[cheers and applause] >> jon: here it is. here it is your moment of zen. >> money and politics is speech whether you are giving >> stephen: ton morning news reaches out to millennial, savannah guthrie will hunt matt lauer in the hunger games. and on my last day before retirement and pie guest star rena ron ofski is the director of a new film about noah ark, it is the tragic sequel to we bought a zoo. raised the speed limit to 80 miles an hour. now you can get out there of even faster this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central

>> stephen: right there. is this it, is this were-- welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. >> steveen, stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. nation-- (cheers and applause) thank you so much. right through the uprights. thank you. nation, thank you, please, sit down, everybody. nation, if you have been watching the news, and i hope you have been, vladimir putin takeover of crimea is a sobering reminder that we cannot trust the subans unless they have a scottish accent. and folks, things just went from bad to borscht.

>> we learned that it included taking ukraine's combat dolphin, that's right, the dolphins like the ones pec tured here, they were trained by the ukrainian navy to attack enemy targets. >> stephen: yes, these dolphins were trained to defend ukraine. if only their soldiers had been. (laughter) nation, we in the united states are defenseless against this dolphin army because due to bad planning our ocean defense system is merely a series of colourful hoops. (laughter) and i think i speak for everyone when i say japanese mass dolphin slaughterers, we owe you an apology. they tried to warn us. they tried to warn us. (laughter) i'm sure i will never live to regret that statement. and make no mistake, folks, these dolphins are ready for war. they have been trained to attack enemy combat swimmers

using special knives or pistols fixed to their heads. that's right, dolphins with pistols on their heads. we will be in serious trouble if they ever develop head fingers to pull those triggers. vigilance. folks, you know, i love the big morning news shows. there is a perfect combination of information, entertainment, infotainment and whatever matt lauer is doing-- doing here. other than haunting my dreams. and competition among these shows is fierce. so to attract young tech savvy viewers they're creating special areas on their sets featuring interactive social media. for instance back in september the "today show" launched its web connected orange room hosted by nbc youth correspondent carson daly who is 40 years old. (laughter) that's like three teenagers in one. and the orange room has been

such a huge hit for nbc that recently good morning america unveiled their own brand-new youth zone. jim? youth nize me. >> you've seen the internet sensation here all morning long. and now it's time to reveal why. so gentlemen, everybody, social square, this is your room as much as it is ours. i love this craze. it is hip, it is young t is fun and it's all about you. >> stephen: that talking glow stick is right. (laughter) kids-- (cheers and applause) kids, kids, you know something is young, hip and fun if a middle-aged woman tells you at 8 a.m. and gma social square or sosh-squa as no one will ever call it, has all the same social media apps as the mobile home in your hand but with the convenience of

a stationery room you're not in. jim. >> right now we have the instagram chat wall. all you do is, look at that, four viewers already checking in with questions for us for our guests. we also have our social slot machine. you pull it down and this enables you to ask us questions and tell us how you feel from google plus, from twitter, from facebook. >> stephen: a slot machine. who knows, if you keep pulling the lever eventually news might come out. (laughter) and gma knows who is drawn to slot machines, young people. but folks, it's not just about dope apps and fresh vertically integrated corporate tie-ins, there's other fun that network marketing research has indicated teens enjoy. >> in this space which i would imagine we will all be using quite a bit during shows there is foosball. >> stephen: foosball! that's awesome.

why didn't walter cronkite tell us about the kennedy assassination from behind an air hockey table. (laughter) and what web interchat kill zone 2.0 would be complete without internet celebrities. >> there there be celebrities like this gal. hi? >> kristen bell, star of frozen. >> give me five. >> you are a huge social media star, 1.4 million viewers or tweeters. >> twitter people. >> stephen: tweeter, twitter people t doesn't matter, it's the star of frozen. that's the kind of things that's going it to allow good morning america to lock down generation y are they doing there? and folks, i was so inspired by their example that i have created my own branded inf info-enter-news-ment hang-space that targets an even younger viewer. tonight introducing "the colbert report"'s new play

date plaza! (cheers and applause) this is an innovative-- they love it. the kids love it. play date plases-- plaza folks, it is an innovative fun scape that's all about relating to the crucial four and under demographic. it's where we will be covering all the major news stories toddlers want to know about. for example, where did the ball go? (laughter) is it gone forever? tweet your thoughts using the #objectpermanent. and i will be taking your pretend calls on this fisher-price phone. brrg, brrng. oh, hello saddy, you're having a tea party with teddy and mr. ruffles and secretary of state john kerry. okay, i'll come by on my pirate ship. i'm not going. and play date plaza is where we'll answer the tough

questions like what sound does a particular animal make. >> that's a cow. mooo. (laughter) >> stephen: thank you for that report, cow. and folks, who knows who will show up in our celebrity ball pit. >> hello! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: broadcasting legend and anchor cbs this morning, charlie rose! whoa! charlie-- charlie, how are you. >> i'm here to tell all the kids, tomorrow on cbs this morning, we'll have scott pelley's exclusive interview with president obama from rome! >> stephen: all right. be sure to check that out, kids. thanks, charlie. (applause) >> stephen: and now, now that i've got play date plaza, i'm ready to go toe-to-toe with all the other news-free fun zone,

