something to a few well-placed ba bandages wouldn't fix and i promised myself i wouldn't cry. i was captioning sponsored by comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! you guys are amazing! thank you so much, everybody! (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! my guest tonight, i could not be more excited, former republican presidential candidate and

renowned neurosurgeon dr. ben carson is here, everybody! (cheers and applause) yes! but first, today is the new york primary, yes, the 2016 candidates have been working it hard the past few weeks and no one more so than donald trump. i mean, he held a rally up in buffalo last night, a place famous for creating the style of chicken wings he rubs on his face every morning. and now trump is expected to win big tonight, which is no surprise. he is a native new yorker and not only was he shaped by new york city, he was here on its darkest day. and as he told his supporters last night, he never forgets. >> i think what i want to do is i want to talk just for a second, i wrote this out and it's very close to my heart because i was down there and i watched our police and our firemen down on 7-11 down at th3 world trade center right after it came down -- (laughter) >> trevor: how?! how can you confuse the most

unforgettable date in american history with a convenience sto store?! how?! (cheers and applause) and, you know, the worst thing he says it proudly, and i wrote this down! now i see why you don't use prompters. this is so insane. most people remember exactly where they were on 9/11. you can't even remember 9/11? it's right in the name, donald trump! even said it was close to his heart, but is it? is it really? because i bet no one who survived pearl harbor accidentally calls it pearl vision. (laughter) i bet no one at the boston massacre calls it the boston market. no one says that! (laughter) it's 9/11. oh, my god, like, please tell me donald trump hasn't been making an annual trip to pay his respects to the 7-11 memorial, just walking up there. (applause) why?! and, okay, you know what? maybe it's not fair to go after

trump for a slip of the tongue. actually his wife found it kind of hot afterward. she heard it and she's, like, i don't care. i know it's weird but after his speech he went home with melania and they 79'd. (laughter) i like that. with everything going on in the current election cycle, many americans may be thinking this (bleep) is so crazy, it's the end of the world. and you may be right. but often in life i find sol solace is found in comparing yourself in a (bleep) situation. so brazil, coffee and butts, buttock minus. biggest news from the south american nation. >> lulu is being impeached

because she is accused of scandal. >> trevor: this is like budget -- we joke about what's happening in where silibut over there emotions are running high. >> hearing the downfall of a president they blame for the worst recession in decades. >> five long hours, they've watched on giant screens, as members of congress voted one after the other in favor of impeaching the president. (cheering) >> trevor: now, you might be thinking that cheering is a weird reaction to a president being impeached, but you have to understand, that's brazil. they cheer for everything. this is how they reacted when they watched the movie "up." ♪ (cheering) >> trevor: it's a carnival of condolences, people. and it's not just on the streets. even legislators in brazil have

a strange way of showing their outrage (yelling in foreign language) >> trevor: even in a time of crisis, brazilians can't not party. that's them fighting it out. this is how serious i am! aaahhh! you see how doctors deliver the bad news in brazil -- ♪ there is nothing we can do ♪ she is now dead ♪ the cancer has gotten her ♪ you have to understand b before della roo receive, brazil was having a good time, oil reserves, global prestige and the sixth economy in the world. that is a wig deal. but under rousseff, everything

went to (bleep). inflation is up, the economy is down and it's so bad they had to rent out ad space on their big jesus statue just to pay the bills. on top of that this happened. >> it was deutsch destruction, germany annihilating the host country of brazil 7-1 in the world cup semifinal. team brazil suffered its worst loss ever! >> trevor: damn, seven to one. that's like 300 to 1 in american sports. you don't understand, people, in brazil, as long as you win the world cup, nothing else matters. a prisoner could walk down the street punching people and they could be like, oh, the president beat me but not as bad as we beat spain! yeah! four more years! even if president rousseff gets over this scanned 8, another one is waiting in the wings. >> perhaps the biggest crisis is a multi-billion corruption stand scannedle focused on the state

