♪ we ain't suits, we're in suits ♪ all: ♪ we went to a funeral ♪ we ain't suits, we're in suits ♪ - gene, why is the gravedigger in the back seat? - oh, that's new chet. don't worry. she's cool. - there's a lot of animal blood back here. - yeah. mind your business. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show" with trevor noah. that's me. my guest tonight from "the new yorker magazine" and political analyst ryan lizza is here,

everybody. ( cheers and applause ) but first, by now, you've probably all heard about the oscars so white controversy, and these great black actors and movies not getting nominated is a big story. everyone's really furious about the whole thing. it's a mess. it's a real, real mess. and in the middle of all of it, this ( bleep ) happens. >> backlash over a white actor playing michael jackson. british actor joseph fiennes gained fame in the movie "shakespeare in love." he's been cast as the king of pop in a new movie for british tv. >> trevor: white people, why! why would you do this? ( laughter ) are you for real? all the drama going on over black actors being ignored, and you are getting a white person to play the greatest black pop star of all time. and the worst thing is, it's not even like the best white actor. joseph fiennes? ( laughter ) i mean, if at least it was, like, meryl streep, we would be like, "yeah, but she's dope, she's dope."

but joseph fiennes, the guy who played shakespeare. that's, like, the whitest guy in history. why are you rubbing salt in the wound, white people? and the excuses they make, makes it even worse. >> the decision has raised eyebrows from those both confused and upset by the casting. in case you're wondering, joseph fiennes is white, even though jackson was black at one point. >> trevor: i'm sorry, "he was black at one point." that is not how being black works. just because your outside appearance changes, doesn't mean your d.n.a. does. yeah, you can't say was black at one point. does anyone say, "the situation used to be white?" no, they don't say that. just because he's orange now, doesn't mean he's not white anymore. that's not how it works. ( applause ) i'm sorry, look, i get it, i get it. i know he's got a cool brother but this isn't going to work. you can't play michael jackson.

do they think they can throw a wig on him and add sun glasses and think they're going to put on a prosthetic nose, and fit him with a qaddafi jacket and suddenly he'll be michael. because he's not-- he's not- ( laughter ) okay, this wasn't a good example. but the point is, the point is, oscars so white. let's move on. get that-- that undermined me. go away. get that off. speaking of a guy who is always talking to the man in the mirror, donald trump. ( cheers and applause ) now, you clapped and booed at the same time. boo! boo! when the presidential race kicked off, trump and republican senator ted cruz were like ambrosia's finger in kanye west's butt hole. ( cheers and applause ) >> i'm a big fan of donald trump. >> ted cruz is a friend of mine and a good guy. >> i like donald trump. he's bold, he's brash. >> well, it is a little bit of a romance. i like him. he likes me. >> trevor: geez, you two, get a room. yeah, just not this room, please. any other room. any other room. ( cheers and applause )

the journey from b.f.f. to frenemy began for these two when cruz started to challenge donald trump in the polls. and now with five days before the iowa caucus, it's turning into an all-out war. >> donald is a fragile soul. >> cruz, who is a nasty guy who can't get along with anybody. >> if you're afraid of megyn kelly, you're going to be afraid of vladimir putin. >> senators don't like him. the people he works with don't like him. >> trevor: oh, ease up, guys. you're both horrible. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you need a-- you need on save some of that energy, save some of that energy for hating mexicans and muslims. come on! usually in campaigns, the top candidates draw supporters from inside their party, you know. but this is what's happening in this campaign. it's strange. because some republicans aren't saying that they like ted cruz. they're just saying that they hate donald trump. and other republicans aren't saying they like donald trump. they're just saying they hate ted cruz. for example, ted cruz, anyone who has ever worked with ted cruz or lived with ted cruz or met ted cruz does not like ted

cruz. >> the "wall street journal" ran a scathing article against chris by calling him a phony. of bob dole called ted cruz an extremist upon >> corrin hatch, dan coates, and john cornyn saying a cruz presidency would be detrimental to the country. >> and those are his friends. ( laughter ) everybody hates cruz. it's so bad, that when the pope visited congress, he was there, like, "peace be with you. peace be with you. peace-- oh, ted. go to hell, ( bleep ). and peace be with you. and peace be with you. ( applause ) now, on the other side of the coin-- ( laughter ) conservative thought leaders like rick perry, glenn beck, and the "national review," well, they just hate donald trump. >> trump is not a committed conservative. >> donald trump, i really truly, believe is a very dangerous man. >> the "national review" came out against trump featuring 22

