and from all of us here at gunderson's nuts, happy holidays! captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome to the report, everybody. thank you so much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen ♪ stephen! stephen! thank you so much. good to have you with us. folks ( cheers and applause )

thank you so much for being here. good to have you with us. ( cheers and applause ). folks, it is always-- thank you for that greeting. you know i need it. i need your energy. the heroes-- the heros are always up for making the world a for the place. thank you-- thank you for being here with us. that is, if you are still with us. ( cheers and applause ) i assume everyone west of the mississippi has been quarantined in the ebola afterscape. we will have full coverage of that crisis tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow. in the meantime, no one touch me. ( laughter ) but first, nation, as a newsman, i always keep tabs on the headlines out of china. i can't read them, but i get the gist-- looks like an ikea dresser went off a ski jump. it's probably the sports section. i don't know. and the latest news out of hong kong has me worried about its residents' safety...

in bed... ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) and everywhere else. >> massive protests filling the streets of hong kong. >> tens of thousands of these demonstrators have packed into the highways and streets, mostly in the city's central financial district. >> they clashed with police who reportedly pointed long- barreled guns and used tear gas for the first time in years. >> stephen: yes, protestors in hong kong are being attacked with tear gas. or as it's known in china, the sky. ( laughter ) the protests here, it's all. taems. you see, after china took control of hong kong from great britain in the late 90s, they promised "free elections for hong kong's chief executive in 2017. but now beijing says "candidates must be hand picked by a committee of pro-government tycoons." that is not right. americans know candidates must be picked by antigovernment

tycoons. ( cheers and applause ) thank you for your service, gentlemen. so thousands of hong kongolese have taken to the streets in a collective action the "new york times" calls, "a challenge to xi jinping's rule," the associated press describes as "an unprecedented show of civil disobedience," and the official state paper "china daily" downplayed in favor of the bigger news that 10,000 pigeons were given anal security checks leading up to celebrations for china's national day. that's right, 10,000 chinese pigeons were anally probed. ( laughter ) now, folks, i-- i am no-- ( cheers and applause ) i am not expert on the chinese zodiac, but i know whose year it's not. ( laughter ) well, nation, i stand with the people of hong kong! they're going to need all the support they can get, too, becprñ?ñ? what happened last time the

chinese people stood up to oppression. and if you do not remember, head over to the bodies exhibit. but i hope the chinese government is listening because, gentlemen, the world is watching, and you have a choice here: you can crush these protestors under your heel, or you can do the right thing and grant them the rights they were promised. think carefully, because whichever you choose, america will still do business with you. ( laughter ) i mean, hell, we'll do "transformers 5" just for you. there's not even any dialogue in this one! and bumblebee has some harsh words for japan's false claims to the senkaku islands. so do anything you want, as long as your factories keep pumping out these little babies out, okay. here we go. ( cheers and applause ) here to tell me what the leadership of china wants to do

is the author of "the people's republic of amnesia." please welcome, louisa lim. thai so much for being here. here's the book, "the people's republic of amnesia." now, louisa, what is hong kong? is it part of china? >> yes, it is part of china. and it was a british colony, but in 1997, it was returned to chinese rule under this arrangement that was called one country, two systems. and now we're seeing a very big strain in that arrangement. >> stephen: when democratly comes to another country, like to bomb into them. but what do you think is going to happen here? what do you think is going to happen? do you think the chinese are going to roll the tanks in on the hong kong-geans? >> at this point it's really difficult to say. we're seeing very mixed messages. the riot police were withdrawn, but there was an editorial in

the "people's daily" today, which is the party mouthpiece, which says if people do not withdraw from the streets, it said the assemblies were were illegal and if people did not withdraw the consequences would be unimaginable. >> stephen: perhaps they will do to the protesters what they did to the pigeons. >> what everybody has said is a rewind of what happened in 1989. i mean, what we're seeing in tons of the popular movement is that this is almost like tiananmen 2.0. >> stephen: is any of this information getting on to the >:1)÷dgl s5 is being very, very heavily sensorred bowz they do not want to have-- the chinese government is very scared of contagion effect. instagram was blocked? china because -- >> stephen: instagram was blocked. >> the pictures-- the images of tens of thousands of people peacefully protesting are such potent images and the chinese are worried about contagion effect.

