comedy central cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much. thank you, thank you. welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. tonight's show is a really good one. our guest, legendary newsman ted koppel is here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) yes! but first, a quick campaign update. >> breaking news tonight, in the presidential race, republican bobby jindal, the governor of louisiana, is dropping out. jindal never got out of single digits in the polls. >> trevor: that's right. never got out of single digits. and not percentage digits. we're talking about actual digits. yeah, it was not bobby's wife, poby's lawyer, bobby's dentist, bobby himself. those are the only four people that he had. he department even get to the pinky. oh! but here's the tough thing about jindal dropping out-- it's sad to see anyone with such a touching story walking away from their dreams. >> my parents came to this country 45 years ago. they came here for freedom and opportunity. i don't think in a million years they would have ever imagined that i'd be governor or one day

i'd be running for president of the united states. >> trevor: although they probably could have imagined how much i'd suck at it. i mean, they did raise me. come on, they know me. i'm just glad my dad has inoperable cataracts so he can't see the shame i've brought to this family. it's a fake cataract. it's a joke. jindal did make lofty promises about what he'd do if he was elected so his announcement must have disappointed a number of people, young people in particular. >> final thing, governor. ending this campaign here tonight, you started it by telling your kids on this online video, what's your family's reaction to this whole experience. >> trevor: arh! , of course. jindal is the guy who announced he would be running for president by 19 camming his family. >> okay, two conditions.

one, you have to take care of the puppy better than you took care of the fish. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what the hell do those kids do to the frogs? you've got to take better care of them. you're not testing makeup on your pets anymore. you got that? and now, after that announcement, we also have footage of jindal breaking the news of his bowing out to his family. can we see that? >> so we can't get a puppy. >> i said if we'd won we'd get a puppy but we lost. so now you have to pick out a puppy and watch me kill in in front of you. >> oooh! >> stop crying. if you didn't want this, you should have helped me out in iowa. >> trevor: no vise. yeah, you saw what they did to the frogs. sorry, little jindals. it turns out dogs are for winners. but butt let's move from bobby jindal to a more popular republican candidate. ben carson. yes, now, ben carson isn't

exactly a politician. and he himself says he doesn't know much about politics but he does have a plan for how to be a good president. >> i think the people who do the best are the ones who know how to utilize experts around them. >> trevor: well, that makes sense. you don't have to know everything if you can just surround yourself with experts. there's just one problem-- the experts ben carson surrounds himself with think that he's an idiot. >> ben carson under fire after reports he's failing on foreign policy. >> a "new york times" article quotes one of his national security advisers as saying carson can't get one iota of intelligent information about the middle east, and needed weekly briefings on foreign policy so "we can make him smart." ( laughter ) >> trevor: well, that's just obvious, people. of course, ben carson's advisers can't make him smart. you can't change his brain. that's a job for a neurosurgeon. ( laughter ) it's the same way your barber always has a ( bleep ) haircut.

that's how it goes. maybe you're surprised that the guy who thinks the grain silos might not be that smart about foreign affairs. let's not just take his adviser's word about it. >> carc ofns asked on fox news who he'd call first if the paris attacks happened on his watch. he refused to answer three times. >> who would you call first? but who would you call first specifically? can you tell us who you would call first, sir, on the international scene? >> trevor: ghostbusters! come on! ( laughter ) ( applause ) everybody knows the right answer to that question! you could go to any african country and ask a little kid, "who you gonna call?" he'd be like, "ghostbusters. and unicef. i'm hungry." ( laughter ) so he has no plan for war. the question is does carson have a plan for piece. >> dr. ben carson said i don't have any problem with the

palestinians having a state, but does it need to be within the confiewns of israeli territory? is that necessary or can you sort of slip that area down into egypt? ( laughing ) >> trevor: can't you just slip it into egypt? like, who does ben carson think-- he thinking the egyptians won't notice him just walking in with palestinians. this is insane. at this rate i wouldn't be shocked to find out ben carson thought the gaza strip was a titty bar in vegas. now the advisers calling ben carson stupid is no joke. he's a man named ben carson with 60 years of foreign policy experience including a shady time at the c.i.a. and now he runs a private intelejeps agency. it is show shadowing.

