yes. each one of you owes me $12. okay, next week's show, wow. we give the "make it show" girl a web redemption. >> i woke up everyone, okay? i didn't mean to. i just wanted it to snow. >> oh, my god. such a typical alpha kai omega. am i right? oh, they are all the same. hey, make sure you follow me on twitter so we can live chat during the shows. check out my tour schedule and keep up with our daily blog at comedycentral.com/tosh.0. lastly, the winter olympics are coming to a close. thank goodness. maybe now colbert will stop yapping about how he sponsored the u.s. speed skating team. big deal. we sponsored a team too. but since our show has a budget of zero dollars, we couldn't afford any american teams. so for the price of a cup of coffee, we found out you can sponsor the iranian ice dancing team. death to america. good night. [cheers and applause]

>> trevor: tonight, we take an in-depth look at bernie sanders' campaign. what are his policies and where does he plan to take the country? is it to disneyland? i hope. i'm trevor noah. this is "the daily show." >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome, everybody, to "the daily show"! thank you so much for being here! our guest co-host of fox news' th"the five" greg gutfeld is he! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: i'm trevor noah, your host until wednesday. after that, well, i've got plans. >> wednesday's powerball drawing

will be worth more than $1.3 billion and, yes, that is the largest in the world. >> trevor: that's right! powerball tickets, bay-beeeeeee! $1.3 billion! i realize that's potential money. i'm going to pick that up. $1.3 billion! that's talking-in-the-third-person money, yeah, and trevor's going to win him some. $1.3 billion is so much money it crashes your brain, but luckily the news has a much simpler way to explain it. >> in $1 bills, it would weigh more than 888 tons, which is more than a 747, a space shuttle, the world's largest dump truck and a herd of elephants combined! (laughter) >> trevor: i'm going to level with you. i never understand why they do this on the news because now i have more questions than before. how big is a 747? how big is the world's largest dump truck? how many elephants are in a herd? why would you need to break

money down into elephants? why would you just use numbers? that's why humans invented numbers so we no longer have to measure things in elephants. everyone understands numbers! >> i saw someone do a little math and if you were to take that money and divide it among all american people each would have a few million dollars. >> i think they dropped the zero. i think it only ends up being 4 bucks each. >> i don't think so. check your math. (laughter) (applause) >> trevor: i guess we'll use elephants. but maybe you should buy powerball tickets this year because it seems 2016 is when long shots just may pay off. >> bernie sanders is within striking distance of hillary clinton in both iowa and new hampshire. >> sanders is outperforming clinton in hypothetical matchups.

>> he raised $4 billion. despite clinton raising $112 million she's worried about a surging sanders. >> trevor: ah, yes, a surging sanders. someone tells me you don't want to search that on urban dictionary. a surging sanders, it's when you come out of nowhere. (laughter) as sanders catches up with -- and even surpasses hillary clinton in iowa and new hampshire polls, you might be wondering who is this rising new yet old force in the democratic party? so tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we present th "the legend of bernie sanders." you see, sanders was born in brooklyn in 1941 and raised by his parents a pollster and a scratchy old sweater. the turning point in his life came as a teenager when he was bitten by a radio active senior citizen giving him the power to be as grumpy as ten old men.

he moved to vermont, running as independent for mayor, won that race and ran for congress, won, and ran for senate and won that. if he didn't get into politics, he probably would have won "the voice" as well. you think this is a joke but bernie sanders released an actual folk album in 1987 called "we shall overcome." ♪ as i went walking that rivet of highway ♪ ♪ i saw above me that endless skyway ♪ ♪ i saw below me ♪ that golden valley ♪ this land was made for you and me ♪ (laughter) >> trevor: that is amazing! and that is real, by the way. that is bernie sanders, and that is a real song that he made. even if he does become president, i hope he doesn't give up singing. no, we need more bernie sanders

