captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome to the report, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much for joining us. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thai for being with us in here, out there, all around the world. welcome to the show. mr. and mrs. america. nation, thank you for your support. folks, thank you fur your support and coming together to make the world a better place because we americans have always had our differences. you say potato, and i say who you calling a potato is? is it because i'm irish? you're a racist. i'm happy to say all our racial

conflicts are behind us. as the saying goes the arc of the moral universe is long but bends towards justice. >> a historic ruling from the supreme courts could spell the end of affirmative action on college campuses. the 6-2 rule upholds a michigan amendment banning the use of race in college admissions. >> stephen: finally, this decision ends the unfair practice of admitting students based on their race and allows more students to be admitted based on if their parents went there. ( laughter ) we don't need affirmative action because racial discrimination is officially over. don't believe me? just ask these other white people. ( laughter ). >> the dream of affirmative action is-- has been realized. it's taken a long time, but we-- i would say we've arrived. >> this is a scene that martin luther king wished for. he wanted this day to come. he wanted the law of the land to finally back off and say you know what? we don't need this, because

there is equate. >> stephen: that's right, african americans. dr. king said he might not make it to the promised land with you, but these guys did and they'll let you know how it is. ( laughter ) it's like m.l.k. said himself at the march on washington-- i have a dream that one day the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of the brotherhood unless there happens to be another slave owner's son who is similarly qualified that he should take the slave kid's seat because it's not about quotas. ( cheers and applause ). great man. of course, these days there's still one group of people you're allowed to attack-- white guys. surprise! case in point, nevada rancher and extra from "smokey and the bandit," cliven bundy. i know, i like him, too. frequent viewers of my show know that i've been meaning to tell you about cliveen for weeks. but here's the story.

bundy's cattle were seized by the federal bureau of land management under the flimsy excuse that he's grazed his cattle on federal land for decades and owes $1 million in grazing fees. $1 million to let cows eat. what are they growing in that desert, lobster tails? but bundy has a simple explanation for not paying. >> i don't recognize the united states government as even existing. ( laughter ) >> stephen: okay, you can't pay a government in it it doesn't exist. especially not with the money that it issued. ... ( laughte( laughter ) by bravely standing against the forces of paying your bills, bundy became a hero to conservatives like sean hannity who turned bundy's 10 gallon hat up to 11. >> my gx guest is a rancher waging a battle against the government. back with us is cliven bundy.

back with us is cliven bundy. and back with us tonight to respond in a hannity exclusive is rancher cliven bundy. cliveen, i've gotten to know you as the controversy is unfolding. you and your family seem like really nice people. >> stephen: man, hannity ate up that store so hard, bundy should have charged him grazing fees. ( cheers and applause ). and thanks, thanks to sean's sympathetic coverage, arped patriots flocked to bundy's ranch to defend his rights. >> we were actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front. if they're going to start shooting, it will be women that will be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers. >> reporterofficers. >> stephen: now, that's not as monstrous as it sounds. i'm sure they were going to protect the women with a line of children. ( applause ) now, no surprise, the feds did

not have the sack to shoot through a lady line, so they packed it in. and in that moment of victory against an enroaching federal government, cliven bundy became more than just a man. >> there is a growing number of supporters for rancher cliven bundy, all vowing to stand behind a man who has become their hero. >> a savior, if you will, or a symbol of rural america standing up to the federal government is a hero, a folk hero if you will. >> stephen: oh, i will. ( laughter ) and like every folk hero, he deserves a folk song. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ his name was cliven bundy a of bunkerville, nevada. ♪ if you don't know his story i think you really oughtta. ♪ back in 1993, the feds demand grazing fees on public land the

bundy plan since the 1870s. ( cheers and applause ). ♪ nevada state decree from 1953 gave federal authority over all state public property. ♪ as stated if the zephy the guadalupe-hidalgo treaty ( applause ) ( laughter ) ( applause ) is not but cliveen couldn't understand, why should he have to pay for land? this land belongs to you and me. this is what he told sean hannity. ♪ this is the ball ballard of cliven bundy. take it. >> i want to tell you one more thing i know about the negro.

>> stephen: okay, that's enough of the song. ( cheers and applause ). unfortunately, nothing rhymes with negro. okay, let's see, where-- where were we? oh, yes, cliven bundy. ( laughter ) cliveen, what were you saying about our african american breath ren? >> they abort their-- their young children. they put their young men in jail because they never learned how to pick cotton. and i've often wondered are they better off enslaved, picking cotton. >> stephen: calm down. that's not racist. that's being existent. he does not believe in the federal government so it would be hip crickal to believe in the