social square, the orange room and the empty space behind steve doocy's eyes. we'll be right back. honestly, i'm pouring everything i have into this place. that's why i got a new windows 2 in 1. it has exactly what i need for half of what i thought i'd pay. and i don't need to be online for it to work. it runs office, so i can do schedules and budgets and even menu changes. but it's fun, too -- with touch, and tons of great apps for stuff like music, 'cause a good playlist is good for business. i need the boss's signature for this. i'm the boss. ♪ honestly ♪ i wanna see you be brave berry pomegranate mio.

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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. folks, i hope you know that there is absolutely no bigger supporter of the police than yours truly. they should have every tool at their disposal to keep us safe. but now a bunch of weak kneed lawmakers are trying to take away a critical crime fighting tool. >> they don't want you police officers to have sex with prostitutes could be on the last leg. >> cently on duty officers are exempt from hawaii's prostitution laws. >> today state senators held a hearing and voted to remove a police exemption in the law. >> stephen: did you just hear that? lawmakers want to take away

hawaii's cops right to have sex with prostitutes. also, did i just hear that hawaii's cops have the right to have sex with prostitutes? (applause) you know what, folks, well, they should. it's just like new york's stop and frisk policy, except once they start frisking, they don't stop. folks, this is an essential tool. as the honolulu police say, the ability to have sex with prostitutes is an important part of fighting crime. yes, because soon as the crime is committed, the police are already on the scene. (laughter) i don't know why they don't let cops murder people too. but this new restriction would leave our boys in blue with blue boys. (laughter) because it allows police officers only to touch adult prostitutes but not sexually penetrate. these lawmakers are playing with fire.

and i'm not just talking about the chlamydia tearing through the honolulu pd. because as the police warned, without this vital legal protection, prostitutes would engage in cop checking, where they would demand to have sex before receiving money in order to filter out cops. yup? hookers do it all the time. they have sex with you, then refuse any money to make sure you're not a cop. (laughter) a classic scam. the point is, the sex is essential. and in one case, it was essential with three different officers in one evening before the prostitute was arrested. so obviously the first cop had to make sure she was a prostitute. the second cop had to make sure the first cop wasn't crooked. and the third cop was a ride along. (laughter) here now with an insider perspective on why police cannot do their work unless they have sex with prostitutes, is undercover honolulu police officer randy

farrar, thank you, good to see you. now mr. farrar, thank you for joining us. >> aloha, my man. >> stephen: now randy, are you with the honolulu pd. >> i would rather not say. >> stephen: you don't want to blow your cover. >> yes, also i'm not on the force. but i am a member of the neighborhood watch. >> stephen: is that your job. >> well, minot-- i drive food truck downtown, sometimes the working girls like to have a sandwich, if you know what i mean. (laughter) >> stephen: you mean like a couple pieces of bread, maybe some meat or lettuce. >> oh, so you're hip to the scene. >> stephen: i just want to understand. you're not a cop. >> says who? >> stephen: says you just now. >> then why do i have this badge (laughter) >> stephen: rajdy, that is a half a grilled cheese sandwich.

>> touche. >> stephen: okay, randy, randy, hold on, explain to us-- (cheers and applause) explain to us why the honolulu pd needs this kind of flexibility. >> flexibility is what it's all about. as we say down at the 5-0 you have to touch your toes before you touch the hoes. >> stephen: i mean i'm sure that's good advice but i mean the law. has a prostitute ever co cop-checked you. >> -- that is why no money changes hands until randy gets the handy. and by the way, can i just say you've got a lot of fine looking ladies here tonight. i would not mind taking them to my luoa. >> stephen: ranny, please don't talk to the audience. >> sorry, just doing my job. >> stephen: what is your other job. >> prostitute. >> stephen: you take money

for sex. >> they don't pay me for sex, stephen, they may me to leave, sometimes halfway through, i'm that good. >> stephen: ranldy farrar, everybody. we'll be right back. randy-- than chocolate,

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qntion welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is an a claimed director whose new film is noah or as animals call it-- pless welcome darren aronofsky.