covering songs! can you just imagine, hello! from the other side! hello! can you hear me from the other side? where are the buttons on this thing? (laughter) so that's where sanders came from. the big question is what does sanders believe? what is his vision for america? let's start at the beginning, bernie sanders described himself as a democratic socialist, a phrase that to some suggests slave labor camps, but that's not what bernie sanders stands for. that is wrong, he's a democratic socialist. so he will let us vote for who runs the labor camps. (laughter) actually, sanders' brand of socialism means policies breaking up largest banks to protect americans from massive bailouts and allowing post offices to do basic banking services. this is great because low income people could get banking services from the government

instead of expensive cash places. they wouldn't have to stand in a line with a barrel of kerosine open till 11:45! sanders is outspoken about wanting to help the middle class at the expense of the rich. >> i want to expand social security and we do that by lifting the cap on taxable income for people earning above $250,000 a year. >> rebuilding our crumbling infrastructure. we'll be paid by doing away with the loophole allowing corporations to stash money in the cayman islands tax free. i want to help kids in this country go to college. it is time wall street, corporate america and the billionaire class understand that they are going to start paying their fair share of taxes! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: it's weird. i can't picture bernie sanders whispering.

(shouting) i want to tell you a secret! yeah, that's what he wants, more taxes for corporate america and the billionaires, which i support, unless i win powerball, then boo! boo! because i worked for that money! so many on team sanders think his social programs can be paid entirely by the 1% but it's way more complicated than that. the "wall street journal" calculated $1.8 trillion a year is the cost of his programs. a low-end estimate of people who filed tax returns, the top one% would include more income. the 1.7 trillion estimate accounted for only adjusted gross income. have i lost you guys? (laughter) what i'm trying to say is bernie sanders wants rich people to pay more elephants.

(cheers and applause) that's what i'm trying to say. well, if you ask me personally, i think bernie sanders' popularity has nothing to do with policy. i think it's because he's opposite trump. you see, the world craves balance. bernie is the yen to trump's racist yang. even their origin stories are the same. both grew up from new york city and both inherited something from their fathers. >> my wife and i had a little money. my dad passed away, left a few thousand dollars. >> i started off in brooklyn, my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars -- (laughter) >> trevor: yeah, exactly the same, a small loan of a million dollars. this is what i love about american fathers, they leave their sons with some cash money. african fathers, they leave you with nothing but a bunch of dreams. (audience reacts) there is also one other huge similar later -- >> the issue is the "yuge"

amounts of money it takes to run the campaign. >> "yuge" issue. tax break. problem at the border. >> trevor: trump versus sanders, that would be. >> magnificent. enormous. big! >> trevor: so close. we'll be right back. boom. told ya. hey know it alls, you're welcome. now that t-mobile has double the lte coverage you can prove you're right to more people in more places. faulty fuel injector you showed him huh, still alive. told you nailed it! you're wrong, it's that way. ha, ha, ha t-mobile's new extended range lte reaches twice as far, and is 4 times better in buildings. now you can know it all, from almost anywhere.

do you really think that's a good idea? if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it too? you'll lose interest. it's just a phase. it hurts me more than it hurts you. where are your manners - were you raised by wolves? you're going to give me a heart attack. when you have kids, you'll understand. this is the life of a rebel. sorry, mom.

(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back! religious freedom, it's guaranteed by the u.s. constitution to every single american citizen as long as they choose the right religion. al madrigal has more. >> ever since the white man crossed the atlantic, things haven't been that great for native americans. now that mt. mckinley is nowda naily and -- denali and the super here are getting his on comic book, things are looking up for native americans. mostly. >> mining companies are working to tap into a copper deposit below local apache tribes. >> oak flat a desert east of phoenix. for some reason these apache can't appreciate the irony after literally getting the shaft. i sat down with arizona state professor tinele marley to learn

more. >> this place oak flat is sacred to the san carlos apache, a place where ceremonies are performed. >> you've got a church up there? it's not a physical church. our ceremonies are done outside. >> ugh, it's 120 degrees outside. >> you deal with it. i'll say in the -- stay in the a.c. >> the type of mining will destroy the area. we're only trying to protect our religious freedom. >> religious freedom, the only american tradition even older than lying to indians. politicians can't get enough of it and tinele's own senator john mccain is no different. >> no society that denies religious freedom is ever rightly claim to be good in another way. >> if you tell john mccain and others who represent you that your religious freedom was under attack, they would be the first people to help you. >> phot in this case.

