which is approximately the size of a gummy bear, is made of medical grade polymer toggled through the skin of the scrotum. the device stays closed for three months to prevent accidental switching in the event that things get especially hot and heavy. >> if anyone has had this surgery and is still alive, please contact this show. i have so many questions. this is a game changer. getting a couple light switches installed in your balls makes sense. i'm just brainstorming here, but my version of this product would let you reroute your sperm entirely. i got the same voiceover actor too. >> vasecto-switch 2.0. single switch that reroutes the sperm safely out the anus hole, out the pee hole, or you can customize the ratio, because instead of a switch, it's controlled by a small dimmer knob located inside your belly button. oh, and the device is the size of six gummy bears,

a small box of nerds, and two everlasting gobstoppers. side effects include-- let's just say it does not not cause bladder cancer. >> jerkin' it on the john will never been more hygienic. all right, i've said my piece. good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! my guest tonight from this new show here in new york city, "3 mics"! neal brennan is here, everybody! (cheers and applause) now, obviously, today is super

tuesday, and we all know what that means. tits day that we celebrate the arrival of young kal-el on earth from krypton. in that spirit to celebrate super tuesday, many people voted for general zod. (applause) we'll have full coverage of super tuesday tomorrow. on the topic of trump, this is interesting, the g.o.p. frontrunner has gotten praise from interesting characters, real american hulk hogan and real white supremacist david duke. and in a surprising twist, the leader of the black muslim group the nation of islam, louis farrakhan. i'm not making this up. louis farrakhan praised trump as a good leader because he said trump is the only candidate who stood in front of the jewish community and said "i don't want

your money." to be clear, donald trump who wants to ban all muslim from entering the u.s. got praised by a black muslim man for being against the jews! what's going on in your mind now? they must be, like, that black muslim guy is right! but trump is right! but he's wrong! if he says trump is right therntion who are we racist against? do we deport ourselves? (applause) must be so hard! so enjoy that, trump. enjoy that. now to the main story. i wanted to talk to you guys about iowa. the land of corn, caucuses and people in cow suits pretending to be cows. (laughter) that's right. i'm on to you, iowa. i know there is no such thing as cows, just a bunch of weird dudes who like tricking people into tugging your nipples.

i see you. (laughter) anyway, iowa... so -- so now that the crazy caucuses are over, things are getting back to normal. >> this week, iowa lawmakers sent a bill to the state senate that would allow children under the age of 14 to shoot handguns. >> trevor: yeah! finally! kids under 14 will get to use handguns! ahhh! believers vs. directors is going to get a whole lot more interesting. and you thought teenagers could hurt each other with tweets. oh, man... but just to clear things up, currently -- (laughter) currently, kids in iowa can use long guns legally for target practice or murder or hunting, right? (laughter) a lot of kids do love hunting. those kids who like only the

first five minutes of bambi. (laughter) previously, kids under 14 in iowa could only carry rifles. the new law would allow them to use handguns. the only condition is they must be supervised by an adult who maintains visual and verbal contact at all times, which is great news for parents because maintaining visual and verbal contact can be done using facetime. yeah. (laughter) well, you see, that way you can still supervise them without actually being around the kid with the loaded gun! it will be so much safer! look at me, mommy! yea! i heard people complain that nothing got done by politicians. be careful what you ask for. >> nathan gibson said he's allowed his 12-year-old girls to shoot handguns since age 5. he's one of the parents in the state lobbying to change the gun law for years. >> trevor: so to get this

straight, some guy picked up the phone and called the lawmakers and said, hearings my kids need goes and they were, like, done! and every day in america there are parents calling lawmakers saying, hey, my kids died because of guns and they're, like, uh... can you hold? not as funny, is it? it's not like iowa doesn't do safety regulations. for instance, in iowa, you even need licenses to braid hair. to braid hair, you need a license. that is real law. i know people are going, yeah, but iowa is full of white people. have you seen what happens when they tried to braid hair? (laughter) i understand that. i get it. i met one family came back from jamaica and iowa lawmakers were, like, shut it all down! shut it all down! we can't have this happening! the guy looks good, you've got to admit. (laughter) you know, this gun argument goes around in circles. i understand a lot of people feel the need to possess hand guns, and i understand the

second amendment provides that right, but do we really need kids carrying guns? because the bull doesn't even restrict this to just gun ranges, so we're willing to live in a world where there's a potential that a kid would have a gun in public. children with guns. children. do you know what children are? (laughter) these things. >> aaahhh! no! aaahhh! aaahhh! >> aaahhh! ahhh! >> aaahhh! ahhh! >> no! no! >> trevor: yeah, who watches that and says, i like that? but it's missing something...

