(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thanks so much. you know, folks, thank you

for watching the show. >>. >> stephen: i don't think i have to tell anybody what this show is all about. but i know as an american it is every citizen's duty to fight for freedom. that's why i have been so inspired by the rag tag group of rebels in the ukraine. which is attempting to break long-standing political ties with the russia. now both of these countries are some of our most important trading partners as they contain the world's largest tragic reserves of alcoholism. now i got to tell you, truth be told, i'm not entirely clear on who these rebels are or where the ukraine is. but folks, i do know i am on their side. because let's face it, nobody rriots like the slob. first of all let's just talk courage. look at this priest, right in front of the thick of the action holding up a cross. i'm not sure which side has

the vampires but that's kind of cool. (laughter) and the protestors have got some balls. even though they are outmanned and outgunned, they have not given up. they made their own catapult. (laughter) so even if they lose the revolution they're ready for next season's punkin chunkin, punkin chunkin. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: punkin. punkin chunkin. and the police may have all the latest riot gear but the protestors have kitchen equipment. (laughter) folks, you can tell, you can tell from this man's face, he's feeling the strain. and that helmet is completely impenetrable unless the police somehow develop hot water technology. (laughter) if this revolution succeeds

200 years from now the collander will be the symbol of ukrainian freedom just like our founders tricorn hats which by the way were not nearly as good for draining pasta. (laughter) well, my ukrainian friends, i stand with you. and to prove it, i will wear this collender. (cheers and applause) oh, let freedom ring. i will wear this cole aner until you achieve or defeat whatever it is you are fighting for or against. until then, i join your battle cry, al dente! (laughter) nation, enough of that. all right. nation, i love the internet.

and the internet loves me back. why else would it offer me so much sex. that's why i was shocked last week when i heard this gossip about the internet from its frenemy, television. >> the way we use the internet could change after federal appeals court struck down net neutrality rules. >> the fallout over a billing decision-- big decision that may change how the web works and the future of so-called net neutrality. >> we could be witnessing the end of the internet as we know it. >> stephen: nation, i hope you know what this means. because i do not. (laughter) maybe-- maybe the tv knows. >> net neutrality is the idea that broadband internet service providers comcast, time warner cable, verizon and others should treat everything that flows across the internet equally. >> thanks, tv. >> you see, under net neutrality every site on the internet has to be equally accessible through the user, whether it be a huge behemoth like google or some

obscure little mom and pop site like binge. but folks-- (laughter) this court ruling, this recent court ruling end its all of that. >> net neutrality advocates say this ruling could also allow internet service providers to slow everything. and then charge you extra to allow faster access to particular site like amazon. >> you pite have to pay more for specific web sites. there are a million different ways that you might have to pay. >> folks, i will not stand for my content being held hostage for cash. we are must rise as one against the cable companies and-- (cheers and applause) folks, i have rethought my position on net neutrality. what i meant to say was like

all americans i love my cable company. they add so much of my life, for instance all the time i get to spend with my family during the three minutes it traches for my dvr to process a channel change. and it will be better, think about it, verizon says this ruling allows broadband providers to offer new and innovative services to their customers while allowing more room for innovation and keeping the internet a hub of innovation. see? net neutrality is only been dead a week and already three innovative uses of the word innovation. its used to have to mean something. (applause) folks, i'm so inspired by this new paradigm of holding content hostage that i have implemented a few invasions of my own here at the report. such-- innovations such as my own 2-finity phone service where my employees continue to enjoy unfettered access to the first two

digits of any number they dire. are you on fire? then just dial 9-1. (laughter) need another 1? reasonable charges apply. folks, i see now that net neutrality is just stupid. here to say is not please welcome columbia law professor and author of the master switch, tim wu, thank you so much for being here. good to see you. (cheers and applause) you got the book here. called the master switch. all about the internet. you're the internet guy. first of all, let's settle this. net neutrality, good thing or a bad thing? >> i would have to say good thing. >> stephen: but you will admit it is a stupid name, right. net neutrality. >> is a great name. >> stephen: who came up-- . >> stephen: without came with that game. >> i did. >> stephen: as someone who is a content consume err, i go on, i use the internet and i watch all the things. and i-- is that going to cost me more to get what i want, if i watch like a tv

show on the internet. >> what will happen is that netflix will start costing more, google may cost more, everything may cost more on the internet because they're now being billed, they're being told, so what the cable and phone companies want to do is impose a toll on the internet to reach their customers. >> stephen: shouldn't rich people get better things? i means that's why you become rich. >> right. >> see, the thing is in this case, it's not even rich people are getting more, it's just the cable company or the phone company. in other words, the cable and phone companies position is we would like more money. and last time i checked i think they have enough money. they just want mourn. >> stephen: i'm not sure what this concept of enough money is. (laughter) is this going to affect like, and i hope i'm pronouncing this correctly, pornography? (laughter) because netflix streams a lot of video but whoever that is out there who makes pornography, they stream a lot of videos too. >> it actually could.

