>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: we're back! we're back! it's monday and we're back. thank you so much. welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight from cnn, van jones is here, people. (applause). >> trevor: but first, but first, you know, we've spent the last eight months sort of jokingly wondering what america would be like if donald trump were actually president. you know, would it bring the apocalypse. would the white house be covered in gold?

would he change laws regarding press freedoms or i don't know, incest? this weekend i feel like we got a glimpse of what america might be like under a trump presidency. and it was scary. >> on friday night pure chaos after trump cancelled his appearance in chicago. >> police physically separating trump po testers from his supporters. >> they're not picking and choosing who is there. it is open to the public. >> there were some bernie sanders supporters who held up bernie signs. >> protestors and supporters going back and forth so much, the situation became so escalated that there was the potential for danger. >> trevor: wow. you know it's bad when people in chicago are like, man, what a violent weekend. this is too much. this is way too much. (laughter). >> trevor: and it was. friday night was shocking. i happened to be at the gym when this all broke out. and the conflict was so crazy that nobody in the gym carried on doing what they were doing.

not even muscular mike, yeah, i know, i know. everyone was just stairing up at the tv screens watching all the fighting. dudes were halfway through a dead lift just standing, holding their mouths open. it was almost like one of those movies where an asteroid is heading towards the earth and everyone is crowded around watching the disaster unfold. and chicago may have been the epicentre but by the end of the weekend the chaos was everywhere. >> new clashes in more cities. >> in kansas city police maintaining order with pepper spray. >> there were violent confrontations in st.louis. >> one raising her hand in a salute. >> in cleveland a number of classes. >> go back to africa. go back to africa. >> trevor: really? go back to africa? no, no, now look, if that was a tv critk saying that to me. i understand. i understand am but you can't just say go back to africa to any black person you see in america. not every black person is fromafter-- oh bleep bleep

denise? oh wow, girl. i didn't know were you coming out here. oh. oh, it's denise, you should go back to africa, girl. people are missing you. wow! small world, small world. sorry, where were we? where were we? nazi salute, go back to africa. okay, okay, the trump supporters. you know, i have to say one thing that didn't sit well with me was how some of the trump protestors did their thing. >> a lot of those protestors did identify as supporters of bernie sanders. >> one of the organizers told me that they turned the place into a bernie sanders rally. the bernie sanders supporters that i talked to think this was a huge victory for them. >> oh, yes, trust bernie sanders have fans to have an unreal statistics view of what is actually happening. sorry, was na a bern, was na a bern? look, i will say this, it is great to see young protestors so inspired bipolar particulars that they are no longer just hashtaging their feelings but actually getting off the couch

and getting involved. but at the same time you've got to be careful. because the narrative trump tells his sim paltizer thes are under attack. the left liberal force wants to silence them. so if you come in and you actually try to silence them, it is like trying to put a fire out by putting wood on to it. you have given trump the vil and that up until now he was making up. and you are probably saying what vil an, trevor, we're just a bunch of progressive college students of various ethnicities and religeon and gender identities. exactly. you are the vil an he's talking about. and here's how you know that you are doing exactly what trump wants. it's in his script. >> go home to mommy. >> go to truck you in-- tuck you in bed. get them out of here. get them out of here. can i be honest with you, it

adds to the flavor. it really does. makes it more exciting. i mean is isn't this better than listening to a long boring speech? >> trevor: really? isn't this better than-- yeah, it is better than listening to a long boring speech nlts your plan was to go and watch a presidential candidate. then getting punched in the face sort of throws your day off. yeah, that is what that does. what happened to you. i was-- here's the truth. donald trump isn't is just create an atmosphere of violent, he basically engineered it as carefully and deliberately as matt damon did when he was growing potatoes on mars. >> there are no consequences to protesting any more. there used to be consequences. >> i love the old days. you know what they used to do to guys like that when they were at a place like this, they would be carried out on a stretcher, folks. am i allowed to rip that whistle out of the mouth. i would rip that shall-- when you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you, seriously. >> he's walking out the big high five, smiling laughing. like to punch him in the face, i'll tell you.

>> part of the problem is nobody wants to hurt each other any more. >> trevor: are you-- bleep bleep part of the problem is nobody wants to hurt each other any. are you-- that's into the a problem, that's civilization. now i'm afraid to know how trump views trushed toilets and oh, god, we're back at incest again. i don't even know how we get here. because basically he is saying he just wants these rallies to be like hockey games. nobody knows the rules and most of the fans are white and fighting is definitely allowed. which is weird, given how tr-ump has described himself so often in the past. >> i am a peace-loving person, folks. >> well, you know, i'm somebody that is a thinker. i'm a big thicker. >> we love peace, we all love peace. >> of course trump loves peace, he loves peace, couldn't hurt a fly but with those tiny little elf hands.