>> aaahhh! aaahhh! oh, and just, by the way, that was under adult supervision. you do realize that. i love the adult was, like, i'm just going to videotape this. honestly, this is so crazy to me. there is good news. although the bill passed the republican controlled house of representatives, it's expected to gale fail in the democratic-controlled senate and children in iowa won't be allowed to carry handguns after all. i felt better when i heard that. till i heard. >> this apparently most states do not restrict children from using handguns. >> trevor: yes, most states let kids use handguns. they also let dogs use handguns. did you know that? well, they don't actually all lou them, but -- allow them but there is no law against it. if there's no law against it, it's not like we're going to use

our common sense. dogs with guns, like the movie a.r. bud! yeah, we get that! what's that? timmy won't bother me anymore? what did you do? good shot, boy! good shot! (laughter) so it's incredibly easy to give kids guns in america and seems like it's only getting easier. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 1-888-guns-for kids ♪ donate your guns today >> did you know i'm nine years old and in a whole lot of states, i can use firearms? even a machine gun. so call and donate your guns today. ♪ 1-888-guns -- >> oh mix leg! i have been shot by a freakin' child! >> i'm sorry... mother (bleep)! somebody call a hospital!

♪ 911, someone to call >> i'm never going to walk again! ♪ donate your guns today! we'll be right back! laundry can wreak havoc on our clothes, ruining them forever. sweaters stretch into muumuus. and pilled cardigans become pets. but it's not you, it's the laundry. protect your clothes from stretching, fading, and fuzz. ...with downy fabric conditioner... it not only softens and freshens, it helps protect clothes from the damage of the wash. so your favorite clothes stay your favorite clothes. downy fabric conditioner. wash in the wow.

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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back you know, we have been hearing the term body acceptance a lot recently, but what is it and how do you know if you've caught it? (laughter) for more, joined by seen your women's issues correspondent kristen schaal! (cheers and applause) >> kristen: thanks, trevor. are you forgetting something? >> trevor: no, no... it's march 1. do you want to wish me happy women's history month? >> trevor: oh, which... so black history month is done

already? >> yeah, but you got an extra day because it's leap year. did you do anything special wit? >> trevor: black stuff. oh, i want to know what that is so bad! (laughter) but it's time to talk about women's history. part of our rich cultural tradition is make women feel like there is something wrong with their bodies at all times. too many girls have grown up getting the wrong message about how they should look till now. >> mat tell hasp dated bar by's look. >> the blonde-haired blue-eyed bombshell is changing her look to a line of more ethnically diverse dolls. >> they're still driving pink convertibles! that's not realistic! get her a '93 '93 isuzu.

>> the "sports illustrated" makes us splap splash. for the first time ever, there is a plus-size model, size 16 ashley graham. >> i never thought i would say this, but "sports illustrated," that was a really feminist choice in masturbation material. we've finally shattered the glass bikini. >> trevor: sounds like that would hurt, due, i mean -- but good for them tore choosing a plus-size model. >> just one problem. where you see a plus, ashley graham sees a negative. >> she did talk about her dislike for the term "plus-size" during an interview with ellen degeneres. >> the majority of this room is considered plus-size. hope you feel better about yourself. (laughter) that's the problem. we're telling women they're plus-size. i've always been told plus-size starts at 8 and goes to 16. >> it starts at 8? 8, trevor! 8! >> trevor: is this good or bad? i don't know what women's sizes are. 8 because it's a curvy number?

is that what it is? >> that is a really adorable, but no, okay? plus-size starts at 8 because the modeling world is insane! according to them, i could be a plus-size model -- well, i mean, i couldn't be a model -- could i? i mean, i don't have the cheekbones or the chin, but i -- i do have that angry stare... (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> trevor: kristin... hold on. almost got it. ow! there it is! >> trevor: are you okay? ow! you're right, trevor, i could be add mole. anyway, i get why ashley graham would have an issue being labeled plus-size. what's important is what other people think of her body.