it's called the eclipse group. it's listed in the yellow pages right above skulduggery systems limited, and casual-in-white-with-hands-in-po ckets l.l.c. according to the "new york times," this guy has been advising ben carson on the debates and now he's talking trash about carson. wow. i hope he's wearing a belt buckle. because here come the knives. >> well, this is your own adviser, mr. clarridge, saying in his words you need weekly briefings, in his words, "to make you smart." one of your other people-- >> he's not my adviser. he is not my adviser. is there oh, oh, that explains everything. this guy is not his adviser. question answered. so, so what is he then? >> he is a person who has come in on a couple of our sessions to offer his opinions about what was going on. ( laughter ) >> trevor: so an adviser? you know, this guy isn't my drug

dealer. he's just a man hocomes to my apartment and shares his cocaine after i pay him. "i don't think of myself as a surgeon. i'm just a guy people pay to stab their brain until they're healthy." ( laughter ) and the craziest thing is the carson campaign didn't just distance themselves from clarridge. they did it in a pretty dickish way. >> the carson campaign said of clarridge,"he is coming to the end of a long career serving our country. he is clearly not one of carson's top advisers per for the "new york times" to take victim of an elderly gentleman and use him as a foil for good journalistic practices." >> trevor: what why would you say that about this senile old man "new york times"? these guys are heartless. for more on this we go to senior political analyst, jessica williams, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) jess, after a two-year

relationship, not only is carson acting like he doesn't know clarridge. he's also calling him a senile old man. >> it's not so complicated, trevor. this is what happens in a breakup. we've all been there. you meet somebody. you hit it off. you start getting really close and one of you says, "hey, maybe i could be in your cabinet one day." and the next thing you know you're picking out countries to invade together. >> trevor: that makes a lot of sense, jessica. but why are they airing their dirty laundry in public? >> all it takes is one fight and they start telling everyone you don't know anything about the world and you're helpless without them. really? you never meant anything with me anyway. and technically we weren't even affect. so... >> trevor: jess, are we still talking about ben carson? >> who the ( bleep ) is ben carson? look, if you wanted to be an item, he should have said so instead of stringing me along with late-night booty blasting. and now he's on facebook talking about how great it is to be

single and how great it is to be free. really, darryl? you're free right now. you're going to "d" on my best friend days after we broke up even after the hike in the catskills today. i did a three-mile hike. i are hgranola for lunch and that's not a ( bleep ) lie. why don't you take a hand full of that granola and shove it up your ass, bro. thank you. thank you, everyone, thank you, bye. ( applause ) >> trevor: thank you, jessica, for that report on ben carson. jessica williams, everyone! we'll be right back. this is violet. she's been waiting for this moment for awhile. a moment other kids wouldn't think twice about. her first bowl of cheerios.

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for more we turn to our senior woman's issues correspondent kristen schaal, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) kristen, thank you so much for coming on the show. >> oh, no, no, trevor. thank you for comg my show. i've worked here longer than you, so technically, it's mine. as you said in the lead-in show to my show, our kids are in crisis. >> passing in school districts all across the country, dress codes igniting controversy. >> a yoga pants and legging issues. >> 18-year-old ashton cable was sent to in-school suspension today. she was one of dozens of female students at mount juliette high school who was told she was breaking the dress code with leggings. >> leggings don't belong in schools. who's idea when they? you like sausage? wait till you put meas these on. who is that guy. >> trevor: they're supposed to

be comfortable, right? >> i guess. but you know what's even more comfortable? having a future. >> high school isn't just about fun. it's preparing them for young adulthood and learning what they should wear is a very important part of that. going into interviews you can't wear yoga pants, you can't wear casual clothing. >> we're trying to teach students how to dress for success. >> you hear that you spandex covered zombies. no one is going to take you seriously if you're not dressed as professionally as your male classmates. let's be clear-- it is the poise who are the the true victims here. >> school sending dpirlz home claiming their clothes are too distracting if for the doiz boyes. >> it's distracting for boys. >> that really tugs at my heartstrings even more than those leggings make those teenaged boys want to tuck at their dick strings. >> trevor: look, let's be honest, kristen. i mean, teenaged guys, they would even stare at a cloud if it looked enough like an ass. >> there's an ass in every cloud. >> trevor: but that should be

