>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> there's a bit of controversial of the memorial service. it's about the sign

>> tonight is america's middle class struggling? no, i'm doing just fine. a new threat to christmas. frostee the snow man is mushy the mush man. and alex blumberg wants to know how a tee shirt is made? well when a cotton loves a textile mill very much they exchange a special hug. a 2014 calendar of sexy taxi drivers. in their home countries they were sexy professor. this is the "colbert report." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> stephen: welcome, thank you so much for joining us! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: right there! thank you. [cheers and applause] >> audience: stephen! stephen: a room full of them tonight. god bless you all. welcome. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you. i want you to know i'm dedicating tonight's show to the whales. [laughing] >> stephen: before we get started i want to take a moment to talk to the younger viewers in the colbert nation. i know you're filling out college applications or receiving early decision letters. i know you're eager to move out of your parent' house go to college and then move back to your parents' house. i know it's stressful. when i applied to dartmouth

early decision i was in second grade. i wrote my paper on the perils of the nanny state. i went after my nanny hard. it's not nappy time, rosita, i will sleep when i am dead. my high school viewers out there, over achievers applying to harvard and princeton. i am concerned you're aiming too low. it turns out there is a more elite institution on the scene. >> walmart, 600 job openings and 2300 job applicants. >> at a rate that's less than 3% are getting hired. harvard has a higher acceptance rate. >> stephen: yes, walmart is now hard tore get into than harvard. brown students want you to know they didn't want to go to either of them anyway. i understand, i understand why walmart is such a selective institution. many of our presidents have gone

their to buy bulk toilet paper. youth nation, it maybe too late to get into the walmart of your choice. when you have kids of your own groom that child for walmart from day one. that of course means sending them to the right preschool. look for one with a emphasis on block stacking. okay. it's a skill they need for making towers of discount milk. good luck, nation. remember, odds are you won't get in. be sure to apply to a safety like rent -a- center or yale. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: now, nathan -- [cheers and applause] >> stephen: i have always said. i have always said america is the greatest country in the history of the united states. [ applause ] >> stephen: some naysayers they say the country is in decline because it's harder to get into walmart than harvard. really? where did you hear that sounds like [beep].

they claim the middle class have a declining of standard of living. it adjusts to inflation of 199. so income hasn't changed from the 80s. neither has a lot of things. look at rob low. you're older than i am! why aren't you melting. you're like a flower preserved in amber. now, no surprise -- [laughing] >> stephen: no surprise. bitching about the middle class has become obama's latest pet project. which he detailed recently in a major speech he called "let's talk about anything but obama care." jim. >> -- decreasing mobility pose a fundamental threat to the american dream, our way of life, and what we stand for around the globe. it has jeopardized middle class

america, if you work hard you have a chance to get ahead. i believe this is the defining challenge of our time. >> stephen: not true sir. i believe the defining challenge of our time is self heating nachos. we're still waiting, nasa. when the precedent was done pandering to the powerful paupers. >> our our income rates near jamaica and argentina but that it is harder today for a child born here in america to improve her station in life then it is for children in most of our wealthy allies. >> stephen: gentleman make a poor, really. i spent a week in the sandals all inclusive montego bay. nobody was poor. i checked every ka ban. >>anthony: take a chill pill, sir. i know the middle class is better off than ever. that truth brings us tonight's

words channel sering. nation, forget what the president says. forget what the numbers say. forget what your bank statement says. americans are doing better than ever. that's the new virginia postrel read. congratulations it's a great read and guarantees you will never get a raise for the rest of your life. ms. postrel starts off what she says middle class americans call a life experience. watch a football game on the plane, play poker, watch "duck dynasty" and run he willery from the dvr que. rockefeller couldn't stream "duck dynasty" on the ipad.