controlled oil genet petrobras. many where zillions think she should resign or be impeached. >> trevor: old school oil company corruption. we all know the oil companies, but imagine a day when it's like, you take care of me, i'll make share you have a nice set of solar panels on your roof come spring, capische! renewable energy! like in america, if a president gets thrown out, you go to the vice president. then the speaker of the house. same idea in brazil, just one problem. they're all corrupt. >> the vice president who would step in on an entree rim basis michel temer, his party has been just as engulfed in this corruption standing. >> eduardo cunha accused of far more serious crimes including

money laundering and corruption. >> trevor: you get a scandal! you get a schandle! everybody's getting a schandle! (cheers and applause) i have to say, though, i'm really disappointed in brazil, not because they have deep, systemic corruption, it's because they're so bad at making the corruption seem normal. that's where they could stand to learn something from the big boys. for example, if their corporations want to control laws that affect them, they don't have to bribe their politicians. all they have to do is give high-paying jobs to the ones who help them out. all clean and legal. that's what happened in the u.s. when a powerful house commerce committee chairman banned medicare from ordering cheap prescriptions from drug companies then lobbying.

take the former f.c.c. commissioner who first allowed come cast controversial purchase of yafersle then quit to become a lobbyist for comcast for months later. i waited four months just to get cable. ask any of the hundreds of former congressman who are now lobbyists. that's about 40 of them. we need a jumbotron to show the whole group so brazilian politicians, listen up, you don't like to dress things up, you take what's most private and hang it all out in the open to the point where we can pretty much see everything. but in the instance of your corruption, you have to borrow a little mod city from america. american politics is like the statue of liberty. modest and outwardly respectable, even if underneath everybody shows she nasty. (laughter)

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hello salted caramel. we found ice cream that's really creamy. and there's enough for everyone. tillamook >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a former republican presidential candidate and retired pediatric neurosurgeon. please welcome dr. ben carson. ♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: dr. carson, welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: what a time to be alive. (laughter) that's what everyone says. and what a time for you to be involved in the presidential race. let's get straight into it. >> okay. >> trevor: shortly after you stepped out of the race, you endorsed donald trump, which

shocked many people. i think what was even more shocking was your endorsement of him which was basically you saying, he can only be president for four years, so it can't be that bad. (laughter) (applause) >> what i actually said is that would be the worst-case scenario. (laughter) but my real point was, if our country turns into something else other than a place where your hard work and your moral compass and your sense of responsibility is the most important thing, if it turns more like one of the other countries in the world, it will no longer be america, and that will be forever. that will be for more than four years. >> trevor: let me ask this

question -- because you are a man of morals, deeply religious -- a man like donald trump doesn't seem like the best bed fellow, for lack of a better term. the things he says, the way he refers to different nationalities, groups of people, very inflammatory statements. in endorsing donald trump, does that not go slightly against what you stand for? >> well, you know, one of the things you learn to do as a surgeon is make decisions, and you have to be able to prioritize. what i'm most concerned about is the thing that led me into the race in the first place, and you were just talking about it, the amount of corruption that goes on in our country, and i don't want to see the same status quo continue, be it republican or

democrat. it's all the same, and they always have flowering things to say, but we continue down the same road. i want an outsider, i want somebody not beholden to this corrupt system because i believe that's the only chance the next generation has. >> trevor: here's an interesting thing that you said an an insight you possess that many donate, you said there are two donald trumps -- the trump that we see on screen at the rallies, and then you said there is a more presidential trump that meets with you one on one. how different is that trump and why don't we ever get to see him? >> well, one of them is the "your fired" guy. and you remember how popular that series was. it was a number one -- >> trevor: well, he tells us all the time. i know. (laughter) >> well, that's a persona that the american people are

attracted to, and it gets you attention, and it gets you frequently to frontrunner status. is that the wait should be? probably not, but that's where we are as a society. >> trevor: yeah. just like the roman empire. you know, societies crumbling down around them, where did they want to be? at the coliseum watching lions rip people's heads off. >> trevor: donald trump's a lion? what is he? (laughter) >> no, i'm not talking about him. i'm talking about the society. >> trevor: everyone's wanting to be entertained. >> we as a society really have to reach a level of maturation. i probably shouldn't be talking about that on a comedy central. >> trevor: oh, we're very. mature. carry on. >> if we reach that level where we actually discuss the issues -- but i haven't given up on us and i believe it's

possible for us to rectify tha,because i believe we're different than most other societies. now, we're run the course, if you look historically at societies, it's about a 200-year course before their fall. we've run that course, but i believe we can actually learn from those who have come before us. you know, we're different in the sense that we are the child of every other nation, so we should have the welfare of every other nation at heart and conduct ourselves in a very different way, and if we can learn from them and we can conduct ourselves in a way that demonstrates compassion towards others, i believe that it can be a dawning of a new world. >> trevor: i hope donald trump is watching this show. (laughter) you should tell him that. we'll be back with more from they say that in life, we shouldn't sweat the small stuff. but when you're building a mercedes-benz, there really is no small stuff.

