jump, jump, jump. we got it at 9.5. we have 0.5 less to go. let's go. >> tosh: exclusive club there. okay, you guys are at a 6.5 let's bring it down a reasonable 4. 2 while i do self-promotion. follow me on twitter to live chat during the show. now if you prefer your jokes in text form check out our blog at tosh dot whatever. it's been reskinned. that's blog talk. come see me do standup comedy usually at night and stay tuned for a new episode of brickleberry and tomorrow's national boomerang day. i commissioned a maker to whip me up. a batch of deadly bangs. i'm crocodile dundee. this is a boomerang. hop off you poof. i got his legs and feet bound.

this should be fun. that big one came flying. >> tosh: you know what goes good with anaroo? pumpernickel. the gold i phone is for persians. [cheers and applause] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight jess glynne performing a long off her debut album "i cry when i laugh"!

jess glynne is here, everybody! (cheers and applause) but, but, but... great news. this just in. >> we have breaking news now. sarah palin endorsing donald trump for president... >> trevor: it has begun! (laughter) i felt like sarah palin was always going to endorse donald trump. why did it take this long? eight minutes into porn, they're still talking about the plumbing. it's, like, we all know where it's going, just get there! speak of donald trump, according to recent polling, the teflon don is currently dominating the field. he's doing surprisingly well among evangelical voters. supporting donald trump is like masturbation, you know it's a sin but it feels so good. (laughter) so yesterday trump gave a speech at liberty university, which for those of you who don't know is

basically the christian college conservatives have to speak at when they're trying to get elected as president. it's like a campaign trail right of passage. in america, you go to prom. in south africa, you go to prom. and i know some of you right now are going, that's not how a zebra would wear a dress. you're wrong. it's ze-bra. so trump was reaching out to evangelical christians, let the pandering begin. >> i wrote art art. who has read "the art of the deal" in this room? (applause) everybody. i always say, a deep, deep second to the bible! the bible is the best. the bible. the bible blows it away. there is nothing like the bible. (laughter) >> trevor: did you hear that, god! you finally got that blurb you were looking for! really? second to the bible?

so, yeah, apparently donald trump loves the bible! well, let's see how much he loves the bible. >> i hear this is a major theme right here, but two corinthians, right? two corinthains 3:17, that's the whole ball game. where the spirit of the lord -- right? where the spirit of the lord, is there is liberty. and here there is liberty college -- liberty university, but it is so true! >> trevor: this man has no idea what he's talking about. no idea! basically you were going to liberty university and thought, if i find the word "liberty" in the bible, i'm golden! i'm golden! that's the whole ball game! what ball game? i don't know! two corinthians! in fact, it's not even two corinthians! it's second corinthians! the second epistle of paul to the corinthians! as i'm sure the crowd at liberty can tell you, it is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to try and pull that (bleep) off in front

of bible students. it is so insane, you know! in trump's defense, maybe he was confusing it with a often forgotten sequel "2 corinthians, 2 furious." (laughter) you know what? the biggest thing about donald trump is, love him or hate limb him, you have to talk about him. this isn't just an american thing. in fact, yesterday the british parliament actually debated whether to ban trump from the united kingdom because of his inflammatory statements about muslims. >> legislators will discuss a petition signed by more than half a million people to ban trump from entering britain. >> trevor: that's right. more than 500,000 british people signed a petition to ban donald trump from entering the u.k. 500,000 people. that's almost the entire cost of "game of thrones." (laughter) a lot of people are saying it's not fair. i mean, if bins can ban america's most inflammatory

reality tv star, then why does america have to keep theirs? that's a good question. (audience reacts) but what you need to understand is britain has a fairly high muslim population. so donald trump really gets their blood going and, fortunately, the brits have a solution. >> can i not suggest that actually this is about buffoonery and it should not be met with a blunt instrument by a classic brisith ridicule. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: ah! yes! classic brisith ridicule, the number one form of punishment in the u.k. the reason their policemen don't carry guns, they're all armed with a little book of british insults! stop your babbling you asshole bampart! you've done it now you bag!

i'll box your eyes out your cumberbatch! like america, britain decide to not take donald trump seriously. >> donald trump is no more than a demagogue. he panders to people's fears as opposed to their strengths. >> donald trump is a fool. he is free to be a fool. >> he is a "wazzock." a ridiculous "xenophobe." his policy to close borders if elected president is bonkers! >> trevor: it's completely bonkers! oh, by the way, i have a feeling one of those guys was just jeb bush in disguise (laughter) you know, the greatest part about this whole debate is it actually wasn't a debate. turns out parliament didn't even hold a vote. they were all there just to make fun of donald trump. >> some of the foolish things donald trump said -- the concept of global warming was created by and for the chinese in order to make u.s. manufacturing

non-competitive. then went on to be offensive. he said i will build a great wall, and nobody builds balls better than me. believe me. (laughter) >> trevor: actually, you know, when you say that stuff with a british accent, it doesn't sound that crazy. (laughter) i don't know. even i'm like, wait... did the chinese invent global warming? and tell me more about that wall! for that we go to our u.k. senior correspondent, jordan klepper, everybody! (cheers and applause) thanks for joining us, jordan! jordan, i thought we were going to have you outside parliament. >> yeah, i'm actually here at the "ox & oak," came here just after i was at parliament. well, not exactly true. first i swung by the "fat and pickle," then a couple billets at the "spit and swallow," and a quick stop at the "pricey hooker." >> trevor: those are all pubs?

