stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) just hearing you chant like that just hearing you chrant chant like that is i got to say, your chanting, your adulation that just felt like a cork being tossed around in a typhoon of love. folks if you watch the news you know the conflicts continue to rage all around the world an tonight i'm sad to report yet another international-- another international dispute. >> justin bieber and orlando bloom in a heated argument. that is actor orlando bloom arguing with pop star justin bieber. overnight at a restaurant in ibiza spain. a club-goer telling that bloom had thrown a punch at bieber. >> stephen: early reports-- reports indicate that justin bieber had his

first hit in years. the roots of this conflict-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, the roots of this conflict are, of course, byzantine and ancient. in 2012 orlando bloom was married to australian model miranda kerr, collectively they were known as morlando blur. then in november of 2012 kerr who had long been suspectsed of being a radical belieber was seen with justin after a victoria secret fashion show. from the looks of this picture, she was either canooling with or baby-sitting him. from that moment from that moment justin bieber and miranda kir were known as mustin keebler. well, not long after the formation of the mustin keebler alliance, morlando blur broke up. god knows what they are called now, i'm not sure who dot got custody of the original name. of course at the time bieber had his own bilateral relationship with disney

hatchling selena gomez. their couple-- group el name was i believe jelusty gobbler. confirm that, judges, that is correct. then possibly in retaliation to bieber's alleged aggression into the disputed territory of miranda kerr's fertile crescent, in april of 2014 orlando bloom established close ties with selena gomez seen here, apparently, after his mom said he had to take her to see frozen again. their collective name, sorlena blom-- blomez, tensions were running high hen late last night in the no man's lan of ibiza justin bieber crossed into hostile territory by walking past bloom's table. bloom deployed defensive

measures when he refused to shake bieber's hand. traumatized witnesses report that bieber then launched a short range ballistic, she was good. so bloom threw a punch at him. now as a journalist it's my job to report on atrocities like this, but to be clear i do not condone this type of violence. because bloom missed bieber's face. a defiant bieber then released a statement, what's up, bitch, and fled the restaurant. (applause) nation, nation, i know you all join me in joining pope francis in his el consequent plea-- eloquent plea for peace in the foam pits of ibiza. >> that was uncool, justin.

in the words of ezekiel, bros before hoes. >> stephen: beautifully said. folks, i've always said there nothing more american than our corporation. it's right there in their slogan, american runs on dunkin', chevrolet, the heartbeat of america, sears where america shops. radio shack where america loudly asks where the hearing aid batterees are. (laughter) and i just hope that america's corporations cannot hear the attacks coming from the c.e.o. of socialism. >> there's small but growing group of big corporations that are fleeing the country to get out of paying taxes. well, hold on, they're not actually going anywhere, they're keeping most of their business here, they're technically renouncing their u.s. citizenship. they're declaring their base someplace else even though most of their operations are here. you know some people are calling these companies corporate deserters.

>> corporate deserters. so they like dessert. (laughter) he's not only attacking corporate profit, now he's fat shaming. folks, what this skinny bitch is talking about-- (cheers and applause) is a hot new business innovation known as inversion, where to escape america's brutal corporate tax rate companies renounce their u.s. citizenship by buying a foreign subsidiary company and then declaring that its u.s. operations are owned by its new foreign subsidiary, not the other way around. it's like me adopting an african child, then claiming myself as his dependent. (laughter) i love you, daddy. this strategy is called-- the strategy is called inversion because

afterwards the c.e.o. celebrates paying no taxes with keg stands. and folks, inversion is all the rage these days. for instance, america's chiquita corporation has decided to be own by fivest-- fyffes a much smaller fruit producer from well-known banana producer ireland. that's why bananas start out green. i believe, i believe they are leprechaun penises. and-- (laughter) >> stephen: that's what i believe. that's what i believe. (cheers and applause) and folks, corporations have a clear duty to invert. >> the management of the company has a fiduciary legal obligation to produce a profit. and they are obligated to do that. >> they owe it to their shareholders to get the greatest profit pbl possible.