sorry? they were the ones who helped insert it into the defense bill. >> turns out when congress was arguing over the national defense bill, it was mccain and his colleagues who slipped in the rider that sold off the copper under oak flat. but what about that religious freedom stuff mccain said with his mouth hole? political consultant michael o'neil. >> when you're dealing with politicians, it has to be a main stream american religion, or else it doesn't count. >> what's more american than native american? >> when it comes to the american electorate, not native american. >> how do i break this to that indian lady? okay, you're not one of those "real religions." >> what do you mean "real religion"? >> i mean, look -- to say that an apache doesn't have a real religion? that's offensive. >> i don't know anything about

it. >> obviously. i'm trying to help you, lady. you're not doing a very good job. >> okay. so the american government is screwing over native americans -- again. but this time the mining company promises that, thanks to advanced drilling technologies, the indians will barely notice anything at all. something like this -- this is your oak flat apache holy land -- holy land -- and this is the mining company. we're going to drill a hole, extract the copper, okay? nice and clean! got it? oh, here we go. yeah, that's a lot of copper. get under there. and then we're going to scoop out the remaining copper, and there you go, oak flat, good as new. oak flat is delicious. >> we have ancestors that are buried in the area. >> wait! this place is an indian burial

ground? that's the angle, we can scare them out like in poltergeist and pet cemetery -- what could possibly be worth that? >> the figure i've seen were $67 billion or something of that order. >> of copper? copper. these independence cants don't have a chance. but there must be something the apaches can do. what else you got? any other ideas? >> the population is disproportionately politically powerful for mormons. >> mormons. could be a strategy. if something were sacred in the mormon religion, that would be a tough one to get through the legislature. >> that's it! look... just say you're mormon! lie! get what you want! it's the american way! >> no, we're not going to lie. we can fight this. we are using social media and we will be heard. >> so instead of bows and

arrows, you have twitter and facebook? >> exactly! i think somebody needs to get shot with an arrow. >> i'd lose my job. m not saying you have to do it. >> yeah... i don't think so. >> fine! have it your way. but just in case... say hello to miff. >> trevor: al madrigal, everyone! we'll be right back! (cheers and applau

come on! don't drop your phone, drop your network. bring your phone to cricket wireless. we have more 4g lte coverage nationwide than t-mobile or sprint. cricket wireless. something to smile about.

(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to the show! my guest tonight is a co-host of fox news' "the five," host of fox news "the greg gutfeld show" and author of the new book "how to be right." ples welcome greg gutfeld! (cheers and applause) middl♪ >> thanks for having me! >> trevor: thank you! my pleasure! water! ahhh! >> trevor: so this is you? his is me, believe it or

not. in the flesh. >> trevor: in the flesh. i don't like the way you're looking at me. >> trevor: what do you mean? i think you're seeing right through me. >> trevor: what am i seeing? you're seeing a beautiful person. >> trevor: clearly not all the way through. (laughter) no, thank you for coming. this is one of those weird instances where a person, i guess from your world, would not normally be sitting in this chair in this world. >> it's strew. this is a microcosm of my life. i work at fox news and i live in new york city, so the perception of me is evil. i am a rotten person. but i'm not. i'm actually fairly normal. >> trevor: you know what rotten people would say -- >> this is true, it's a complete lie. >> trevor: do you see yourself as a beggar honestly? >> no, i'm a fool. i play a fool. i was never in politics -- >> trevor: a fool as in a joker? >> yeah. so whenever anybody says something i find false, i tend to make fun of them. that's kind of what i do for a living. >> trevor: i've read your book, how to be right, basically

