in order to start funding for the online r. kelly video dictionary?" that's gotta happen at some point in our lifetime. wouldn't that be amazing? type in any word. "cheeseburger." "all right, y'all, some of y'all don't know what a cheeseburger is. you know when you go to mcdonald's and you order a cheeseburger? that's a cheeseburger." "see also related words: 'veggie burger.'" "you know when you get a cheeseburger and it tastes funny? that's a veggie burger." or, uh, "juice box." "all right, y'all, some of y'all don't know what a juice box is. you know when you making love to a woman and you're holding on to her booty and you're like 'oh, my god, this is the most amazing booty i've ever held on to in my life. i cannot let go of this booty. for whatever reason, i cannot let go.' but you get really thirsty? that's when you can reach for your juice box." [imitating liquid slurping] or "atm machine." "all right, y'all, some of y'all don't know what an atm is. you know, an atm machine

is a machine where you can put a card in, you get money out, you can get your money out, and you can leave. or if you got a girl with you, you can put her against the atm machine and just... ♪ gri-i-i-i-ind ♪ she's got her hands ♪ ♪ on your thing ♪ you got your hands ♪ on her [bleep] ♪ you about to make love ♪ to this nice itty-bitty ♪ y'all are [bleep] ♪ ♪ by the atm ♪ [bleep] by the atm ♪ [bleep] by the atm [cheers and applause] ♪ withdraw, deposit ♪ withdraw, deposit ♪ withdraw, deposit ♪ withdraw, deposit ♪ damn, girl, i need ♪ additional funds and that's 'atm.'" thank you guys so much! thank you very, very much. thank you so much for coming out. you're a fantastic audience. good night. thank you! [cheers and applause]

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much! i'm trevor noah. our musical guest tonight is "christine and the queens" joining us, everybody! but first, you know, it has been a long election season. how long? well, let's put it this way -- when we started, the elephant and donkey were a mastodon and some kind of proto-donkey lizard thing. but the long slog is almost over! yes, with an entire year remaining, we are getting close and we're starting to get a sense of how much this whole election is going to cost. >> donors and others now expect an astonishing $5 billion will be spent on the 2016 presidential race. this is double the amount spent in 2012. >> trevor: yes!

(laughter) final, america can afford a proper election! i mean, it was so embarrassing, back in 2012, watching you guys spend only $2.5 billion. cheap skates! but if you're thinking where's all this additional money going to come from? don't worry. some heroes out there, they've got you covered. >> 158 families have donated almost half all campaign money despite there being 120 million households in the united states! >> trevor: that is insane. 158 households are donating half of all campaign money in america! i wish i had known this before halloween, yeah, because i bet those houses gave out some serious candy -- like full-size snicker bars and, you know, they're like, here, kid, take as much as you want! as much as you want! as much as i want? yeah, for real, take it, kid.

i'm firing your dad tomorrow, anyway. (laughter) the fact is, there is so much money in politics right now you can't run for president unless you have a billionaire sponsoring you. >> paul singer is casting his lot with rubio. >> t. bone pickens is giving money to ben carson. >> ferris and dan wilks pumping $15 million to republican ted cruz's super pac. >> that's how they gave, in piles of catch. candidates almost pretentious artworks, like, yes, i picked up this cruis cruz at auction, it't beard but i have eccentric taste. most of the money is in the form of super pacs. they've gotten so powerful at this point they're showing off. >> the republican donor is now

formally backing marco rubio with a new super pac named baby got pac. >> trevor: really? baby got pac? that's real professional, guys. which begs the question, what names didn't you use? i like big bucks and i cannot lie? (laughter) but don't worry because, while politics might be drowning in a sea of money, federal law forbids super pacs from coordinating with the campaigns they support and an organization regulates it. jordan klepper has more. >> the federal election commission created in response to watergate has been regulating campaign finance laws since 1975. its intention is to keep our government for the people and by the people. but lately, according to watchdog ann rabble, this agency isn't doing jack. >> the s.e.c. which is supposed

to be enforcing campaign finance laws so people have trust in the system isn't. >> i would say that it is enormously dysfunctional a. >> can you imagine working there? those poor bastards. >> i am the chair of the federal election commission. >> whoa is right. she's the leader of this enormously dysfunctional agency, her words. what does the f.e.c. actually do? >> very little. just to be clear, you're the chairwoman of the f.e.c.? >> yes. lately, we have not been able to regulate. we have not been able to even investigate. >> okay, but there are election laws, and this is the commission to enforce those laws. they must do something. i want to play a little game called "could i get away with this." >> all right. let's say, if a super pac calls itself carly for america,