there is nothing wrong with t inversions are legal, simp elevator as that. >> stephen: yes, and if something is legal, you should always do it. that's why i'm going to japan on my next vacation to hunt dolphins. i'm going to-- coming to get you, yes i am, i'm going to get you. (laughter) they love t they like it. give them a little head start. give them a head start. so, as the head of a corporation myself with the fiduciary responsibility to my shareholder, tonight i regretfully announce that the colbert report incorporated has purchased an alphorn repair shop in switzerland, for tax purposes this show will now be known as the colbert riiiicolaaaa. and no one but no one can tell me that that is unamerican. here to tell me that that is unamerican, is senior editor at large at "fortune" magazine, author of the

recent article positively unamerican tax dodges, allan sloan, allan, thank you so much for being here. good to see you. (applause) there it is, positively unamerican tax dodges, "fortune" magazine. okay, al, what is the big deal? this is just a corporation exercising its fiduciary responsibility to return the greatest profit for its investors. when did fortune become a socialist magazine. >> well, actually we're a capitalist magazine. >> stephen: got a funny way of showing it, al. >> well, more so than they are. because we actually worry about things like the long-term future of the united states, the long-term future of business, and the long-term future of corporate america. and if you go and talk to people, you will discover people are enraged by there. >> stephen: okay, you call this positively unamerican. why unamerican. these companies are still patriotic. because whether they're paying taxes or not in the united states, i'm sure they

will still use all their corporate money to help elect officials who approve of their behavior. (applause) >> so that's very touching. (laughter) >> but we have this idea, or i have this idea that to be american you should act like a citizen. you shouldn't just take stuff from the country, which these companies have done, then decide you don't want to pay for it, but by the way we're actually all going to stay here. we'll just pay a lot less than we used to, or maybe nothing, but we'll have all the benefits of being here. in the last presidential election, people talked about makers and takers. but i guess being a taker is okay, if you have 9 right set of lawyers and cannot pay tax in the united states. (applause) >> stephen: you recently testified before congress about this issue.

and you have said that congress can do something about these inversions. is that your way of saying that nothing can be done about these inversions? (cheers and applause) >> something can be done. the question is whether something will be done is another question. and part of the problem, i have to say, is that the republicans and democrats, many of whom are not actually bad people, were sort of talking to each other and suddenly president obama, i have to say, taking lies that we had and not paying any royalty, he turned it into a big political issue. so now you have to wonder if any republican can actually do this. >> stephen: oh, because obama got his obamaness on it. they got to hose that thing off and get it back to congress. well, allan, thank you so much for joining me. "fortune" magazine's senior editor at large, allan

sloan. we'll be right back, everybody. thank you.

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welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. nation, you know they say-- they say that we are living in a new golden age of television, from the cinematic production values of game of thrones to the power of portrayal on mad men to abc's gritty look inside white slavery rings on the bachelor. but the hottest trend is

nudity on reality tv. like discovery's naked and afraid. which perfectly describes the way i watch it on the show two strangers are forced to survive in the wilderness with no food, no water and no clothes. it simulates the very real experience of being lost in the woods, surrounded by voyeurs who refuse to help you. being naked pushes participants to truly open up about how naked they are. >> being naked on this challenge is not a problem. i'm comfortable in my own skin. >> my biggest concern is that i burn easy and i don't want my personal private parts to get fried and burned. >> sadly later in the same episode his personal private parts suffered a severe blurring. >> then there's vh1's dating naked which i also believe was the original title of girls. dating naked takes the traditional dating show format and asks the eternal

question s there anything that could get people to watch vh1? the answer boobies. >> this is a radical dating experience but it will allow to you date in the most honest way possible. >> i didn't even get to buy you a drink yet. >> i felt an insanity connection with him and i think he felt it too. >> stephen: she thinks so, she's not sure. if only there was some way a naked man could indicate he was interested in a woman. (applause) maybe run the old flag up the old pole there. but my favorite nude reality show of all is tlc's buying naked in which nudist goes house hunting with a fully clothed broker. >> we've been looking for houses in nudist communities. we have to find one. >> who is this fine lady here. >> this is alex. he will take very good care of you today. here is all the information about the property, guys.

>> thank you. >> oh, here-- he's a bit of a fixer-upper but he does provide a beautiful view out the back door. because naked tv is such a huge hit i believe it's only a matter of time until all tv is naked. personally i look forward to ice roads naked. naked cosmos and fox nude sunday. naked cosmos and fox nude sunday. we'll be right back. it takes place in anhaha, cleveland... i love it babe. i'm not your babe. you weren't saying that this morning, when you're like... mmmmm mmmm mmm alright we're done. break up with lingering food. (ding!) mmmmm mmmm for that just brushed clean feeling... ♪ eat, drink, chew orbit in the word important. there are no numbers next up is jennie, your word is sensational. jennie: can you use that in a sentence please? amy: jennie's jacket is sensational and her cool teacher is wondering where she got it.

