have nothing but respect for certain plaintiffs who work for me. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i... are we cool? ( laughter ) no? more? okay. so tonight, i am pleased and legally obligated to present a "colbert report" special report: a salute to the american lady. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ okay, bear with me. this is kind of a slapdash thing. the lawyers have said i need to do this toute de suite. anyway, women, i love them. and there have been so many

great american women. ah... betsy ross. ( laughter ) and others. ( laughter ) yes. ladies have been a force throughout our history, but did you know that there are still some ladies around today. tonight we will hear from them, we'll bridge gaps, we'll make connections, open up new lines of communication. so let's head out to the audience for a segment i call, "stephen r.a.p.s.s." ( applause ) okay, great. hello. hi. r.a.p.s. -- thank you. r.a.p.s., of course, stands for raps and positive speaking. so, let's bust it open. ah, any women here tonight want to rap with me, tell me your

feelings, your thoughts, your fantasies, your skrerktz any concerns -- yes, yes, over there. >> oh, hi, you know, in a lot of professions, women still only make about 75 cents for every dollar earned by a man. i think that's a real problem. >> stephen: it sure is. that sounds totally unfair. okay, why do women make less than men? any ideas? you, sir. >> well, a lot of workplaces are still stuck in a corporate boys club, buddy system. if a promotion comes up, they're going to give it to their buddy. >> stephen: okay, makes sense, good answer. no, that's enough. great. ( laughter ) all right. what else is on your mind, ladies? uh... you. >> i'm still kind of interested in the wage gap. >> yeah, you know, i am, too. >> stephen: we selthded that. it's an old boy's club. nothing to be done. bad but true, what is your issue sgloo? >> i was going to ask about reproductive right. >> stephen: hot potatoes.

someone else, who has a take on reproductive rights? yes, you sir. >> i think a woman's body is her own, not the government's. ( applause ) >> stephen: yes, okay. provocatively -- provocatively well put. great. ( laughter ) but, you know what, let's hear both sides of this issue. who else has an opinion on this? i saw you first. >> sure, the woman has rights, but doesn't the unborn child have rights, too? ( applause ) >> stephen: yeah. touche. boy, this is getting heated. ( laughter ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: all right, let's cool thing down a bit. let's shift gears. let's talk about feelings. what do women want in a relationship? anybody? anybody? yes, yes, ma'am? >> stephen, you know, more than half of college students today are women, but female college professors are still really the

minority. >> stephen: okay, we are talking about relationships right now, okay. what do women want? >> well -- why are you asking men for answers about women's issues? >> stephen: i did not know i was asking men. all right, much like i don't see race, i don't see sex, okay. ( laughter ) i'm not a sexist. i just see americans. all right, out here. i know, some americans have -- you know ( whistles ) and some have a ( whistle ) when they have clothes on, i can't see the dirty parts. i'm sorry if you're a man. i apologize. what do women want from relationship? yes, ma'am. >> i think they want to feel safe. they want to feel secure. ( applause ) >> stephen: oh, yeah, ain't that the truth. now i -- yeah. >> you know i still want to know about female college professors. >> stephen: fine, yeah. ( laughter ) >> i think female college professors, stephen, want to

feel safe and secure, too. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, i -- i don't know about you guys, but i have learned a whole lot about women tonight, stuff i never thought i'd even care about. who wants chocolate kisses? ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back.

( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: tonight on the rapport, with us are two of the

most special ladies of our time. they are activists, authors, and icons of the women's move the, and they've just launched a radio network for women. please welcome gloria steinam and jane fonda. why a women's radio network now. >> apparently because women listeners --. >> stephen: i'm sorry, i don't mean to interrupt you. we should be doing this over at the set. what am i thinking? let's go to the kitchen. ( laughter ) >> stephen: what better time to explore the bounty of the american harvest then when there's a little nip in the air. today we're going to make the greatest desert dessert in the world, the american apple pie. gloria, if you grab some of those macintosh apples and explain to me, what is the state of american feminism? >> it is sort of like this apple

-- extremely healthy, full of vitamins, meant for everyone, transforms everyone's life, and one addai and you'll keep the revolution away. >> stephen: okay, great. i'm going to put a little bit of flour out there, and if you would roll out that dough and tell me what is important now about women's media? isn't there already women's media? we've got lifetime, oxygen, dr. schlessinger and anne coulter. >> women are leaving talk radio. they're not listen to talk radio. in quite large numbers tloork an exodus taking place. they feel talk radio has left them. it doesn't matter if the host on the radio is a man or a woman, the polarizing, conflict-ridden, argumentative, judgmental tone of most talk radio now does n appeal to women. >> stephen: i thought women responded to a strong man who knew what he wanted. would you squeeze some lemon on that? >> is that your version of a