>> stephen: i think instagram also has a filter that makes everything look like it was taken in tiananmen square in 1989. ( cheers and applause ) >> some chinese-- has also been very heavilyu! censored. all kinds of words have been band, words like "yellow ribbons" because the protesters are tying yellow ribbon as a symbol of democracy. and even words like "instagram" was blocked is blocked. >> stephen: the word instagram was blocked is blocked. isn't it possible it will swallow itself? do you think there is a spread that the chinese control, like the u.s. treasury? ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) get back to me on that one. thank you so much. louisa lim, "the people's republic of amnesia." we'll be right back. (door bell rings)

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himself. ( laughter ) you see, last thursday, i praised bill's plan to win the war on terror with an international army of 25,000 paid mercenaries, making it almost as large as the cast of "the expendables iii." ( laughter ) i loved papa bear's idea of war without political red tape so much, that i put forth my own equally-thought-out plan from the fourth grade. an army of expert double ninja super soldiers with laser nunchucks. it's a can't-fail strategy. i did not even include their allies-- the pirate boatercycle gang. but somehow, somehow, folks, bill o'reilly took bill o'ffense. >> people like stephen colbert mocking the plan. they don't know anything. but by being completely vacant, it doesn't stop these people from mocking ideas that might have some value, might solve some complex problems.

mr. colbert and others of his ilk have no bleepin' clue how to fight the jihad. >> stephen: that's outrageous! bill o'reilly has to do his own bleeping? come on, rupert mourdock. spring for the bleep machine! i've got one. watch: bill o'reilly is a (bleep) egomaniac. ( cheers and applause ) now, i'm sure-- i'm sure-- >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stiffen. stephen! >> i am positive-- i am absolutely positive that that was bleepped for broadcast, because i don't mean it. but more importantly, how can bill say me and others of my ilk don't have a clue how to fight jihad? bill, baby doll, you're of my ilk.

we're ilk mates. we're members of the same ilk lodge. i wasn't mocking your plan. i'm the only one who likes it upon everyone on your own show thinks you're insane. >> this is a terrible idea. it's a terrible idea not just as a practical matter but as a moral matter. >> with your idea you've gone from out of the box to off the wall. >> there's a lot of different reasons i oppose this. >> what about accountability? >> there is a highly trained skilled force that can go forth in many of these places. it's already trained by our special forces. >> it could turn into a frankenstein course you can't control with unintended consequences. >> >> stephen: a (en stein course force? s that he been reading my notebook. do not listen to those guys, bill, plenty of people love your plan. >> last week we asked you to vote in a bill o'reilly.com

poll. do you believe a mercenary force paid for by coalition nations is a good idea? 70% yes, 30% now. >> see, 70% in a nonscientific poll. that means bill's most loyal fans, voting as many times as they want, gave it an overwhelming c-minus. and tonight, ladies and gentlemen, i am putting up an even less-scientific poll on my website asking the nation whose plan is better, mine or bill's. and the results are in before i've even asked-- it's that unscientific. as you can see, they both got 100%. ( cheers and applause ) meanwhile-- meanwhile, 96 voted "this is a poll," in my "is this a poll?" poll. tough defeat for

rice cakes. at that point, i thought bill was done with me. turned out, he wasn't bleeping finished. >> in the world of the ideologue where colbert lives, solutions don't really matter. it's how you feel about things. so in your life, when you confront a person who criticizes you but has nothing constructive to say, run fast. >> stephen: even more great military advice. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) remember, remember, remember, mercenaries when you you confront opposition, run fast. i think bill's the one who trained the iraqi army. but i'm man enough to admit that bill is right. i am an idealogue, and that's why i'm not worthy of his mercenary army, because mercenaries don't have ideology. they just kill anyone you pay them to. in fact, if someone else pays them more, they'll kill you! that's just the free market.

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( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight spent 43 years in the navy. that's even longer than that guy from the village people. please welcome admiral mike mullen. ( cheers and applause ) admiral, thank you for being here. good to see you. honor to have you, sir. thank you so much for being here. now, you're retired u.s. navy admiral. you served as the 17th chairman of the joint chiefs of staff. that's a big job. now, obviously, i assume you're on board with bill o'reilly's 25,000-man mercenary army. do you think we should go with, 25,000 people from around the world who get taught english and are paid very well, or the u.s.

