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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 12, 2016 1:37am-2:11am PDT

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ome on. that's it, come on, come on! uh-oh. - you two ruined my career. i'm gonna get you. [grunts] [cats screeching, skylar yelling] - oh, what-- what are you doing? oh, you ripped my pants off. oh, my god! i'm not a cat! - come on. we've got to get the house clean before your mom gets home. you know, eric, it's kind of cool that two people who hated each other can be friends. - yeah, i think we get along okay. - hi, kids, i'm home. - [gasps] mom, i can explain. it was all shelly's fault. she didn't watch the cat! - no, it was eric's fault. he let these cats in here. - ooh, what a party that was. [humming merrily] - wow, she passed out. - luckily for us, my mom's a total lush. - well, let's clean up the house. looks like everything turned out okay. - that's how it goes in the wild, wild west. ♪ well, i'm a bad-ass cowboy living in the cowboy days ♪ ♪ wicky, wicky scratch, yo, yo, bang, bang ♪
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♪ me and artemus cloud frog go save salma hayek ♪ ♪ from the big metal spider ♪ wicky, wicky wick, wicky, wicky wick ♪ ♪ fresh cowboy from the west side ♪ >> from comedy central's world ews headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. cheesier captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome to the daily show. thank you so much. you guys are amazing. we have an amazing guest tonight, jennifer hudson is here, everybody. finally, finally. but first, i want to talk
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quickly about airport security. now it's a miserable experience. old people had it good back if the day. in the golden age of jet travel when you could light up a cigarette on the plane, trim your nails with a pocket knife, share a cocktail with the pilot. watch ask the pilot why he's not flying the plane. no, no, the good news is that the tsa has just come up with something toate least make the security process a little less of a hassle for everyone. the bad news is what they came up with. >> the tsa under fire for spending about $47,000 on an app called the randomizer app. all it does is points left or right to determine where passengers are going to stand, in which line. >> trevor: i'm sorry, wait, let me get this straight. the government basically spent $47,000 on tsa tinder? think about it, that is all they have made. it's an app that just goes left, right, left, right, left, right. and some creepy guy gropes you
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and you will probably never see him again. that saul it is. that is all it is. and the one thing everyone says about the tsa is yeah, i mean it's a pain in the ass but at least they're keeping us safe. >> o so you think. >> the tsa tries to recover from a series of high-profile embarrass ams. in a damning inspector general audit where screeners failed to get results out of 67 out of 70. >> they missed 67 out of 70? let me ask just one question. why the [bleep] am i taking my shoes off? no, because-- i feel-- i feel like i'm working harder than the tsa at that point. like why, why are they even bothering to search us at all if tey miss 67 out of-- statisticically they do better an an horror sphm. they should be just be like, sir, do you have a bomb. maybe? but let's turn to a quick check in on the 2016 race.