strong man --. >> stephen: i want you to squeeze that lemon on that. >> this is a moral dilemma now. am i proving that we want strong men who know what they want if i squeeze the lemon? i mean, you know, this is like serious --. >> stephen: don't we both want that apple to stay green and lovely instead of getting brown? >> okay, i'll tell you the perfect solution. >> stephen: what? >> we'll both squeeze some lemon. here. >> stephen: that's fine. i'm liberated. i can squeeze lemon philanthropy you go. there. >> i like your apron, too. >> stephen: thank you very much. fight it. ( applause ) ( laughter ) i like you, fonda. >> i like you, too, colbert. >> stephen: you smell good. isn't it sexist in its own way to say that women should run -- or start a radio network. why don't men run is? >> men already run it and is it

doesn't work for women. because men don't look like, or empathize with women sgli like the ladies. >> except when he puts the apron on. you have to admit it's endearing. >> that says, "kiss the cook." >> stephen: i am in huge trouble at home. all right, get that on camera. an ice cream three-way. how can you tell if a woman is a feminist or just ang? not you guys -- you guys are very nice -- but so many of them are so mad, so angry. >> it's a talk show --. >> stephen:. >> so you're saying i'm so different from those other women --. >> stephen: right, you seem like one of the nice ones. i've seen some photos of you. do we have that photo? that's a photo of you back when you were a playboy bunny. >> i was very mad then because being a playboy bunny was underpaid, overworked, you had to pay for your costume. i was writing an expo as a --.

>> stephen: you don't look mad. >> boast of the beenies were mad but they were paid to smile. i think you can tell the difference betweenang angry woman and a feminist is the feminist is honestly angry or honestly smiling rather than pretending to do whatever. >> stephen: is this going to be like rush limbaugh for the ladies? >> this one? >> there is no such thing as rush limbaugh for the ladies, you know. conflict is good, but it's not the entire world divided into two, you know. i mean, there might be ten sides to an issue or 24 sideso an issue -- sdwloo. >> stephen: you're going to want a little cinnamon in there. >> i already put it in there. you weren't paying attention. that's another problem. women are going to pay attention on the road. >> stephen: don't we need it make it something that people can understand easily? >> i think we can handle complexity. look, this is a complicated pie. >> stephen: speaking of which, oh, oh, look at that. ( laughter ) we had one right in the oven, and it has cooled quickly. ( laughter )

and, oh, oh, look at that. i have one for each of you. yeah. there. all right. gloria steinam, jane fond athank you so much for telling us about the women's radio network. >> it's actually called greene stone media. >> greene stone media.net. >> stephen: and it's streaming right now. >> right. >> and this is all for women. and thank you for helpi bake the american dessert. >> and even i, in an apron -- okay. >> stephen: i like feminists. ( applause ) gloria steinam, jane fonda. we'll be right back.

( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back. folks, my guest tonight is the feminist author of "female chauvinist pigs." though i believe the correct term is "femal chauvenist sows." please welcome, ariel levy. ( cheers and applause )

( cheers ) >> stephen: is that far enough? >> you look beautiful. >> stephen: thank you. it's all part of the settlement. ( laughter ) welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: my god, i got nose bleeds up in those things. let me get my shoe backs on. >> sure. >> stephen: go ahead and do whatever you need to do over there while i'm doing this. so welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> stephen: how auspicious they shv a female guest on my salute to the american lady. >> very strategic. >> stephen: yeah. ( laughter ) "female chauvinist pigs" is the name of your book. women and the rise of raunch culture. >> yes. >> stephen: what is "raunch culture?" >> raunch culture is this term i made up to describe the spread of aesthetics and values of a red light district into mainstream culture. it's like having

cardiostriptease classes at the gym --. >> stephen: i've seen them. they're great. like stripper-sizing. my understanding is it is very, very empowering for women to-- >> well that's --. >> stephen: to embrace their sexuality by being strippers. ( laughter ) i'm not the only one to say that. >> no, you're not. that's the pitch. that's sort of send wisdom at that point. i mean --. >> stephen: i accept that wisdom. >> sure. >> stephen: i accept that wisdom. >> sure. >> stephen: believe me, i don't like those strip clubs, i find them depress, they're not my style. but when i go... ( laughter ) ...i certainly feel that they've got all the power. >> right, right. >> stephen: they've got all the power. i am almost frightened of them. of course they look so tall on the runway. >> sure. well, i mean, i guess what i think a little iffy about that formulation is that strippers, like porn stars, who are the other sort of stars of raunch culture, those are women whose job it is to fake lust, and so i think that if we're going to have sexual role models

