ey? well... i actually have some thoughts on that. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers an captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight, the host of bravo's "watch what happens," and and iandy cohen is here, ev! (applause) first, everyone warned me about brutal new york winters. they said, trevor, you're not going to be ready for it, man. when it comes in new york, dude, you are not going to be ready. december, you are not going to be ready. they were right. i totally wasn't ready for it. i didn't have any shorts. my tank tops were all in storage. i looked like an idiot out there

this weekend! it was bright, it was warm, i even built a dirt man! which reminded me of africa. ahhh! good times, good times. as happy as i am with springtime in december, the world leaders in the paris climate summit disagreed with me. >> nearly 200 countries have signed on to the climate change agreement they hope will avert a global disaster. >> reaching an historic agreement. >> 196 countries came together at the u.n. climate change conference saying we're r we're tackling global warming and getting off of fossil fuels. this is seen as a real turning point. >> trevor: yea! we've saved the world! and the ghost of al gore may rest in peace! i know what you're saying, ghost, but i'm not dead! shhhh! quiet, ghost...

rest. i know some people may be going, but, trevor, how can you be excited about the prospect of a thing that hasn't happened yet and has no guarantees? well, the earth has been unhealthy for a long time. it has a problem. so what the paris agreement has done is basically signed the earth up for a gym membership. look, we still have a long way to. go we have to follow through and actually work out. but this is still a huge step in the right direction. because now we have to get in the gym and drop 3 degrees celsius, people. the important thing is we do the reps, work the negative and stay focused, unlike people at planet fitness on 34th street who don't understand the importance of carrying around a towel with you while working out because your sweat is not supposed to be my sweat! the point is wipe down the machines, people, or global warming will kill us all. (laughter) the problem with actually getting healthy is there is always that irritating voice in your head, the worst version of yourself, always coming up with

excuses to put it off. >> ted cruz does not believe that climate change even exists. >> according to the satellite data, there has been no significant global warming for the past 18 years. >> trevor: no global warming?! did you not see my dirt man?! now, you see what ted cruz has done here is kind of cute. you see, he's technically correct, that, according to the satellite data, there hasn't been a significant increase in global temperatures in 18 years. but we don't usually measure in time periods of 18 years, unless you're calculating child summit. (laughter) summit -- child support. (applause) you see, the real reason that cruz picked 18 years is because that's the only way the data works in his favor. 1998 was an unnaturally hot year

but because backstreet was back. ted cruz is using a small piece of the truth to misrepresent the truth. it's like if someone towele tolu "star wars" was a story about a guy kissing his sister. it happened, but it's not the whole movie. makes it sound like they knew but didn't know they were brother and sister and leah wasn't kissing luke because she liked him, it was because she wanted hans solo to be jealous and it worked. the point, is see you pied night thursday, save my seats. (applause) but moving on, talking about petty groups of people from hot climates who fight non-stop. (laughter) no, not that group. the other one. yeah, that's right. i.s.i.s. the atlanta housewives of the middle east. (laughter) many people think of i.s.i.s. as terrorists with a violent hatred of the west, but that's a misconception.

you see, they violently hate the east, too. back in 2014, the leader of i.s.i.s. listed china as one of its enemies and a few weeks ago they executed a chinese hostage and, now, i.s.i.s. has even released a propaganda video highlighting one very special chinese militant. >> i went to the islamic state and came to training camp, despite my old age. yes, i went to training camp. after receiving a weapon, i asked permission to participate in battle. >> trevor: yes, an 80-year-old chinese grandfather is the oldest member of i.s.i.s. and, look -- i know he's a terrorist with an ak-47, but there is something so cute about this guy. (laughter) it's almost like they radicalized the old man from "up." (laughter) "i'll make you as dead as my lovely why have who passed away