(cheers and applause) darren, thanks so much for coming on. mr. aronofsky, maestro, okay let's get its bona fiddes out here. you directed the wrestler, the fountain, reqeem for a dream. your last movie, black swan won the natally portman award for oscar. congratulations on that. >> thank you. >> stephen: now your new movie is noah starring russell crowe, released tomorrow. why did you do a biblical movie? did you get a message from god or-- or someone more powerful like paramount pictures? why do a bible movie. >> it was my 7th grade english teacher, actually. >> stephen: really? >> i had a magical teacher. >> stephen: magical, like-- like with wings and a wand. >> no, she just was very inspirational, wearing all pink, pink eye shadow, drove a pink mustang, and she said one day take out a paper and pen and write a poem and i ended writing something on

noah, a poem and ended up winning a contest and it sent me down the path of being a creative storyteller. >> stephen: how is the story of noah about peace, because it is-- i mean you're known for doing some dark tales. but all of mankind is killed except one family. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: and it's a little dark. how is that a story of peace. god kicking ass and taking names in this movie. >> absolutely. i'm surprised you no he that because most people turn it into this nursery story, with the long white beard, the robe and the sandals. >> stephen: old testament god has some anger issues. >> very serious. >> stephen: he is a jealous god. >> very, very andry. >> stephen: how does he kill nefern this one, is it stillwater. >> yeah, we didn't change that. >> stephen: what is the message of the story for you? because it gets turned into this, you know-- god told noah to build him an arky arky. >> i don't the song. i heard someone else talk about but i don't know it says, you know, in genesis 6 it says that he was grieved

to his heart, god. and to me that was like wow,s that is a powerful to want to destroy creation because is the fourth story in the bible, you know, creation, original sin, the first murder cane kills able and then jumps forward ten generations and you are at noah and suddenly he wants to destroy all of creation. to us that was a big emotional decision, you know f suddenly you want to destroy the most beautiful thing that you created, and so we tried to draum advertise that we tried to bring that to life through russell crowe character. >> stephen: now you changed some stuff though. >> not all. >> stephen: you have taken some liberties. >> what say liberty, when you cast russell crowe it's a liberty, you know. the spirit of the story is told and everyone believes in god in the film. because for me it's not just a biblical story t say mythical story and becomes some of more powerful when you accept it as myth. like you stake the story o oficarrus, you don't ask if the feathers and wax had that-- everyone knows the story of hubris, you fly too high and you get burnt but

if you start to get into what is real, all of the conversations whether it is historical or not. >> stephen: like every word of the bible-- every word of the bibe sell absolutely true and happened. >> no, but you will get nonbelievers saying how did all the animals get on the boat. >> stephen: god sent them. >> but how did they all fit. have you ever seen the math where they try to fit everything on it. >> stephen: we know how it happened. let's show the people how it happened. >> okay, here we go. >> it begins.

>> stephen: looks like they're going to fit to me. now i saw a lot of animals. i saw a lot of mammals and birds, were there snakes. >> yes, yes, everything is included. that say really funny scene. >> stephen: at any point in the movie does noah say i'm tired of these [bleep] snakes on my mother [bleep] ark. >> you can curse. >> you know, that was-- we thought about, you know, being a little bit inspired by that movie but decided to turn against the comedy and look at the drama. >> stephen: why only make one movie, though. it's four chapters in the bible. >> right. >> stephen: why not turn it into three movies like the hobbit. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: where the first one god says build an ark. the second one is ark building and the third one is the storm. >> we could have kept going for a long time, i know. >> stephen: who plays god. >> god, you know, we didn't want to person few him and morgan freeman and james

earl jones were sort of busy and george burns is dead so-- you know, we decided. >> stephen: is there a voice or anything. >> no, no, we decided to capture the magic of the creator through image and sound and music because we thought that would be much better. there is actually, there was a big debate because people are saying why doesn't god speak in the film and actually the word is the word say which refers more to dream than it does actually to spoken word. and it is a more specific word that would have been used than the spoken word so we were inspired by that to actually make it something visual and inspiring. >> stephen: in the movie do you deal with like the fish and the whales. >> there is a quick shot of it but ran out of money. >> stephen: okay. >> and all the dolphins were busy, you know. >> stephen: that would have been great. >> it would have been great. >> stephen: is there any-- in the old testament one of the things i liked about it besides there is a lot of action, because it is a vengful guy, a lot of things happen, sampson, deliea s there any spicy

stuff because there is spicy stuff notice old testament, onan, is there any -- >> it is emma watson and jennifer connolly showing up. >> stephen: really. >> very beautiful women. >> stephen: any black swan situation going on. >> you know that scene i'm talking about. i know why you paid $300 million, my friend. >> there you go. >> stephen: let's put some-- did that happen? >> it was interesting because russell was a very, you know, he really wanted to have an emotional connection with his wife and i was sort of like whoa, but it was nice to see the patriarch kissing and sort of tenor and it was beautiful but i don't think it will float your boat. >> stephen: what about my ark? >> exactly. >> stephen: darren aronofsky, thank you so much for joining me. darren aronofsky, the movie is noah. is noah. we'll be right back. i understand the fact that being made out of delicious chocolate makes me "high risk" for insurance companies. but i still believe i deserve coverage.

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>> s that that's it for the report, everybody, good night. ang, no, he has no clue. i can't wait to see his face. i know, okay, we're in the other room. i'm gonna bring everybody in in just a minute. oh, wait, wait, wait. okay, i have to go, thank you. okay, bye. (man) happy birthday, bro. huh, check it out.