>> cheryl tiegs, remember her? she is slamming graham's full figure. >> i don't like it we're talking about full-figured women because it's glamorizing them. your waste should be small than 35. >> that's right, ladies. your waist should be narrower than cheryl tiegs' world view. (laughter) but to be fair, when she says a woman's waist should be under 35 inches, that's not just her fashion sense. she has extensive medical training. >> that's what dr. oz said and i'm sticking to it. >> kristen: that's right! cheryl tiegs went to medical school at daytime tv university. (laughter) getting yougetting your medicalm a talk show is like getting your porn from "sports illustrated." there are better sources. >> trevor: good to have backup plan in case wi-fi goes out.

>> i see you rubbed one out during the blackout, there ever (laughter) >> trevor: that's still in the packaging. >> the only way a woman gets more valuable with age. the cheryl tiegs doesn't like ashley graham she won't like curvy barbie. >> trevor: is that the new curvy barbie? >> can you imagine what their tea party would be like? here, trevor. you be curvy barbie. i can see you have a connection with her. >> trevor: okay. and i'm cheryl tiegs. >> trevor: okay. hi... i'm cheryl tiegs. wwelcome to my tea party, who ae you? >> trevor: i'm vanessa... you really built a whole backstory around her, good job, trevor! hi, vanessa. >> trevor: could you please pass me a cupcake? >> no. you look a little unhealthy, plus i'm in this box is that oh,

please, please, please? they look delicious! >> oh you know all about delicious, don't you? >> trevor: why are you so mean? >> why are you so fat? >> trevor: come out of the box and say that to my face! i'm sick and tire of people like you saying things about me! in high school you said all those things! you said i'm not good and then -- come out and say that! come out and say it to my face! now! >> trevor! it's a worthless hunk of plastic! trevor, achesly paid a lot of money for that. >> trevor: i'm sorry. i'll pay you back. kristen schaal, everyone. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) aaaaaaaand we're back at cricket wireless! switch and get a brand new lg risio for $19.99, or take a spin with the samsung galaxy grand prime for $29.99! cricket wireless.

something to smile about. my fellow americans... they say we're a nation divided. that's not true. we agree on a lot. like paul rudd. everybody loves paul rudd. i didn't know this was going to happen! you know what else everyone loves? emojis. no. beer! that's why we're forming the bud light party. just wait till you see our caucus. we've got the biggest caucus in the country! ooooeeeyyyyy! i'm really inspired right now. america has seen the light... and there's a bud in front of it! sfx: crowd cheers, fireworks ♪

dad, yoh no, i'll take you up to me off rthe front of the school. that's where your friends are. seriously, it's, it's really fine. you don't want to be seen with your dad? no, it's..no.. this about a boy? dad! stop, please. oh, there's tracy. what! [ horn honking ] [ forward collision warning ] [ car braking ] bye dad! it brakes when you don't. forward collision warning and autonomous emergency braking. available on the newly redesigned passat. from volkswagen. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪pepsi cola

an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or? did we order extra soggy? don't settle for delivery. rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. we broabout this new car. to get your honest opinion to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps.

she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back! welcome back, everyone! my guest tonight is a comedian whose comedy show at the lynn redgrave theater in new york is called neal brennan, "3 mics"! please welcome neal brennan! (cheers and applause) ♪ welcome! welcome to the show! >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: i feel bad because i feel like everyone should always say chappelle's show co-creator neal brennan. (cheers and applause) yeah, because you realize that

is comedy royalty, the chappelle show -- >> i'm never going to beat it. >> trevor: you think so? i might, but i doubt it. you could have said it. >> trevor: well, i mean, i sort of said it now. >> oh, yeah, that's true. >> trevor: you just made it awkward. >> i did. >> trevor: thank you for being here, buddy. your show is on, but what's more important for us today is it's super tuesday. so are you a trump man? >> it's like when a 16-year-old girl is dating a 25-year-old, and her family's going, like, he's not a good guy. and she's, like, you don't understand my donny! (laughter) he's a good man! he's going to build us a wall! (laughter) (applause) >> trevor: i know it's an analogy but i love the idea in that story donny's building a