as women, it should be the women who have the most pleasure in sex, not the women who get paid the most to pretend they're engaged with it. >> stephen: okay, but what is is wrong -- i mean, these women are appreciation right? >> yes. >> stephen: they're pros. >> right. >> stephen: what is wrong with people emulating a pro? like, if you want to play baseball, you don't say, "i want to play like an amateur." you sa " "want to play like a pro. i want to play like barry bonds." >> i think having sex is a little more personal than playing baseball. >> stephen: but it's athletic. you'll say it's athletic. >> it depends. i think that -- i think that if we start as women who aren't pros, imitating women whose job it is to fake love, soeer imitating an imitation, i think we're getting pretty far removed from any authentic sexual expression of liberation. >> stephen: you mentioned "girls gone wild," okay. what do you have -- what problem do you have with "girlsone wild?" for me -- "girls gone wild"-- >> yeah. >> stephen: while they're

frequent sponsors and while... while i wouldn't -- i wouldn't want them in my family maybe going wild. >> sure. >> stephen: i think, isn't it covered by the first amendment for women to go -- girls, sorry -- for girls to go wild? >> it is -- i'm not sort of -- i'm not trying to shut them down --. >> stephen: you sound like a muslim fundamentalist to me. >> right, right. >> stephen: you want girls in berk as. >> well, no, not so much. i'm a huge jew. but, but, but stephen, i went on spring breaks with "girls gone wild" to write this book, and the thing that struck me, not so much women telling me they were doing this because it turned them on and they were having so much fun. i just asked one woman who simulating masturbation -- and they don't get paid -- sgls thi family show. we don't need to use words like "masturbation." >> stephen: we'll bleep that. >> okay, that's your choice.

>> stephen: it's my choice of not -- go ahead. >> my point is --. >> stephen: i've been waiting for your point. >> you're not the only one. i heard several young women say to me that they did this because it felt like a reflex. you know, they made it sound almost pavlovian. >> stephen: as natural as breathing. ( laughter ) >> but that doesn't mean it's empowering. that doesn't mean it's good for women. just because something is happening doesn't mean it's necessarily thebest thing. and just because females are engaged in something doesn't mean it's feminist. >> stephen: okay, can -- can -- what is a lady to you? we're saluting the lady. what is a lady to you, quickly as you is can? >> i guess a lady to me is someone invested in her sbektd and humor and getting what she wants, and things like that, and also female. >> stephen: can they -- can they -- can they go wild? can ladies go wild? >> there are many ways to go wild. they don't all include having

implants and waxing your nether regions. ( laughter ) >> stephen: the book is "female chauvinist pigs". thank you so much. ( applause ) ( cheers ) ariel levy. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) people are gonna have apprehensions about going in to the dealership because it's the largest purchase they're gonna make in their lifetime next to their house. so they have to figure, can i afford this? truecar gets to the heart of the matter. within 60 seconds you're gonna find out

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falling behind you. sound of a tree [thump] did the sound bar make the sound? >> stephen: well that's it for tonight. i hope that meets the requirements of the plea agreement. ( laughter ) more? okay. you know, the great american lady can be found everywhere, at work, driving americs e onomy; at home, driving america's kids to soccer; and on video going wild. yes, in my book, you're all miss americas. no, better, you're all mrs. colberts. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪

♪ there you are full of moxie and spunk ♪ you're a ship that can't be sunk you're a lovely summer rose ♪ ♪ with stems encased in pantyhose you are all undeniabley fair ♪ and you are all mrs. colbert you are all mrs. colbert ♪ ( cheers and applause ) what? what?! ( cheers and applause me?! i'm mrs. colbert, too! ( cheers and applause ) i'm so happy! i'm so happy to be my wife!

good night! ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight president bush changes his mind on warless wiretapping. somebody must have caught him saying something on tape. then i settle some celebrity freuds -- feuds an with any luck i start a couple. plus you're not high, bill o'reilly is actually here tonight. okay. (cheers and applause) you might also be high. caution, you're about to watch me enter a no spin zone. is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by

comedy central ( applause ) ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: okay. yes. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh. thank you. please. please be seated. thank you, thank you so much, heroes. you know, you are the luckiest audience ever. well -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, at least since the one in the roman coliseum that got to see by would win, a christian or a lion. spoiler alert, lion. i almost wish i was you. but that would mean i wasn't me and i'm the luckiest host ever.

see when this show started 14 months ago i had one goal it wasn't to have huge ratings, until i got them. or get cheated out of an emmy by barry manilow. or participate in the execution of a brutal middle eastern dictator. oops! cat's out of the bag. no, no, folks. my goal was to get bill o'reilly to appear as my guest. an folks, tonight i did it! killer, unveil the banner. (cheers and applause) we -- ladies and gentlemen, we have spent the entire day making sure that everything was perfect for papa bear, bobby, how's that camera buffing going. >> just finishing up.