the boys' problem, though. >> oh, it's a problem. but never mind boys. this is even harder on dads. >> we have brought in an esteemed panel of fathers right here to see if they would allow their daughters to wear leggings to school. >> oh, thank god, daddy's home. please, middle-aged dad, tell us what we can wear to make you more comfortable. >> are you comfortable with-- with the women in your life parading in public in leggings? >> my girls, they wear, like, the longer shirts to cover up the lady parts. >> if it's not worn in the monastery, it's not worn outside. >> see, these men just don't want any creeps staring at their daughters the way they're about to creepily stare at someone else's daughter. hit tcreeps! >> we have three young women who are wearing leggings. kaitlyn, come on over. >> hi, kaitlyn! >> hi! >> just stop right there. the guys are look at kaitlyn right now. amanda, come on over here. you have to cover your tail. tail covered! our final contestant is paige.

all right. what do you think about this? >> we all took our nitroglycerin pills before she came out. >> she needs a little more coverage. >> just a little more coverage. ( applause ) >> trevor: wow. okay, that's-- that's ( bleep ). >> yeah. trevor, when life gives you lululemon, you turn them into lululemonade. so i designed some leggings guaranteed to protect men by killing their boners dead because, ladies, if you have to wear leggings, do it responsibly. come on out, models! ♪ ♪ >> trevor: kristen, you can't parade a bun of woman around after what we just watched. it's not right. >> don't worry. no one's going to be looking at these ladies, particularly stacey. in our first look, one that will make you lose your lunch if you stare too long. trevor, you don't have a tuna

fetish, do you. >> trevor: no one does, kristen. >> next up. get out here, ladies. you're not get anything honey from these grisly legs. it doesn't matter if she's barely legal because you'll be barely interested, right, trevor? do you like them smooth and shaved? >> trevor: how many more of these are there? >> one more! here's something no one ever wants to look at. it's the itunes terms and conditions. 17 pages. ( laughter ) ( applause ) skip right over you. >> trevor: actually, kristen, i have a friend who want once masturbated to the terms and conditions. >> man, i give up. you can have your show back. >> trevor: thank you, kristen. kristen schaal, everyone, we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) (exec 1) well, directv beat us in customer satisfaction

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a legendary newsman who has anchored abc's "nightline" for 25 years. his new book is called "lights out." please welcome, ted koppel, everyone. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor, this is my oldest grandson, and today is jake's 18th birthday. and my wife and i were trying to think of a cheap gift, and, frankly, meeting you was the-- >> trevor: happy birthday. ( cheers and applause ) happy birthday. ( applause )

i was confused for a second. i was like, which one is ted koppel? >> exactly. >> trevor: i couldn't tell. >> the old geezer. >> trevor: the resemblance is uncanny. >> stunning, isn't it? >> trevor: it really is. i do not think there is anybody in the news who can say they have had a more accomplished career than you have had. you started "nightline" from an interesting place. you were covering it was iran at the time, correct? >> i was covering the state department. and we were covering the hostage crisis every night. every night. i'll tell you an interesting story. when when-- when we began covering the hostage crisis, we got our own little section of the newsroom, and they assigned a telephone to us. and the-- i mean, a particular phone number. our extension number was 444. and as some of the older-- do you have any older people out there? >> trevor: there's one.

