[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow at 1:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> got some legal weed. >> my plans are basically to pick up a quarter

[crowd cheering] >> stephen: thank you. thank you, thank you so much. [crowd chanting] >> stephen: thank you. thank you ladies and gentlemen. i appreciate all that energy because this country remains in the grip of the polar vortex. [laughter] but today has brought new york temperatures in the single digits, and wind chills of why doesn't colbert make his way

outside. [crowd cheering] put some hair on your chest. of course, science tells us that if it ever gets cold global warming isn't real. [laughter] that's not just me folks that's noted climate ologist donald trump about this global warming [bleep] this is one thing trump knows it's expensive [bleep] [laughter] one day at below average temperatures doesn't make you question climate change maybe one minute of fox and friends will. >> wait until you hear how much al gore's books is selling for right now. >> these a picture that's now circulating on twitter, you can see this right here and it shows the price of the book on the so called global warming crises. well it's melted to just one dollar. it's also labeled a super buy. super buy. no word on exactly where this

picture was taken. [laughter] >> stephen: well done. all the best news report. and with i don't know where we got this. [laughter] folks, this anonymous twit pick is a major story because the only reason i ever believe global warming was real was because the invent trut inconveh was a movie and made a lot of movie. that's why i believe in hunting for sport. logically, if this one copy of an inconvenient truth has been discounted, so have all of its findings. what kind of science costs only a dollar, okay. those little pill that expand in the ping spongy dinosaur. don't take those, it does not make your penis expand or shaped like a t-rex. false advertising.

this calls into question, folks, all low cost books of any kind. i mean how could the bin be tru- bible be true if they give it away for free in hotels. [laughter] maybe i shouldn't banish my wife in her time of blood. [laughter] what about steve ducey for that matter. on amazon you can buy a copy of his parenting books tales from the dad side for just one penny. with prices that low, i have to question whether steve ducey can even father children. [laughter] try one of those little t-rex pills. [laughter] they work. meanwhile, america's mooching class just can't stop sucking on the government's teeth which is disgusting. and not just because the government isn't dude. and chairman maobama has another tentacle on his squid. it's a new agenda of class

warfare. >> i hear you focus for the obama administration making income hone inoakity on their a. they now put this income inequality debate to the forefront of the election year. >> the democrats think they've got a winner in income inequality. >> stephen: and ducey knows all about income and inequity. while he makes a nice salary they still pay the brown hair guy in small ducey saucages. [laughter] but leave it to the demo crafts to attack the one thing america still makes, vast wealth disparity. we've got one of the world's tallest income gaps. if you drop a penny off the edge, 200 million people will scramble to have it lodged in their skulls. [laughter] it's not just obama playing the income gap card, it's also hopebama. since day one -- i'm angry too. since day one this cat has had

it out for the rich doing class warfare -- being a new tierney. trickle down economics never being confirmed by the facts and talking about quote the idolatry of money. idolatry nobody on wall street wore ships a golden calf, it's a bronze bull. [laughter] [crowd cheering] >> oh, havoh,>> stephen: oh ha. [laughter] no surprise, comrade francisco's crusade is starting to backfire. >> about the wealth being capitalism making it tougher to raise money from the wealthy and the cantists of new york city in order to pay for the $ 180 million restoration of st. patrick's cathedral. >> ken lengon says people are upset by pope francis position on capitalism and he tells the pope his critique of capitalism so enraged one dorn that the

donor is holding back on contribution. >> stephen: that's fund raising 101. you don't insult the don'ters. you don't say girl scouts saying laugh tek. evidently langon took cardinal aside and said i'm trying to raise money for st. pat's but my billionaire buddy says your guy back in rome is busting your balls. tell him ixnay. he understands that because it's latin. while you are at it see if you can talk to him about his guy up stairs to tone it down. i mean money is the roots of all evil. let's tweet that, okay. money's like pizza [bleep] even when it's bad it's pretty good, okay. [crowd cheering]