bet he could get is seigfeld follies on his zoom. this challenges the increasing conventional wisdom that's stagnated for the middle class. ire welcome middle class. i have always known watching me is a form of currency. also for the record, a form of substance apbs. who needs food stamps. belly up to the all you can stephen buffet. but for some reason, for some reason, folks, economic analysts don't factor in the value of quality tv programming. as postrel points out little of this customized entertainment. was popular a decade ago. why doesn't watching more tv count as increased productivity. folks, all of this entertainment

isn't a playground for the rich. as she says new entertainment options are particularly important to poorer people with ample leisure time. when i see a man on the sidewalk i think look at that lucky fella with ample leisure time. america, remember america is extra rich right now because we are in the mist of a new golden age of television. so, the next time you're late on your mortgage send a note remaining your bank that "breaking bad" won ten emmys. now, the point is being distracted from your poverty is the new form of wealth. folks, by that standard, by that standard america's middle class are the richest people in history. just look at porn. it is absolutely everywhere. it may not show up in the

productivity data but you're producing something. so, quit, quit complaining. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: okay. you are rich with tv. remember marine antoinette may of lived in a palace. she never got to watch the learning channel. and that's the word. we will be right back. [cheers and applause] ó8]÷ál-xj,íj ,96z 0úxhçhç4=4=p%u !@d)d)

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: you know i have long warned you about secular progresses, humanists or whatever they call themselves now. gluten free. we know they're out to destroy our christmas. once again it falls to me to lead the fight against big scrooge. i have learned about a new threat to christmas. so scary it made me drop a lump of coal in my stocking. this is the blitzkrieg on grinchitude. [cheers and applause]

>> stephen: folks, latest threat to the north pole comes from south of the border. >> christmas is coming early to venezuela. as of november 1st the christmas season would kick off in the country. >> stephen: if you're the president of venezuela you can move christmas. move the whole holiday. venezuela precedent nicholas maduro announced early christmas. >> stephen: he can move the holidays? that's why it's so warm there in february. i'm shocked by the power grab by nicholas maduro and jimmy kimmel's security guard. not because i thought venezuela was the horn at a soccer game to announce the start of a riot. frankly i'm frank-incensed by

maduro's so-called explanation for starting christmas early. listen to this guy. merry christmas 2013, christmas early victory, early happiness for the whole family. we want to declare the arrival of christmas. we want happiness for everybody. he declared happy new year 2045, happy roy bot butler time. guess what, ladies and gentlemen, i did some research. it turns out that american christmas isn't until december 25th. thanks obama care. [laughing] >> stephen: so, if the venezuelans started their christmas on november 1st that means they're getting -- >> stephen: this many more weeks of christmas. how did the venezuelans achieve this achievement in christmas?

they created a new cabinet position. a promotion from the under secretary of ultimate giggles. and maduro's reign of festive doesn't end there he attacks the holiday we hold more sake r *et red than christmas, black friday. >> i ordered the mediate occupation of this chain to offer products to the people at fair prices. everything, let nothing remain in stock. >> stephen: everything must go, crazy nick won't be under sold unless he's over throne. folks, i say. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: folks, i say we condition allow a yuletide gap. after all if venezuela can move

christmas when they want why can't we. we do it with hanukkah. the jews shift that around looking for the sweet spot. they will get it one of these days. after all they're very clever people. which is a compliment. we will be right back. [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause] >> stephen: so, welcome back everybody. my guest tonight is co creator of nprs "planet money" it was earth the whole time. please welcome alex blumberg. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: alex, thank you for coming on. >> thank you for having me. stephen: nice to hear your voice and see your face at the same time. >> yes. stephen: you're co creator of nprs "planet money" co creator

of "tee shirt project." >> yes. stephen: not a fan of this project. the global marketplace is someplace we export work to have happen in whatever conditions we want. the products come back to me cheap enough to throw away without thinking about it. that's the invisible hand of the market. why do you want to make the hand of the market visible. >> we're all participating in it if we want to know about it or not. our t shirts. we made a tee shirt. >> stephen: you made a tee shirt for "planet money." it has a squirrel with a martini. why is the squirrel drinking booze on the "planet money" tee shirt. >> it's harder than we thought to come up with a design for a tee shirt. [laughing] >> ya. stephen: okay. okay. >> we wanted to deal with -- the

reason we wanted to make the tee shirt is to see there is a world behind the clothes we wear. this tee shirt went from cotton mills in mississippi. >> stephen: there is still enough cotton grown in the deep south of the united states. >> it turns out cotton is -- united states leads the world in exporting cotton. number one cotton exporter in the world. >> stephen: who is picking that cotton? >> no one. it's all machines. almost nobody actually working on the farm. like 13 people on the cotton farm it produced enough cotton to make nine million t shirts. this one farm in mississippi. >> stephen: wow. >> yes. stephen: okay. so, you have all of this cotton. where does it go? >> so, it goes. then it goes on a global journey. it travels 20,000 miles as it is made into a tee shirt.

