tv The Daily Show Comedy Central January 8, 2016 1:33am-2:06am PST
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tle favor. go to our blog and vote on whether i'm famous enough or i should kill myself. polls will stay open until the clock expires. at that point, i will be legally bound to go through with whatever you decide, so please vote responsibly. all right, we've had a good run, but i think it's time for us to take a break. it's not me. it's you. good night. [applause] >> trevor: tonight, we have an actual muslim person joining us in the studio. donald trump is always saying something, and i'm still the host. i'm trevor noah and this is "the daily show." (cheers and applause) ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! middle class (cheers and applause)
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♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: thank you so much! welcome to "the daily show"! i am trevor noah. my guest tonight is dahlia mogahed from the institute for social policy and understanding. she is here to discuss issues confronting america's muslim communities. that's if they have any issues. i don't know, i haven't -- i mean, i haven't heard anything happening with muslims in america, so i don't know what we're going to talk about. (laughter) you know what we will talk about, though, is american politics. it's been another great day in american politics. i honestly am not surprised because america has the best politics in the world. it's got everything. there is drama. sex scandals. and there is even comedy. eremember like that time when al gore won the election but he wasn't allowed to be president? (laughter) oh, man! what a great prank...
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oh, ah... but my favorite story of all is the inspirational one of a young senator, the son of an american mother and a foreign father who graduated from harvard law school and dreamed of being president, even though, let's face it, people, he wasn't born in america. that's right. we're talking about ted cruz. (laughter) (applause) the canadian-born texas senator whose country of birth was never a problem until now. >> senator ted cruz, did you know he was born in canada? so cushionly i constitutionallye allowed to be president? >> ted cruz battles back questions of his eligibility to serve as president. (bleep). >> trevor: this is insane! you have to understand, i didn't know this could happen to republicans as well! right? i thought republicans are the ones who do this and not the ones who get it done to them.
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this is like hearing someone roofied bill cosby! it's like me finding that out. "ooooo i'm about to black out with the darkness and the daawwww." (laughter) so this is a weird new issue in the campaign. all of the campaign has weird issues. it traces back to patient zero. (laughter) now, just so you know, the great majority of experts agree that ted cruz is eligible to be president of america because his mom was an american citizen. so there wasn't a real concern. but the genius of donald trump is now that he's losing ground to ted cruz especially in iowa is when he was presented a chance to make cruz's country of birth an issue, he took it. i want you to watch carefully how trump pretends to dig cruz
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out of the whole while actually trying to bury him. >> are you questioning his birthright as citizenship? >> no, i just know it's being questioned all over and a lot of people are asking me that question and the "washington post" asked me that question today and all i know is a lot of people are talking about it. i hope it's not so and doesn't come about, but lot of people are worried if he wasn't born in this country, which he wasn't, he was born in canada and had a canadian as wells a u.s. passport until recently within the last couple of years, so i don't know what it all means, but i know a lot of people are talking about it. >> trevor: yeah, i mean, i know a lot of people are talking about it. and i hope it's not -- hiss passport -- technically, he's canadian -- (spelling canada) (cheers and applause)
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but he doesn't stop there. to truly appreciate the trump, you have to observe him in his natural habitat. twitter. where he wrote -- ted ted, how o preempts the issues. go to court now and speak the declaratory judgment you will win. this tweet is like donald's hair, so many negatives. first he's pretending to talk directly to ted cruz but you see how he puts the period in front of the @ , that's something you only do on twitter when you want everyone to stay conversation. like in theater -- (shouting) -- ted cruz i would like to have a conversation with you about the scandal in private so none of these people can hear our conversation!
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secondly, i love how he's protecting cruz from the democrats. it's his attack, not the democrats. and lastly, going to court would be the worst thing ted cruz could do. why would you go to court? that would be like asking the court to declare you don't kill puppies. "yeah, just so you know, i went to court yesterday and they said i don't kill puppies." why did you do that? because i don't kill puppies. do you kill puppies? why would you think that? (laughter) it's like a weird situation. here's the thing, donald trump would be right, it would be awful to disqualify a candidate just because of an irrelevant possible scandal hanging over their head. for instance, a lot of people are saying that donald trump wants to bang his daughter. (laughter) and i hope it's not true, but i've even seen people saying it on television! (applause) and on the comedy central app!
