timmy and the lords of the underworld. - oh, so now that they want us you think you can just waltz back into our lives and be in the band again? - i don't expect anything. timmy, i just wanted to say we had some pretty rocking times, dude. and maybe i let fame and phil collins go to my head. - timmy! [distant chanting] timmy! timmy! timmy! - wow, they really are chanting for us. - they want us back. - what do you say, timmy? - timmy. both: all right! - ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, it is my pleasure to introduce the reunion tour of timmy. [cheers and applause] - timmy and the lords of the underworld. [heavy metal music] ♪ timmy! ♪ ♪ timmy! yimmy-yah! ♪ ♪ ♪ ah, timmy ♪ ♪ timmy, timmy ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy - ♪ and the lords of the underworld ♪ - put me down, you filthy bastards!

[screaming] - ♪ timmy! li-mi-loo-wow ♪ ♪ ♪ da-da-da-da timmy ♪ ♪ tim, timmy, timmy ♪ from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. [cheers and applause] ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> trevor: we have a great show tonight. thank you so much. jerry seinfeld is here, everybody. >> trevor: yep, yep. so, here we are another show,

another day. i don't know. what do you want to talk about? you know. what is in the news? you seen anything interesting? you guys want to talk about anything -- donald trump. [laughing] >> trevor: well okay, trump. stkopb ald trump once again rewriting the political play book bailing from tomorrow's debate. >> megyn kelly says trump is biased against him. >> trump is not use to not controlling things. >> the truth is he doesn't get to control the media. >> trevor: wow, donald trump is skipping the republican presidential debate. oh, with trump gone the other candidates may discuss other substantial issues like how much they hate each other on the stage. it's true what megyn kelly said. trump is use to controlling

things. each morning he successfully winds one long back hair around his head 4000 times and keep it in place her neckly. that's control. trump bailing on the last debate before iowa. he doesn't like the moderator, megyn kelly. they have a history. last august she asked him this. >> you have called women you don't like, fat pigs, dog, slobs, and disgusting animals. your twitter account has several disparaging comments about womens looks. you once told a contestant on "celebrity" that you would like to see her on her knees. is that a woman we should elect president. >> trevor: hell yes, said millions of americans. what makes megyn kelly fearsome, but not everyone feels that way.

>> it's a small element in my life, megyn kelly. i'm not a fan. when you meet her she's not sharp. she's a third rate reporter. who heard of her before the last debate. i refuse to call megyn kelly a whim bow. i will call her a light-weight reporter. >> trevor: nicely done, donald trump. nicely done. same way we won't call you an asshole we too are constrained by political correctness. asshole. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: now trump is entitled to his crazy opinion. it raises the question if he thinks megyn kelly is a lightweight why is he scared of her? watching him pull out of the debate is like a youtube video where the huge dog doesn't walks past the cat. why aren't you doing it dog trump. no, i just can't do it i just

can't do it i can't do it. why are so you afraid? one perspective trump dropping out is like the act of a petulant child. he's a genius. once again, ladies and gentlemen, donald trump has won the only fight that matters to him, the fight for attention. taking part in one more debate wouldn't help donald trump get that much press. blowing it off it's like the gates of a natural disaster crossed with a celebrity sex tape. that was weird. i'm telling you donald trump is one of the greatest of all times. look at this press release announcing his decision to skip the debates. here is how it starts. as someone who wrote one of the best selling business books of all time "out of the deal" building incredible comments and has assets of the world, and has a personal net worth of many

billions of dollars mr. trump knows -- i'm sorry what. this sounds like a lot of unnecessary information. a lot of people don't realize this is how donald trump begins everything he writes. press releases, books and personal cards. dear lucy, as someone writing successful books and worth billions of dollars my thoughts are with you through your loss. this is great. may do something for the troops, not true. ending like this: running for office as a extremely successful person. this takes guts and the mentality our country needs to make america great again. ya, what america needs is a president who will quit the moment things don't go his way.

leaving the country in the care of his hand picked vice president of a miss universe sash. i mean, this doesn't happen a lot. i can say i'm totally surprised. i have said this before, people. the giant aoeg oh the crazy sentiments, the huge and questionable fortune, the relationship with facts. donald trump is basically an african dictator this. confirms it. here is wha what happened a weeo with the multi billionaire president of uganda running for his fifth term. >> it was an eventful weekend for uganda which held it's first presidential candidate debate. the head of the poles in february the president facing his toughest reelection in his

