>> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. >> 18 increases in the minimum wage since 1966. it would still be a buck an >> stephen: tonight i check in on the midterm elections, no, don't change the channel. now more bad news about gay marriage. the organist charges double

to play here comes the bride twice. and my guest audra mcdonald stars on broadway as jazz great billie hold day. wonder what disney princess that's based on. a new project will give each m.i.t. undergrad student $100 worth of byte coins, no, wait, $800 worth of bitcoin, this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, steve, stephen. >> stephen: welcome to the report, ever.

good to you have with us. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thanks, folks. you know, you know, we are coming up on election season as a newsman, my job to bring you the latest, baseless speculation on who might be running who is thinking about running and who was recently seen running. (laughter) why is he running? is it because he's running? well, on monday one dark horse candidate has officially announced he's running for president, bashar al-assad. >> here he is president bashar assad is announcing his candidacy in the upcoming presidential elections. >> he will run for a third seven year term in june. >> stephen: bashar assad has thrown his hat in the ring. and by hat i mean nerve gas

and by ring i mean people. (laughter) and while syria is technically in the middle of a civil war, you know, you know who else won the presidency in the middle of a civil war? lincoln. that is where the similarities end. now he may be unpopular but my money is still on assad because he's a tough campaigner. he can go very negative because his attack ads are actual attacks. (laughter) meanwhile, electorally back here in america the mid-term elections are upon us and i could not be more mid-excited. i am half pumped. because, because the democrats are going to get whipped like one of their beloved smoothies. pineapple and mango blended together as one. i'm sorry, that is fruit

sodomy. by the way, do not google fruit sodomy. (laughter) and it's all thanks to the plummeting popularity of barack obama. >> president obama's approval rating taking a nosedive amount of cording to a new "washington post" abc news poll, president's approval rating has hit a new low, 41%. >> stephen: 41%. that means he's only 35% more popular than congress. (laughter) and the bad new does not end there. because that same "washington post" abc news poll found that 53% of voters say they would rather see republicans in congress of-- control of congress. that is great news, the gop takes both houses they'll final be able to advance their ideas which should really motivate them to have an idea. (laughter) now another blow, another blow to the donkey-crat hope

is that just 23% of americans in the age of 18 and 29 say they will definitely be voting in the november election. i don't know why, but for some reason college students aren't thrilled by the year midterms. and-- (laughter) millennials continued to vote for democrats so their appate makes me happy. or as the youngsters say #sacks o february he moji. with all this bad news it is no surprise they are making hail maries, case in point north carolina second district which is currently represented by republican congresswoman an person in allergy ad renee ellmers. she won her seat by campaigning on an issue so important to the northern most part of her district, manhattan. >> the terrorists haven't won. and we should tell them in plain english, no. there will never be a mosque

at ground zero, i'm renee ellmers and a prove this ad. >> stephen: strong statement, of course that ad up set north carolina's muslim community, both of them. but that's not ellmers only accomplishment. last fall she also voted to shut down the government. who can forget the message of hope she sent those federal workers that her vote laid off. >> the thing of it is i need my paycheck. that's the bottom line. and i understand that maybe there are some other members who are, you know, deferring their paychecks and i think that is admirable. i'm not in that position. >> stephen: yes, she wasn't in that position. and neither were the workers. they were bending over and taking it. and if she weren't, if she weren't enough of a shoe-in already, get a load of who the democrats are running against her. >> i'm clay aiken. you might wonder why-- (laughter) >> stephen: yes, i do wonder

why you are running. is it because there hasn't been anyone in congress with such golden pipes since senator john ashcroft ♪ let the eagle soar ♪ ♪ like she's never soared before ♪ ♪. >> stephen: that never fails to bring a tear to my eye. (laughter) and for some reason blood to my ears. (laughter) now make no mistake, folks. i am an aiken fan or playmate. i voted for him through season 2. when he lost to ruben stoddard i was crushed, almost as crushed as i was when they voted off that old lady. but i cannot support clay aiken for congress. not only is he a democrat, es is also a gay which i only recently discovered were two separate things. (laughter) and i cannot believe he's trying to get renee ellmers

fired. does he not know how badly she needs her paycheck? if he were on my show right now, i'd vote him off. here to be kicked out of my studio, please welcome former american almost idol and candidate for north carolina's second district, clay aiken. (cheers and applause) all right, listen up. listen up. okay. i am uncharmed by those baby blues and those golden pipes. who the hell do you think you are, you hollywood liberal, coming into north carolina with your san francisco values. >> well, i think people are very fed up with the kind of tone deaf representation they've had. you heard-- . >> stephen: tone deaf just because you have perfect pitch? that's kind of cheap. >> i mean you see what we are dealing with now. we've got a representative now who has completely ignored the people who she was elected to represent. >> stephen: i don't know about the completely ignored thing. but how are you not going to

