>> jon: that is our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> these are old systems that in many cases date 20 and 30 years ago, before the internet. i was captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight a huge shakeup in the rebound party. you'll never guess which middle aged white man replaced the other middle aged white man and you now have the right to remain

silent and party and rob rhinehart wants to replace all meals with a nutrient rich shake with soylent. he's people. police in arizona arrested a man trying to shoot the moon with a handgun. what an idiot. have you to wait until it's full. this is the "colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> welcome to report, everybody. whoo, whoo! good to have you with us.

[cheering] >> stephen: it was all over the place. thank you, so much. folks, we have -- have to settle down. i'm sorry. we have to do this. i'm sorry. i understand the feeling but there is no time for your celebration. because tonight i'm reporting on a surprise balloon drop! whoo! whoo! whoo! [ patriotic music ] >> stephen: now are probably thinking, stephen, why are you celebrating at the top of your show. well, greg, for months now you've been fed a vicious lie that the tea party is dead but it turns out -- >> it's alive, it's alive!

it's alive! >> stephen: it's alive! it's alive! jim. >> a tea-party take down. house majority leader eric cantor sent out of office sending shock waves through washington and the country. >> the stunning election no one saw coming. >> stephen: no one saw coming least of all eric cantor who helped create the tea party by stitching together dead ideas and then filling them with rage giving it a jolt of power and letting it loose on the countryside terrified of fire and science. i mean, who -- who -- [cheers and applause] >> stephen: who could ever imagine it would come back to kill its creator. who know who it will devour next. daddy loves you, tea party. oh, god, we have to keep it happy. we must find it a bride.

yes! yes! so life like. now, i want you to know, tea party, that the candidate you chose is someone i backed since day one if you started counting today. >> cantor, seven terms that's incumbent lost to virginia primary the economics professor, david brat. >> the sitting house majority leader losing in the primary to his own party to a heretofore obscure college professor dave brat who a man's wikipedia page was two lines. >> not any more. here we go. >> stephen: edit that page a little bit. brat has enjoyed the long-time support and friendship of stephen colbert who was the best

man at his wedding and who future president brat, plans to appoint as ambassador to bikinitown and wicki true. all right. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: of course i don't have to tell you good people that brat is an economics professor at randolph macon college. go fighting hyphens. and he is a great teacher. reviewers on rate my professor dot-com have noted he's title eye candy. he's so charming you forget to be mad at him and at least he's hot. yes, he is. i wouldn't kick him out of bed for kick mexicans out of the country. now in a strange twist, brat's democratic opponent will be jack trammell. another professor at randolph macon. don't know about the college but

other professors seem to be looking for other jobs. my only problem with the professor is he won without economics. >> he spent 50 times more than brat and while brat spent barrel $100,000. >> we're watching steak houses alone than his opponent dave brat spent on his opponent's campaign. >> he got dethroned while eating a rib-eye. he got electorally whipped while eating new york strip he was way late eating fillet. hit in the groin with a te tenderloin. poor house, porterhouse.

london broil. steak au poivre. dry rub. no, no, no. now here's may beef with cantor -- no! nation, here's the deal. as a former super pac, super player who raised cash for let's say political stuff, i'm personally offended the man with less money won. if violates the golden rule of politics. he who has the gold -- that's the end of the rule but the evangelical dave brat got one important endorsement. >> the reason we won the campaign and there's one reason because dollars do not vote, you do. the miracle that just happened, this is a miracle from god that just happened.