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i mean, if you google donald trump wants to bang his daughter, you can watch these videos yourself! so it will be a shame if people watched that and if people started tweeting the hashtag "donald trump wants to bang his daughter"! i hope that doesn't happen! i really hope that doesn't happen. (laughter) the funniest thing to me in all of this is that all the con strivecy around ted cruz doesn't come out of everywhere, it's rooted in the greatest documents of all time. no, picture buffs -- the american constitution. sorry about that. in article 2, section 1, the constitution says that to become president of the united states, you must be, among other things, a natural born citizen. the catch, is it never says what that means. so basically, when the founding fathers was writing the constitution, their guiding principle was, this is our
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country's most important document, it will dictate how our citizens live for generations to come! let's keep it vague. (laughter) the only way to really know what the american founding fathers meant by the phrase "natural born citizen" would be to ask one of them personally. fortunately for us, there is an app for that. just give me a second to find it. text -- no. update -- no. there we go -- no, that's finding father. that's a different app. ah, there we go. founding father, and i pick thomas erithomas jefferson. >> it is i, thomas jefferson! who summoned me and why? >> trevor: president jefferson! nice to meet you! trevor noah of "the daily show"! i was hoping you could tell me what the phrase natural born citizen means in the citizens'
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constitution? >> the phrase derives from british common law which held children born to the crown -- a negro! there is a negro in this theatrical presentation! >> trevor: i'm sorry! this will take time to explain. i need to ask you a question, please. >> am i the only one seeing this! i cannot deal with this! am i the only one seeing this? sally! sally! >> trevor: we'll be right back! calm down! calm down! (cheers and this is iphone 6s.
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! you know, when i came to this amazing country, i was promised great political attack ads. now that it's finally 20616, the ads are here. no more of these 140 character slap fights on twitter. this is fighting hd. here to break down the ads is jessica williams in our latest setting "advertisement tonight." (cheers and applause) >> jessica: thank you, trevor. >> trevor: oh, jessica. >> jessica: that was really fast. >> trevor: so jessica, what makes a perfect political ad?
tv-commercial
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>> jessica: well, the perfect ad holds up the great american tradition of reason and logic and says, forget that! we're all going to die! >> trevor: so these ads get intense? >> jessica: yes, ladies and gentlemen. get the kid out of the room, crush up low-dose bayer for the grandparents because these ads are not for the faint of heart. tonight a bold offering from ted cruz entitled "invasion." ♪ >> i understand that when the main stream media covers immigration it doesn't often see it as an economic issue, but i can tell you it is a very personal economic issue and i will say the politics of it would be very, very different if a bunch of lawyers or bankerser crossing the rio grande or if a bunch of people with journalism degrees were coming over and driving down the wages in the press, then we would see stories
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about the economic calamity that is befalling our nation. if i'm elected president, we will trip the border patrol, we will build a wall that works, we will secure the border. >> trevor: that was amazing! i love this ad. jessica? >> jessica: are you kidding me? that ad was a seven-layer dip of propaganda! >> trevor: i was excited, i was terrified! whoever the people were, they were running because they needed to get out or into the country, i couldn't figure out which way it was, whatever ted cruz wants them to do, basically. >> jessica: that's the problem, this ad is a picture into his brain! it's like the movie inside out except the little girl was super racists! ads like this are for republicans who fear immigrants and 18 to 25-year-olds who fear office attire.
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yeah, yeah, stacy, you should wear a suit but your edible candles won't pay your half to have the rent, girlfriend, so get a damn suit! sorry about that. let's break this down. ted cruz is claiming that if immigrants were taking aa way jobs from high-powered lawyers and journalists then liberals would be as anti-immigrant as ted cruz. >> trevor: okay, i see. so that's why all the immigrants in the ads are wearing suits? >> yeah, an american paid an immigrant to wear a suit, trevor noah (applause) >> trevor: well, they don't hate all of them. >> yeah, but, like, most of them. >> trevor: anyway, so what's the problem with this? ted cruz is just reminding us that low-skilled immigrants are taking american jobs. >> yeah, and that wouldn't be a problem if it could be absolutely proven. but if you want examples of immigrants who get jobs americans want, it's high-skilled immigrants from countries like china and india. you know who supported bringing
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more of them in last year in the immigration bill? ted cruz? (bleep) yeah. >> trevor: so the ad does sound like propaganda. >> i know! >> trevor: but then again the ad also says i can trust ted! do you see that? >> yeah, i see it. >> trevor: then made the two words to be one word. >> jessica: no, i see it. >> trevor: in south africa, we don't have this technology. >> jessica: i know, but it's clever. i know, i see it. i'm with you. it's okay. it's not that clever. >> trevor: i trusted. i'm not sure you're getting my point. why did marco rubio's face show up in the ad? that's weird. >> it's easy, because ted cruz is so strong on immigration he even put a wall up between himself and his opponent marco rubio. he would never let a cuban man like rubio slip over into his box. >> trevor: that doesn't make sense, ted cruz is cuban. >> canadian-cuban and everyone knows canadian first equals
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american! everybody knows that! >> trevor: i did not know that. >> you're dutch! south africa plus american equals dutch. i'll explain it all to you later. it's getting heady. i don't think you're getting my point. anyway, it's time for our final revee view. >> trevor: okay. well this, ad was riveting and suspenseful. i'm going to give it two thumbs up! >> jessica: wait, black dutchman, this was a pile of garbage. a thumbs down, a middle finger up and a second thumb up my butt. thank you, everyone. >> trevor: thank you, everyone. jessica williams, we'll be right back! (cheers and applause) boom. told ya. hey know it alls, you're welcome. now that t-mobile has double the lte coverage you can prove you're right to more people in more places. faulty fuel injector you showed him huh, still alive. told you nailed it! you're wrong, it's that way.
