit and look at a computer and images from places like gaza, iraq, afghanistan, those kids are inspired by emotion, to say i want to do something about that. now they have an ideaology they attach themselves to and that is called al qaeda. >> stephen: should the cia have boots on the ground or physical intelligence in places or should they be more watching youtube to see what's inspiring these kids. >> look f you want to understand the way a human being thinks, you need a human informant next to them. you can find out information from the internet, you can find out information from telephone intercepts from e-mails but in the history of time and that history hasn't changed in 2013, you can't beat a human informant. >> stephen: did you ever meet that girl from homeland? (laughter) >> i have-- . >> stephen: stay away from

her, she's crazy. have you watched that show. >> i have not seen the show. >> stephen: you haven't? it's so good. >> i gather it's quite goodment i don't own a tv so i don't watch that stuff. >> stephen: do you know that our tvs are spying on us s that why. because i would believe that at this point. would you believe that, that my tv could see me, would you believe that. >> no i wouldn't-- . >> stephen: yes, you would. general petraeus said our microwaves are spying on us. >> nonsense. >> stephen: he's a hero. you just said nonsense about general petraeus. how dare you. american culture has a lot to you ever a. we have great books, great people, great cafes, great food b 18 down on that list for me is tv. which turns your brain into cotton candy so i decided to years ago, dump it. >> stephen: i got one thing i want to point out to you. we're not on broadway right now. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: tv is selling your book, tv is selling your book right now. you want to amend that in any way? >> no, go read a book.

>> stephen: i don't have to, because i have cable. all right, i have somebody read a book to me on cable, all right. you ever heard of the reading rainbow? >> no, i haven't. >> stephen: you haven't heard of the reading rainbow. >> stephen: well, who's the dumby now. how dare you. how dare you, sir. okay, let's talk about syria. you know something about syria, right. >> yes, i do. >> stephen: the bottom line su should go, right. >> yes, correct. >> stephen: the american people don't think so. >> i understand. >> stephen: how can we -- >> you don't care, with. >> no, i said i understand. >> stephen: oh, i thought you said you don't care. because-- i don't care. okay, they get things wrong. it's our-- it's our goal to lead them, right. >> i think that's right. >> stephen: okay. so why do you think they don't want to go? >> because i think they look at iraq and afghanistan and say too many boys and girls, men and women from this country is died in war and terrorist events and we want

out. we've done with this. >> stephen: now i understand you help prepare colin powell's before the u.n. saying there were weapons of pass destruction. >> i came up with the speech and came with him when he gave the spoch. >> stephen: do you think he actually had evidence that there was weches of mass destruction in iraq because people keep pointing to that testimony and going we heard this, they weren't there, that's why we're reluctant to go into syria. >> i think that say red herring. first the u.n. is about to come out and say there from chemical weapons used in syria. so that is a fundamentally different story from iraq. but i would go back to seeing-- . >> stephen: there are doubts, guys like putin are saying maybe it wasn't the government that did it. >> it is vladimir putin, what the hell he is going to say. >> stephen: he's going to say "new york times", new york files would you please print my ideas with without comment? and they did, so people will read that and believe him. >> no, they're not. >> stephen: yes, they will. have you -- >> i don't think the question wmd. i think the question is a tyrant who has a reckless

abandon when he murders innocence. at what point dow draw a line and say we are not just u.s. citizens, we're global citizens. one more thing, history f we think of where we're go to be in 10 or 20 years what are we going to tell our kids, that we didn't have the courage because we were afraid to defend against the murdz of 100,000 innocents. i don't want to be there for that. >> stephen: now when did you leave the intelligence community. >> 2010. >> stephen: 2010. okay, you were going to be given a position, the department of homeland security and questions were raised about your knowledge of enhancing interrogation and you removed yourself. >> correct. >> stephen: from the nomination process. >> so far you got t that's correct. >> stephen: so far i have got t stop me when i don't have it any more. were you involved in enhanced interrogation and dow believe we should be doing it? >> i was involved and deputy directed the counter ter cyst center that conducted those interrogation techniques and housed al qaeda prisoners. i don't regret what we did then but since thened american people have had the time and the space to debate this issue. and they've said we don't

like it and we don't want our security services doing it. so i respect that, the security service in a democratic society served at the will of the people. and the will of the people has spoken. >> stephen: do you think it might swing back, we get attacked again. >> no way, no way. >> stephen: if we get attacked again. >> no way, dude, it's to the going to happen. furthermore f it did the people in my position, and i would do the same f i were them would, say no and if i were were there i would resign, that ain't going happen again. >> stephen: did you ever rendition anybody. >> no, i signed papers to do it, to have people. >> stephen: what is the difference between -- >> i wasn't on the plane. >> stephen: well-- either was-- neither was president bush. >> so i'm-- if are you asking if i'm responsible for some of that, the answer is yes. >> stephen: all right do you think that was the right thing to do. >> yes. >> stephen: and rendition some of those people to syria? >> i think the answer is yes. i don't-- we rendered a lot of people. >> stephen: any chance we will kill people we renditioned if we bomb over there. >> possibly. >> stephen: thank you for joining me. (applause) philip mudd, the book is

takedown, we'll be right back.