30 years in power was a no show. [laughing] >> trevor: welcome, america. [laughing] >> trevor: welcome to my world. we will be right back. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ those who define sophistication stand out. those who dare to redefine it stand apart. the all-new lexus rx and rx hybrid. never has luxury been this expressive. this is the pursuit of perfection. case in point: our handcrafted at skydiving chamber.lways down for more... refueling!

be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ding! hot pockets! ever since i had a pretty bad accident three years ago. the medical bills - the credit card debt all piled up. i knew i had to get serious my credit. so i signed up for experian. they have real, live credit experts i can talk to. they helped educate me on how debt affected my fico score. so i could finally start managing my credit. now my credit and i - are both healing nicely. get serious about your credit. get experian. go to experian.com and start your credit tracker trial membership today. they carry your fans' passions, shouhopes, and dreamscarry pads. and maybe, a chance at greatness... because shoulders were made for greatness. not dandruff ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ rootmetrics, in the nation's largest independent study, tested wireless performance across the country. verizon, won big with one hundred fifty three state wins. a t and t got thirty-eight, sprint got two, and t mobile got, zero. verizon also won first in the us for data, call speed, and reliability. a t and t got, text.

stuck on an average network? join verizon and we'll cover your costs to switch. my parents had kraft mac lastand cheese without me,over so this time i took precautionary measures. looking for these? kraft macaroni and cheese shapes. >> trevor: welcome back today day. back to "the daily show." quick question, you watch movies? >> audience: yes. trevor: me too. my favorite movies are those with a twist. "the usual suspects," "sixth sense," "beauty and the beast." yes it seems like a movie about acceptance but the message is accept people for how they look, they may turn out to be very hot. to me the best movies are where you think the bad guys are going to win.

then the last second the good guys turn it around. basically old movies. sometimes just sometimes life imitates art. >> the texas grand jury making a stunning decision about planned parenthood. >> a surprise twist. >> a impassioned debate of planned parenthood and secretly recorded videos. they have been cleared of illegally selling illegal tissues instead of grand jury -- >> trevor: yes i love this. u.s.a.! usa! >> audience: usa! trevor: i love this country. a group of antiabortion activists set out to make it look like planned parenthood was doing something illegal. they were cleared and then those making the videos were indicted.

it's like they took everything, they took everything. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: do you know how not guilty you have to be for a grand jury to send your accuser to trial. [laughing] >> trevor: grand juries only listen to the prosecutor there. is no defense. prosecutors have so much control they often say they could get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich. that's a common phrase. they can, unless the ham sandwich is a cop. then that's a different story. well, to be fare, if the sandwich has to shoot the black guy was about to eat him. [ applause ] >> trevor: it's crazy to me. how the hell did we get here? there was a time when planned parenthood crimes were a slam dunk that republican candidates bet their spots on it. >> no reason there should be taxpayer funding. >> we shouldn't fund an on-going

criminal enterprise. >> they cut peoples heads off in the planned parent clinics. >> a fully formed fetus on the table. heartbeating and legs kicking. skph-pb says we have to keep it alive to harvest it's brain. >> trevor: i'm sorry, people. i'm sorry that last clip was the last one. that's karlie fee ow fiorina's d of firing people from hp. i'm sorry, my bad. a group of antiabortion activists masked themselves as buyers and tried to get planned parenthood to admit to selling fetus tissues for profit. those videos got nominated over "straight out of compton" for the oscars. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: the point is it looked like planned parenthood

was screwed. last august officials in texas convened a grand jury to investigate them this. is where it gets really fun. a republican governor had a republican lieutenant governor called for a republican da to probe the republican favorite targets in a republican state. simply put the fix was in, or so they thought. >> the investigation into planned parenthood backfiring now for the antiabortion group that called the clinic into question. now why they're the ones charged with crimes. >> the surprise indictment by a texas grand jury said the under cover activists broke the law when they allegedly used fake california drivers licenses and posed as buyers of fetal parts. >> trevor: this is so fantastic. they're so busted. also you used a fake id to try

and buy baby parts. that's the most disgusting thing you can buy with a fake id other than smirnoff ice. now always with a co controversl case there are bound to be haters. >> this likes what the law reference to others a run away grand jury. a grand jury doing the opposite of what the district attorney urged them to do. remember the da here is a republican. it looks like the grand jury went rouge here. >> trevor: oh, went rouge? [laughing] >> trevor: so, according to these people apparently a run away jury doesn't do exactly what the prosecutor tells it to do. isn't the point of a jury they get to decide. the term "rouge jury" is an over reach. i love the idea of a rouge jury. [laughing] >> trevor: like a grand jury going rouge. i think it would make for a really great movie. >> how does the jury fine the