can you get away with that? >> well, actually, you cannot use the name of a candidate in a super pac. >> boom! and when the actual carly for america super pac tried just that, the f.e.c. said, not on my watch! so what are you going to do about it carly super pac? so the carly for america super pac can use the following name, conservative leadership for america or carly for america? no flipping way. >> so this is illegal, this is legal? >> according to the determinations that have been made at the f.e.c. >> well, that's bullshit. bullshit as in bad shit, unbelievably loony loony, ludicy

shocking, terrible. bullshit. there's no way the u.s. federal election commission could be that completely useless. so i went to see these guys in action. >> the reason for not voting is what? >> i think my colleagues will have to respond to that. are we ready to vote today? >> well, i think the commission understanding was we wanted to schedule this. >> we're not going to vote today but -- >> they weren't even voting and when they do they deadlock eight times as much as they used to. do i even want to know why? >> the commission, it's three republicans and three democrats. >> wait, it's an even number? it is. i actually don't think that the even number is necessarily a bad thing, but three of the commissioners do not believe in the purpose of the agency.

>> who are the three? the three are republican commissioners, but i hesitate using the party designation. >> you hesitated. not too much. how did this partisan bickering affect the integrity of the election. >> the likely enforcement of major cases in this election cycle is slim. >> you know you're on tv right now. you're telling all those politicians out there we can't do shit. you know that? >> actually, they know this. based on the money they raised, they do. what's it like to work at a gutless, worthless agency? it sucks. the f.e.c. is down here in customer satisfaction. they're truly suffering, so i was going to lift the f.e.c. spirit with some daily

affirmations. what do you think? would this be nice if we put it so you could see it from your desk? so chairwoman rabble wouldn't feel so bad, i introduced her to someone from places shittier to work at than the f.e.c., the chemical hazard investigation board. >> i'm jeff, dial with poison. at least i don't have to deal with the toxic money and politics. >> really, jeff? you sounded sadder on the phone. sorry. not getting a ride home. maybe americans need a realistic picture of the effectiveness of their regulatory agencies. would you say the f.e.c. is more or less useless than men's nipples? >> i would say that f.e.c. and men's nipples are probably comparable. there are things that are done that have value just like men's

nipples. >> god help us all. >> trevor: jordan klepper, everyone. everyone. we'll

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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! (cheers and applause) as you may know, "the daily show" takes place in the u.s.a., the greatest american country in the world. that's right. because of that, we tend to cover american stories. every now and then, i'll meet a person who says, trevor, we could really use a "the daily show" back in my home country. you should do that some time. i say to them, yes, i understand that, mr. surgeon, but can you please fix my appendix for now and we'll get to the tv thing if i wake up? so tonight we'll give it a shot. we're going to make "the daily show" dream come true for one lucky nation out there. so let's take a spin.

and see where it's going to be. could be anywhere because we're prepared to cover any country in the world, and anytime, and it's myanmar! look at that! oh, wow! look at that! (cheers and applause) well done, myanmar! before we do the myanmar daily show, it's nice to get familiar with the place. formally known as burma, population of 56 million, police that looks like a deep fried pork chop is located in south asia. myanmar is 90% buddhist, like most college dorms. they have so many buddhists they even have buddhist extremists. you're thinking isn't that a contradiction? what do they do? clap with one hand loudly? (laughter) no, silly, they want all muslims to die. >> the monks compared muslims to mad dogs.

>> the rhetoric is extreme, but his mantra that burma is for buddhists is widely held. do muslims have a place here in burma? we can't repeat his actual response, it's r-rated, but essentially he said muslims were defecating on burma. >> trevor: yeah, that is u wirathu, and that has to be the least chillest monk i've come across. "oh, my god, i i had muslims so much! the capital myanmar was moved to naypyidaw and they build it from scratch. >> there aren't many place where is you could safely stand in the middle of a multi-lane highway.