while i stood by her bedside! why are you crying?! "and this is just the beginning, i.s.i.s. has began to recruit comes muslims. it's insane i.s.i.s. is worried about diversity because they're not otherwise known for their political correctness, people, but they were sitting around going, we need achings! what is their new strategy? >> the islamic state reportedly released a video that looks to draw recruits from china by a song sung in mandarin and calls on muslim brothers to awaken >> trevor: think about that for a second -- a division of i.s.i.s. that just makes music. now, imagine if you were to head all the way into syria to join i.s.i.s., trekking thousands of miles across dangerous borders, leaving behind your family, and you finally get there and they put you in the choir. (laughter) i have come here to wage war! not with that rich silky

baratone -- now give me "uptown girl"! a-two, three, four! (laughter) you know what's funnier is when you hear the actual ic i.s.i.s. track. >> al-hayat media center presents -- >> trevor: that's a weak-ass record name if ever i heard one, i.s.i.s. sounds like the room in the hotel with 30 cents a minute internet. that's your record label? they need to be intimidating -- bad boy! ruff ryders! death row. at least "g-haad unit"! or "72 virgin records"! or "iraq-a-fella"! so many things, they have so many options! (applause) so that's mistake number one. but, again, let's hear the actual track.

(music) >> trevor: i guess we know where p.m. dawn went. i know people say this a lot -- but i.s.i.s. is terrible. you know what? (laughter) maybe they're just trying to save themselves some work because if i have to listen to that song for five more seconds, i would saw my own head off. (laughter) i expected so much more from a group led by a guy who looks like rick rubin. i mean, really, this? (singing) i don't know whether to wage jihad or wait for my masseuse to show up. yeah, it's my 2:00 p.m. hot

stoning appointment. that's what it sounds like. i.s.i.s., thanks for trying but you're screwed because if anybody's going to take over the world using music, it's going to be adele. we'll be right back. (applause) other wireless carriers make families share data. some way to say happy holidays. switch to t-mobile now and get up to 4 lines with up to 6gb each. just $30 bucks a line, that's 6gb each plus unlimited video streaming with binge on™. stream netlfix, hbo now , hulu and more without using your data. and now unwrap the samsung galaxy s6 for $0 upfront and just $10 bucks a month. this year tear into the holidays with t-mobile.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! you know, this is going to be my first christmas in america as host of the "the daily show," and i have been hearing a lot about the war on christmas. apparently, some people feel christmas is under attack and

it's not being treated with the respect it deserves. now, i astronaut it wasn't such a big deal. but that was before i saw this. >> a home owner in southern ohio is fighting city hall over his so-called nativity scene. jason dixon says his zombie nativity rubs people the wrong way because the baby jesus and everyone else are zombies. >> neighbors are pretty offended and for the second year in a row the man is told, take it down. >> trevor: really? jesus as a zombie? i mean, that would explain why the inn keeper said there was no room. but, i mean, this is getting too far. and now the owner is getting into trouble for what he's done. for more, joined by jessica williams with a sense for christmas equality. jordan klepper from free santa.org and from the christmas division of black lives matter roy wood junior, everybody! (cheers and applause) ex, i'll start with you --

jessica, i start with you. >> thank you, trevor. there is no war on christmas. it's a bigger issue here. it's zombie rights. the city wasn't upset because some guy had a nate tift scene on his lawn. it was who he included in it. let's not pretend this country doesn't have a problem with zombies. sure, they're represented on tv but there is still a lot of hate and fear. >> trevor: very interesting. jordan? >> the real problem here, political correctness. all of a sudden it's offensiveo celebrate christmas. you know what's on my holiday card this year? no sanda, no red and green, just a snowflake and black and white -- >> trevor: pleasewhite -- please, please, you want to talk about black and white? >> roy? the real thing ruining christmas is the chicago police! they're releasing a police brutality video every day. i'm going to wait for the season to come out on d.v.d. and binge it. every week is something new. it's like the saddest calendar

ever. you're supposed to put chocolate in those, not police shooting at chocolate, black lives matter, trevor! >> trevor: i think you're getting off topic. you make a good point. jess, you're black. >> that's true. >> trevor: is it a black lives matter issue? >> no, a dead lives matter issue. we're freaking out because they're making sweet jesus a zombie. i'm saying, ehey, it's 2015! my best friend and i are zombies and when we go out together, you know the looks we get? >> trevor: i apologize, i thought he was a hipster. >> no, don't apologize! we can't let political correctness ruin our lives! every time i have to say happy holidays, my christmas boner gets softer! >> you know who they hired to play santa claus at the mall? a black lady! >> a black lady santa claus?

