[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment zen. >> no monkey business at a japanese zoo as an emergency drill simulates the scenarios where the gorillas escape flg an earth came >> stephen: tonight i company up with the u.s. speed skating team, well, i try to catch up, they're so damn fast. (laughter) then could the nfl haved first openly gay player and if so will rooting against his team be a hate crime? and my guest charlie crist is the former governor of florida. fun fact, someone once tried to govern florida. (laughter) according to the department of ago ago, one in six men eat pizza every day. the other five eat yesterday's pizza. (laughter) this is "the colbert report."

(cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioning sponsored by >> stephen: whooo! welcome to the report, thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. thank you so much for joining us. oh, thank you ladies and gentlemen, please, sit down. folks, it is yet another electric night here at the report. why? why? (cheers and applause)

why, well, first of all because it's tuesday. (laughter) ask anybody, they'll tell you. but mostly-- (cheers and applause) but mostly because it's day five of the sochi winter games. now i'm a busy man so i'm not completely caught up on the olympic action. i've been tivoing them and last night i was thrilled to see the team usa gabby douglas clinched the all-around gymnastic gold. truly historic. yeah to go, gabby. america loves you. (cheers and applause) but i was excited to read that team usa has already won some huge golds in sochi like men's and women's slop slopestyle. i have noed where what that is. i assume it's for shiniest parka. folks, i got to say, these sochi games, these olympic

athletes have accomplished the impossible. making me care about cross-country skiing. (laughter) and of course the games hold a pegs place in my heart because four years ago i saved the olympics. the united states ski team-- (cheers and applause) >> would never, would never have made it to the games if it weren't for my hard work and your hard cash. (laughter) i went with the team to vancouver and between us we won four olympic medals for skating and one oversized scooby doo for whack-a-mole. i don't want to get into who won what, it was a team effort. and i have not given up on my team. this year you can help them out by going to colbertnation.com and donating and getting your own special colbertnation u.s. speed skating t-shirt. your green, folks, your green can help the red, white and blue bring home

the gold. orange you glad? now folks, i could not make it over to sochi because my doctor said i don't want to. so i am sending someone else to be my eyes and my ears and to a lesser extent, my nose. please welcome my old friend and long time producer buddy cole. buddy, thanks so much more being here. good to see you again. (applause) so glad you could make it. >> buddy, buddy, buddy! buddy, buddy, buddy! >> stephen: buddy fever. >> it. >> stephen: thanks for being here, man. >> thank you, stephen, the pleasure is all mine. >> stephen: now buddy, you foe gay rights activists are up in arms over russia's anti-homosexual propaganda laws. but these laws are so vague. that police can arrest anyone they suspect as being gay. now of course i done worry

about sending you. you are a real man's man. >> guilty as charged. >> stephen: pound it, you dog. (laughter) all right. now folks, but i am worried about my friends on the speed skating team, buddy. how do we keep them safe? >> well, steven, last night i learned. all about this anti-gay laws when i sat down with an ambassador of something. i don't know, he seemed nice. and tonight i want to share that advice with the u.s. speed skating team. >> stephen: all right, let's talk i look, buddy? >> stephen. >> stephen: jim. >> "the colbert report" presents a spor report exclusive, from russia with love. >> no gays. >> double o 14. >> with me, buddy cole. >> i traveled to beautiful salt lake city to meet with the u.s. speed skating team

before realizing it was 12 miles away at the olympic in utah. >> let's get to know each other. my name is buddy cole and i've been sent here by stephen colbert to help you fellas avoid appearing gay an getting arrested in russia. and to make you gentlemans aware of these anti-gay laws that russia has passed. >> they are aware of what has been going on in russia. but honestly, you know, we've been training so much and concentrating on our training,. >> no time for gay sex. >> is there anyone on your team that might be a little anti-gay law curious. >> i don't think so. >> so you don't know any speed skaters that are gay? do you know any figure skaters that are straight? >> no, that's ridiculous. ridiculous, of course not. >> why are there no women on the men's speed skating team, that seems very gay. >> well, they have a women's team too.