i can carry on walking 20 lanes across. since we have been here, i think i can count on one hand the number of vehicles i've seen. >> wow. 20 lanes and no cars. that has to be the easiest level of frogger ever! can you imagine? come on, you got this! yep, yep, yep! whoo! it's always the last lane, no! damn you! the last weekend myanmar had the first free elections after the decade of military regime whose chief opponents have been noble praisnobleprize winner aung san. >> aung san suu kyi, after spending two decades under house arrest, she's poised to lead her party to victory. >> trevor: under house arrest for 15 years. she got to the end of netflix

and now her suggestions are, go outside! (laughter) and then they finally freed her making it the second biggest release behind ke$sha's album "animal. "let's start the myanmar daily show. >> from comedy central headquarters in naypyidaw, this is the myanmar daily show with trevor noah! >> trevor: welcome! (cheers and applause) ♪ welcome to the myanmar daily show, i'm trevor noah! my guest tonight, whoever the military tells me my guest is. first, the traffic on the nines. looks clear now but we hear bruce is planning to use lane 17 later tonight so plan accordingly, people. turning to our top story, our last parliamentary election last

week, millions of myanmartians headed to the polls for this historic vote and one winner was immediately clear, the myanmar container store! boy, they must be rolling in burmese kyat, which as you know is our currency! ha ha! several days later the results of the election are coming in. >> the ballot counting is gradually coming out. the national league won 291 of the 359 declared in myanmar parliament. >> now people are daring to believe change might truly be coming to myanmar. >> trevor: what a thrilling victory for the opposition party but holy shit look at the size of that giant red creature! i've never seen anything like it! kill it now! anyway, a big victory for democracy but we here in myanmar have a ways to go. for example the constitution

still gives military 25% of the seats in parliament no matter what which is ridiculous because for true democracy, the people -- (laughter) for true democracy, the people need a strong guiding hand! from the military! which is always welcome within the realm of our great nation! now smile and end the show! (laughter) well, that's all for tonight's myanmar daily show. here it is, your moment of zen! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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the middle seat sucks more with jolly rancher. somebody better get their hand out of my pocket! keep on sucking! announcer: rated m for mature. you're a bully mr. strain. and i find i'm not overly fond of bullies. music: "london calling" by the clash ♪ ♪ assassin's creed syndicate. available now. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a french pop star whose debut album is "christine and the queens." now here with the song "tilted" from her album, please welcome

"christine and the queens"! (cheers and applause) >> ♪ i will die before methuselah ♪ so i'll fight to sleep with ammonia ♪ and every morning with eyes all red i'll miss them for all the tears ♪ they shed but i'm actually good ♪ can't help it if we're tilted i'm actually good ♪ can't help it if we i'm actually good ♪ can't help it if we're tilted i'm actually good ♪ can't help it if we're tilted ♪ ♪ ♪ i miss prosthesis and mended souls ♪ trample over beauty while singing their thoughts

♪ i match them with my euphoria ♪ when they said "je suis plus folle que toi" ♪ but i'm actually good can't help it if we're tilted ♪ i'm actually good can't help it if we ♪ i'm actually good can't help it if we're tilted ♪ i'm actually good can't help it if we're tilted ♪ nous et la man on est de sortie ♪ pire qu'une simple moite' on compte a demi-demi ♪ pile sur un des bas cotes comme des origamis ♪ la bras tendu parait casse tout n'est qu'epis et eclis ♪ c'es enfants bizarre craches dehors comee par hazard ♪ canchant l'effort dans le griffoir ♪ et une creepy song en etendard qui fait ♪ i'm doing my face with magic marker ♪ i'm in my right place don't be a downer

♪ i'm doing my face with magic marker ♪ i'm in my right place ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(cheers and applause) marcia, what happened?

peter hit me in the nose with a football. now sweetheart... shut up! marcia, eat a snickers®. why? you get a little hostile when you're hungry. better? better. marcia, marcia, marcia...

media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." "christine and the queens" debut album also called "christine and the queens" is available now everywhere. to play the song "it," please welcome again "christine and the queens." i just want to say you guys are absolutely amazing. you're weird, but amazing. (laughter) (cheers and applause)

so i know i was thinking it before i found out about you guys -- do you live in france or in america now? >> we live in france, still. >> trevor: you live in france, still? >> yeah. >> trevor: and do the lyrics go from french to english and back again? >> they do. >> trevor: okay. i thought it's my mind. that seems like english, no, french. >> we're like chameleons, we adapt. >> trevor: with those moves. like that. that is exactly what happens. we adapt. it is really beautiful. to clear us out with the song "it," please welcome once again "christine and the queens"! (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ with it i become the death dickinson ♪ feared with it

♪ i'm the red admiral on his ship ♪ and i raise wet infants for my coronation ♪ i'll rule over my all my dead impersonations ♪ with it i'm a man now ♪ with it i'm a man now ♪ and i won't let you steal it i bought it for myself ♪ i'm a man now i hit ♪ the bird-dogs who are pulling my hair ♪ because their teeth should ravage a gold beard ♪ i've lost some eyeless friends whose blood ♪ runs cold my new people ♪ on silent heels pretends to be old ♪ cause i won