>> jon: that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> i'm confident that he will be justified.

>> i'm confident that all those things you predict are going to come true and a lot of people that have been laying out the case against this are going to be veryored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, a new secret weapon to defeat. she can't run for president if she's binge watching "orange is the new black." then a longtime g.o.p. senator is in trouble. the raccoon on rand paul's head woke up, and it is not happy. and my guest katty kay and claire shipman believe women's brains work differently. i don't understand what that means and it makes me angry. police in fresno, california, busted a meth lab in a retirement community. they got suspicious when no one there had any teeth. this is "the colbert report."

captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting "stephen"] steep welcome to "the report," everybody. good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] welcome to "the report," everybody. nation, folks, i have gone... i have got some enormous news tonight, huge news, breaking today. it has been nearly two years since the tragic attack on our consulate in bank of benghazi. ever since there has been only one question. >> what is this, almost two years after benghazi, no one has been captured, no one has killed. >> none of the attack verse been

arrested. >> the people who committed this crime in benghazi have never been arrested. >> why hasn't anyone been arrested? >> yes, we must wring those responsible from benghazi to justice. and sadly, hillary clinton remains at large. [laughter] oh, wait, and yesterday this happened. >> u.s. special forces moved in and captured the so-called mastermind of the attack in benghazi. >> the u.s. was able to capture ahmed abu khattalah, the leader of an islamist terrorist group in libya. >> stephen: yes, we got our man. justice has been served. u-s-a! u-s-a! u-s-a is what they want us to think. but it's going to take more than what we demanded to satisfy us. >> why did it take so long to bring this guy in? >> what took so long? >> for those keeping track, it's been 642 days. >> it took 642 days after the attacks to land one suspect. >> this guy has been drinking

strawberry frappes and lattes for 642 days. what's up? >> stephen: what's up? why did it take so long? khattalah was interviewed by "the new york times" sipping a strawberry frappe on a patio. they could have just looked for the terrorist with the frosty pink mustache. [laughter] president bush did not wait 642 days to catch bin laden. if he couldn't catch him right away, he wasn't going to catch him at all. that's called having some pride. folks, we will have more on this story as soon as i can figure out why it's bad. but in the meantime, there are people out there who will continue to tell you that hillary clinton's ambitions are not tied to the scandal in benghazi, but here's a coincidence: i'm about to talk about her. [laughter] hillary clinton, is she running for president? well, don't ask her. >> i haven't made up my mind. i'm going to decide when it feels right for me to decide. i have to say, i don't know. >> stephen: she doesn't know.

all she knows is she's doing town halls on her nationwide book tour with a giant bus that says, "ready for hillary." it could mean anything. [laughter] but if hillary clinton does run, she's going to be tough to beat. she has name recognition. she has experience and two x chromosome, and that's really going to help in those parts of the country that have women. folks, i am not worried because the g.o.p. has a new weapon to take her down. >> hillary clinton's precampaign book tour arrived in d.c. and the republican national committee welcomed her with ridicule in the form of a giant squirrel asking clinton supporters, "another clinton white house: are you nuts?" >> stephen: that's right. a giant squirrel. because sure, clinton's gone toe-to-toe with some of the toughest men on the planet, but has she ever taken on man-sides rodent? i think nut. and the squirrel here has been

going after hillary with tweet zingers like, "hillary clinton is squirrely if she thinks the taliban aren't a threat to us" and "hillary clinton is trying to hide her record on benghazi the way i hide acorns." wow. those are some stinging nut puns. i can't wait for more. cashew believe she's running? hillary pe-can't be our next president. we need a border wal-nut. remember, she murdered vince foster. pistachio. nation, this is the best use of mascot in politics since stephen douglas dressed up as banana and said lincoln was unappealing. and this brand-new idea to attack hillary clinton will definitely work because it is actually a brand-old idea to itack obama that did not work. you see, back in 2008, to showcase obama's involvement

with acorn, the squirrel made appearances waving behind chris matthews on msnbc and dancing at democratic press conferences in ohio before being kicked out by the police. everyone was shocked, especially his friend, the chipmunk. and yet six years later, there are still a few details about the squirrel they have not worked out. for example, the name of the squirrel is still tbd. folks, i have no doubt in my mind that republicans will come up with something really funny like they did with reince preibus. [laughter] now, this squirrel has been following clinton for a week, and a spokesman for the rnc promises that we're going to do it for as long as it works. and i cannot wait for whenever that starts. because yesterday the squirrel was the victim of a sneak

attack. >> hello, mr. squirrel. how are you? i know you've been following me around. while you're in between your gig, i wanted you to get a copy of my book. you bring a smile to a lot of people's faces. thank you, mr. squirrel. [applause] >> stephen: she made friends with him. he was so rattled that he later tweeted, "thank you, hillary clinton. i love fiction." come on, squirrel. yeah, that's a dig at hillary, but there's not one nut pun in there. what about, "thanks, hillary, but if i wanted to read a lot of books, i would have entered macadamia." obviously, obviously hillary's just too tough to be taken down by one recycled mascot.