[applause] you can use that one. i think langon put it best when he warned dolan that quote you get more with honey than with vinegar, okay. he's just saying rich people all like flies. give them what they want and you'll get more of them. and if it somehow violates your precious pleas to give them honey because flies will also eat [bleep] now will this infallible man of god finally realize his mistakes. here to tell me is chaplain of the colbert nation private jim martin. [crowd cheering] [applause] all right. now sir, jim. you're the go-to guy because you're out with a new book here a big heart open to god conversation with the pope francis. this is him talking the jesuit magazine over there in rome. your idea to have a conversation you got the forward let's talk about this guy. >> there's no greater catholic

than yours truly but what's the pope's angle on this one. why is he gunning for the big money people. jesus tells us to care for the poor and the pope says i care for both the poor and rich alike but he has a responsibility to tell everyone the rich need to care and respect the poor. >> stephen: he'poor. >> he's not attacking the poor. he's got to attack them both. that's his gospel. [applause] do unto others, do unto others as you would do unto all of them. >> i've been reading a different translation. >> stephen: okay. but the rich guys feel attacked by the pope because what are we supposed to do to do the right thing. i got a lot of cash. what am i supposed to do for the poor. >> well it's pretty simple. you're supposed to love the poor first of all or respect them. and then help them as jesus asks us to. >> stephen: love is kind of a vague word. >> okay. >> stephen: it's pretty but

do you mean like love $5 grandma card bert day love or like you know care. >> somewhere in between. >> stephen: somewhere in between caring and $5. >> i think we are meant to love the poor as individuals. we're meant to help them as much as we can and jesus tells us that we'll be judged in the last judgment for how well we took care of the poor, the least of her brothers and sisters. if you have a problem with pope francis you have a problem with jesus. >> that really sounds you're calling in muscle. >> you have a problem with me you got a problem with my buddy. >> you sound like a mobster right now. he's taken care of. geez says poor for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. they've got everything. we rich people only have our stuff. [laughter] do you realize what an empty

reward that is. it does not nothing for me. meanwhile the poor people know what it's like to be close to god. what would i give to be poor other than my money. >> that's the point. i mean christ invites you and they're simple living to help the poor as a way to participate. so it's only invitation it's not a command or directive it's an invitation to love the poor and be with the poor and therefore be with the people that jesus loves the most. >most. >> stephen: can we talk capitalize. i know the pope's not from here and he doesn't get it. by the wait jesus wasn't from here and he doesn't get it either. no, i'm not a mormon. [laughter] [applause] >> stephen: isn't there something the church could sell us for our money. are there any indulgences laying around. >> an invitation for us to look carefully at one another. that's basically it.

it's hard to hear. >> stephen: it's true. >> but it's actually an invitation to participate in a beautiful place which is called the rain of god. >> stephen: what will i get from that? >> joy, peace and eternal salvation. >> stephen: have you ever been on private jet. [laughter] that's heaven my friend. thank you so much father jim martin. big heart, open to god. we'll be righte right "$ >> stephen: welcome back

everybody. [crowd cheering] every day out there you hear about the government raising taxpayer money on useless scientific research. studies on do you recollect peen -- deduc duck migration. it's d and a alphabetical. prepare the michigan tech university has finally done something useful by searching the internet for evidence of time travelers. [laughter] to tell us how we turned to ktbc often news leader. >> to see if they could spot a time travel by searching for events that haven't happened yet. for example they look for pope francis back in 2011. >> stephen: it seems logical if you're an advanced civilization from the future that has finally unraveled the

mysteries of space time you blow your cover with hash tab pope francis. although if i could time travel i would go back to 1930's germany and come up behind hitler. today that's the poland adolph, that's the poland. i've had it. [crowd cheering] unfortunately despite the size of the search new time travelers were discovered. yet somehow, i know that in the future these guys won't be receiving any more research grants. [laughter] anyway, that settles it. time travel does not exist. >> not so fast stephen colbert. >> stephen: who are you? >> i'm the time traveling brandy thief. i have appeared on your show in the past.