conservative voices. they wrote, "donald trump is a menace to american conservatism who would take the work of generations and trample it underfoot." >> trevor: made it sound like conservatism is going to be like grapes-- they got 22 negative essays about trump in one magazine. that's good. "cosmopolitan" can't even fit that many mind-blowing sex moves in one magazine. they top out at 21. and technically two are the same thing, just different hands. i feel bad for the republicans, having to pick between these two. all the other candidates are so far below them it, doesn't seem like anyone has a choice. >> donald trump and ted cruz continue to dominate the g.o.p. race. >> the establishment is not happy with the two front-runners. >> having to choose between being shot or poisoned. >> they think they can kill cruz and think, well, we can kill trump later. >> trevor: this is almost like a political game of ( bleep )

marry, kill. it's just there's no marry. you just kill one and get ( bleep ) by the other. for more, we turn to our panelists, senior political analyst jordan klepper and hasan minhaj, everybody! gentlemen, thank you so much for joining me. so the big question is, who would you rather have as president, donald trump or ted cruz? >> trump is worse. he's a loose cannon, no idea when he'll go off or what he'll destroy. >> i gotta disagree with you, jordan. cruz is pure evil. in his first 30 days he would systematically destroy everything we hold dear. i think trump is less that. >> i disagree, hasan. ted cruz will eventually destroy the country, no doubt. but for me, having donald trump in the white house in the white house is like living with a blood clot-- at any moment he could break loose and kill you instantly. >> or a blood clot might never kill you but cruz is like bone cancer, 100% fatal. >> at least with cancer,un it's coming. that's the up side to a cruz

presidency. we'll all be able to get our affairs in order just before our inevitable death. >> i hadn't thought of that, that's a good point. >> cruz 2016. >> trevor: so, hasan, you now agree that trump is the worse of the two? >> jordan is right, trump is too unpredictable. you can't give a guy like that nuclear weapons. >> yeah, president ted cruz is definitely dponna nuke somebody but at least we know it will be another country. trump-- ( laughter ) trump might nuke america because some guy in idaho made fun of him in a tweet. ( laughter ). >> at least ted cruz has some core principles. >> gl hasan you say "principles." although, given what those principles are-- hair-trigger government shutdowns, climate change denial. >> well, okay, that is a good point. trulz does represent the very worst of humanity. >> he is the reason i have yet to bring a child into this world. ( laughter ). >> ted cruz is a political vasectomy. so trump 2016! >> you know what, i'm actually changing my mind again because

trump is like the joker-- pure chaos. at least, you know, cruz is focused and methodical. >> so cruz is more like buffalo bill from "silence of the lambs." oh, yeah. plus he's know cruz tucks his penis between his legs. i'm going to change back. i say trump 2016. >> trevor: i'm sorry, guys, you're all over the place. sohasan you would put donald jumped trump in charge of the u.s. military. >> no i wouldn't trust trump with sharp objects. if he came over my house for steak, i would make him use a spoon. >> trevor: hasan, that's unrealistic. he wouldn't come to your house because he hates prown people. >> trump's right-- brown people make terrible steaks. >> trevor: jordan, jordan, that's not the point. >> i thinkings that the point. >> trevor: where do you get that stereotype. >> stereotypes come from some place. >> that's not the point. >> i make great steaks. i make amazing steaks. >> trevor: guys, please, just answer the question-- cruz or trump, which republican candidate is marginally less

awful? >> personally, i'm for bone cancer. ( laughter ) >> trevor: so you're picking ted cruz. >> no, i want to get actual bone cancer. ( laughter ) >> he makes a great point. i hope to perish before the election as well. >> trevor: i guess that makes sense. jordan klepper and hasan minhaj, everyone. ( cheers and applause ) performance... ...reimagined. style... ...reinvented. sophistication... ...redefined. introducing the all-new lexus rx and rx hybrid. agile handling. available 12.3-inch navigation screen and panorama glass roof. never has luxury been this expressive. this is the pursuit of perfection.