yes! i guess people like me shouldn't be allowed to go to santacon, then? >> no. people should be able to dress up how far they want. >> would you be okay with people wearing zombie costumes for halloween? >> zombie face? how could you even ask that, trevor? it's one thing to dress up as santa, he has power, but zombies don't. this minority literally had to rise up from the dead! >> rise up? yes! i tell you who should rise up, the people of chicago! they need answers! >> i think they've done enough. those protests are scary, okay? >> scary? o many black people together! >> what! i'll tell you who's scary, the mayor of chicago, ro rahm emanu! he's got that weird mask man. how can you say black lives matter when you don't think your own finger matters?

he can only count to nan and a half, trevor! >> i bet he gets to park in the handicapped space, too! >> really, jordan? (arguing) >> trevor: roy, turn around. we can't see you. we -- no. (arguing loudly) >> trevor: i'm going to need you guys to calm down. jordan! jordan, jess, roy, we've got to go. any final thoughts? jordan, we'll start with you. >> he gets to go first. is that offensive? is that offensive? >> trevor: jessica, jordan,

♪ ♪ is that offensive? >> trevor: jessica, jordan, how else do you think he gets around so fast? take the reins this holiday and get the mercedes-benz you've always wanted during the winter event. hurry, offers end january 4th!

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(sloshing) (twist cap sound) unleash a refreshing citrus kick. do the dew.

(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is the host and executive producer of bravo's "watch what happens." his new three-part limited series for bravo is called "then and now with andy cohen" with." >> were you surprised you heard the verdict that o.j. was not guilty? >> i think everyone was shocked. but the trial was such a circus that i think all of us were expecting something ridiculous. >> i think people ruled with emotions and history rather than with evidence and science. >> this was, like, sex, death, murder, mystery, intrigue, like an american hero who'd fallen. >> trials became very important to the television audience. court tv became a real force. >> trevor: please welcome andy cohen! (cheers and applause) ♪

>> trevor: the guy from tv! hat's right! >> trevor: you have a face that is so familiar. i don't know if i've seen you or if i've seen you. >> i'm glad. take that as a compliment. >> trevor: it's a huge compliment. it's your smile. you have one to have the nicest smiles on tv. >> thank you. i appreciate it. i was looking at your teeth earlier. you have nice choppers. >> trevor: this is a host back and forth. >> that is what we do. >> trevor: thank you very much for coming to the show. you're a busy guy. i'm surprised you have time to be on shows when you're on shows. >> yeah, i've run around a lot. i didn't move to new york city to sleep. >> trevor: i did, actually. funny how you get used to the sirens. >> trevor: let's talk about andy cohen and the rise. you were an executive at one time. >> i was. i was at cbs news for ten years, actually, behind the cranes, a and then i -- behind the screens and i went to cable and worked

at bravo for ten years behind the scenes, in charge of programming, and still an executive producer of the real housewives. you alluded to them earlier, comparing them to i.s.i.s., i believe. >> trevor: we did not compare them to i.s.i.s. >> all right. >> trevor: we said they were similar. >> yes. >> trevor: to i.s.i.s. all right. okay. anyway, yes, so i was behind the scenes. >> trevor: you were behind the scenes of real housewives, not i.s.i.s. >> that's right. >> trevor: that would be weird if someone tuned in at that moment -- i.s.i.s., i was behind the scenes. >> that would be weird. >> trevor: so, basically, do we have you to thank for realty tv? >> no, you do not. but whoever the person is needs to be thanked because they have given us so much. >> trevor: how do you come up with that? i wouldn't have thought anyone would be interested in following just housewives and, yet, you have turned that into a resounding success. >> well, i think it's replaced the soap opera.