completely ignore them. >> well, i have spent my entire life since idol trying to stand up for children with disabilities. i started an organization for kids with disabilities. and have been an advocate for certain populations for the past 11 years. and these people in north carolina put me here. they gave me this platform, this microphone. and i feel like it's my responsibility to use that to give back to them and make sure they're represented in a way. >> stephen: i'm unwarmed by your story. that's my disability, okay. all right? i don't hear things i don't like. so ft. bragg, largest military base in the world is in your district. you're a democrat. how are you going to run to the right of a republican on defense. >> why would i need to run to the right. >> stephen: because the right owns defense, my friend. >> i think what the right doesn't own is veteran he's affairs, the veteran's unemployment rate is 11%, four points higher than the rest of the civilian population there are a lot of really in credible proposals on the table that aren't getting anywhere because people are more interested in shutting down

the government, sequestration, doing things to make sure the other side doesn't get a win. there are people who are hurting now and nothing is getting done in congress because nobody wants to work together. that frustrates me. i'm sure it frustrates you even though you don't want to admit it it frustrates a lot of folks in this country. >> stephen: i will happily admit that partisan political bickering is how i make my living. (laughter) >> it's exactly how people in d.c. make their living too. >> stephen: all right. now it's going to be-- (applause) clay, i can call you clay. >> please do. >> stephen: is there going to be any singing on this tour of yours. >> put the asses in the seat. >> i'm on sabbatical. >> stephen: not even the national anthem. >> i might sing it here or there is but i'm going leave it to you. >> stephen: oh say -- >> i fell like that was-- i have had a great 11 years singing. and this is the new chapter for me. i think it's more important than singing and so i have put that on the back burner for sure. >> stephen: headline, clay aiken refuses to sing national anthem. (laughter)

clay, thank you so much. clay aiken. north carolina's second district. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: vote for him if you must. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] the wright brothers started in a garage. mattel started in a garage. disney started in a garage. amazon started in a garage. ♪ the ramones started in a garage. my point? some of the most innovative things in the world come out of american garages. introducing the lighter, faster cadillac cts.

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(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. very nice. nation, we all know america's flushing its values down the crapper. i mean does no one read the toilet paper only sign? but even i wasn't prepared for the latest altitude drop on america's more all free-for-all. in massachusetts a lesbian trio claims to be married, called themselves the world's first throuple. (laughter) excuse me, i just throupled a little bit in my mouth. (laughter) this is a massive affront to traditional marriage. it's adam and eve, not madam and eve and sheila. (laughter) worse it's an affront to traditional threesomes which are a wedge that drives straight couples apart after

what was supposed to be a fun birthday present inevitably leads to crying whenever someone hears the name stacey. (laughter) now you may ask yourself, and i would not blame you, you might be saying to yourself why am i reporting on this? well, greg, because throuplehood is clearly an epidemic spreading from massachusetts to several articles about this happening in massachusetts. (laughter) one point makes a line. and it's all the fault of gay marriage. i agree with fox news contributor and definitely not a lesbian todd starnes who recently facebooked when you redefine marriage, it's anything goes. and the washington times editorial board who editorialed this was foretold when the supreme court eviscerated authentic marriage last year. yes, three lesbians together was foretold by the supreme court. and the entire porn industry. (laughter)

and for the record, the warnings did not start just last year. antonin scalia was thinking about three lesbians way back in 2003 when he dissented in lawrence v texas which struck down texases anti-sodomy law saying the ruling, quote, called into question state laws against big amy, same-solicitor-general marriage, adult incest, prostitution, adultery, forn case, bestiality and obscenity. yes, it is a slippery slope. sodomy leads to gay marriage which leads to throupling which inevitably leads to three--- threestallity, fivenication and whatever word they come up with for one dude and ten snakes in a box. i'm going to say hisy fit? we'll be righ♪ ♪ck

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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight has won five tonys. just one more and that will be six. please welcome audra mcdonald. (applause) audra, thank you so much for coming back. good to see you. >> thank you. >> stephen: i love it when you're on the show. >> i have a good time on your show. >> stephen: i'm really excited about the any show, lady day at emmerson's bar and grill, you play billiest holiday.