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>> great. >> stephen: nice to see you. it's always nice. it's always really nice to have you here. >> i love being here well, james, you're an academy award nominated actor, director. poet, author, photographer, painter, conceptual artist. teacher. >> we're so much alike. >> yeah, yeah with. >> renaissance man. >> yeah. >> stephen: now you're currently a ph.d candidate, correct. >> yes. >> stephen: what are you going to do once you get your ph.d and are you dr. james franco. are you going to go back to general hospital? (laughter) >> i would be a doctor of english but-- but i till might go back to general hospital. >> stephen: you could diagnose people's diaries, correct their grammer. >> is there a form of -- >> i will teach but i'm already teaching it it won't really change, it actually won't change that much other than i could be tenured at

the university. but i teach at unc and ucla and call arts already so there's not much more teaching i can kind of manage. >> you know, buddy, do you have-- . >> stephen: what -- >> what dow teach. >> stephen: i teach the nation. (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: this is what worries me. do you have time, you know, for a family life, you know, you're a good looking guy, i'm told. i done know, i'm not into that seen but i'm told are you a good looking guy am you have to settle down, you are so busy, when are you going to have kids can, you know, life is short. >> i mean 40 is like the average age for people that i know to have kids. >> yeah. >> stephen: wow, okay. >> so i got four more years. >> stephen: by the way, speaking of relationships, where do you come down on this whole bieber orlando

bloom situation, where do you think? you know those guys. >> i'm team bloom, i got to say. >> now you have a new movie out, an adaptation of a mccarthy novel called "child of god ". >> yes,. >> stephen: tell the good people what the story is about, it's a cheerful little tale i would say that the tight sell ironic. it's about a man who is cast out of civilized society and goes and lives in the woods. in fact, deep down, there is a line in the book, he's a child of god much like you or me, perhaps. >> stephen: and what does he do, james. >> so he becomes a murderer and he's a necrophiliac. it's really an exploration of what it is to be human and need intimacy with another person so badly, and that if you are a person who

is incapable of doing that because of-- because are you so strange or you are an outsider. >> stephen: because are you so busy teaching and doing movies and books and that kind of thing, that you can't actually allow yourself to have a relationship and get married and have children, then perhaps, go on. >> it not a self-portrait of me. >> stephen: really? let's tack a look. we have a little clip right here,. >> i'm going to let you make this easy on yourself. you tell us where you put them bodies so we can give them a proper burial. and we'll put you back in the hospital, let you take your chances with the law. >> where's them bodies, ballard. >> i don't know nothing about no bodies. >> (cheers and applause) >> stephen: that is a fairly

dark tale. what inspired you to make this. can we relate to this guy k we relate to this guy. >> yes. >> stephen: the child of god as you an i perhaps. >> that is the point. not condone what he does in any way or to-- or to-- . >> but i think it is brave to say i'm going to take this on and i'm going to take the challenge this guy is doing some of the worst things possible, and make a watchable movie. make a movie where the audience is not repelled. >> stephen: are there forms of expression or things that you haven't had a chance to do that you would like to, macrame, experimental orth orthodonture. >> i have a very good life and get to do whatever i want. >> stephen: are you everywhere, sometimes are you places and you don't even know. let me show you my christmas card it is a to the we took of my family in venice,

thought it would be a nice christmas card. after we printed them, we realized this, zoom in, that's franco on an ad in the background. (applause) you're the franco that stole christmas. >> that's it. >> as if i had any say that my picture would go up in san marco. >> stephen: no exactly, you have to-- take some responsibility for what you do to the world. >> well, great seeing you again man. >> wait, no. >> stephen: we got to go. >> you are i enjoy t i enjoy it,. >> we'll see you on the new show. >> stephen: what? >> are you going to go democrat when you go to this new show. >> stephen: now here's the interesting thing, i don't know what the [bleep] you're talking about james franco, child of god. talking about james franco, child[ male announcer ] don't just visit miami.

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(cheers and applause) >> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody, good >> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody, good night. an air of sobriety fills the laboratory as the men of south park gather to find out which one of them fathered this boy. who is eric cartman's father? at the end of tonight's episode, you will know the answer. ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