hose are mostly pubs (laughter) >> trevor: okay. well, jordan, you were at the parliamentary debates. what was your make takeaway? >> well, trevor, it was outrageous. say what you want about donald trump but as an american seeing a foreign government ridicule one offour citizens, i know i should definitely be phoned by that. >> trevor: you don't really seem that offended, jordan. >> no, i'm super upset. smart where brits ridiculing trump for his ignorant fearmongerring, makes me want to crush 'em repeatedly over and over, you know? this is for you, england! this is for you! (applause) feels good to get it out. >> trevor: jordan, i'm starting to think you enjoyed this debate. >> what? no! like i was telling the bartender over at the "rub and tug," i don't appreciate parliament attacking our republican front return with madeup words like "wazzock" and "bonkers" and

"xenophobe," you know? we americans will not tolerate our supposed ally insulting one of our most respected and prominent citizens. >> trevor: you do realize you're laughing right now. (laughter) >> i'm not laughing. that was an anger cough! anger! (laughter) look, i want to be very clear, i have zero tolerance for what you're doing to donald trump, all right? just makes me want to grab you by the collar and let you know how i really feel! >> trevor: thank you, jordan. you know what? you have been very clear. thank you. (cheers and applause) >> i'm just glad i could make my point. now if you'll excuse me, i've got a tab open at the "sausage and tits." >> trevor: thank you, jordan klepper. jordan jordan, everyone. we'll be right back! we'll be right back! (cheers video streaming burns tons of data. and those other guys love over charging you for it. not t-mobile! now you can binge watch without watching your data.

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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back! in some countries, people are willing to make great sacrifices to vote. in america, many aren't willing to get off the couch. what can be done about it? roy wood, jr. reports. >> roy: if there's one thing we can be certain of in the election next fall, like a free burrito giveaway at chipotle, not a whole lot of people are showing up and these voting numbers worry election experts. >> there was a time voter turnout was probably 70, 80%. everybody was involved. the amount of people showing up dwindled and dwindled. >> roy: but he thinks he has a

solution. >> i contend one of the ways of sparking it would be talking about it and, a, taking bets on it. betting. >> on an election. betting on an election, yeah. >> roy: how did you get that idea? >> i'm a bookie. >> roy: oh! that explains why his office is in a casino. turns out he's been trying to get it legalized for years. >> i guarantee you, if you did make a bet, you would vote. you're more informed and you have skin in the game. >> roy: yeah, but gambling is a dirty, sleazy, underbelly of a world. we're talking about politics, man. >> it's a double whammy, pal. you've gotten your guy in the white house and beaten jimmy out of some money. tell me what's wrong with that. >> roy: well, i'll tell you what's wrong with it. it's... well, got to be a lot of (bleep). i just can't think of it now. it can't work because gambling is a sickness. as addiction counselor and male

clothing model explains. >> they gamble the way a junky shoots dope. >> roy: tell me some of the worst stories about gamblers losing everything. >> addiction is addiction. takes everything. all consuming, all destructive. >> roy: surely gambling on a presidential election is a bad idea. >> i don't think it would be awful at all. as a matter of fact, i think it might be a pretty good idea. >> roy: did you just say you're okay with gambling on an election? >> i think it would increase our dismal poll turnout numbers and a game that only comes around once every four years. no harm, no foul. >> no, thankfully it's illegal to bet on an election in the united states and we all know it could never work anywhere else. >> today, gambling on american elections is legal in great britain. >> roy: england where the poll

turnout numbers are con sirchtly better than ours? >> they have been betting over there on their elections for centuries. are they smarter than us? i don't think so. >> roy: since everybody thinks this is such a good damn idea, let's test it. i'll take a ragtag group of social misfits who don't vote but love numbers and turn them into informed voters. what groups did i profile? i got my erectio election bros e street. they knew their football. >> 18, bobby boo shea. >> roy: but they didn't know their politics. >> he's not running anymore? dodd frank. >> roy: it wasn't dodd or frank. now that we established they were idiots, time for the real

work. put money on the table. if they had money on the table would they learn about candidates the same as football? i gave them one hour to go from espn to cnn. i held on their money and had them resist any and all temptations of las vegas. an hour later how did they do? >> can't rule out rubio. fiscal conservative and religious conservatives. >> honestly, i think hillary will be out of here soon because of that benghazi issue. >> not only c-span but these were c-span three! this is amazing. you have been more informed simply by put you can own money on the line. gentlemen, i can' i can't thanku enough. we're done can i get my credit card back?