[laughter] >> stephen: great. in the past. that's impossible. >> oh, is it. then where did i get this newspaper dated yesterday. >> stephen: oh my god. so you're tell meek tha tellingl does exist. >> i think you'll find the answer in the bottle of brandy under your desk. >> stephen: there's a bottle of brandy under my desk. >> not anymore, ha ha ha. >> stephen: brandy thief. >> while we're at it colbert, is this your car. >> stephen: i never picked a card. >> pick a card. oh my god. it is. [applause] >> you see stephen what you failed is a study disproved time travel may have done the opposite. >> stephen: are you

suggesting we may all be time travelers, that the present is in fact just a future of people riding the time stream from the past? >> uh, yes, yes. maybe i don't know. i'm getting a little confused about whose from the future and whose not. what year is it? >> stephen: 2014. >> thank god, i just wrote 2013 on a check this morning. i must travel to the future and call my bank. poof. [laughter] [applause] >> stephen: where did he go. the time t t ññ >> stephen: welcome back

everybody. [cheers and applause] please welcome john sei dwvment- thanks for coming on. you anchor the mb nbc weekend

nightly news for nine years or something like that. through the prime time news anchor for al jazeera awe america. >> i am. >> stephen: who got to you and how? who turned you, when were you radicalized? >> i was. radicalized but in summer they approached me and asked me to anchor their prime time newscast. >> stephen: do they have your family members some place. if this is stockholm syndrome just blink. >> no, they don't. >> stephen: they don't, okay. >> my family is safe. >> stephen: good. >> they offered me the chance to anchor a newscast that focused on serious news. in-depth journalism, unbiased report. >> stephen: oh come on. >> fact based. >> stephen: oh come on. >> this is al jazeera awe. >> stephen: what the is your angle? what is the grift over there, is it liberal or is it fair and balanced. you got to have a take. you got to have a take. which one is it.

[applause] which one are you? >> we have no angle. it's just the news. we just cover the news. >> stephen: okay, this is why your rating's like 10,000 people a night. >night. i want to give you the colbert bump. okay. >> we've only been on four or five months. we just came on in new york probably two weeks ago. >> stephen: okay. but this is the network where bin laden used to send his gloating tapes, right. >> al jazeera annette wor netwon bust them this year because it is absolutely not part of the al-qaeda network. >> stephen: al-qaeda america, whatever. >> al jazeera america is one of the largest news organizations in the world. we have 71 bureaus around the

world. we have 12 bureaus in the united states. we cover 130 countries with broadcasts around the world. we do serious fact base journalism. >> >> stephen: okay. that may be true. i'll tell you what's true. can you put up the al jazeera please. that is terrifying. [laughter] that looks like, that is not only arabic, it looks like arabic on fire. it looks like exploding arabic. why shouldn't i be afraid of al jazeera. >> do you know what it means. >> stephen: it says the bombing starts at midnight. [laughter] >> no. it means p peninsula. >> stephen: what does that mean. >> florida, a peninsula. >> stephen: where to attract. [laughter] >> no. >> stephen: what was the draw for you, though? i mean you're an established

network anchor. what's the draw to work for this fledgling network. >> if you've been watching journalism and news over this last four or five years. >> stephen: i have been watching journalism. [crowd cheering] >> you know there's been a dramatic change in the way journalism turns lately. >> stephen: it's very interesting now. >> it's been more about opinion. a lot more sensational and a lot more about celebrity. and that is not where this channel is headed. and the opportunity to work at a channel that covers serious news again was a tremendous opportunity for me. and i jumped it. >> stephen: lead story tonight.zp> i can't keep people from being afraid of this. i can't convince people of that.

all i can do is say watch what we do and i think if they see what we do on the air and they see the stories that we cover, they will i think they'll understand that we're doing serious news. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: if i know anything about the nsa, someone is watching what you're doing. [laughter] >> stephen: john, thank you so much for joining me. >> thank you. >> stephen: al jazeera america. check it out. we'll be right back. l&l&l&l(