i think it's the modern-day soap opera. we talked about it with the o.j. trial with the clip that you saw earlier. i think truth is always stranger than fiction and i think with the real housewives, it's fascinating -- we cast highly-volatile people, trevor. , so you know, you never know what they're going to say. >> trevor: i was literally going to ask you that. >> you don't know what they're going to say or do but they're always being true to themselves and it's real. it's fascinating and hard to look away. it's interesting storytelling. i think there is something at the the core people either relate to or root for or root against or laugh at or with that keeps people coming back. >> trevor: but now this three-part series is totally different. >> yes. >> trevor: because a lot of it is serious, a lot of it is based in -- you see this weird reality reality. >> exactly. >> trevor: not reality tv. exactly. >> trevor: so you're going back and looking at the news at how it happened and then talking to people who actually saw it or remember the stories.

>> yeah, we talked to people who were there and experienced it firsthand and we relate the story to what's going on today, basically, how what happened then affects things now. every episode is a different year. this wednesday is 1989 and next wednesday is 2000. >> trevor: i was watching an episode, i think 1994 with o.j. simpson. >> yes. >> trevor: you alluded to the fact that o.j., you think, was partly responsible for the rise in crime and reality tv. >> absolutely. you look at the rise of court tv and trials and, you know, that was the trial of the century and it was fascinating to watch and kellie ripa is on the show and she was on "all my children" at the time the o.j. trial was happening and they were preempted every day and she realized this is going to be the end of the soap opera because what's happening in the courtroom is so much more interesting. >> trevor: so if that started the thing we now have today, can you explain how we have donald

trump? (applause) is there a thing you can track back? >> you really can't. i really can't. i still can't explain the hair. so i'm still focused on that (laughter) >> trevor: the hair is not meant to be explained. >> no it isn't. >> trevor: it's an expression of everything. >> it is. >> trevor: it's power. it really is. it starts here, it goes up and around -- >> trevor: so your show, what fascinates me, going back with "watch what happens," your guests drink on the show. >> we all drink on the show. >> trevor: is that real kohl? yes. >> trevor: are you drinking as well? >> yes, we're the only live show in late night. if i invite you over at my house at 11:00, the first thing i'll say is what do you want to drink? then i'm going to try to get information out of you. so the alcohol is very important. it's step by step. >> trevor: this is what you do at your house? >> absolutely! >> trevor: what kind of friend are you to get information from me? >> i'm very fun! >> trevor: because i have politicians that are going to

come here. i would love to get people drinking before they come out. >> guess what, i have news for you, i found bourbon in my dressing room. >> trevor: i was trying to make you feel at home. did it work? >> here i am! absolutely! you got me out here. >> trevor: i got you here. exactly. >> trevor: "watch what >> trevor: "watch what happens," airin andy cohen, eve!

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like the samsung galaxy s6. buy one get one free. so spread some cheer. and capture every minute of it. right now at at&t, buy one get one free on our most popular smartphones. >> trevor: that's the show. tomorrow night we'll be live tweeting the republican debate so follow us on twitter at "the daily show" to check it out 8:30 eastern, @thedailyshow. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> so there is a difference between what's been done in the past and what we're doing today. i'm a practical guy. i'm hard-ass on winning this war.

>> tonightly, michelle obama drops a rap video encouraging kids to go to kenneling. i'll be honest, it's not as good as laura bush's. remember that? that was scary. according to a new poll, ted cruz has pulled about ahead of donald trump in iowa. the last time a latino pulled ahead of trump, trump had his tires slashed. you remember that. i'm not making this up. and after ted cruz surges in the polls, donald trump calls cruz, quote, a little bit of a maniac. don'tno in the market for a maniac, trump is still your guy. this is "the nightly show"!