>> one or two, right. >> trevor: way in the back. >> the hostages ultimately were held for 444 days. the number was looking at us whole time. >> trevor: wow. >> trevor: ted koppel, the name is synonymous with great journalism, and not just great tv personality but great journalism. >> you're very nice to say that, but you're going to bore people to tears out there. >> trevor: no, no, i'm very honest to say that. i'm very honest to say that. >> get a little nasty. >> trevor: do you think-- "get a little nasty," he said. do you think there's still journalism in the news or is it personality driven? >> there's still journalism in the news but i must say you and your colleagues who kind of mix important subjects with humor are in many respects focusing on more important issues than some of the my old colleagues. >> trevor: let's get to the book. it is a very interesting and yet

ominous book. the first few chapters are basically you predicting the end of america. i mean-- >> well, no, it's not me predicting the end of america. if i may, let me say something about why i'm so happy to be here with you this evening. because your audience tends to be younger. the likelihood of a cyber attack on the electric power grid is imminent. but it may not happen in my lifetime. it almost certainly will happen in theirs. >> trevor: but you talk about it in the book. you say the biggest threats that we stand to face now is not physical terrorism but cyber terrorism. >> cyber terrorism. and it's not me saying-- look, the president has warned about it. former secretary of defense leon panetta warned about it. the former secretary of homeland security. the man who is currently heading up the fight against isis, general lloyd austin, he's the sin comcommander, he told me it's not a question of if it

happens. it's only a question of when. >> trevor: you list it out in the book. you say all they need to do is hack and we've got three power grids. it's basically the east coast, the west coast, and then texas has their own. >> they have their own. ( laughter ). >> trevor: but you're telling the people what to do. i was reading the book going, "the wrong people must" because i didn't know that. if i was a bad guy, now i would know what to do. thank you, ted koppel, you've just given me the information. >> it's not as easy as plugging in a computer and saying let's hack the internet. it requires years of mapping of the-- of these grids. >> trevor: yes. >> the chinese, however, are already inside. the russians already are inside. the iranians are close to being inside. the north koreans not far behind. and here comes the real killer, isis, which has $2 billion available to them. isis can buy the expertise. so that within the not-too-distant future they could get in. and what we're talking about

here is knocking out power for tens of millions of people over a period of weeks, maybe even months. >> trevor: is that the good news or the bad news? >> that's the-- i told you, this wasn't going to be a lot of giggle. >> trevor: you take it so seriously you started doomsday prepping. >> well "doomsday prepping" i think is a little-- if we prepare for any disaster in our lives, whether that's a blizzard or whether that's a hurricane or whether that's, you know, somebody losing a job or whether it's an attack on the grid, the only point i'm making, trevor, is when you go online to the red cross or go online to the department of homeland security, they tell you to prepare for two or three days. two or three days' worth of food. two or three days worth of water. this isn't going to last two or three days. this is going to last weeks. months. we're not prepared for that. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you're right, not

giggles. no giggles at all. i'm not going to let you go. as you said back in the day, call the affiliates because we're running long. we're going to continue this on the web and the apps. if you're on tv, "lights out" is in the stores now. ted koppel, everybody. i'm starving. (ding) we've been compromised! don't let hunger kill your game. hot pockets brings you new snack bites. bite-size hot pockets sandwiches

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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. here it is, your moment of zen. >> athletic gear they're wearing outside but some of them are a little see-through. some of them are a little bit

too tight. and people don't necessarily wear something to cover, you know, the rump, rump roast or the front. and it's awkward for everybody. media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org the following is a message from new york mayor michael bloomberg. hello. i'm michael bloomberg. now, before i begin, i hope you've all recovered from the traumatic leaf-rustling earthquake that hit new york this july. also, i'd like to apologize for all the hurricane irene hysteria this summer, but since you were such bitches about the snowstorm last year, you left me with little choice. tonight, i want to address the demonstrations currently taking place

in lower manhattan, in what is being called occupy wall street. while these protests began here in new york, they have spread to dozens of other cities throughout the globe, proving once again that new york sets the trends, and the rest of the world follows. so with all due respect to chicago, los angeles, and london, if you're looking to vent your rage at a system where the richest one percent controls 40% of the planet's wealth, there is no better time and no better place than autumn in new york. the weather here has been absolutely gorgeous, and while you're in town, why not cap off a day of protest with dinner at one of new york's many world-class restaurants? or take in a broadway show like mary poppins,