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( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, with the iowa caucuses set for next monday, the midwest is buried under more political ads than new york was under the snow, and here to break down the latest campaign spots is our own roy wood, jr. in "advertisement tonight." ♪ ♪ >> you usually sit at the desk. >> trevor: and now i'm here.

>> trevor, political ads can be tricky so i'm here to break down the message behind the ads. and we all know the key to any political campaign is powerful endorsements from well-known public figures, like 2008 obama had oprah. 2012 mom had papa john. >> trevor: very powerful. >> so now marco rubio is showcasing his latest endorsement in this new ad. >> over the past few years, people have tried to sell us some real dudes, but this is worth something. when people see for themselves i don't have to convince them it's a good investment so when this guy walked into my shop i knew it was the real deal. >> it's time for a president who will stand up to runaway government. >> trust me, i know a good investment when i see one. >> trevor: i love this. that's the pawn stars guy. he helps thousands of americans are get the things they need like watches and guns and money for drugs. i think that's a soiled endorsement. >> trevor, rubio getting this guy's endorsement isn't exactly

an exclusive club. >> trust me, you only need one blade. that's why i use the new micro touch one. trust me, are you going to love this razor. >> he's basically saying marco rubio is the same as a mail-order razor. rubio's using this ad to connect to idiot who will believe anything. >> trevor: but, roy, it's one blade! ( laughter ). >> my point exactly. trevor, let's turn to the democratic side. here's an ad that bernie sanders put out that's been getting a ton of attention. ♪ ♪ ♪ we'll marry our fortunes together i've got some real estate here in my bag.

♪ counting the cars on the new jersey turnpike. ♪ they've all come to look for america. >> i'm bernie sanders, and i approved this message. >> trevor: what message. i don't understand. what message? did i missomething? ( laughter ) >> you didn't see the message? you gotta read between the lines. >> trevor: the lines? it's just people doing errands. it's all farm stuff. >> yeah, it's a commercial for iowaa. that's what they do out there, farm stuff. >> trevor: if the ad is for iowans why does it say "america." this ad isn't for everyone? >> trevor, it doesn't matter. it's all in the music. like, if bernie wanted to win votes with senior citizens in florida he'll do this. ♪ thank you for being a friend travel down the road and back again. ♪ your heart is true

you're a pal and a confidant ♪ ♪ and if you threw a party >> trevor: man, i loved the "golden girls." >> i used to watch that all the time. >> trevor: who is your favorite "golden girls." >> dorothy. and blanche, those legs! i'd wear them out, man! ( laughter ) the dvds, i'd wear out the dvds, watching them a whole lot over and over again. i got all the seasons at the crib, man. >> trevor: anyway, roy, man. okay. regardless of that, bernie still needs to attract minorities. >> bernie's got them covered, too. too. ♪ i'm black y'all and i'm blacker than black. ♪ and i'm black y'all and i'm black y'all. ♪ and i'm blacker than black, y'all. y'all. ♪. ( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: all right, that is dope. bernie got me with that one. bernie got me with that one. i respect you for that. that was good, that was good, yeah. >> seriously, you never wanted to bang one of the "golden girls"? it's just me. i'm the only one. >> trevor: we'll be right back. back. ( cheers and appla other wireless carriers make families share data. not t-mobile! switch now and get four lines with up to six gigs each.

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a cnn contributor and also a washington correspondent for

"the new yorker magazine." his latest article appears in the new issue. please welcome ryan lizza. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. that's the first time anyone has applauded for a political journalist all campaign. >> trevor: we love political journalists. you guys are amazing. >> you, obviously, haven't been to trump rallies. >> trevor: i actually have. you know what, now that you brought it up, let's go straight into it. first of all, fascinating article in "the new yorker." you started showing up at trump rallies. >> yeah, i was sent out there. >> trevor: i like how you clarified that, "yeah, i was sent out there. this was not my choice." >> i got paid to do it. year, he's got these things every week, and they're sort of their own little world. i mean, after a while they feel like grateful dead shows of the right. you know what i mean? like the people who watch them on youtube all the time, they kind of know the lines. they know the things that