it's going to take at least two recycled mascot. so tonight in support of the rnc, i am re-purposing the colbert report's old mascot, mcgnaw the gluten-free beaver. come on in, mcgnaw. >> hi. hi, everybody! [cheering and applause] >> stephen: mcgnaw, mcgnaw, thank you so much for coming back, wasdy. >> my pleasure, stephen. this beaver is eager to do it. yay! [cheering and applause] >> stephen: now previously you've educated kids about the dangers of gluten and celiac disease. >> yep, kids, listen to your friend mcgnaw, don't eat bread, eat wood instead. >> stephen: kids, to be clear, in this example, wood is a metaphor for fruits and vegetables. >> or wood.

>> stephen: let's move on. mcgnaw, are you prepared to join mr. squirrel and take on hillary clinton? >> you bet. i've got some questions about her decision to vote for the war in iraq. >> stephen: like? >> like why did she vote for it. >> stephen: okay. but you might want to pepper that with some beaver puns. >> like what? >> stephen: like if she had to do it over, "wood" she "chews" to do it again? huh? [applause] >> i don't know, stephen. that doesn't seem appropriate for the gravity of this subject. i was reading an article in "pro-publica," and i'm troubled by the fact that hillary clinton didn't even read the national intelligence estimate before voting to commit troops to an open-ended conflict in the middle east. >> stephen: "dam." that's a scary "tail," beaver.

>> why am i here, because i'm a beaver you had on staff or do you really want some answer centers. >> stephen: i don't understand why you won't do any beaver puns. >> the puns are for kids. you're asking me to ask questions to an adult woman who can ascend to the highest office in the land. i think puns are a little beneath my dignity as a journalist, and they should be beneath your dignity, too. [audience reacts] >> stephen: no, no, no. he's right. i'm sorry, mcgnaw. i just didn't know it was that important to you. >> well, i'm not just a one-trick beaver. i'm trying to branch out. [cheering and applause] >> stephen: like a tree branch? >> all right, [bleeped] you, man, [bleeped] you.

[cheering and applause] >> stephen: mcgnaw, the gluten-free beaver, everybody. we'll be right back. mcgnaw, i'm sorry. i'm sorry. ♪ ♪fame, makes a man take things over♪ ♪fame, lets him loose, hard to swallow♪ ♪fame, puts you there where things are hollow♪ the evolution of luxury continues. the next generation 2015 escalade. ♪fame ♪ moon river ♪ wider than a mile ♪ i'm crossing you in style...

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out to be the second greatest military mind of his era. clearly everyone who thought the tea party was dead in the water forgot how important water is in the tea-making process. that's just science. the only science they accept, by the way. and now yet another republican incumbent could be tea partied in mississippi. talk radio host chris mcdaniel is in a republican primary run-off against incumbent senator and sitcom grandpa thad cochran. mcdaniel has an eight-point lead over cochran because he's reinforced narrative that the six-term senator cochran is out of touch with mississippi. but senator cochran recently gave a speechwhat apparently was a "matlock" convention. [laughter] where he proved his mississippi down-home roots. >> my father's family was here. my mother's family was from rural hinds county near utica. it was fun.

it was an adventure. to be out there in the country and to see what goes on, picking up pecans from that to all kinds of indecent things with animals. [laughter] >> stephen: yes. indecent things with animals. now there's man of the people. and when people are not available, anything warm. folks, this is how you win an election by implying that you banged a cow. cochran's message is: i'm not one of those big-city types who does decent things with animals. personally i want to thank cochran. i'm from south carolina, which isn't that far from mississippi, just a few hundred miles as the sheep flees. and all my life, i have dealt with hateful stereotypes about southerners. but now senator cochran has

stepped up and shown the world a positive image of southerners. we're intelligent, caring people who also [bleeped] animals. i mean, why, think about it, why do you think... why do you think we eat so much barbecue? we're getting rid of the witnesses. [laughter] this is game changer, folks. if mcdaniel wants to have any chance in the primary, he needs to knock out a few teeth, put on straw hat and one-strap overall and show up to his next stump speech with one hand holding a jug of moonshine and the other one holding his sister's titty. otherwise i'm afraid, i'm afraid it will be senator cochran having the victory party at campaign headquarters, and, of course, the victory after-party at the petting zoo. by the way, republican squirrel, stay the hell out of mississippi. we'll be right back.