>> billie holiday was one of the most iconic jazz singers of the last century, basically. and the show takes place in march of 1959, about four months before she died. and she was a bit, she was drug addicted and she was an alcoholic but she was also an amazing singer. and so the show takes place as a concert that she's trying to give right before the end of her life. and she tells stories and tries to get to the concert and doesn't quite make it at the end. >> stephen: here's my problem with this, okay. is that i have seen you do a couple of thesing songs and you're tremendous. but my fear is that you're going to draw young people into the jazz lifestyle with this show. (laughter) >> that would be a wonderful thing. >> stephen: no, no, because jazz, i don't-- i don't go to jazzing. but jazz leads to jazz cigarettes. and then swinging of hips and boogying wouldie and you know. you're corrupting the youth of america. >> actually i think what

we're doing with our show is not only, you know, for people who didn't know billie holiday and loved her music, they are getting a chance to reexperience her and her music and her legacy but also for young people that are coming, they're getting a little bit of a history lesson about the might of african-americans in the first half of this last century. >> stephen: is there anything that you and billie holiday have in common. because she was a tortured individual. >> yes. >> stephen: you seem pretty healthy. >> yeah, i don't think i was astor tured as billie. i, you know, i understand what it's like to be a singer and be nervous about performing and all that but i don't necessarily go to drugs to calm me down. i go to reeses peanut butter cups is my thing. >> stephen: it's a slower killer. (laughter) >> stephen: but it will get threw. >> yes, yes. >> stephen: it will do the job. why do we, why do we revere these singers? here is another problem i've got with the music industry. we keep on revering singers who have these demons, who die young. what is it about them so

that draws us in? it's the story becomes so attractived to us. >> of course it does. but i think you know because as a singer someone like billie holiday, you know, also someone like amy winehouse or whitney houston who have had issues like this. they were all such individual talents. and so deeply connected with who they were as people. and that is what their music brought forth. and so people i think can connect to that on a real sort of, you know, spiritual and human level. and so it's just a connection that happens. and so they, like to say that they are raw in a way, that they don't have nerve endings. they are just sort of completely raw and are experiencing everything at a much deeper level than we are so that i guess we don't have to. >> stephen: okay. >> does that bother you. >> stephen: why can't we have a musical about amy grant or anne murray or somebody -- >> look, i'm not saying that we shouldn't have a musical about them as well. >> stephen: okay. >> maybe there could be a fancy musical amygrant, ann

murray and billie holiday. >> stephen: and they are a throuple. (laughter) well-- will you please-- are you prepared to do some jazz. >> i can throw a little jazz, billie can throw a little jazz your way. >> stephen: now you have a powerful operatic voice. she has a voice that is made frail through time and abuse. how do you make that adjustment? >> it's been really difficult. i've been studying her voice for about a year and a half now trying to figure out how to bring my voice-- because her voice is smaller and didn't have a large range. so it's been-- i've been listening to her night after night and studying her. and-- . >> stephen: pound approximating the knee put butter cups. >> pounding them hard. i sound a little bit like a cat during the day trying to imitate her. and i talk to people like her, you know, i can talk a little bit like her if i wanted to. >> stephen: sure.

>> mother abbott would say to you god bless you my child and billie holiday meaning the same thing would say like -- the best mother i ever met. >> stephen: i take that as a compliment. we'll be right back with a performance by audra mcdonald. (applause) bacardi family. the fire of 1880 couldn't stop us. nor did prohibition in the 1920's. or exile from our home country in the 60's. the bacardi family didn't just survive, we thrived. because true passion can't be tamed.

come on. framily is not a word. is the f from family or is it from friends? or did they just add an r? forget about that. it's not a word! you're my frather, i'm your fron, this is our framily. you can't just mush words together like that. uh gu gu. [ speaking french ] oh, guilty as charged. he does love brunch. daddy does love brunch. [ male announcer ] join a sprint framily for as low as $25 a month. and for a limited time, get a switching bonus worth up to $650. happy connecting from sprint. chocolate and marshmallow meet... [ grunting ] ...inside a graham crackery shell.

new krave s'mores. chocolate marshmallow. yum yum! which will cause me to miss the end of the game. the x1 entertainment operating system lets your watch live tv anywhere. can i watch it in butterfly valley?

sure. can i watch it in glimmering lake? yep. here, too. what about the dark castle? you call that defense?! come on! [ female announcer ] watch live tv anywhere. the x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. >> stephen: from her new broadway show lady day and emarison bar and grill, ladies and gentlemen, audra

mcdonald. ♪ ♪ what little moonlight can do ♪ ♪ what little moonlight can do to you ♪ ♪ you're in love ♪ your heart is fluttering all day long ♪ ♪ just when ♪ i love you ♪ what a little moonlight can do ♪ ♪ well while the little moon beam come through ♪ ♪ you get ♪ you can't resist him

♪ and you stair ♪ you have kissed him ♪ what a little moonlight can do ♪ ♪ oooh, what little moonlight can do ♪ ♪ oooooh, what a little moonlight can do to you ♪ ♪ you're in love ♪ your hearts a fluttering all day long ♪ ♪ just with the way ♪ i love you ♪ oooh ♪ what little moonlight can do ♪ ♪ ooo ♪ red wine ♪ a little moon beam ♪ comes seeping through ♪ you can't resist him ♪ and you stair ♪ you kiss him

♪ ooohooohhhooohh ♪ what a little moonlight ♪ can do ♪ right now ♪ (cheers and applause) sses audra mcdonald, good night, everybody.