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now this weekend was an impressive weekend. bernie sanders won wyoming. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: yes. yup. ted cruz won the delegates of colorado and somewhere in coral gables. oh, you guys don't-- oh, okay, okay. jeb bush won the biggest stuffed animal at skeeball, yeah. we miss you every day, jeb. and as everyone sets their sights on new york primary, one candidate is already losing votes among his own base. >> two of done all trump's own children won't be voting for their father. trump admitted today that eric and ivanka both missed the deadline to register as republicans in time to vote in the april 19th primary. >> trevor: really? you guys couldn't take five minutes to put your name on a form? all your family does is put your name on things and you couldn't find five minutes to-- just five
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minutes? and what should have been just another weekend of candidates pandering to the locals quickly, very quickly descended into chaos. >> in new york the race for president turning into a subway series. >> how are you? >> hillary clinton opting for the 4 train where she struggled with hermet ro card, swiping it five times before it worked. >> that is so awkward for clinton. i feel like the turn style was like i'm going with bernie, man. i'm going with bernie. yeah. just kept saying try again, try again. which is funny because that is the same message voters gave her back in 2008. was that thunder? what was that. now while hillary was slumming it in the subway bernie sanders was going a little more 1%. >> sanders spent some time in manhattan at the broadway
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musical, the phenomenon "hamilton" after hosting a campaign rally in brooklyn. he walked in, got a standing ovation. >> trevor: of course bernie sanders got a standing ovation in hamilton. everyone in the audience thought he was a founding father. >> oh my god, it's him! oh my god! and by the way, bernie, if you are trying to meet every day new yorkers, hamilton is not the place to do it, my friend it sim possible to get tickets, some of them sell as high as $2,000, that is-- oh, wait a minute, oh, what is this whole running for president thing. was this a sham? that bernie planned to get "hamilton" tickets? that would be so slick. the whole thing was a sham. and after the show he walks out, great show. and now i'm dropping out of the race. by the way, i love the banks. it must be night ♪ it must be nice ♪ now not to be outdone, the republicans also got into an empire state of mind. for john kasich, that meant
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sampling the new york cuisine. all of it. >> john kasich loves to eat. he dug into spaghetti bolognese, pasta fagioli and italian subs at mike's deli on arthur avenue. he washed it all down with a few sips of red wine. >> he has a got app tied. -- appetite, that is a good sign. >> trevor: no, it is not a good sign. john kasich is eating like a man who knows his campaign is almost over. and he's not going to get free food much longer, like, that's how he's eating. no wonder kasich hasn't dropped out. he's on a literal gravy train. i'm sorry, i have to go now and talk about jobs at the cheese cake factory. >> kasich in that picture, he looks like a squirrel with a mouthful of nuts for the winter. for a guy who wants to stay in the race, kasich really isn't doing himself any favors. >> that's what it is all about here in the bronx.
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we are who we are. we are not changing for anybody. we need help in new york. we need help in the united states. >> i think you need a right fielder. >> trevor: what are you doing? your's campaigning. a voter asks you for help, and you [bleep] on his baseball skills. governor kasich, my daughter can't afford health insurance. who cares, you can't cure ugly. what are you doing. let's get another plate of lasagna over here. who are you? now after a week of watching the campaign circus come to town, because new york has been crazy. that is something that has been bugging me. it is that the news spends so much time on what candidates eat and the jokes they tell and if they seem fun to hang out with. but why does any of that matter. i don't understand. like who cares if hillary knows how to use a metro card. if she becomes the president, it's literally never going to come up, never. she's never going to be like oh
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no, i'm wait for the new clear negotiations. come on, come on, i will just take a cab. she is never going to use that and you know what, i think this is the problem america finds it self in. voters need a brilliant policy mind who can address serious problems but at the same time americans just kind of want a leader who is i a fun best friend. and i get that. but maybe, maybe we shouldn't deman that these two be the same person. and that's why we here at the daily show have a suggestion. this november, america must elect both a president and a mascot. (laughter). >> trevor: think about it. think about it. the president will go on policy, sign the bills, order the drone strikes, the boring grown up stuff and the mascot rides around in a drop top eating local foods, kissing babies, dancing for our ent tainlt. because in the mascot does their job then the candidates don't have to do this.
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>> watch my whip, whip, watch me nae nae. >> watch me whip. (applause). >> trevor: that is so embarrassing. and by the way, we don't have any footage of ted cruz dancing because music doesn't play when ted cruz is around. it is science, it's science's guys. it's science. you know who got the mascot thing right? the british. they've always had a mascot. the queen's whole job is just to live in a palace, drink tea and be the britishest person around. like her people love it and that frees up their prime minister to be a perfectly money dain politician who runs the country and hides his money in panama. that's what it does. and that could happen here, people. every four years america elects a policy wonk and also a superfun side kick. could be like a bald eagle driving a monster truck tank. it would be so much fun. i know what you are thinking, trevor, where would we find a
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mascot like that. you know, some brightly colored cartoon character who pumps up the crowd with a giant head and weird-sized hands as he comes on to the stage, which is by the way, his real intro music. y'all ready for this. america, i give you your new mascot, and your new national anthem. y'all ready for this? we'll be right back. 7 ♪ beer never looked so refreshing. 100% natural lime flavor in a twist bottle. ♪ bud light lime.