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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guests tonight have a new book about improving women's confidence. step one: write a book that gets you on my show. please welcome katty kay and claire shipman. [cheering and applause] katty, good to see you again. claire, thanks for coming on.

all right. thank you so much for being here. >> thanks for having us. >> stephen: i'm late outnumbered. >> that's the way we like it. >> stephen: let's get this done. katty, you've been on the show before. claire, you're a longtime correspondent for abc news and "good morning america." katty, you're an anchor for bbc world news america. you've written a new book called "the confidence code: the science and art of self-assurance - what women should know". why do women need a book to teach them to be confident? isn't needing a book needy? >> it is. >> stephen: shouldn't they have the confidence? i want to sell some books, don't get me young, we're going to sell some books, but doesn't the faj of buying the a book seem like you're not confident enough do it we yourself? >> absolutely. women at work don't feel as confident as men do often. it has a long-term effect on our

careers. for example, women tend to apply for promotions or jobs when we feel we have 100% of the qualifications. men, this may surprise you, will do it when they feel they have 06% for the qualifications. you can imagine what that means over the course of a career. >> stephen: we wing it. >> you wing it. >> >> stephen: men wing it. why don't women have the confidence they need? why don't they just grow a pair. that's my book. "growing a pair: wood homeothe colbert way." >> it works for you, but it doesn't seem to work for most women. men routinely overestimate their abilities by some 30%. women tend to underestimate their abilities. what we're trying do with this book is get women's perception of their talent in line with their real talent. women have plenty of talent. we just think that we don't. >> stephen: were you always confident? for instance, why did it take two of do you write the book? did you not have the confidence

to write it by yourselves? >> yes, that's right. we have to team up. >> stephen: i understand. it's like going to the bathroom together. >> how did he know about that? >> it's partly genetic. claire and i for the book had our genes tested. >> stephen: what did you find out? >> we are not at all confident, genetically. >> stephen: what is the gene that says that you're not confident? >> this might get complicated. stick with us. there are a number of diswhreens contribute to confidence. there needs one confidence gene. they affect things, the neurotransmitters in our brain like seratonin, dopamine, oxy toe sin. >> stephen: testosterone. you guys should try some androgel. >> rub it all over. yes, testosterone is a huge confidence boost. unfortunately, you may know this, women don't have as much of that as men, but testosterone encourages risk taking, not always great risk taking,

economies can collapse with a little too much testosterone. >> stephen: but it's a fun ride on the way. >> i think if women could take more action, take more risks, be prepared to fail, not be so perfect all the time, we're obsessed with being perfect, that can hold us back from being confident. i think... >> stephen: is that just hubris that you think you're obsessed with being perfect? >> well, we are perfect. >> stephen: all right. all right. does everyone start out with the same amount of confidence and then it's whittled away in, you know, in a process that scientists call middle school? is there... is it nature or it is nurture? >> some of it is nature, some 25% is what we're born with, that's our d.n.a. and some of it is what happens to us in school, and actually, it's girls are doing great in school. we're getting straight as.

we're coloring in the lines and keeping our heads down and doing super well. then we leave school and somehow the rules change. >> stephen: the book is called "the confidence code." you also wrote a cover article for "the atlantic" called "the confidence gap." which is it "the code" or "the gap" and does the confidence gap have anything do with the thigh gap? >> we're not going there. >> stephen: what do you mean by code? what is the code? >> what is the code? should we tell him? i don't know. are you ready? >> stephen: i'm ready. by the way, before we get to the code, there's a test you can take. you go online and take the test. and about your level of confidence. now, will this... i'm hesitant to take the test because i'm afraid... i think i'm man. i'm afraid i might find out that i'm just an extremely confident woman. >> if you haven't found that out already, stephens, then i'm not sure we can help you.

>> stephen: i have child-bearing hips. >> he's trying to get back to the thighs again. >> yes. >> stephen: for anyone out there who has daughters, what's the thing you can do to give them the greatest confidence? >> a couple things. do let them fail. let them risk. don't let them focus all the time on getting a perfect score on every test, turning in all of their homework on time. i now that sounds counterintuitive, but when they say, who cares, let them learn from that. let them go with that. sports. sports is also incredibly important for girls. >> stephen: really? >> really, really, really, not just for being healthy. >> it teaches us to win, but also to lose. that business of failing again. you lose a game and you realize you have to carry on playing. you can't let your team down. get back out on to the pitch. that's really important. >> stephen: how important it is to be a [bleeped] artist? because men are supreme bull [bleeped] artists. in today's "new york times" there was a study by the pew research center that says male

politicians more often lie in stump speeches, but the audience tends to believe them more because of the confidence with which they tell the statistics on the stump speech. here's an example. i just made that study up. [cheering and applause] thank you so much. katty kay, claire shipman, "the confidence code." we'll be right back. don't miss red lobster's new! lobster toppers event. four entrées, starting at just $15.99. like our new lobster-topped wood-grilled shrimp... or the new! lobster-topped lobster. and now for lunch, try our new lobster tacos, just $9.99.ends soon so hurry in. ♪ ♪fame, makes a man take things over♪ ♪fame, lets him loose, hard to swallow♪

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>> stephen: that's it for "the report," everybody. good night. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org from new york city, "comedy central presents"... [ cheers and applause ] wow. hi, you guys! what's going on?! oh, man, this is so cool. listen, if i was not given the wonderful gift of laughter, i would be a rock star. i'm serious. i went to a rock show recently, you guys, and this rock star was up there, and he's just like... [ grunting ] his pants were falling down.