my money? >> roy: oh, your money. i invested it. the lesson of this experiment is clear. it's not about educating the voters about the candidate. it's that i can get rich! i'm a journalist, i can show up to political events like this democratic debate and collect the inside info i.d.! >> how does she perform in cold weather? >> excellent. she can go south, midwest and into the cold northeast. >> roy: how are you feeling? how do you feel? >> great! put all the money back on o'malley. looking good in the room. >> roy: man, i'm betting the house. what could go wrong? >> in an incredible upset, receiving 97% of the vote, bernie sanders will be the next president of the united states. >> roy: oh, (bleep). (applause) >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everyone! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause)

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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back! my guest tonight is a grammy-award winning artist whose debut album is called "i cry when i laugh." to play the song "don't be so hard on yourself" from the album, please welcome jess glynne! (cheers and applause) ♪ i came here with a broken heart that no one else could see ♪ i drew a smile on my face to paper over me ♪ but wounds heal and tears dry and cracks they don't show ♪ so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ let's go back to simplicity i feel like i've been missing me ♪ was not who i'm supposed to be i felt this darkness over me ♪ we all get there eventually i never knew where i belonged ♪ but i was right and you were wrong ♪ been telling myself all along don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ learn to forgive, learn to let go

♪ everyone trips, everyone falls so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ 'cause i'm just tired of marching on my own ♪ kind of frail, i feel it in my bones ♪ won't let my heart, my heart turn into stone ♪ so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ i'm standin' on top of the world, right where i wanna be ♪ so how can this dark cloud be raining over me ♪ but hearts break and hells a place that everyone knows ♪ so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ let's go back to simplicity i feel like i've been missing me ♪ was not who i'm supposed to be i felt this darkness over me ♪ we all get there eventually i never knew where i belonged ♪ but i was right and you were wrong ♪ been telling myself all along don't be so hard on yourself, no

♪ learn to forgive, learn to let go ♪ everyone trips, everyone falls so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ 'cause i'm just tired of marching on my own ♪ kind of frail, i feel it in my bones ♪ won't let my heart, my heart turn into stone ♪ so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ oh, oh, oh, i i learned to wave goodbye ♪ how not to see my life through someone else's eyes ♪ it's not an easy road but no i'm not alone ♪ so i, i won't be so hard on myself no more

♪ don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ learn to forgive, learn to let go ♪ everyone trips, everyone falls so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ 'cause i'm just tired of marching on my own ♪ kind of frail, i feel it in my bones ♪ won't let my heart, my heart turn into stone ♪ so don't be so hard on yourself, no ♪ 'cause i'm just tired of marching on my own ♪ kind of frail, i feel it in my bones ♪ won't let my heart, my heart turn into stone ♪ so don't be so hard on yourself, no (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause)

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"the daily show"! we're here with jess glynne. jess, thank you so much for joining us. people love you, by the way. (cheers and applause) you're absolutely amazing. based out of london or living in the u.s. now? >> no, london. >> trevor: i feel like the u.k. singers are take over. it's yourself, adel, jesse and you all have this amazing soulful voice. is that a london thing? >> i don't know where it comes from. i think it's the kind of music you listen to when you're young snore you're a big fan of amy winehouse. >> i still am. >> trevor: but, you know -- yeah. >> trevor: she's not -- oh, i know. >> trevor: good, i didn't want to be the one to -- >> yeah. >> trevor: so amazing album, amazing music. i've run out there, i could not recommend her anymore than i'm doing now. "i cry when i laugh" is available now. now to play us out with the song

"hold my hand " , please welcome again jess glynne. (cheers and applause) >> ♪ standing in a crowded room and i can't see your face ♪ put your arms around me, tell me everything's ok ♪ in my mind, i'm running round a cold and empty space ♪ just put your arms around me, tell me everything's ok ♪ break my bones but you won't see me fall, oh ♪ the rising tide will rise against them all, oh ♪ darling, hold my hand oh, won't you hold my hand?

♪ 'cause i don't wanna walk on my own anymore ♪ won't you understand? 'cause i don't wanna walk alone ♪ i'm ready for this, there's no denying ♪ i'm ready for this, you stop me falling ♪ i'm ready for this, i need you all in ♪ i'm ready for this, so darling, hold my hand ♪ soul is like a melting pot when you're not next to me >> larry: tonightly, audience members at liberty university laugh after donald trump refers to second corinthians as "2 corinthians." ( laughter ) i know. but in trump's defense, he is a pandering idiot. you know? right, it's not his fault. trump points to the great wall of china as proof that his proposed border wall with mexico will work. ( laug