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(cheers and applause) ♪ welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: thanks so much for joining us. >> i'm thrilled to be here. >> trevor: ahhh! where do we start? >> well, i'll tell you one thing... i am actually such a big fan, and i'm so excited to be here. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: thank you very much. >> but i'm also just excited anytime i clear security and arrive anywhere i travel. (laughter) >> trevor: we don't have those issues in this building. they were just like, we don't know anymore. (laughter) thank you so much for coming. i'm actually a fan of yours. i saw you and i guess not in the best circumstances because i felt like every single time there was any sort of terrorist story, people would call you on to their shows to speak on behalf of all muslims? >> that's my job. >> trevor: oh, that's your job.
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oh, well, okay, that's good to know. what is your actual job? >> my actual job is i direct research at the institute for social policy and understanding, which means i am the one who helps understand american muslims. >> trevor: yes. okay. so then you understand american muslims. here's the thing i don't understand in america. why is it that american muslims are not welcome, i guess is what i'm looking for? >> yeah, because i think there is a lot of misunderstanding. i mean, one thing that i think there is a huge misunderstanding about is radicalization and what causes it. >> trevor: mosques. mosques cause radicalization. (laughter) >> trevor: that's what i heard. >> you would think. >> trevor: shut down the mosques and then you don't get radicalized. >> right. well, here are the facts -- mosques are places where people go to connect with their community, connect with god. they're actually a force of moderation. attending a mosque regularly is linked with greater civic
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engagement and more tolerant views of people of other faiths. where people get radicalized is the internet. >> trevor: ah, the comment section... (laughter) >> yeah. and at my mosque, i can't even get a signal. >> trevor: but, i mean, okay, so it's so hard to even have these discussions because let's say you come from a liberal point of view or let's say you're trying to be on the good side of the conversation. people shout out, i'm not saying all muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are muslims. >> right. >> trevor: how do you respond to that? >> my response is all of them except the vast majority who are not. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: but why is there such an easy game that's played? the sentiment is so easy to
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spread, muslims are the terrorists. >> i think one reason for that is when you look at not terrorism but media coverage of terrorism, and that's where you find the vast majority of terrorists in the media are muslims, but not in the real world. >> trevor: so it's just the media perpetuating this? >> absolutely, it really is. the problem, though, is that when we fall into this kind of fearmongerring, it hurts everybody. doesn't just hurt muslims. and when we normalize bigotry, the real fear is it doesn't just hurt one group, it really hurts everyone. i mean, one study showed that the same politicians that are going after muslims are going after blacks and latinos, women, labor movements, gays, lesbians, so this is something we all have to stand up against. >> trevor: do people ever accuse you of being oppressed because of your dress? >> all the time. all the time.
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>> trevor: is that what it is? is it restricting? why do you dress the way you dress? >> it is such a good question. i was hoping you would ask me that. here's why i dress the way i dress. the main reason is i never have to have a bad hair day. (applause) but then there is some secondary reasons. a few are because it's an act of devotion to god. this is, as i understand my faith, a commandment that i should follow and when you look at surveys, that's what the vast majority of women who wear headdress say, they do it as an act of devotion to their faith, not because anyone forces them, but because they believe that's how they should follow their faith. i want to ask you a question i know you're the guy asking me, but when we talk about oppression, i think it's important and interesting because the oppression means the taking away of someone's power. >> trevor: yes.
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hat basically privatizes women's sexuality. the head dress. that's essentially what it does. so what are we saying when we say that by taking away or privatizing a woman's sexuality we're oppressing her? what does that mean? what is that saying about the force of a woman's power? >> trevor: we're saying a woman is only strong if she's sexy in public? >> yeah! >> trevor: did i get it? yes! >> trevor: yes! (applause) that would have been such a horrible end to the week for me. thank you so much! this is a conversation we need to carry on. we need to carry on the web. if you're watching on tv, then this is the end for you, and we're going to continue talking about this. dahlia mogahed, everybody. (cheers and applause) refresh things.
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tonight, everybody. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> i like the iran deal! who would make this deal? during -- it's a -- what did you say? i didn't hear it. okay. i didn't say it! i didn't say it!w says "moo." >> larry: tonightly north korea has detonated it's first hydrogen bomb. at least they take credit, unlike the monster that destroyed the third floor bathroom this afternoon. [laughing] >> larry: it wasn't me. [laughing] >> larry: alright. it was me. the new york city minimum wage will increase from 11 in
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