trump's going to do. >> trevor: are you being serious? >> oh, i'm serious. there's a call and response. like trump will say, "who's going to build the wall?" and the crowd will yell, "mexico!" >> trevor: that was so infectious. i was in it. yeah, like, that's a line. >> he's got this hard-core base that, you know, knows all of the sort the set pieces he's going to do. >> trevor: that is so fascinating. do people go from rally to rally? or do they go to one rally? is this a cult filling one stadium, or is trump really bringing people out from every place? >> when i was in new hampshire there were people i had talked to that had been to more than one rally already. it wasn't just their first time seeing him. that's common in new hampshire because in new hampshire you're used to seeing the candidates all the time. >> trevor: so like a hobby that they have. >> they're professional voters in a sense, right. but his people are-- you know, they're die-hard. they go-- if they don't go to the rallies, they watch them on youtube and they know the lines. you know, they know the

equivalent of >> trevor: some of the lines that you talk about are fascinating. in the arm you talk about how he calls journalists scumbags and-- so, there's-- explain that scene because it seemed like you were saying all the journalists have to sit together in, like, a pen. >> yeah. >> trevor: and all the people boo them. >> yeah. so there's sort of one moment at every trump rally where he points to the press in this-- which is contained in a steel pep, like barricades like you see at the thanksgiving day parade. >> trevor: is that for your protection? >> you know, it's-- we joke about it but, you know, there are some-- there are some reporters that have actually discussed whether they needed to bring security along. >> trevor: wow. >> nobody has done this, but i had some discussions with reporters who were actually talking with their bosses back in washington that is it getting so weird we have to bring security? that hasn't happened and trump has toned it down a little bit. he turns to the crowd, and point

at us, the press, and calls us usually scums or sleazebags and one of the journalists covering him for months said to me, "yeah, it's the same term he uses for isis terrorists." and so then the crowd turns and, like, boos and stuff. >> trevor: people turn to you and they boo. >> you know, believe it or not, especially on the right, there's not a lot of love for the media in this country. and you feel it at a trump rally. >> trevor: how did we get to this point? donald trump and truz seem to be running away with the race, and the republican establishment doesn't seem happy with this. this is not what they planned. >> this is not what they planned. and i think-- you know, there are all sorts of reasons. i think it starts with the issue that he seized on in the beginning, where there's the biggest difference between the republican establishment and its grass roots and that is immigration, right. once hoe started pounding that issue he had this sort of natural base of republicans who are very frustrated with the party, most which have wants a

comprehensive immigration reform, right, and has been trying to push it through congress for the last decade. i think that gets him an in. the second thing is it's been trump versus 10 guys you 97 heard of, except bush, and if you heard of bush you probably don't like him >> trevor: we feel bad for him. it's not that we don't like him. >> and trump has been able to dominate the airwaves in a way that no other candidate ever has. it's like 100 to 1, the coverage of trump. >> trevor: with that, do you think there'ss a point that will come where the r.n.c. steps in? do the republicans say, "we're going to shut trump down at all costs? or do they at some point accept he may be their nominee. >> six months ago i thought that was the case. people were predicting there's no way trump can win this thing. you can't actual he take over a party that doesn't want you. ( laughter ) but we have seen-- right, the party leadership doesn't want him. literally, it's a fascinating phenomenon. this is a hostile takeover of the republican party. he doesn't have one elected official in congress or a governor that is saying-- you

know, that is endorsing him, right. so totally new in american politics. >> trevor: do you think that means he could all the way? >> i do now. >> trevor: wow. you're just like, "i do now..." >> i try >> trevor: "i wasn't a believer, but i am now." >> you know, there's no circuit breaker. the r.n.c.-- there's no rules in the buried in the book that says, "oh, okay, if someone like donald trump is about to win our nomination" >> trevor: "in case of emergency, break glass." >> that doesn't exist. it's a democratic system. it doesn't dnt used to be that but they changed in the 70s. in the old days you got together in the back room and pick whoever you want. and now the people decide and, you know,... ( laughter ). >> trevor: that spoke so many volumes about the people. the people "ah, the people..." we're going to have to end this here. the february 1 issue of the "new

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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, everybody. here it is, your moment of zen. >> we cannot afford to dump money on these problems anymore. we've got to think-- we've got to smite fart-- fight smart. as our enemies. >> we understand what you're trying to say. >> yeah, that was interesting. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly, president obama attempts to demill tarrize police departments by recalling equipment designed for the battlefields, incure police officers everywhere responded but yes, but what build our tiny penises, how are we going to compen-- a man afraid of mass shootings brings his gun to the