emancipation proclamation. i'm sure he had a chance to clarify the statement. >> are they happier now under the government subsidy system than they were when they were slaves and they was able to have their family structure together and the chickens and gardens, and the people have something to do? >> stephen: well, that certainly makes it crystal clear. he left the chickens out the first time. they really tie the whole idea together. the point is, this man is a victim of racism, as it made clear on the bundy facebook page saying, "cliveen is a good man. he loves all people. he is not a racist man. he wants what is best for everyone." okay, he wants what's pest for everyone. and he's just wondering if for some people that's slavery. ( laughter ) is it a crime to wonder now? and, folks, my one regret here is that i did not embrace cliven

bundy sooner, like sean hannity did, you know, really draw him to my bosom, to link us inexocialying it, to hang him around my neck like some kind of lucky dead sea bird. but you beat me to it, sean. you're good, buddy. you're good. thanks to your nonstop support of coverage of bundy, now when anyone thinks of folks who have insight into the negro, they'll think of sean hannity. i mean, these two-- ( cheers and applause ) these two go together to like ku and klux. i mean-- salute you, sean. i salute you for bravely standing by a man whose only crime was breaking federal law. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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it's a place you've been before, but it's not on any map. so go out there, lose yourself, and find the truth. ♪ we're all born wild. ♪ let's keep it that way. the 2014 4runner. toyota. let's go places. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. folks, ladies and gentlemen, there has been a lot of talk these days about equal pay for women. well, i think there's been a lot of talk. i wasn't really paying attention. game is on. it turns out arounding less is good. just ask conservative icon and lady who gives out raises at halloween, phyllis schlafly. she wrote women typically choose

a mate, husband, or boyfriend who earns more than she does. while women pefer a higher average partner, men like to be the higher earning partner. men like women who don't earn much money. that's why the hottest place to pick up a ladia a homeless shelter. be careful, faelz, her imaginary roommate is crazy. the opposite is also true-- women are attracted to men who make more money. why do you think women sleep with donald trump? ( laughter ) seriously, does anyone know why? ( laughter ) is it a dare like the cinnamon challenge or something? ( laughter ) ( applause ) it would explain his skin color. now, the danger-- the danger schlafly warns is that if we eliminate the pay gap, romance will die, simple arithmetic suggests half of women would be unable to find what they regard as a suitable mate. if a higher earning man is not available, many women are more

likely not to marry at all. so enjoy your equal pay, ladies. you can spend it on friskies for your hundreds of cats because you're dying alone. women, come on. women, be honest. be honest, women. do not be ashamed to admit it-- you like a guy to earn more than you. same way you like them to open doors or give up their seat on the bus you're riding because you can't afford a car. ( laughter ) meanwhile, schlafly's article touched off the predictable media firestorm from the liberal has been ladies. but come on, if these female journalists really thought they should get paid more, why did they go into journalism? and these dames don't realize that schlafly is trying to help women by helping men so they can help women. as phyllis so eloquently said, the pay gap helps promote and sustain maerms. the best way to improve economic prospects for women is to improve job prospects for men in

their lives, even that means increasing the so-called pay gap. well said. to help women, we may need to increase the pay gap. 77 cents to the dollar is a good start but we can do better. why not 50 cents on the dollar? or, or call me a radical feminist, but maybe women shouldn't be paid at all. don't listen to me, ladies. i'm just a guy who makes more than you. you've got to take some personal responsibility here. tomorrow morning i want you to march into your boss boss' offid say mr. thompson i've proven myself. i've got initiative. i've got enthusiasm. i've exceeded my sales quota which is why i demand a 25% pay cut and give that money to chuck in the mailroom. he's nice. she's single, and if i couldn't make represent, seed seem

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( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back be everybody. thanks so much. folks my guest tonight is an award-winning author with a new book about the virtues of kindness. which means i get to yell at him and he's just going to sit there. please welcome george saunders. ( cheers and applause ). hey, george, good to see you again. thanks for coming back. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: for those who don't know you're awe mccarthy grant receiveee and a beststiller author o. and a new one is called-- congratulations, by the way, it's some thoughts on kindness. this started off as a speech you gave at syracuse university, a comment? >> yes. >> stephen: so sell me on kindness. ( laughter ) it gets great press. it gets great press, okay. don't get me wrong, got a great

publicist. what's in kindness for me? ( laughter ). >> when i was working on the speech, i was kind of blanked out. i thought you have a room full of young kids that are impatient. what can i say that's really urgent? i looked back and said in all my life what do i regret? and there wasn't that much actually. ( laughter ) no, like the little humiliations-- you can forgo all that. but there were a hand full of things they really regretted and they all had to do with moments where somebody needed me to be kind to them or step up and i department for whatever reason. so i wrote about one particular girl in our middle school class who was kind of an outcast. >> and tried two or three times to help her and then i kind of chickened out. i had that feel when somebody is drowning and you go to help and you go this could get ugly. and i kind of bailed on her. >> stephen: i've never actually done that to someone. ( laughter ). >> i recommend it. no, no, no. but-- so she was kind of a nice girl, and at that time i was a