defendant? >> we find the defendant planned parenthood not guilty. >> thank you. >> this jury is dismissed. >> also we find the people making the planned parenthood videos, guilty . >> this is unorthodox. >> also we find the chairs to be uncomfortable. the bailiff's fly to be down. we find bacon to be delicious. the internet can chill out about it. >> order, order. >> we also find the judge handsome. >> i'll allow it. [ applause ]r >> trevor: we will be right back. [cheers and applause] james drove his rav4 hybrid into the frozen wilderness. the scent of his jerky attracted a hungry wolfpack behind him. to survive, he had to remain fearless. he would hunt with them. and expand their territory.

he'd form a bond with a wolf named accalia... ...become den mother and nurse their young. james left in search of his next adventure. how far will you take the all-new rav4 hybrid? toyota. let's go places. father, why can't we have directv like the macgregors do? we're settlers, son. we settle for things. like having cable instead of directv. hey, jebediah, how's it going? working the land. hoping for a fertile spring. all right. so we have to live with lower customer satisfaction? i'm afraid so. now go churn us some butter, boy, and then make your own clothes. yes, sir. (vo) don't be a settler. get rid of cable and upgrade to directv. call 1-800-directv. we love, love, chocolaty, creamy, with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate.

other wireless carriers make families share data. not t-mobile! switch now and get four lines with up to six gigs each. and no sharing. just thirty-five bucks a line at t-mobile. my parents had kraft mac lastand cheese without me,over so this time i took precautionary measures. looking for these? kraft macaroni and cheese shapes.

melda. i'm john. hello, nice to meet you. we invited you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the badging and logos. so, what do you think it is? i would say lexus. maybe acura. feels like a bmw. let's look at the interior. reminds me of the inside of my friend's lexus. so, this car supports apple carplay™ siri, open maps. nice. wow. she gets me. someone really took their time laying this out. yeah. this car also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seatbelts are buckled. wow. my husband could use that. i'm very curious what it is. what price range would you put this car in? fifty to sixty-five. the eighty-thousand dollar bracket. well, what if i told you this is the 2016 chevy malibu? this is a malibu? yeah, let's go check it out. no way, it's a chevy! oh, wow. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. gasp! what? oh wow. i'm very impressed. yeah. i mean with all this technology? that's a game changer, really. i want one. i'll take the house, too.

introducing new melty mozzarella sticks at mcdonald's. . made with 100% real cheese. served hot. dip 'em in zesty marinara deliciousness. now on mcdonald's mcpick 2 for $2 menu.

[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a comedian whose web series is called "comedians in cars getting coffee." >> my wife is very involved. we're going out tonight. three and a half hours. [laughing] >> what just happened now. don't you do a recap with your wife. >> no. >> no recap. >> no. >> do i the work. -- do i the work. i bring home the money. i don't put it on her head. i got it. >> no discussion. >> no discuss. she will ask how was sebastian. i will say, he was great. >> it's a blip in the conversation. >> now you're the jew and i'm

the italian. that's one for me. >> trevor: please welcome, jerry seinfeld. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> thank you. revor: oh -- >> no need to applaud. it's very sweet. very nice. >> trevor: i applaud you though. in real life i don't applaud you. i feel you deserve it. >> thank you. what were you going to say, i cut you off? you said you look -- >> trevor: you look amazing. >> thank you, you know -- [laughing] >> i like, i like two guys in suits. what is funny about comedians to me is looking normal but they're not. these comedians now, your

generation, younger people, you know just the shirt out and the -- you know. it's not funny. [laughing] >> it's not funny . trevor: you say that like eddie murphy was wearing a suit when he was doing "raw." i feel we're the more normal generation. >> who, you are? trevor: ya, we are normal. >> you dress normal. trevor: you say it's not funny. >> i would never wear this normally. this is funny, to me it's funny. to me a guy in a suit is funny. >> trevor: i wear a suit every day. >> right. trevor: thank you for being here. you just got back in israel. >> yes comedy in israel for the first time last movement. >> trevor: first time. >> ya. we did four shows in this arena, the audiencees were mazing. israelis, everything you ask them, you know is either it's no problem. it's no problem.