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." everyone knows that ben carson's greatest medical achievement was successfully separating two conjoined newborn twins. few people know that one of those twins was ben carson himself. tonight, 64 years later, we reunit the twins in a "the daily show" exclusive debate. ♪ >> good evening! welcome to the first ever carson twins reyiewn one debate! our speakers tonight, former presidential candidate dr. ben

carson. and his estranged identical twin brother dr. ken carson! (cheers and applause) >> thank you, desi. pleased-to-be -- >> okay! let's just get right into it! my first question, you both publicly endorsed donald trump for president. what do you think would be the most positive aspect of a donald trump presidency? ben carson, you go first. >> i think the most positive aspect will be having somebody who's not controlled by special interests and big money. >> excuse me. i would prefer a chance to answer this question. >> okay, go ahead. dr. carson... >> sorry.

i was blinking. (laughter) what were we talking about? >> donald trump. you've said that even if he's a bad president, we'll only have him for four years. >> oh, yes, indeed. four years is not very long at all. it's barely enough time for me to count -- to -- ten. one -- one point one -- >> okay! on to the next question. you've both said obamacare is the worst thing since slavery. dr. ben carson, could you explain that comparison? >> i could, indeed. that was early on before it became clear that, if you say things in a certain way, people can't hear what you're saying. that's why i don't say it that way anymore. but the fact of the matter is, it does fundamentally change the relationship between the government and the people because the way this country was

designed is people are the ones who are supposed to be in charge, not the government coming along and saying this is what we're going to do. (cheers and applause) >> and dr. ken carson. i believe obamacare is much worse than slavery. at least, under slavery, if you liked your slave, you could keep your slave. come to think of it, that was kind of the problem. i apologize. (laughter) >> next question is for you, dr. ben carson. you are a surgeon, sworn to do no harm but also a fierce advocate for gun rights. do you feel guns should have more safety measures? >> guns already have a lot of safety measures. the real question is do we

believe in the constitution and in the second amendment and the right to keep and to bear arms, and if we do, we will find the appropriate safety measures for them. >> i believe we need to ask ourselves why do we place so many restrictions on guns. they let you do anything you want with a knife. that's pretty much my whole job. see a patient, get in there, knife around a little bit -- turns out, all they had was a cold. oops. >> well, you can see why he's the evil twin. he's a cut-up. (laughter) >> but a twin, nonetheless. (laughter) >> that is simply horrifying.

(laughter) this question is for dr. ken carson. who is a personal hero of yours? >> i would say my personal hero is snuggles the laundry bear. i aspire to one day be that comfy. (laughter) >> dr. ben carson. my personal hero would be my mother. (audience reacts) who absolutely had the worst life anybody could imagine but refused to be a victim and refused to allow us to be victims as well. (applause) >> uh, i would like to change my answer to that one as well, please, so i don't look like an ass. (laughter) >> okay. well, that is all the time we have. thank you to dr. ben carson and

dr. ken carson. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) ♪ this is smith & forge. a superior hard apple cider inspired by the cider the pioneers drank. and they traveled this country... ...on foot. smith & forge. hard cider the way it's 'sposed to taste. heevery year withls iphone forever from sprint. here's how it feels to get 50% off most national carrier rates too.

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it cleans all of wendy's lawn furniture without damaging any of wendy's lawn. scotts. it's good out here. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thanks so much for joining in. joining us tomorrow night at 111 now here it is... your moment of zen. >> here it is on the democrat side, bernie sanders versus hillary clinton, and there you have the translation into another languby comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ ♪ >> larry: thank you very much. thank you.