a book about how to win arguments as a conservative against anyone that you consider a liberal. my question to you is, shouldn't it be conversations tha that ran arguments? >> i think it should be a conversation and i think it should be fun. it should be like talking sports. the problem is the right is terrible at selling good ideas and the left is great at selling bad ideas. like, if you look -- it's true. if you look at bernie -- by the way, bernie is a socialist. >> trevor: democratic socialist! >> i apologize. >> trevor: let's be specific. but the point is, haven't we had enough of socialism? we had an entire century of it, i didn't know work out well. however, he's likable and persuasive. he looks like a walking science project. >> trevor: i counter that with trump. >> that is a fair counter. >> trevor: okay (laughter) he is the opposite, right? >> yes. >> trevor: how do you feel about trump?

he has all this support. >> okay, you know what trump is? >> trevor: yeah. rump is a classic rock band that has four hits. so he's going around the country, and when he sees that the crowd is getting bored, his "fry bird" is "build a wall." or that doesn't work with you because you don't know linder ld skynard. when he says "ban all muslims" that's his "stairway to heaven." these are his classic hits. >> trevor: you don't agree with him. >> no. there are legitimate issues that get perverted when you use certain platitudes that are used to shock people, and that happens both on the left and the right sny agree with that in certain instances. i mean, on one side, though, there can be people who push it to such an extreme, though -- >> true. >> trevor: -- that it gets the conversation to a very dangerous and scary place. >> okay. >> trevor: so you go, i'm against trump. >> trump is a weird thing.

he eschews all jargon. that's refreshing, but he replaces it with catch phrases and platitudes that require specifics. so for instance if you're like me and believe immigration is important and there should a front door and not a wain do, i believe everybody should be welcome as long as you come through the front door. america is disneyland for earth. america is it the lifeboat and the rest of the planet is the titanic. (audience reacts) >> trevor: have you traveled? yes, i have been around. >> trevor: there are many amazing countries in the world. i mean, america is a great country -- >> no, no, do not exaggerate. there are four. >> trevor: but -- four amazing countries. there are four. hold on. let me think of them. >> trevor: okay, okay. i'm going to ask you one. >> is caicos two countries?

(laughter) >> trevor: are you a conservative? >> i consider myself a right wing liberal. so yes. >> trevor: yes. okay. trump is extreme. >> he's not a conservative. >.he's a populist. i don't believe that what he's saying now receiver going to happen -- now is ever going to happen. he's doing this to get elected or have a tv show whichever comes first. i don't believe he's an actual conservative. i don't mind that because i'm not an idealog. left and right are supposed to compliment each other. they hit each other because they're all based on suspicion. >> trevor: how do people start a conversation, then, in your opinion? >> it's happened to me many times. people have come up to me and talked to me usually by saying "i hate you." >> trevor: but they can't all

come up to you. >> i encourage it. >> trevor: how do you start a conversation with someone you don't necessarily agree with? >> i don't. i don't talk to anybody. i don't. (laughter) >> trevor: you have all these proposals but you say nothing to further them. >> that is true! (laughter) >> trevor: "how to be right" is in book stores now, "the five" airs monday through friday on fox news points, points, our points. there has got to be a way to redeem our hotel points. i just want to take a vacation. this seems crazy. oh really? tell us something we don't know, captain obvious. ok. with hotels.com, when you collect 10 nights you get one free. oh. so you only need to know how to count to 10 to earn a free night at places like that nudist resort. yeah i don't know how that got there. because you stayed there, took a selfie and hung it prominently on the wall.

hm? hotels.com. they won't judge your life choices. (dong)ocket blasting off (ding) (ding) (ding) (ding) (ding) (ding) sfx: (countdown) 3, 2, 1

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you deserve to be fired. four flavors, four shapes, cheetos mix ups. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> i've got to take a live shot. live shot. no questions, carson. ow! come on! there you go. oh! n the record, savannah sunk a shot! she