spinning factories in indonesia. then garment factories and back to you. >> stephen: sweatshops? this is npr tee shirt. is this made with sweatshop hraeuber? >> >> don: stephen: really. it's made in bangladesh. the entire country is sweat. >> so that's one of the things we wanted to look at. so in bangladesh there is something to what you say. basically -- >> stephen: generally. >> -- because bangladesh is a incredibly poor country. we interviewed a person, the ceo of a garment manufacturing company. he says our government tpo *lg follows poverty. it goes to the poorest country in the world of hraeub tore make the shirts. >> stephen: it's not a sweatshop. what is your standard for

sweatshops. >> when you have a country like bangladesh where you have millions in abject poverty. you have a big corporation, they can be exploited. on the other side there are millions of people living in poverty and the garment industry is small but a significant step above -- >> stephen: by exporting our garment work to bangladesh are we helping these people or taking advantage of the people? >> it's a really fine line. sometimes we're taking advantage of them. sometimes we're helping them. the people in bangladesh, most people, the entire country. four million people working in the garment industry of bangladesh. they're considered good jobs. if you're not working in a garment factory you probably want a job in one. >> stephen: conditions or pay increase. >> yes. the conditions -- the minimum wage almost doubled in the month after we got back from $39 a

month to the $60 a month. >> stephen: so much work is sent there they can ask for higher wages. >> and i think the world is paying attention now to bangladesh. >> stephen: are they not poor enough for us to take advantage of them anymore? can we move to the fourth world at this point. do we move to antarctica and teach the penguins to sew? >> this is interesting. our garments have gotten cheaper and cheaper. there has always been a place to go to pay workers less. >> stephen: there is nothing less than a tee shirt. we fire them out of an ons at drunk people. >> we interviewed a guy who bought t shirts because he didn't want to do laundry. >> stephen: he's burning his clothes. >> yes, that's how cheap our clothes are.

i think the trend is at an end now. it seems that bangladesh is the cheapest place. >> stephen: there isn't a cheaper place? i thought they had factory ships that pulled up to a port in a city and said come on you desperate people make our clothes. if you ask for higher wages we will take the ship somewhere elsewhere they won't ask. >> i wouldn't put it past people from doing that. >> stephen: did i just come up with the greatest idea ever. if so i want a piece it had. thank you for joining me. >> thank you. stephen: alex blumberg. how much for the shirt. >> $30. stephen: $30 for the shirt.

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. i want to say goodbye to one of my writers.

frank. frank is known for his unproducible scripts. seriously, frank, where are we going to get a hovercraft? i don't have one. you may know him as drug lord omaro, high fiving co conqe, uestdor or my interview stunt beard. we wish him luck at his new job taking patriotism to the streets. >> i'm a big loud flag, move around me! move around! your baby wants freedom! i'm a big fla captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

♪ ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ man: this saturday, pox presents... you all remember playing the recorder in elementary school. well, this saturday, in oklahoma city, over four million third-grade students from all over the country will gather in one place,

and at the same time play "my country 'tis of thee" on their recorders. it's the largest third-grade recorder concert ever! special guest conductor yoko ono and woodwind virtuoso kenny g will lead this fantastic event. this saturday at 11:00 eastern, 10:00 central. the world will be watching. okay, children, we've still got some time to practice the song before we load up the bus and head out for oklahoma. [ all groan ] now, come on. there's gonna be over four million third graders from all over the country there, and i want to make sure that south park is the best, okay? recorders up. and a one and a two and a... [ recorders playing out of tune ] ♪ ...of liberty -- you're late. ♪ ...my father -- what the hell was that?! damn it, i don't think you children have been working on your fingering! his fingering with his mom all night long. shut up, fat-ass! [ laughing ] no, seriously, kyle's mom says kyle's getting really good at fingering. [ laughs hysterically ] shut up, eric!