wall for this girl. >> yeah, where's the wall. (laughter) >> trevor: bernie. he bernie-hillary thing. >> trevor: what's insane about that is a lot of people were shocked by how well hillary did with black folks. people were saying hillary might not do as well because of her record and things she said and her husband's past but she crushed it. >> the way hillary stood by bill during the lewinsky scandal, she is in the right or die chick all of fame (applause) that's the main reason black people like hillary is because she dresses like stev steve ste. (applause) >> trevor: i'm so sorry. i am so sorry! (laughter) oh, man, let's talk about your show a little bit. "3 mics." a lot of times, comedians don't really talk about the dark side

of comedy, right. >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: in your show, what really connects with me is you talk a lot about depression. >> yeah. >> trevor: you have three mics for that reason. >> yeah. yes. one is standup, one is one-liners, and one is for, like, emotional monologues. the thing i didn't know, like, when event you the show, you were, like, i didn't know you have depression, too. i was, like, you have depression? but what about the dimples, trevor? (laughter) (applause) >> trevor: you know what's funny about it is people go, if you're depressed, you can't smile. if you're depressed, you can't tell jokes. but as comedians, that's one thing most comedians share is like the monkey on the back of depression. like, i always said to you the thing that's weird is i'm an optimistic depressed person. no, this is true.

so, like, if i ever think of suicide or ever thought of suicide i go, yeah, suicide, but then i go, i could go stay on an island, though. >> well, you say that's optimistic, i say you're a richard depressed person. (applause) (laughter) >> trevor: you don't know what island i was talking about. we have islands where i'm from. (laughter) how do you talk about depression in a comedy show without making people get depression in your show? >> i'm honest about it. i've done so many different treatments. i've done ka dr amine, i've done probably five different medications. i tried something called t.m.s. that worked great, trance cranial magnetic stimulation. people are googling that. they put a wand up to your head and shoot magnetic beams into your head. by the way, covered by insurance. not kidding. yeah.

>> trevor: that sounded like scientology. i'm not lying. (laughter) this is a real thing that you do. >> yes, and i did it and it did more for my depression than anything i've ever done. >> trevor: you come out and you're happy? >> i swear, people go, what did you do while you did the treatment? they hooked it up and i sat there for half an hour and watched "the daily show." >> trevor: aww! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: neal brennan. it would work against it, it was very depressing on "the daily show," but -- (laughter) >> trevor: neal brennan, "3 mics," playing at the lynn redgrave theater here in new york city april 9! neal brennan, every ♪ (vo) you can check on them. you can worry about them.

you can even choose a car for them. (mom) honey, are you ok? (child) i'm ok. (announcer vo) love. (mom) we're ok. (announcer vo) it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. hey there, can i help you with anything? hey siri, what's at&t's latest offer? oh, i don't think that siri can... right now, switch to at&t for an iphone and get one free. wow, is that right? yeah, it's basically... yes. that is the current offer from at&t. okay siri, you don't know everything. well, i know you asked me to call you the at&t hostess with the mostest. okay, shut her down. turn it off. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line.

hey, what's this? ] chardonnay party. well, the helen i know she brings a sledgehammer to a thumbtack. she brings a flamethrower to a bonfire. she brings beer to a chardonnay party. a lot of metaphors, but i get it. as long as you are you, it's miller time. now, a bull rider on a plane... ...is bolder than bold. and if he jumps from that plane... ...that's bolder than bolder than bold!

and if he jumps while eating... ...a butterfinger bar... ...in all its crispety-crunchety, ...peanut-buttery glory... ...that's bolder than bolder than bolder than bold! and if he eats it... honey! ...even when his mother tells him not to... you'll spoil your dinner! ...that's... ...bolder than bolder than bolder than bolder than bold! bolder than bold. crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery! butterfinger. we're gonna set-up if you lie to me, test. your phone's gonna drop. you would rather tell your parents how you lost your virginity... aww man. than drop your phone. n0000. oh my gahh... oh!... oh... fortunately, that's not your phone. [laughs] if you had the droid turbo 2 - you wouldn't have to worry about it at all. so, if i drop it from here, it's perfectly fine. this is the world's first shatterproof display. (sfx: phone smacking on granite.) (cheers and applause) >> trevor: that is our show for tonight! join us tomorrow night at 11:00. now here it is... your moment of zen.

♪ >> larry: welcome to the "nightly show." i'm larry wilmore.