pretty strong catholic, and i identified closely with that kind of 70s idea of jesus as being so compassionate that he was comfortable anywhere. and i thought, yeah, i could do that. un. >> stephen: did you help her ever? >> well, i tried. i sort of made a few attempts, but you could see this had probably happened to her before in other schools, and she was a little leery and really wasn't that eager to be helped. so at that point, at some point i just said, yeah, i'm not going to do that. and i could sort of feel myself from falling away from that idea of jesus i had in my mind which i think is why i remembered it all these years later. >> stephen: so you regret that very much. how did middle school go for you. >> pretty good. >> stephen: ( bleep ). no, no, listen, but it's a jungle out there in middle school. it's a jungle. it's kill or be killed. i mean, here's my-- here's my problem with your-- with kindness, george. if everyone tries to be kind,

okay-- lease say we all try to be kind, and one guy stays a dick, okay, we're all suckers. and he takes advantage of us. okay? i for one don't want to get to st. peter at the pearly gate and say, "oh, yeah, you were kind to people but you were a sucker and somebody abused food stamps. go to hell." >> you make a good case. >> stephen: thank you. >> i was coming here to promote the kindness book and i was on the new jersey turnpike and i get to the tollbooth and i get into that little thing, that little kind of-- and the guy comes out and drops a cone right in front of my car. >> stephen: a comb? >> a cone. and he said, "you gotta go back." so i looked back and it's freezing rain. it's night. the cars are, like, six or seven cars are behind me. so i think, you know, invoke kindness. so i jump out of the car and i go up to him and say in my best new age voice, "sir, i'm not

sure this is the best decision given the conditions." and he goes, "i don't give a crap. i'm going home." so i thought this is a-- you know, a really good kindness case. i i said, "if you don't mind, i think it's not even in your interest." he said, "i'm going home." and he walked off. so that's a case where i-- what i wanted to do -- >> stephen: he dropped the cone in front ofue it wasn't governor christie, was it? ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> no, i don't think it was him. >> stephen: so being nice is not kind. >> in that moment i wanted to say something really cutting to him. >> stephen: what would you have said? >> i can't think of it because i'm so kind. ( laughter ) you. >> stephen: teach at syracuse university. >> stephen: i do. do you have tenure? >> i do. >> stephen: why are you kind still? you don't have to be kind anymore? you could be a complete monster and no one would do anything to you. >> i have the sweetest students

ever-- why not be nice? >> stephen: you say becoming kinder happens naturally with age. how do you explain grumpy old men? >> yeah, i-- ( laughter ) i got a few e-mails-- "you should meet my father-in-law. you don't know what you're talking about." for me i think what happens is you get older, you have less energy. so it takes a lot of energy to maintain your nurose ease and hatred. i think as you get older you're like i wish i could still be hateful, but i'm too tired. ( laughter ) you have kids. and you see the way the world works on people and i think you-- i think actually the dust kind of settles. in my experience you sort of see that learning to become more sympathetic and loving actually is really what it's all about. all the other stuff of kind of just dust, you know? >> stephen: the central message to students is strive for kindness. >> yes. >> stephen: is that because there's more realistic for graduating seniors right now

than striving for jobness? ( laughter ) ( applause ). ( cheers ) >> it gives them something to do while waiting for their rejection letter. >> stephen: or waiting tables. when has kindness worked for you? >> for me. >> stephen: when did it pay off? it didn't pay off for the guy can the cones? >> not so much. >> stephen: the girl in middle school. >> you should see the things i left out of the speech. those would have been a graduation buzz-kill. don't kill a guy. >> stephen: did you kill someone? >> no. >> stephen: okay, but that's out there now. when has kindness worked for you, george? >> it worked whennive the recipient of it. >> stephen: okay. ( laughter ) ( applause ) gimme, gimme, gimme. the message is be kind because i'm right here. ( laughter ) if you can think of one time you were a nice guy, please come

back. georggeorge saunders. it's a great book. it's a wonderful speech. it's called "congratulations." buy it for every graduate. they'll love it. we'll be right back. ( laughter ) ( ap [ male announcer ] welcome to no man's land. it's a place you've been before, but it's not on any map. so go out there, lose yourself, and find the truth. ♪ we're all born wild. ♪ let's keep it that way. the 2014 4runner. toyota. let's go places. they say you get what you pay for,. but sometimes you get a whole lot more like the jr. bacon cheeseburger and other great tastes for less from wendy's. now that's better.

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. [ applause ] >> jon: hello, everybody. welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, author ramachandra guha. we are going to -- gandhi but not the gandhi you know, the young gandhi, but recently on our program a little bit of fun with the story of the fellow named clive bundy, what you call a grazing feed denier who sparked an armed standoff with the federal government in an effort to keep his cows on welfare. well, mr. bundy w d