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this is the all-new 20wow, it's nice.. let's check it out. do any of you have kids? i do yes. this car has a feature built in called teen driver technology, which lets parent's see how their teens are driving. oh, that's smart. it even mutes the radio until the seat belt is fastened. will it keep track of how many boys get it in the car? (laughter) cause that could be useful. this is ahead of what my audi has for sure. wish my beamer had that. i didn't even know that technology existed. i'm not in the market for a car but now i may be.
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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. i'm going to take things a little more serious now. let's talk about japan. for decades they've been at the forefront of technical innovation from the walkman to the play station, to whatever this is.
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do you get superin your hair. not any more. but now japanese innovation has really outdone itself. >> if you are interested in having virtual reality sex, well, turns out there is a special gadget for you. according to rice digital, the sex suit named the full body virtual interface will soon be available. >> trevor: yeah, that's a real thing, my friends. the virtual full body interface, it's called. now there's a title that really puts you in the mood. i guess ball-drain-a-tron 3,000 was already taken. now if you are like me, you probably want to see how this machine works. u m, this is news. now if you guys are not familiar with that sexual position, it's called the reverse stormtrooper.
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and nice work, japan, you've managed to combine virtual reality with full body sensors to create what can only be described as motion capture for pervs. i guess now we know how andy circus gets off. and by the way, like why are the breasts perp particular-- perpendicular to the waste. like has the inventor of the suit ever had sex with an actual female? this may be the first time where a woman might need to step in and say i'm sorry, but my boobs are up here. and another thing, did you sigh the guy's mouth? it's like look at his mouth and how he was moving around. watch it again. watch it again. he looks like stevie wonder learned how to play the boobs. like what is-- (laughter) what is he doing? can we just talk for a second
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about why anyone would want to use that suit? because first off, look how hard that thing is to get into. you can't just knock one out in the suit. you got to plan it out ahead in tiesm, you know, you have to cancel [bleep] to wear this. and the worst part is after you are done you have to take the suit off. it's like 20 minutes of shame. that's all it is. 20 minutes of vell yoa-- vell row making that ksshkshh and you have to wash it out, scrubbing it in the sink, hanging it on the clothes line outside to dry. yeah. next door to other dude's suit like it's just-- but you know, i love, i love that japan is making stuff like this. you know. and when you think north korea is testing missiles right next door and yet japanese science biggest priority is how do we bang a robot. it must be so hard to be an inventor in japan. if you want to invent anything than sex toys it must be
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horrible. i have created an alarm clock that also makes smoothies. that's great. how do we [bleep] it? look, people, look, jokes aside. i've got to be honest. this is a little troubling. technology is already isolating people from one another. this will not help. who does this even appeal to, you know? i could see some really troubled and frankly inherently sad. >> loving it, loving it, yes, yes! yes, yes, yeahm do it, do it. >> trevor: oh. >> yep, yep. >> trevor: jordan what are you doing, we're taping the show. >> this is so real, it's like on's on the set right now. >> trevor: jordan, jordan, you are on the set. are you doing this in front of a whole audience. turn it off right now. >> i can't turn it off, i can't turn it off-- it is completely locked in. oh, there it is. whooo! i'm going to need your laundry card. >> trevor: jordan klepper, everyone, we'll be right back.