>> stephen: yes, brat's victory was a miracle from god. hear that only jewish republican in congress? oh, oh, so close. you were just one jesus short. of course, now that cantor is out we're going to need someone to appeal to the jewish community. looking at you, louie gohmberg or should i say you, louis gohmberg. let's circumcise the head and cantor's loss wasn't just unexpected or unprecedented it was unexpressed. >> he was the first to lose the job. >> eric cantor was widely considered to be the next speaker of the house. >> stephen: but now cantor rides in the sunset while john boehner remains the sunset. and cantor's downfall.

folks, eric cantor's downfall, like everything else wrong in america was the immigrants fault. >> immigration was a central issue in virginia's republican primary. he was accused of rushing towards a reform program his opponent labelled amnesty. >> it is time to provide an opportunity for legal residents and citizenship for those who have brought to his country as children one of the great founding principles of our country was that children would not be punished for the mistakes of their parents. >> stephen: boo! no compassion for mexi-children. folks, i believe it's only fitting his man was defeated on taco tuesday. so let this be a lesson. let this -- let this be a lesson republicans. you stay away from helping lose

illegals because not only can the tea party smell fear they can smell cilantro. we'll be right back. well, we're peanut butter and chocolate. we're perfect together. he says when something's good, why change it? what if you were to try something different? [ chocolate laughs ] [ male announcer ] it's a whole new way to love peanut butter & chocolate. smooth and crunchy butterfinger peanut butter cups.

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no, nobody says that. build your own chicken wraps, all you can eat pancakes, everyday value slam, baja quesadilla burger! it's four meals for four bucks! boom! case closed, my friend. [ding] hey, welcome to denny's. oh, hi there bill. hey! are you in town for another meeting? yup, i brought my a-team. make the most of the weekend before it's gone. this is my family. this is joe. hi joe! hi there! be a weekender and book your stay at hampton. feel the hamptonality.

>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, if i know my nation i don't have to remind anybody america's the greatest nation on earth. it's got the greatest people on earth. there's me, you, the list goes on. we both have the greatest worse people on earth because america puts more citizens in prison than any other nation. we're number one we this bullet and number one with an ounce in your pocket and confining so many americans comes at a material price which it turns out is money. the annual cost of incarceration

was $29,000 and in new york city it's $168,000 though a broker will tell you that's good for a 6 by 10 studio with in-toilet. fortunately there's way to shift the cost and it brings us to tonight's word. debt or prison? folks, our justice system has found so many ways to cut corners. for instance, eliminating nonessentials. for example, governors in utah, idaho, texas, indiana and arizona have refuse refused fed funding for the prison rates elimination act. reminds me of a joke, pro prisoners are in the shower and one dropped soap and one says

what's about to happen is fiscally irresponsible to prevent and the savings don't stop at sexual assault but there's cheap labor. the federal government depends on them to buff hallways usually for a dollar a day or less. some are even paid with just candy bars i know, that sounds bad but their next payday could be a hundre hundred grand. it's win-win. they come to our country to steal our jobs so we arrest them and force them to do our jobs. it cannot be enough to save money. prisons need to turn a profit and believe it or not, we're well on the way as reported by another criminal enterprise financed by taxpayers, m.p.r.

after a year-long investigation, nipper has found that across the country defendants can be build for their probation and supervision for the electronic monitoring devices they're ordered to wear and charged room and board for prison and the best part is the fees are self-sustaining investments. >> 25% of the people in the county jail are not there for mif misdemeanor offenses. >> >> stephen: if the defendant cant pay the fee they'll go to fail to add up more fees thus increasing their debt which gives them longer prison sentences. you know what they say, don't do the crime if you can't do the time or if you don't have a dime which is a crime resulting in more time.

and they're resulting in serious sentences for the poor. a judge in georgia recently sent a man to jail for his court fees and he terrorizes the community by stealing a can of beer worth less than two dollars. if he wanted to stay out of jail he should have stuck to petty crime. this is great stuff. we're missing out on all kinds of other charge opportunities. for instance, what about women's prison. they should include an entertainment fee because they're watching a live presentation of orange is the new black. and death row inmates. death row inmates always request last meals but why should they be allowed to skip out on the check. and if criminals think getting tased stings, wait until they

get the electricity bill. now, some may say that jail and people makes poverty a crime. if that's true maybe we should cut out the middle man and put all poor people in jail. of course, this will require new prison facilities which we can build using people who can't pay their prison fees. not as workers, as the bricks. i say we just stack them up in a cube and leave an opening to cram more in and lock up and throw away whichever prisoner is the key because it's the only way to cover the rising cost of prison because for some reason no matter how many poor people we throw in jail it keeps getting overcrowded. and that's the word. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪

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just an aptay away on the geico appay. longhorn knows why the best gparts they get eaten. last. introducing longhorn's grilled tastes of summer. summer flavors, grilled up and served fresh. like our juicy, new hawaiian ribeye and grilled asparagus.

or the rich, savory lobster chops and chargrilled corn on the cob. if it's in season, it's on your plate. tonight. the grilled tastes of summer at longhorn steakhouse. you can't fake steak. now try new lunch burger combos. like our longhorn cheeseburger with soup or salad, starting at $7.99. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight has invented a drink he says replaces the need for food. we already have that. it's called beer. please welcome, rob rhinehart. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thanks for coming on. you're the culinary man of the hour. you're a 25-year-old ceo of soylent that manufactures food products designed to be nutritionally complete. the latest reports you have $10,000 in new orders coming in

every day. let's look at the stuff. here's a pouch. it's called soylent and it's a powder, right? >> yes. >> stephen: and it's an oil blend that goes with it. >> the body needs it as well. >> stephen: why just not eat foods? americans are not lacking in food. >> americans are not lacking in calories or balance and americans demand convenience. the food is convenient, nutritious and fits the criteria people desire. >> stephen: you made it up for us. there it is. what was the inspiration for this? did you see someone in a coma with a feeding tube and you thought i'll have what he's having? >> i found myself frustrated. >> stephen: what were you doing? >> working for a tech company but working hard and enjoyed my work and working on complex

products in wireless communication and food was a huge burden. going to the grocery store and cooking and cleaning over and over and i thought why can't we optimize it and deconstructed food and got down to the core and balanced it ahead of time based on modern information of nutritio nutritional biochemistry. >> stephen: you'll make an excellent server. is this a supplement for a meal? >> the food. anything to be healthy. you can live ton entirely if you so desired. >> stephen: how long have you been living on this? >> it's been about 90% of my diet for the last year and a half. >> stephen: for the last year

and a half you've been living off a primarily liquid diet. when's the last time you form a stool? >> it's completely normal. as far as the body's concerned it has a full nutritional diet. >> stephen: cheers. i'm getting notes of -- a little vanilla tasting. is there flavor? >> minimal flavor. it's designed to be very nonspecific. >> stephen: you had me at nonspecific. yes, okay. so -- >> okay. have i ruined it or made it

better? >> if you like chocolate i think you made it better. it's a staple like flour. i expect it to be a component of all different foods stuffs. >> stephen: it's used by coders. people who don't want to leave their terminal while they're coding. >> we're for all sorts of people. people can fit it in their lifestyle however they see fit. if you want to spend for the time coding you can use it and i think it's great people can spend more time doing other things. >> stephen: food is pleasure like melted cheese, my friend. this is america. melted cheese. >> i don't expect anyone to give up cheap dip. you won't live very long on cheese dip. >> stephen: but you'll live american style. how many a day? >> this is about 2,000 calories. >> stephen: how much is it costing me? >> nine dollars including

shipping. >> stephen: living on nine dollars a day. >> cheaper than fast food. i'm not asking to give up nuggets. it's not very healthy. it's still expensive. not very balanced. the environmental burden of animal products is massive. just the sheer scale of animal protein. >> stephen: what's wrong with that? so you're trying to get me off meat. is this self-veganism? >> caught me, dude. >> i don't want to start wearing the shoes with toes in them and get white boy dreads. that's not going happen. use a crystal rock as deodorant. >> people are getting concerned about environment and conservation is as much as development.

>> stephen: teddy roosevelt also said i'm going to go kill and eat a moose. mr. reinhardt, thank you very much. the product is soylent. it's delicious. we'll be right back. will new twizzlers mixed berry bites ever end their rivalry with new jolly rancher filled gummy bites? not today. bites. little greatness.

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comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ happy birthday, dear grampa