because the basic position the phone and cable companies is if you are's making money, we would like our cut. given that pornography seems to make money, seems to be popular. the basic idea is you have a right to get-- . >> stephen: some people are in it for just the love of the game. (laughter) within the basic idea is if you pay for the internet you should have the right to get whatever you want. and the phone company, and the call companies shouldn't be deciding what that is, whether or not it's pornography, whether or not it's a blog or even downloads of your show. >> stephen: okay, but for the internet service providers out there, the isps for them this is a matter of free speech. they want to be free to charge you for speech. >> right. their theory-- . >> stephen: why are you against free speech? why are you against free speech? (applause) so their theory is that the right to sensor things is their free speech. in other words, if they want to block google or netflix or charge more for netflix that's free speech. that is not my idea of free

speech. my idea is when you use the internet you should be able to get what you want and when someone wants to speak with you on the internet they should be able to-- that is actual free speech. >> there has to be someone in control. you're on my show. you've got free speech right now but if i-- let everybody come on my show at once we wouldn't be able to hear you, don't you understand. >> you know, that doesn't always need to be someone in control, actually. >> you know we drive down the road-- (laughter) when you drive across the brooklyn bridge, there's no one deciding who gets to drive on the bridge. >> no, but on the george washington bridge-- christie decides. (cheers and applause) tim wu, thank you so much for joining me. tim wu, the master switch. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) 3.alal8úb@bkqd ,aq

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much, folks. ladies and gentlemen, this show from day one of broadcast, this show has always been all about america. but i have recently learned that i have a global reach around. evidently there is a new tv show in china inspired by me. and by inspired by i mean inflagrant violation of intellectual property rights. jim? let's shock the conscience of a nation .

>> stephen: i've been ripped off by the chinese! (laughter) folks, this is nothing short of wholesale theft. and i love it. (laughter) because only the biggest hits get chinese bootlegged. seinfeld knew he finally made it when china started airing high-pants petty jew. (laughter) now my knockoff, my knockoff is called the banquet, i think, i don't read chinese. and they have lovingly plagiarized everything about my show from my rockin music to my awesome ironman landing to my having a point of view. (laughter) which frankly, i done even know you how i feel about. of course, there are some slight differents, instead of my eagle of truth the banquet has a helicopter because eagles are not strong enough to flap in

chinese air. (laughter) and the show, i got to say, the show doesn't add mir-- does an admirable job of capturing micron kitean news dignity. my cronkitean news dignity. it's funny because the government says so. nation, nation, do you understand what this means? the banquet network ningxia tv reaches more than 400 million viewers. as they say on the banquet, those kind of numbers give me a-- (laughter) the report, the cole bert report now has a serious toehold in china and i'm prepared to do anything to appeal to the largest market be earth. jimmy, let's make our chinese viewers feel right at home.

(laughter) oh, hmmmm, hmmmm, i can almost smell my iphone being made. all right, that's enough, that's enough. (cheers and applause) and i have fired jay the intern in favor of a hardworking chinese replacement, gentleman-mess, the intern, everybody, please welcome, there you go. (cheers and applause) ni hao, ja-mes is that how you pronounce it. >> it's jame. i grew up in seattle. >> well could to-- welcome to america ja-mes. >> you want me to go to be i coffee run. >> your people call it tea. and yes, i would love some tea, by which i mean coffee. >> okay. >> stephen: okay. (applause)

they're very loyal people. but folks if i really want a chunk of china's billion eyeball audience i need to go there myself. the banquet, i demand you invite me to china to appear on your show. just say the word, and i'll start digging. we'll be right back. 2(áááááááááá