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clarence thomas came by my house at night, uninvited-- but then tried to move the conversation over to the prospect of me dating him. we're talking about a thing that, you know, pretty much popped out of clarence thomas' mouth whenever the hell he feels like saying it. >> trevor: please welcome jennifer hudson. (applause) i am never not excited to see you. >> oh! >> i see you in so many places and i'm never not excited. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: you are doing so much right now. i mean let's just talk about it. it's-- it must have been emotional for you. i mean the idol finale is sort of where it all started. >> yeah. it's kind of creepy because first of all, i was 22 when i started on idol. now i'm 34, so that was like 12
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years ago. and to still be here. like i felt when i started idol i will do this for the experience. and because of that i'm sitting here talking to you today, you know what i mean. >> trevor: it's really an amazing journey that you have gone through. you have done so much, beautiful voice, and acting, oscar, grammy, going for an-- and let me tell you, before we get to the movie, i have seen you in "the color purple" if you haven't seen it t is a beautiful story. it really say beautiful story. what was interesting to me is you wouldn't seem like a su g avery type of person. >> no, at least i didn't think so. su g is very glamorous, she is the sex kitten of it all. when they called me o to play that role, i was like me as su g, i thought i would be sophia or somebody, but not surks, g
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avery. but i think i found my inner su g, i would say. >> trevor: what is really fascinating for me about the story is the fact that you know it's very rare that you watch a story like "the color purple" where the women are running the story. there is no savior, there is no man who comes and saves, there is no white person who comes and saves. it say beautiful story from beginning to end of a journey of trial and triblation. was that important for you in playing the story. >> definitely, it has to be. in portraying a role like sug with other powerful women, sov yoo,-- sophia, i think that is what inspired all of us the most is seeing that power amongst the women in it. and to see us lift each other up throughout the story. and finding things in each of our characters that is like no, that's me, that is something i would do. and to be able to see that in a character, to keep it in the character and to portray it in that way, if that makes any sense. >> trevor: you know what it is funny, there were moments in the story, it reminded me of my mom.
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st a powerful story about black women. that is all it was. let's-- to see you playing in that role, you were once working on disney cruises. >> i was. >> trevor: did you ever see yourself-- what was your favorite song when you worked on the disney cruise? >> i have to go with starts with my life. that is one of my favorite songs of all time, to be honest, yeah. of all time. >> trevor: can you sing a teeny bit of it. >> ooh, okay. (cheers and applause) ♪ from the day we arrived on the planet ♪ thinking to the sun ♪ there is more to see than can be ever be found ♪ more do than can ever be done ♪
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(cheers and applause). >> trevor: how do you not-- why do you bother talking? >> well, lately everyone makes me sing everything. >> trevor: why do you bother-- i feel like you have achieved a higher level of communication. and you waste time with us mere more tales speaking. >> thank you, thank you, thank you forever. >> trevor. >> thank you, thank you. >> trevor: that's how it is supposed to be. wow. wow. okay. let's talk about confirmation. again, a powerful story, a black woman, this seems like are you going for this. >> yes t is very powerful, women, of telling of that story, to play angela, i thought she had a bit of spiceiness in her as well. but just to be able to be her voice because she never got her say or chance to tell her side of the story. of her experiences with clarence thomas and so that is why i portrayed it. >> trevor: it is a powerful
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story. i love the fact that you are not just doing what are you doing but you are doing more to give back to others. tell us a bit about your foundation. >> my sister and i started the july-- julian king foundation in honor of my late nephew. not only acknowledging just positive, but children trying. where we come from, positivity is never acknowledged. so we made a point to acknowledge the positive that children do. so we have the gift foundation which we give toys to unfortunate kids at christmas. and then we also have a dinner for them and during school we give them their school supplies and all their school needs so they don't have to worry about where they will get their school needs from when school rolls around. >> trevor: beautiful, thanks so much. thank you for gferring back. thank you for gifing to us. you can currently see jennifer hudson in the color purple and confirmation premiers april 16th at 8 p.m. on hbo. jennifer hudson, everybody. (cheers and applause)
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here it is your moment of zen. >> how come you're not eating? >> i eat all day long. >> mama mia. (cheers and applause) >> larry: k

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