or no, it's impossible. it's impossible. there is noggin between. no problem. no problem. what if we wanted to go in the afternoon? it's impossible. impossible. >> trevor: all or nothing. i am surprise you go anywhere. you're 50 something. >> i'm 61. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: i'm struck my your age. >> which you and you are going to love. [laughing] >> you're going to love when you get to this age. now when people ask me to do something, i just say no. [laughing] [cheers and applause] >> i just say no. trevor: that's the only perk? >> no, no. there are many others. i don't turn around. [laughing] >> if i'm walking with someone and they go look at that and it's behind me, forget it. [laughing] >> trevor: oh, man. >> i'm sure i have seen something like that or --

[laughing] >> there is one in front of me. hi a friend, this is true. hi a friend tell me, so i'm 61, i have a wife, three kids. >> trevor: ya. >> you know. so a friend told me, it's not like a every day friend, a good friend i have known for a long time. say, you know i think we have issues in our relationship. when you're in your 60s and you have -- you're married and have kids. i went i'm sure we do, let's just wrap it up. whatever it is, i'm sure you're right, but i'm sure i was the bad person. i don't care. [laughing] >> let's just wrap it. trevor: in your 60s you become israeli. impossible to turn around. >> yes. trevor: just wrap it up. "comedians in cars getting coffee." a strange thing for me. you seemed to retire from

everything. [laughing] >> trevor: then in your retirement you then created a monster hit. >> oh, thank you. thank you. >> trevor: with your star power you could of main people come and watch it somewhere. you made it easy and put it on-line. >> ya, i just saw the phone, you know once the smartphones happened i thought what a show for that. it's just for that. >> trevor: it's not meant to be watched on tv? >> not really. people r people are watching it on tv. i thought what about a pocket show. you know what i mean. it's like, it's just two guys -- [laughing] >> -- sometimes a woman, they're just talking. we compress it when you have your phone you don't want -- there is no, nobody wants to -- less work. we don't want more work. >> trevor: all of us as people, right? >> yes. amazon.com, one click ordering. i saw, that i thought they're right.

>> trevor: don't want to click twice. >> i don't want it now. i don't want it. [ applause ] >> trevor: but now -- >> i don't want it that bad. trevor: the problem i feel you are enabling. >> i know. trevor: you have #activism because of. that people say i'm part of the clause, click. >> ya, right. i can't solve everything. [laughing] [laughing] >> trevor: i'm surprised you came to the show. >> i don't know what i'm doing here. >> trevor: neither do i. >> i know i really like you. i like you. >> trevor: thank you, very much, jerry i really appreciate that. [cheers and applause] >> we had a really cool experience. i invited trevor to be on my show before he got this gig. >> trevor: a lot of people don't realize that. >> yes. i thought this guy is cool. i want to talk to this guy. he came on and did the show. between that and us doing the show he gets this. then of course everyone gets him. it was fun i caught you in that

moment. it was fun to catch you in the moment. >> trevor: comedy timing, now we're here. >> we're here. trevor: i'm going to savior this moment for a moment. >> smells good in here. trevor: wonderful. >> do you wear cologne? trevor: no. >> i thought i smelled something nice. >> trevor: that was me. not the cologne. >> you're suppose to say, i just had gas. [laughing] >> that's kid stuff. revor: that's an american joke. >> when you have kids that's hilarious to them. [laughing] >> trevor: oh, man. the new season on "comedians in cars getting coffee" is streaming now. comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com jerry seinfeld, everybody. [cheers and applause] sfx: rocket blasting off (ding) (dong)

(ding) (ding) (ding) (ding) (ding) (ding) sfx: (countdown) 3, 2, 1 (ding) (ding) (ding) rocket we love, love, chocolaty, creamy, with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate.

so, you're saying we can't use sorry sir it's hotel policy.l? is it really hotel policy? i'm afraid so sir. do it. how about now? i deserve this. you deserve to be fired. four flavors, four shapes, cheetos mix ups.

>> trevor: that's our show, everybody. tomorrow night, tomorrow we will be live tweeting the republican

debate. follow us on twitter@thedailyshow. here is your moment of zen. >> when they sent out the wise guys press released a little while ago with roger ailes. i said bye bye. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> larry: tonightly, rapper b.o.b goes on an anti-science twitter spree, claiming the earth is flat. as a result, he's currently polling third in the republican presidential race. ( laughter ) he is. makes sense. it makes sense. ( applause ) come on, the earth is flat. i'm not falling for this, especially after that time soulja boy tricked me into thinking a hadron wasn't a composite particle made of quarks! am