>> oh. is speed skating a choice or were you born a speed skater? >> you were born a speed skater. >> so you were born a speed skater. >> yes. >> was's your name. >> kyle carr i'm short track. i do short track. >> you are a short tracker. don't worry about it, kyle, it's a little cold in here. >> tell me a little bit about yourself, where are you from. >> i'm from texas. >> texas, very heterosexual but i read in your cv that you spent some time in france. >> yes, i did, yes. >> ooh. i would deemphasize the france, more tech as, less france. >> was's your story, what are you all about. >> from washington. >> what is with this bieber haircut. it's a little lesbian. this is funny, this is glaruous, boys. >> now i was reading in your biothat you have a pretty

nasty injury, tell me all about that. >> cut my leg four years ago. i put the front of my right blade into my leg. >> so you have like a big manly scar on your inner thigh. >> i do, i show it off all the time. >> chicks dig scars, right. you boys know that. oh, i am covered with scars. i've got hundreds of them. some of them fill. >> short track speed cater -- skater from florida. >> you don't see a lot of gonzalezes on the ice, do you,. >> alvarez. >> or alvarezes. oh, it says here jordan. >> yes. >> you are an inventor. >> i did create some things. >> what did you invent. >> i made the tips that we use on our gloves so your fingers don't rub on your eyes. >> so your delicate fingers don't get all scratched by the ice. so it sounds to me that what you invented was fingertip can doms. >> slightly tougher than that. >> so what metals are you

guys hoping to win. >> gold. >> and what do you have to do to win gold? >> win. >> win! exactly. that's the right answer. you know though, here's the thing, anyone can win gold, right, anyone. all you have to to do is be the best in the world. but you know what, real winning is in the face. you all want to be gold medal winners but are you ready to be stars? it's all in the face like here's me, listen, i'm crossing the finish line. i've got some ridiculous south korean behind me because i hate those south koreans. he's just hine me and then i crash through the tape. (applause) can i see your winning gold medal faces. come on, now! exactly! this has been great. but let's head out on to the ice to make sure that i keep you as safe as possible at the sochi olympics.

>> move it. within to truly understand the team i knew i had to walk a mile in their shoes or at least skate a kilometer in their spandex. >> i'll be in, with you in a second. keep skating. okay. >> oh! i'm fine! i'm good.

oh my goodness. would you grab my tail. >> they clearly knew how to ice conga and that was perfectly butch. as was the relay handoff. but there was no hiding the fact that their tights screamed gay propaganda. i had to find a way to make them less attractive. fannie packs. dammit, not even dockers could dampen those fiery thighs. timely i had to resort to gay krypton identity, crocs. >> tas's better. >> oh, that's fantastic. you look hideous. heterosexuality is key. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: great report, buddy. >> thank you. >> stephen: you did it again. i've never seen anyone out in the field do what this

guy does. you're amazing. >> thanks. >> stephen: great report, buddy. >> well, i certainly enjoyed it. >> now remember folks if you want to support the u.s. speed skating team to going to cole betterfacial.com to get your official colbertnation speed skating shirt all proceeds go directly to the team. let's hear it for buddy, buddy, buddy! buddy, buddy! buddy, buddy,

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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. folks, we now turn to our continues report coverage already in progress. as you know, i have been a lifelong if the ball fan for almost two weeks now. and like all hard-core foot nuts i was looking forward to may's nfl draft until i saw this. >> an all american football star revealed he is gay. >> missouri michael sam came out of the closet. >> michael sam to be drafted to the nfl would make him the first openly gay play per in that league. >> i came to tell the world i'm an openly proud gay man. >> that is some courage but we can't have a gay if the ballplayer t is first and ten, not first in steve.

and the most offensive part, michael sam doesn't understand why people might be offended. >> this is to me just another telling another person, hey, i'm gay t shouldn't a big problem. >> stephen: i'm sorry, sir, but nobody chooses to have a problem with this. i was born having a problem with this. look. look, come on, nobody is saying this guy is not a great football player. all-american, the sec's de-- fec defensive player of thier, that is quite an honor coming from the securities and exchange commission. but now-- pro teams are just going to have to think twice before drafting him. >> "sports illustrated" spoke with nearly a dozen coaches and nfl executives, many of whom said football isn't ready for an openly gay player. >> yesterday michael sam was projected as the third or fourth round pick, but definitely on the board. and today executives will say anonymously that his stock has dropped. he may not even be drafted. >> i think a number of teams will probably not want to deal with him at all because

they don't want the so-called distraction that goes along with it. >> the thing you talk about in the organization with the gm and obviously the owner, is can we handle this guy. can the players handle the media attention that they're going to get. when they get the question asked are you okay with a gay teammate. >> stephen: exactly. i mean just think of that question. are you okay with a gay teammate. who wants to put their players through the agony of saying -- >> yeah. (laughter) >> stephen: i mean i just-- can't-- i cannot believe we have come to this as a nation, to sully game of ben roethlisberger and michael vic with a gay guy. so folks, all of that justifies not drafting the top defensive player in the sec. >> and michael sam's only chance is to go back in the closet, mike, we'll pretend