armed forces? which would you pick? and, please, don't let your years as the chairman of the joint chiefs influence you in this decision. think objectively about this for a second. mernor'easter army-u.s. armed forces. you had to pick, which would it be? >> it would be this one. >> stephen: okay, all right. bill is not going to like that. the man has a mercenary army. i wouldn't cross him. >> i know. >> stephen: so we're in syria now, and we're-- we officially don't have boots on the ground but we have advisers on the ground? >> actually, not in syria. we have advisers on the ground in iraq, about 1600 of them. >> stephen: how much of a difference is there between western iraq and syria at this point? there a border? >> i think it's just actually in name only. i mean, that part of the desert is wide open, and as far as isil right now, they control an awful lot of territory, both in iraq and syria. they've called it the beginning of the caliphate, if you will,

and their state that they've established, which i don't think has any substantial underpinning in terms of reality international or anything like, that but it's what they claim. >> stephen: they used to be the islamic state in iraq and syria. now they're just the islamic state? >> right. >> stephen: they're like cher. they're probably not fans of cher. ( laughter ) how long are we going to be doing this? >> well, my-- my view of that is in 2011 when egypt started to unfold and the revolution there, i said then and i still think in that part of the world, we're in a 30- to 40-year run here. >> stephen: 30 to 40 years? >> correct. >> stephen: so like the cold war. >> in terms of the revolution and the change and the uncertainty and the instability. and i think it's just cascaded from one country to another. >> stephen: do you think america's reputation in the world because of the military engagement we've had over the

last 13 years is damaged? >> i do. i do. i think in fact-- i don't know how many people i could ask that would get the correct answer to this question which is having bombed syria, how many muslim countries have we bombed? this is our seventh. >> stephen: yeah, yeah, one more and we get a free filaffal. here's one thing. let's talk about military-- let's talk. a real successful military mission that everybody should feel great about, and that's when we went and got bin laden. you were in the room when that thing was going down. and you had to be the one to call the head of the pakistani military. >> correct. >> stephen: to say that we got him. >> right. >> stephen: how was that? ( laughter ) did you say, "hi, it's mike. we found bin laden. guess where?" ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) of he chagrined?

>> no. >> stephen: were they shagrind at all? >> he was-- he was actually surprised. i mean, literally. now, this is in the human dimension. i know this doesn't make a lot of sense, but i knew him pretty well, and hifs reaction was surprise, one, that we'd found him, and, two, that he was where we found him, which was about a mile from their-- their version of west point. and he had the worst week of his life -- >> stephen: not as bad as bin laden's. >> no, i know. >> stephen: do you ever get tired of the middle east? do you ever want to just throw up your hands and go back to bed zoo no. >> stephen: no? >> what i would like to see is sort of an over-arching strategy and plan for the middle east country by country, and then even in the regional sense per se. and i think having that and having a view of that would then allow everybody to figure out how they could contribute if it's another country, or we

could contribute, even inside our own country. >> stephen: can i tell you why i think the american people might be tired of it? and want to go back to bed? and i'm speaking for myself, and, therefore, the american people. is because-- ( cheers and applause ) we're-- we're asked to be afraid of it. you get to think about it all the time or you did get to think about it all the time and say to yourself, you know what? that little corner of the desert looks like it could blow up real good, let's go over there. whereas, we're asked to be afraid of it, and we're reminded to be afraid of it, but we no longer have much of a voice in it because our congressional representatives won't vote or whether we're supposed to do anything about it. we're not asked to sacrifice that much for it. very few of us go fight. and we're also not told all that much about what's happening over there. so all we have is the fear, and none of the action. >> right. >> stephen: and so we eventually want to stop thinking about it. and that's why that 25,000-man

mercenary army starts to sound good. ( laughter ) so we also-- ( applause ) we also want to stop caring about what happens to our men and women who go over there because we don't want them to sacrifice for something that we don't think is right. and yet we don't have much voice in it anymore. ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> so you bring up a concern that i have with respect to a growing disconnect between the men and women who serve in this all-volunteer force, who are the best i've ever seen. they're less than 1% of the population. they come from fewer and fewer places in america. and the american people who didn't have to buy into these wars, as you said-- and i agree with that-- and certainly the vast, vast majority didn't have to fight in them, don't know who we are as a military. and in fact-- and i've said this many times, what i actually do worry about is that we become

some version of something like the french foreign legion, which is please go off and fight our dirty little wars and let us get on with our lives. and i think that's a disaster for america. we need to be connected to the american people and we need to do that through the system that's here, those that are elected, and i certainly agree that those who are elected ought to vote on what we do. and we ought to-- ( cheers and applause ) and if i can make-- and we ought to have a fulsome, raging debate about that in this country. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: admiral, thank you so much. admiral mike mullen. we'll be right back. thank you. ( cheers and applause )

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access.wgbh.org >> announcer: from comedy central's world view headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [ applause ] >> jon: welcome to the daily show. we have a very good show tonight. my guest -- oh, we love this lady. lena dunham is going to be joining us on the show tonight. some of you may have been reading aboutlp a recent incident at the white house. >> the u.s. secret service captured a man who jumped the white house fence and made it inside the building.