(laughter) who knew. who knew donald trump was such a hippie. i guess that is why he never cuts his hair and drops acid before every speech, he must be high. how does anybody believe this crap. on one hand he's saying i'm an upstanding citizen who hates violence. on the other hand he is rolling up his sleeves bell owing about breaking down the system with a followers who love getting in fist fights who is this guy. this guy can't like to be president, he wants to be tyler dureden from fight club. is he basically running political fight club. and he even knows the first rule of fight club. >> there is no violence, these are love fest. >> trevor: you do not talk about fight club. and i thought i was just imagining trump's split personality until, until, an actual medical expert of the brain, no less, gave us his diagnosis last friday during his medical endorsement. >> i have come to know donald

trump, there are two different donald trumps. there's the one you see on the stage. and there's the one who is very cerebral, sits there and considers things very carefully. you can have a very good conversation with him. >> trevor: yeah. just like there are two ben carsons. the ben who is wild and crazy, and the one that you never get to see. (laughter) who ha who ha ha. (applause). >> trevor: i'm so glad. you know, in any other world, in any other campaign, having two faces is a charge the accused would deny because they know it

would immediately disqualify them from running from the highest office in the land. so donald trump, do you agree with ben carson? >> i probably do agree. i think there are two donald trumps. >> yeah, and believe me there is no problem with either of them's penis. so even trump say that there are two trumps, so the question is what does the other trump say? >> i think there is one donald trump. (applause). >> trevor: we laugh but it's still more likely that there is only one donald trump who is a cynical manipulating man, manipulating his followers and his enemies and media without any concern for what he is doing for the country. that's possible. that is probably the truth. but do i hope, i do hope that there are two donald trumps because that way he could go bleep himself. we'll be right back.

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♪ ♪ get, get, shooo! ♪ ♪ hey! ♪ out! out! ♪ get, get, get! ♪ arrrrrgh! ♪ did you find everything okay, sir...? (panting) whaaaaat...? ♪ have a good day, sir! >> trevor: welcome back. as we've discussed, america has gone mad. it's here to discuss more on this is my friend neal brennan. (cheers and applause) >> thank you, trevor, our country is clearly in turmoil and we have a very important decision to make. are we for or against kayne and

kim. >> trevor: kayne-- are you talking about kim, neal, kayne and kim are not news, i'm sorry. >> of course they are. they are on the news all the time. cnn, "new york times," world star. >> trevor: world star? >> it's like black c-span (laughter). >> trevor: look, let's be real. the only reason kayne west is in the news is because of the controversial things that he says. >> yes, he says controversial things, trevor, like i am god and bills couldby innocent. and you may be thinking that's awful and how is he not leading the republican primary. (applause) but he's a musical genius, saying crazy bleep bleep doesn't make him a bad person. >> trevor: he does more than just say crazy things. like the-- we're still not over tai lore swift thing, we're

still not over that. >> you mean the greatest moment of award history. moments like that should be built in. imagine in dicaprio won the oscar he they released the bear from the rev nant on to the stage and they deuked it out all over again. >> trevor: how do i start. okay, look, i can give you kayne, he's talented. i kund stand it but a lot of people say kim, i mean did you see the photo, the picture that kim posted last week? >> i saw it for like an hour and a half. and then again for like three minutes. but what i don't get is kim posted a picture and is branded a sl-ut and amy schumer and lena dunham take offs off and you've hi other-of-are you a sl-ut up to size 6 and after that you are a brave. people are saying i'm heroic now but i'm trying to get sl-utty by my wedding day. >> trevor: so when a woman takes her clothes off, then what

is she? >> i don't know, a person, a maked person. look, man, the amount of pressure on women is unbelievable. kim posts one photo of herself and sets back an entire gender, 3 billion women, as if office managers are going to sit women down and be like look, jennifer, we were going to give you a raise but it turns out, kim. >> trevor: look, i hear you. neal, i hear you. some people say it's more than just that, it's that kim doesn't do anything. she is just famous for hanging around, not smiling and getting her picture taken. >> oh, you mean like the mondaya lisa? yeah, it hurts but look man, we all have to admit it, we're jealous. yeah, she's famous for doing nothing, just like all of us want to be. that's why there is some guy who works at chipotle with his own vien, insta gram and youtube channel who thinks he is going to make it in show biz even though the only thing is he good at is rolling poison bur itos.

trevor, everyone wants to be a star. i even heard of one guy who moved from another continent to host a show in america. >> trevor: oh, you are talking about jon oliver. >> yes, jon ol oliver. >> trevor: but neal, people feel like the car dashians are so unavoidable. they are just everywhere you turn right now. >> no, they're not. they're in three places. the internet, goes i magazines and the e network. you know where they're not, trevor? in books. you're never going to be reading the "catcher in the rye," turn the page and be like oh crap, it's khloe. look, you can either pretend you dislike them because they are shallow and vein and you're not or be honest with yourself and get on board. i made my choice. >> trevor: wow. that is one heroic photo. >> i was going for slutty but thank you. >> trevor: thank you, neal brennan, everyone.