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a newero

scien test who asks philosophical questions by studying the brain, i am going to get her with my medula oblon-gotchas. please welcome patricia churchland. hey, patricia, thank you so much for copping on. >> nice to be here. >> stephen: all righty diety. you are a professor he mer that of philosophy at uc san diego. you received a mcarthur genius award for your work in neurophilosophy and your new book is called touching a nerve, the self-. >> first of all, what is neurophilosophy. did you just put the neuroon there because as a philosophy major you would never get a job? what is neurophilosophy. >> it has to do with the interface between the discoveryings that we are a's paging in neuroscience and how those discoveries might have an impact on traditional philosophical questions, questions about

where does morality come from, how do we page decisions? what is the nature of consciousness, how do we learn about the nature of the external world. >> stephen: there is already a book for that. it's called the bible. (laughter) right? have you read it? have you read it within well, yeah. >> stephen: did you read the bible within little bits and pieces. >> stephen: okay. you don't really understand the world completely yet. all right. book of the revelation covers a lot of this stuff. so our morality does not come from my brain, my brain gets filled with morality within no, it doesn't. >> stephen: okay, hold on a secretary. yes, it does. because we can play that game all day long. >> it turns out that social animals, social mammals of which you are one kind. >> stephen: okay. >> but also there are wolves and baboons and monday kees

and chimpanzee. >> stephen: no difference between all of them, all the same within have a social life. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> and the sociality depends very much on very specific structures in the brain. if those structures are not in place, an animal is not social. and the attachment for example between parents and children all depend on very specific skirtry and very specific chemicals. >> stephen: so i love my child because i circuits and chemicals? >> yes. and we know that because we know from other studies of rodents whose brains are very similar to ours in their structure. >> stephen: speak for yourself, go ahead within that if you disrupt that circuitry or you change the chemical balance, that the attachment and the bonding between mother and baby does not exist. >> stephen: so what is the chemical. what is the chemical i need to love somebody? >> well, there are a number

that are very important but one in particular that is important is called oxy tow sin. >> stephen: you can get a preskriping for that, can't you, grind that stuff up, very tasty. >> oxy tocin is a very simple peptide you about it's extremely important in mammals for the attachment of parents to offspring. but it turns out that it's also essential for the attachment of mates. and so there are a number of mammallian species where, for example, there are prairie vol ercks and mountain. and it is kind of a roly-poly rodent. >> stephen: i know what it is, you don't have to patronize him. (laughter) >> and so in the mondaytaken, the mature ones will come along and meet they will mate and then they will go on their way. looking for more action, she is going to have the baby. but in the prairie, they meet, they mate, and now they're bonned forever.

and what that means is that the male stays with the females, guards the nest, helps to rear the young. they like to be together. if they're separated they get depressed. and in general, if the different in the brain between the prairie vole and the mondaytaken. >> the prairie vole is a christian. (laughter) (applause) >> it turns out that they're not christian t turns out that in one very specific part of the reinforcement system of the brain, that the prairie vole has a different organization from the mondaytaken vole and if you change that organization, they behave like the mondaytaken vole. >> and how do you do that? dow cut it out? do you go in there and chop

out bits of the brain. >> you can actually do it biochemically. you can interrupt the pathways or you can present the receptors. >> so you are saying that oxy tocin, the oxytocin that helps with the bonding and the prairie voles have more of that. >> yes. >> stephen: so if you have a man who is a total horn dog and always sleeping around, if you gave him some oxy tocin would he settle down with the right woman? >> well, it is an interesting question which we really don't know-- we don't actually know the answer to. >> stephen: have we tried it on humans yet. >> yes, we have. >> stephen: and what happens. >> here is the interesting thing. and one of the most striking findings it is that does seem to have an effect on levels of trust. and so that individuals who have oxytocin administered to them will show greater trusting behavior in a particular sort of situation or game. >> stephen: when you say the

self as brain, i think of my soul as myself, are you saying that i don't have soul? >> (applause) i don't know much about our nervous system but i know you have some nerve to come on stable. patricia, thank you very much for joining me. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: the book is touching a nerve. and she did. we'llcia churchland. "!hqrrrdx

>> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody. good night. - say you approve of criss. - i'm in your head. - why did you have to offend the gay community? - did you just call me an idiot on this tv? - tracy has organized a protest of nbc by his fellow idiots. - mr. hornberger? what do we do? - i don't know. but i know someone who does. - talk to me. - they're still mad? we sent elton and david a honey-baked ham. what more do they want? - i'm joined now by one gay rights advocate who isn't sure jordan and nbc have learned their lesson. devin banks, welcome. - thank you, dallas. i have seen you since michael kors' new year's eve masquerade.