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[ female announcer ] every minute. every medal. every screen. the nbc sports live extra app gives you unprecedented access to every moment of nbc universal's coverage of the sochi olympics, now on your tv. the x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. >> welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is a former governor of florida. please welcome charlie crist. pay, thanks so much, thanks

so much for coming on. it's great to have you on here. governor, we will get to what i would considered your check ared political career in just a moment. but first let's get this right out of the way near. you've got a new book called the party is over. how the extreme right hijacked the gop and i became a democrat. there it. (cheers and applause) you buried the lead right there at the end of the title. you were a republican, you became a democrat. >> yes. >> stephen: how, at long last sir, have you no shame? >> i am just happy to be a democrat. i really feel at home. i always kind of felt like a round peg in a square hole in the republican party. and it only increased-- . >> stephen: you were round, they were square, that makes sense. >> right t does, it does, yes, sir. but you know, as the party continued to drift further and further to the right, with the rise of the tea party. and as a result of that, i just got more uncomfortable

with it. >> stephen: what was it about the modern republican party that didn't appeal to you any more. >> jeb bush said it very well himself. the modern republican party loadership appears to be anti-women, anti-main or the, anti-immigrant, anti-gay couples shall anti-environment, anti-education. i mean pretty soon there is nobody left in room and it just wasn't a place i was comfortable being any more. >> stephen: isn't that the wrong way to look at it. it is pro freedom. all the things you just named involve some kind of regulation or giving away our freedoms to people without did not earn it. >> that say point of view. >> stephen: yeah. it's the correct point of view, okay. >> right, right. >> stephen: well, i disagree respectfully. >> stephen: you do. oh, that's one of you. >> that's right. >> stephen: all right. you are running for governor of for da again. >> yes, sir. >> stephen: now as a democrat. >> rate. >> stephen: against rick scott. >> indeed. >> stephen: do you even have to campaign. can't you just say i am charlie crist. i used to be governor, how

about more of that. >> yeah, well, honestly, i wish it were that easy but the man has said he is going to spend $100 million on this campaign. he spent $75 million of his own four years ago. >> stephen: how many-- are you going to spend 75 million of your money this time. >> i don't have that much money. (laughter) so no, no, no. >> stephen: where are you going to get it because it's hard to get that kind of cash. >> if people want to contribute charl c.e.o. crist.com would be a good place to go. (applause) >> stephen: all right. okay. >> we need it. >> stephen: okay. are you afraid of rick scott. >> no sir, i'm not, i'm not. >> stephen: you're not afraid that he will unhinge his jaw and try to swallow you. i mean you're running against a native florida swamp creature. >> he's from texas. he just moved to florida in time to qualify to run. you have to be there seven years before you can run for governor, he got there just in time to be able to run four years ago. >> stephen: why do you want to be governor of florida again, it is a tough state to goff en.

it is a tough state to live in. you know. i mean it's warm and everything. but within it's a beautiful place. >> stephen: it is a crazy state. >> it's interesting. it's never dull. but it a beautiful place. >> stephen: you said at the end of your republican political career came about when you were hugged by barack obama. >> stephen: yes. >> it figures prominently in the book if i may read that. >> you introduced him, what year. >> 2009. >> stephen: 2009 he had just become president of the united states. you introduced him in florida and you said ladies a and gentlemen please give a warm florida welcome to president barack obamament he walked out towards me. both of us smiled. the applause was just about frantic. we shook hands. the new president leaned fard and gave me a hug. reach, pull, release. as hugs go, it wasn't anything special it was over in a second, less than that.

it is the kind of hug that says hey, good to see you man, thanks for being here. the kind of hug i had exchanged with dhous and thousands of floridians over the years. i didn't think a thing about it as it was happening but that simple gesture ended my ca kears a-- itting chad the rest of my life, reach, pull, release. chooers plaus. >> that's what happened. unbelievable. >> stephen: reach, pull, release. >> yeah. >> stephen: are those the three words you want to use when you are talking about the president of the united states. >> maybe not. maybe not, no, but-- . >> stephen: why do you think tended it for you? >> several reasons, i think. number one, if he was there to talk about the recovery act. the stimulus as people call it. and a lot of republicans took issue with that. so i think that was part of it. sadly i think another part of it was that he was a democrat. but not just a democrat, an african-american.

and. >> stephen: are you to the going to play the race card. >> i'm to the going to play it. >> stephen: you just did. you picked it it up again and put in your pocket, you played the race card. >> yeah, well i'm just trying to tell the truth. i have seen a level of vitriol directed at this president that i have never seen directed at, you know, president kennedy or maybe president johnson or even president carter. >> stephen: all right. if in the course of the campaign you were approached by three men who were about to hug you, joseph stalin, darth vader or barack obama, you have to hug one of them, which would it be. >> my president, no question. i love him. >> stephen: barack obama. (applause) >> stephen: well, governor, good luck. >> thank you. >> stephen: please come back once you're the governor again. you just got the colbert bump. >> all right. >> stephen: governor charlie. than chocolate,

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