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2z welcome back. my guest tonight is a political commentator for cnn and the president of the dream corps. please welcome ben jones van jones. (applause). >> trevor: i caught you. i see are you trained in the skills of hosting. you know, i can't sit until you sit. it's a game. thank you for being here. thank you so much. i'm a fan of-- it's weird to say that to somebody on the news. and i don't say that but i'm a fan of yours. >> i appreciate it. i'm a fan of yours as well.

>> trevor: not only do you do a great job but you have exhibited the most restraint of any human being i have ever seen. let's go straight into that zen. so for those that don't know, you can see it on youtube. you can see it everywhere. we talked about it on the show. you had a fight or an argument. >> an argument, yes. >> trevor: with a man, i mean even the names are so-- like van jones versus jeff lord. it sounds like people invented these names. >> yeah. >> trevor: and you were fighting. this is in 2016, fighting about the kkk. >> yes. it would have been bad enough if we were just fighting about whether the kkk should or should not be endorsing donald trump. we were fighting about whether it's a liberal organization. so you can imagine, like, if they are so liberal, why are they endorsing donald trump. how about that? >> trevor: here is what i

don't-- cuz i watched you in the interview. and there was a point where you put your hand on lord's shoulder and your voice went high pitched. you know as a kid i remember on the playground be afraid of the kid who shouted in the whisper because you did that. are you like why are you saying these things, man! why were you so afraid of what he was saying? and why are you so afraid of the rhetoric that's being per pet yaited. >> well, i think that america needs to wake the hell up. wake the hell up! (cheers and applause) >> this is real. this is a real thing. i think you have people, everybody says the republicans, or the establishment, like why didn't they take trump more seriously. >> trevor: yeah. >> the whole society is making the same exact mistake. i think we have the rise of a right wing author tairian movement and i think is he likely to become president of the united states if we don't quit jeuing around. at first a nice little

conversation on cable tv. i started think being may kids and what it would mean. and i had to get real. had to get real. >> trevor: let's talk about that piece of the media, and the people involved. you were part of that. you cannot deny that trump has been given a huge platform by the media. i mean we sit and watch the news all the time here. donald trump gets to phone in like nobody else does. all the others have to come to shows. he gets to phone nvment i wouldn't be shocked if he gets to text at some point. >> i shouldn't say this because i work for a major news-- i have a secret. there is a way to get him off the air permanently. destroy him in 50 states in november. period. let's just deal with this. that's the way you deal with it. that's the way you deal with it. listen, you have an opportunity right now, look, i love the protest, that's great. oh, my free speech rights are being impeded. >> yeah. >> dude, you speak all the time.

you speak more than any human ever born. okay. so but the protest, your point, it can play into his hands. that's not the only thing we should be doing. the way these right wing authortairian movements win is they start getting more and more people on their side who are legitimate. what we should be doing is getting every preparer, an editorial board, every intlecialtion every artist on record right now saying we don't want your hate, period. we don't want your hate. we don't want it, get out of here with that. get out of here with that. (applause). >> trevor: let's switch gears for a second. you are doing some amazing work. not just on the news but you are president of the dream corps. what does that mean? i know you are doing protect jects, trying to get green energy into low income neighborhoods, working to educate people. what are the things you are focusing on and why. >> look, if all i did was go on

tv and argue with jeffery lord i would put a gun in my mouth. so i have to do other the things. the thing i do the most is i'm president of the dream korms, an incubator celebrator for causes we have 14 organizations helping to get apprentices from oakland in silicon valley. that's good. green for all, working to get solar panels into poor communities. cut 50 and beyond prisons working to cut the prison population in half. we're doing real stuff and frankly there are more people in america like you, like me, like the people here who are doing good stuff for america than hate mongers who are trying to rip the country apart. if we stand together we can stop trump. the way you stop him is you make sure that everybody know this guy is real. he could actually be the president of the united states or he could be humiliated in 50 states and that's what we got to do. (applause). >> trevor: van jones, check out the dream corps. it's a beautiful cause. it's a beautiful cause. we'll be right back. ♪

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>> trevor: that's it for the show. but before we go, this week marks the start of march madness. and in honor of taking that theme way too literally, "the daily show" has created its own nonbasketball related tournament to find out what person, issue

or thing makes you the american people the maddest. we have give ten the lawsuit proof name third month mania, yeah. so you can log on now, the third month mania.com. and fill out your bracket and then come back and then starting wednesday night to vote on which of the teams advance to the next round. will it be donald trump or will it be having to pay extra for guac. or donald trump, the choice is yours. here is t is, your zen of glen. >> where are we right now? >> we're right in the everglades in south florida. >> i can't hear a damn thing you're saying but i love it. >> i'm glad you are enjoying it. have fun. >> no clue what he's saying

♪ (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> larry: thank you very much! oh, look at h this crowd! thank you! whoo! (cheers and applause) thank you very much! please have a seat! thank you. you're very kind.